HE SAID, SHE SAID. SIZE MATTERS
Catharine and Duncan have been together 15 years and have two boys aged 10 and 12. This week they’re debating
why whether size really matters…
You know what I can’t understand? If you type the following into Google: “Why do men like big…”, a range of very kind and helpful suggestions suddenly appears including women, breasts, eyes, girls and butts.
In response, all I can say is that Google must be run by a bunch of chicks, because the all-time, number one conclusion to that question must be the word: TVs.
Yes, nothing beats the pleasure for a man of relaxing like a modern-day decadent Roman Senator in front of a TV the size of most back-yard swimming pools, with a cold beer in hand and really any sporting event from anywhere in the world coming through in pure digital reception and crystal clear sound.
And perhaps the cherry on that particularly delicious ice cream is for a man to place within his sturdy grasp a shiny extra-long remote control. Some academic feminists, of course, will call this a banal phallic symbol. But we men know it is all that and more.
A good remote is also a man’s best friend. Reliable. Trustworthy. Always Takin’ Care of Business.
Truly, we often ask, why can’t a girlfriend be a bit more like a remote? That might be the subject of a future column…
So after all that it will come as no surprise to you that as my beloved Sydney Swans made the AFL Grand Final, I went out and bought a state of the art 46-inch Sony Bravia TV.
I even bought the aesthetically-pleasing silver stand that makes it look rather like a post-modern Scandinavian sculpture.
And I thought that would make it a nice surprise for my wife when it arrived one recent afternoon. Admittedly it was housed in a box that only just managed to fit inside the front door, but it now sits magnificently, regally in place, with sport, Top Gear, Spongebob and The Simpsons on high rotation.
And what happened next? The Swans won the Grand Final, that’s what.
But just to show I’m not a complete Neanderthal, I’m happy to allow Catharine the odd moment to watch Downton Abbey.
Just so long as I hold the remote.
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