I’VE BEEN WELL AND TRULY PLUCKED!
“I’ve checked our records and you haven’t been here since 2009,” said the woman at the receptionist’s desk.
I opened my mouth to speak and couldn’t think of any excuse.
Where was I ? At the dentist; the municipal library; the rates payable counter at Council; the video shop?
No. I was at the beauty spa down the road.
To be fair, she was smiling. Doing her best to be cheerful and welcoming.
So why was I flapping and squirming like a hooked flathead on a pier?
I thought of saying: “Sorry. As you can see (it must be obvious to everyone), I’ve let myself go. Please, take me in, I beg of you, and instruct me in the intricate and secret ways of women.”
Instead I just hung my head, mumbled and handed over the $200 gift voucher my husband had given me for Mother’s Day. Bless him. He’d remembered I used to go to this particular day spa, but the reasons I hadn’t been back in three years had eluded him. And me.
And I had to ask myself: What had I been doing since 2009 ? Wandering the forests living on roots and berries? Filing my fingernails on tree bark? Plaiting my leg hair into baskets?
(Then I remembered. The real story is rather more prosaic. I travel a bit and tend to catch up on beauty stuff wherever I am. I don’t have my own “dedicated” therapist. She’s just wherever I find her. Sometimes in a shopping centre. Sometimes in the underground spa at an anonymous hotel. And, even better, my 12-year-old daughter is a whizz at a manicure these days.)
However, soon enough I was lying flat on my back in a semi-darkened room and listening to Enya giving birth to a dolphin.
I was reminded of being in a birthing suite. Was it my imagination, or could I hear the muffled screams of women experiencing severe pain in the adjoining rooms?
Anyway, before long I was warm and sleepy and, most importantly, out of the house.
My therapist crept about, vanished, then reappeared like a blonde Ninja and didn’t ask me stuff like: “Mum, where did you put the sticky tape?”
It was all good. In fact, blissful. If she had crept off to buy sushi for lunch and left me to sleep for three hours, I couldn’t have been happier.
However, I was booked in for a “deluxe facial” and I then uttered the fateful words: “Could you tidy up my eyebrows too, maybe?”
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24 Responses to this article
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Stella Burnell August 7, 2012
“Do it yourself” is the way to go !
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Ruby Wildflower August 7, 2012
Oh yes a very similar one in fact… It was incredibly humiliating…
http://www.rubywildflower.com/2012/05/15/guys-love-a-hairy-fanny-right/ -
Claire Heaney August 7, 2012
Still getting over a similar atrocity. And Yes, it all started with the fateful “can I tidy up your eyebrows?” Still applying QV cream to repair the ripped skin. Will I learn? Probably not. I, too, will be seduced by the peace and quiet and hesitantly nod in agreement one more time.
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Emmasbrain August 7, 2012
I was over plucked once, at my regular salon, I was left with two rainbow bruises underneath my eyebrows.
They also were uneven and jet black. Not ideal when you are as pasty as me. I also chickened out about complaining myself, for some reason I felt like I was insulting the beauticians idea of great eyebrows. Seriously. What was I thinking?
Instead, I sent a feisty friend who loves herself a good complaining, in with a picture of my eyebrows. My friend demanded my $48 back which I used to fix them elsewhere, and I never returned.
If it werent for my friend, Eyebrow waxing, would have joined public transport and road tolls in the list of things you pay for a subpar service with little to no complaint. I don’t know why. -
The Huntress August 7, 2012
Oh, Wendy, I am so sorry. I am precious about my eyebrows and I have a wonderful eyebrow man (who charges more than my GP, which offends me, but he is very good) who is the only person I trust, other than myself. Eyebrows are special.
My big beauty fail happened when I was 14. I had long, long, long, thick hair down to my waist. It was a hot summer and I asked the hairdresser to cut it short. So she did. She cut ALL of my hair off, until it was about an inch long all over and didn’t actually style cut it. It was one of the single most horrifying experiences of my life – it took me 11 years until I could bring myself to have my hair cut again and I still have a fear of hairdressers. I kid you not, I go to the hairdresser and I have a full on fight/flight response. It’s getting better, especially now that I’ve found a good hairdresser who doesn’t mutilate me.
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Mrs Woog August 7, 2012
I just had my brows threaded…. but I am not sure you are ready for that yet Wendy. I did once however, walk out of a salon after she had only done one was strip on my leg. Which would have been fine and all if she lad not have spread the wax all over the rest of my leg. Took me months to pick all of that wax off. AND SHE EXPECTED PAYMENT FOR THAT? No thank you very much x
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Susila August 7, 2012
Wendy, I feel your pain, although I do my own eyebrows. I’m lucky cos I’m quite good at it. It’s not easy! But I was once off to India to be filmed for a documentary. I “spoiled myself” with a leg wax prior to departure thinking it would be great to not have to worry about fur on camera for a few weeks. The very young women who lazily and slowly draped the flacid cloth on the legs and slowly pretended to pull the hairs out, seemed to be on her first day in the job. About 3 hairs came out. And the thing was – this was important! And I didnt say anything! And as much as I thought “I should go back and complain and get it redone!” I didnt. It’s crazy! What comes over us? I like to think that now, a few years later, I would.
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Michelle August 7, 2012
Thank you Wendy, the tears are streaming down my face from laughter.
Seriously though I’m still using an eyebrow pencil 3 years later to fill-in the gaps where a “technician” removed too much hair – it is slowly growing back.
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Nat August 7, 2012
Yep. On Sunday I got served a Blt for lunch. Minus the tomato. Cold bacon.
Bleh. -
thefeminist August 7, 2012
Apparently, being a middle aged woman means my eyebrows are suddenly not right for my age. They want to make them very, very thin. I like my eyebrows, always have. Solution – get a mirror with magnification and DIY.
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JessB August 7, 2012
Oh gosh, I am terrible at communicating expectations to people, but I am getting better. I recently went for my first eyebrow wax (I used to just tweeze them at home myself) but took the precaution of going to a salon I’ve used for other things, where I know the girls are lovely.
Also, I told them on the phone I’d never had this done before and I’d like someone to talk me through it first. I think that helped them schedule me with someone extra-lovely, who talked to me about brow shape and thickness and told me exactly what she’d do. I really liked that they took such good care of me, and I continue to get my eyebrows done there!
No hair shockers, well, none that aren’t self inflicted. Like the time I insisted my hair be cut to less than an inch long all over about two weeks before a family wedding. Or when I said yes to a style that looked great, but needed about 30 minutes of preparation to get it to that point – when I’m not that girl. I was distracted as I was in the middle of doing my hair for my 21st birthday and it looks terrible in all the photos – if I’d just insisted stepping away from the party for the extra 20 minutes it needed, I would have looked as good as I felt.
That’s what gets me about beauty disasters, they really affect your morale, and can be so hard to ignore. You keep thinking ‘Surely, everyone is looking at my …’, even if it is just one of those things that is only noticeable to you.
Great story Wendy, and thanks to everyone else for sharing theirs. I’ve had a good giggle, and re-commited myself to communicating expectations.
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Mary333 August 7, 2012
On one unforgettable occasion I had booked an appointment for an eyelash tint and a bikini wax. Each procedure usually takes between 15 and 20 minutes and neither is particularly pleasant. In what I thought at the time was a flash of brilliance, I asked the therapist to apply the eyelash tint and then wax away while the tint was working its magic. Having spread the wax liberally around my nether regions, the therapist had what I can only imagine was a brain freeze. She couldn’t remove it. She pulled and tugged but the wax wasn’t going anywhere. I then had to lean down – my eyes covered in cotton wool pads – and rip it off myself! Only one word comes close to describing the experience – torture. And what was my response? Rather than complaining, I hobbled out of the room apologising (not sure why) and paid full price for the experience of waxing my own bikini line blindfolded! Wendy – I can only commiserate. They will grow back.
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Alice Shaw August 7, 2012
Once had a beauty therapist plucking at left over hair after she tore off each wax strip. She forgot to put the tweezers down and sliced into my thigh with them as she ripped the wax strip off. Blood pouring down my leg and she made me pay!!!
Another “therapist” once had the wax way too hot after I went to her for a tidy up after the birth of my daughter. she kept telling me that I was just sensitive due to recent birth but I was so badly burned that my skin blistered and peeled within days – it was months before I get get waxed again! Ouch!
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Liz Brooks August 7, 2012
I over-plucked my brows for years! As a result, I eventually had them tattooed. They were a lovely light brown. After a couple of years, they had faded, so I had the renewal. These went orange!! For ages, I had to pencil over them, until I’d saved enough to go to a medical tattooist, working out of a plastic surgeon’s rooms, to have them colour corrected and hair strokes put on as a new tattoo. They are a lovely light grey colour (to match my greying hair!) and I’m extremely please with them. However, the cost was more than the previous two visits added up. An eyebrow tattooing cautionary tale!!!!!!!!!!
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Alex August 7, 2012
I had my eyebrows done recently at a place for the second time. The first time it was amazing. Best eyebrows I have ever, ever had. I loved them. But I forgot to ask the magician that did them for her name. So, next time round there was someone else doing them. They were not looking great but they were not the worst I’d had either, but this one had the scissors too and goodness me I hate it when they trim eyebrows!
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Glenis August 7, 2012
I now have hardly no eye brows from over plucking when I was younger. I teach and a teenage boy once asked me where my eyebrows were and I answered……medical problem. But I too never ever complain when I am in salons, too wimpy too!
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kerry Lynne August 7, 2012
Yes i can relate to your story.. at the start of the year I had a couple of things go wrong and was in bed ill and in pain… one day i decided to go to the local podiatrist instead of my regular one (had visited once before after relocating to new home), for a treatment to tidy up my toenails and feet and make myself feel good..I have to say here that i always look after my feet and they were in good nick…. . There was a new podiatrist on and I was booked in to him … Like you I just laid back to enjoy the treatment .. I did flinch a couple times and say ooh aah not too short…. Well.. he cut my toenails so short and rounded them for goodness sake that I was in immediate pain.. .I couldnt decide if I looked like i had just had toe surgery or if I needed it..!! my toes were stinging for a week.. i kid you not.. when i got home I cried… I tried to improve them by putting toenail polish on them again and I did not have enough nail to apply it to !!!!! It took four months for enough nail to grow back to look halfways decent … I feel your pain… you must complain and tell them you were unhappy and ask them to take a look and rectify … well sadly.. like my toenails… they wont be able to put the missing bits back but they can offer you an eyebrow pen and show you how to apply it … good luck ..
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RobynMarie August 7, 2012
Wendy, I have not had my eyebrows done by a professional (and I use that word lightly) since the ‘tail’ of my brows was removed without permission, leaving me with eyebrows that stopped in the middle of my eyes. And they took years (years!) to grow back. These days I utilise the natural light in the back yard (not kind) and pluck away. What is the use in complaining anyway, the brow is gone and no amount of complaining will bring it back.
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Jane August 7, 2012
My beauty fail also involves eyebrows. I usually look after my own with my trusty swiss made tweezers and my 10x magnifying mirror.
I was having a manicure a few days before my stepdaughters wedding, asked the therapist to tidy up my brows. I am not sure if the wax she applied was too hot or the product she bathed the area in post the wax “to take away the redness” didn’t agree with my skin. However the result was scabs on the skin under my brows. this was not the most attractive of looks. On the wedding day I said to myself more than once “Its not about me”! -
foolio August 7, 2012
I have finally changed hairdressers after years of unhappiness. My hair was so bad by the time I finally plucked (‘scuse pun) up courage to leave that my new hairdresser took a photo of me on her iPhone before she started work so she’d have a ‘before’ shot. (Either that or she was going to hand it round for laughs at after-work drinks.) She described the layering on top of long tresses as being something like a “modern-day mullet”. I don’t know why it took so long to leave. Friends tell me I am “too nice”. I’m not sure that’s a compliment either.
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sleybell August 7, 2012
Mine was lip waxing. Despite my paranoia about needles, I have been having good success with electrolysis on my chin with very little left of the long tough hairs to complain about. So I asked my beautician if she do the dozen or so longer hairs on the corner of my lip. Her response was to wax the lot. So far so good. But the next day ….. hundreds of pimples on my top lip. A Google search confirmed that to be a common outcome. Even with treatments they persisted about a week. I will tell her when I next see her, but I probably should have called her first. Lucky I didn’t do it for an important event! No more lip waxing for me!
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Dramaqueen75 August 8, 2012
A perm, a very bad perm back in the early 90′s.
I have thick, wavey hair. I dreamed of a spiral perm- I ended up with an Afro. It was devastating- I could see otherwise inthe salon looking at me in horror. To add insult to injury the perking solution had burned the back of my neck and I had a thick red whelt on the back of my neck that turned infected and pusy a few days later.
I cou
I not even rely on my long hair to cover it as my hair had sprung up and out as if I had placed my finger in an electrical socket.
I was 22, a student working part time with no money. I was burnt and frizzy and, you guessed it, not assertive enough to complain. I paid my money and went home to cry.
Massive fail
