• Last week, when the criminal record of Meagher's killer was made public, everyone seemed amazed person like him could be out of prison. While I was disgusted he was free, I wasn't surprised and it's because of attitudes like the ones Tracey describes. As a society we place blame on the victims of sexual assault, and therefore mitigate the responsibility of the attacker. There is some underlying idea that men are unable (or unwilling) to control themselves, which is rather insulting to the vast majority of men who do act decently. As I was buying my morning coffee today I was scanning the front of the paper and read the story of Milne's arrest for rape. The barista noticed and I said it was interesting the arrest had happened so long after the crime. The barista asked what did the girl expect, going back to some guy's hotel room. You hear stuff like this whenever these topics come up. Having no desire to start a fight with a virtual stranger I just replied that I had had people I didn't really know sleep at my house in the past and not once did I find it necessary to rape them. I will be buying my coffee elsewhere in the future. - kage
  • Thank you Germaine for the article. I do not need to be persuaded to vote for the PM and not just because she is a woman, but because she is a leader, a leader under extremely difficult and distressing circumstances; a leader with vision; sometimes having to compromise and take a smaller step forward than envisaged, however, any step forward in policy and reform is a step in the right direction. I try to use my voice against shock jocks on stations I despise, just to get up their noses, and get totally put down and ridiculed when objecting to their tactics, BUT Germaine YOU have a voice and a voice to be listened to. Please use YOUR VOICE as well as your writing skills to spread this message. - Vickie
  • Sometimes I just want to give up and call everyone who does not get how wrong such assaults are pigs. - ro.watson
  • Given that i wish to see the continuation of carbon pricing and allied green policies, the roll out of the (real) NBN, the funding of the NDIS and the Gonski education reforms, i have no hesitation in voting Labor on September 14th. I will be extremely happy to see PM Gillard retain her position. - sally b
  • Show me your policies Tony Abbott. I judge Gillard on her strengths already, not as some putative enduring barricade against the shock jocks here or there, Germaine. - ro.watson
  • This is so much like my own story. I have so much trouble getting people to understand, even 6 years after separation that he will always be the father of my kids, that he is deserving of respect, even if he has not been the best husband, that I cannot live with him, I do not feel romantic any more but I want him to be the best person he can be because my kids love him and he is their hero, no matter what I say. And I worry so much about the kids and I hope they don't grow up without the skills for a beautiful relationship. So I hope all goes well. I look forward to seeing how you manage. - Bron
  • But to vote for someone just because they are a woman is as flawed as voting for someone just because they are a man. The key point in Germaine's article for me was that we need to start focusing on policies and not personalities. - Pea
  • The best way to defeat this disgusting attack on Julia Gillard is to support her re-election. If she were to succeed in being re-elected it would send a powerful message to her bigoted detractors. Would certainly put a lot of twisted bitter people back in their proper place. - JohnB
  • I'm a big fan of classical music and rap, maybe it's because i'm from the ipod generation but i don't see why it has to be one or the other. I totally understand not liking rap, but that doesn't mean it has no value. Maybe it's unfair to specifically target Mandy's article, because this is one of many articles reinforce a myopic view of misogyny in music by specifically using rap as an example when it is in all genres, but i felt the readership of the hoopla is intelligent and considered enough to consider my point, which is the double standard when it comes to criticism of misogyny in music. Rap is a genre created by black people and has clear connotations towards it, and this article isn't without context. I realise it was unintentional but it reinforces negative stereotypes about rap, and by extentsion black culture. One doesn't have to mention race for it still to be relevant to the discussion. I am in complete agreement with her otherwise. Anyway I feel i've made my case and it's for others to judge whether i'm right or not. I don't want to continue this because i don't want to diminish the point of this article, which is that we as a society don't take rape a tenth as seriously as we should. That i'm sure is something that you and i can agree on Tony. - Ash
  • Fight, flight or freeze Katie? I froze. I recommend self defence training even if it might complicate your life you know that block, run and scream for help. It did not help me asleep, but I had the moves automatically to resist unlawful use of force when grabbed from behind, notwithstanding what my girlfriend felt at the time.. - ro.watson
 
41
Categories:  Entertainment, News and Opinion

HAPPY BIRTHDAY… HEEEEERE’S ALAN!

By ALAN BROUGH
July 6, 2012

Today is the The Hoopla’s first birthday !

However, between us – Jane, Caroline, Wendy and Hayley – we added up our lady years and we are actually 179.

And we do feel every bit of it on a Friday (birthday or not).

So we’re NOT having a glamorous party at a “notorious inner-city nightspot” with our A-list friends to celebrate.

Instead, we decided that in honour of this auspicious day, we would give you the best present we could think of… Something to make you smile… In front of the heater… And we have it!

It’s the wonderful, witty and charming Alan Brough, tied up with a bow.

Yes, THE Alan Brough (pictured above, left, with Myf Warhurst and Adam Hills).

The six-foot-four Sagittarian brainbox who was a team captain on Spicks and Specks.  

This is the first in a series of Friday quizzes from Alan… and, yes, there is a prize. (A bumper gift pack from The Hoopla for the best answer to question 10. Just write your answer in the comments box.)

We asked Alan to come up with a sparkly, alliterative name like the “Brough Brainbuster”, but this is what he wants to call it, so here it is… thanks Mr Brough for being The Hoopla’s birthday present!

THE HOOPLA’S FRIDAY QUIZ

To celebrate The Hoopla’s first birthday all this Friday’s questions have a birthday theme. (Well except for question 4. That has a clown theme. But clowns have birthdays too. Did you know, like horses, clowns all celebrate their birthday on the same day: April 1?)

This quiz is best done in a group with everyone bellowing out answers at the same time while one person tries desperately to write those answers down and then loses their temper and shouts, “Shut up! Shut up! I’m still trying to write down the last one!”

Give it a go without Google. It’ll be much more fun.  - Alan

(NB: answers over the page.)

1.In which book do characters celebrate their ‘un-birthdays’?

2.What did my parents give me for my 21st?

a) A car

b) A double pack of underpants and some socks

c) Book tokens

d) A trip overseas so I might indulge my passion for Doric columns

3. True or False:  Swiss clowns are the scariest in the world?

4. What is the fear of clowns called?

5.Which of the following lyrics are not from a song called ‘Happy Birthday?’

a) ‘It went woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’

b) ‘So drink, drink, drink and be ill tonight.’

c) ‘And half-Jewish boys make kickass drummers.’

d) ‘I guess you know the earth is gonna crash into the sun.’

6. True or false: Some North Koreans celebrate their birthdays on July 8th or December 17th?

7. Forget clowns, Happy Meals and bouncy castles, parents in Lewisville, Texas will soon be able to have their children’s birthday party at a:

a) Graveyard?

b) Strip Club?

c) Firing Range?

d) Mosque?

8: True or false? If 57 people are in a room there is a 99% likelihood that two of those 57 people will have the same birthday. (Clue: the harder you think about this the more difficult it will become.)

9: When the Sultan of Brunei turned 50 how many guests did he invite to his party? (Here’s a clue: he has a solid gold toilet on his private jet.)

a) 10,000

b) 24,000

c) 41,500

d) 60,000

10. Queen Elizabeth II has invited you to her birthday party at Buckingham Palace. You have forgotten to buy her a present and the only place open is The $2 Shop. In 25 words or less tell me what $2 birthday gift you’ll buy the Queen and why.

(Best answer, judged by me, wins the prize. Just write your answer in the comments box below. Good luck!)

 

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41 Responses to this article

  1. Natasha July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A Prince Phillip Pez dispenser. Because that way she can be sure that when he opens his mouth, only sugary goodness will come out instead of his usual embarrassing gaffes.

     
  2. Natasha July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Whoops 25 words or less. I got carried away with my wit :) Edited version.
    A Prince Phillip Pez Dispenser, to ensure only sugary goodness comes out when he opens his mouth.

     
    • Alice Shaw July 6, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Brillant answer Natasha!

       
  3. Erica July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Dog chews for the corgis

     
  4. RedHotMamma July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Wrapping paper, wrapped, presumably, in wrapping paper (it’s really good value there!).

     
  5. Vicki Norton July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A travel pack of soap, toothbrush and wash cloth- as she travels from castle to castle she might want to freshen up in the Rolls before she disembarks at Sandringham.

     
  6. MazzyJ July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Happy 1st Birthday to all at Hoopla

     
  7. sami July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A shitload of sparklers! I think one would love that.

    Happy Birthday! :)

     
  8. Joan Woolley July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A 2 dollar tiara for the Queen, she would appreciate the cheapness of the gift, so would Phillip.

     
  9. Van Essa July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    There is a really nice plastic Tiara in my $2 shop that would be worthy of HRH. Not nearly as heavy as the real thing.

     
  10. Van Essa July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Damn! Beaten to the Tiara.

     
  11. liza July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    meditation beads so that she can be busy while thinking “If I hear that crack one more time I will top myself !”

     
  12. Susila July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    That weird smelling head spin causing air fresher. I hear Phil’s farts are fairly lethal.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XapPSEZYUf0

     
  13. carolyn July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A queens jubilee mask, so she can walk the streets in her trackie, pushing a shopping trolley unrecognised and finally experience anonymity.

     
  14. Ian July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A packet of carrot seeds that can be passed onto the Royal gardener for cultivation. One does enjoy one’s carrots.

     
  15. Rachel July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A whoopee cushion. I’m sure HRH would get a secret kick out of using it when dining with visiting heads of state.

     
  16. Frankie July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A garden gnome, one can never have enough!

     
  17. Naomi h July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A bag of jelly beans so she can throw them at any anti-monarchists from her carriage window. Colorful but deadly.

     
  18. Ilga Bennetts July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A badge of a horse (to remind HM of her daughter ) or, failing that, a whistle to call the members of her family to heel.

     
  19. AJ July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I’d buy her a pooper scooper for when she’s out walking the corgis – a long handled one so she doesn’t have to bend over – she is getting on a bit!

     
  20. susanna July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    For Queen Elizabeth II, I would buy her a $2 wand so she could be everybody’s fairy godmother

     
  21. KATHI July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A FUNNY CARD TO MAKE HER SMILE..SO I COULD THANK HER, SHE MADE MY GRANDMOTHER SMILE…IT WAS THE ONE AN ONLY TIME SHE GOT TO GO BACK TO ENGLAND TO SEE HER FAMILY (FOR THE COONATION) SHE LIVED O AGE 96 AND IT WAS ONE OF HER HAPPIEST MEMORIES.

     
    • KATHI July 6, 2012 Reply
       
       

      *************(CORONATION)

       
  22. Marnie52 July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A cup that says “I’M SPECIAL, YOU’RE NOT……GET OVER IT” for when she invites Julia for tea.

     
  23. Sara July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A photo frame. I would put a photo of my daughter dressed in her tiara and princess dress and sign it One Queen to Another :)

     
  24. Carole Hose July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Packet of cotton balls …( good quality of course ) so HRH could pop one into each ear and continue to just nod and smile without really hearing the waffle !!.

     
  25. Sarah July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A coffee cup with WORLD’S BEST GRANNY on it, for obvious reasons!

     
  26. KathyA July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Hand sanitiser, one never knows where those corgis have been.

     
  27. Kate July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A plastic rain poncho. Cause she lives in England. And they are very flattering to the figure.

     
  28. Lish July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Dustpan – jubilee party looked like it left a mess.

     
  29. Rebekah rose-Mundy July 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I buy an Australian flag cos I am an Aussie and still want to remain attached

     
  30. Janie Bee July 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I would give her a gift voucher so she can choose her own gift :-) and receive a dose of concrete empathy

     
  31. Di July 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A set of earplugs so she can block out the rabble and just read in peace. :-)

     
  32. res July 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A dog toy for the corgis as the Queen has everything she needs

     
  33. Janine July 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Give her the $2.00 coin attatched to a gift card ,as a” self portrait “….aussie style…

     
  34. Merron McEvoy July 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I would buy a pair of thongs with the Australian flag on them…definitely a new addition to her wardrobe, something I’m sure she secretly craves….handy for her next trip Down Under……the only footwear she would need to pack!

     
  35. Sally906 July 8, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A whoopee cushion to put under visiting world leaders to put them at ease – break the tension. Fluffy handcuffs for the night Phillip sleeps over :)

     
  36. Jill July 10, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A feather duster to tickle her fancy.

     
  37. Danny Dix August 5, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Something both irreverent and australian.

    A set of plastic hanging testicles for the rear bumber of the rolls.

     
  38. Danny Dix August 5, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Incontinence pads.
    And not those cheap re usable arabian desert style ones that give up after three soup spoons of golden shower juice either. I mean to get her The good ones that are fit for a queen and can handle a full royal flush.

     
  39. Danny Dix August 5, 2012 Reply
     
     

    And a burkha so she can go street racing….although the tiara outline and corgi gang might be a give away.

     

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  • kage: Last week, when the criminal record of Meagher's killer was made public, everyone seemed amazed person like him could be...

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