• Can we please clarify that not all single parent families were moved from PPS to Newstart - only those who were grandfathered by the Howard government when they brought in the changes many moons ago. It was Howard and his cronies that singled out and privileged a group of single parents, allowing them to recevie more than anyone in similar circumstances who didn't benefit from the grandfathering, or never received PPS in the first place (Not everyone's marriage ends before their youngest child turns eight). While I don't believe that Newstart is sufficient to live on and raise children easily I am very much against this focus that has been placed and what is in reality a small group of people. How about fighting to put everyone on PPS or to increase Newstart rather than just a few. - Carz
  • Well spoken, Vanessay. I cringe when I hear people go on about single mothers. As if it's only the mothers who deserve the social stigmatization and the husbands, boyfriends, partners don't. And as if the two parent family is so perfect. As if no two parent family lives off the taxpayer or eats junk food. But more important than the social stigma that attaches itself to their children is the poverty that disadvantages them and how it can be transmitted to the next generation. Many single mothers are close to the bread line and that's not good enough. Do we want them on the street? How would that look? It's no better than kicking someone when they're down. Un-Australian. - Rhoda
  • I was just going to comment on the same thing! I worked on my first Apple computer in 1989, aged 20 - and they have the hide to say over 40 is too old to learn? We've "grown up" with computers too - they just can't do the maths. - HellB
  • We give aid to overseas countries to strengthen the education of women and female children so that future generations in those countries are not raised in poverty. The single most important factor contributing to low birth rate is education, yet we defund single mums in our own country so that their education and that of their children remains at a low level thereby perpetuating the poverty/ young mother cycle. Three stories from my life. Mother A became a single Mum when her husband was killed crossing the road at work to get his lunch. Mother B became a single M um when her husband was stung by numerous large ants while at work (anaphylactic shock) and Mother C's husband said "goodbye, I love you, I'll see you tonight" and got on a plane, flew interstate and texted her to tell her he'd had enough. That Mum has 5 kids, one with a disability. Furthermore, the waiting rooms of the oncology and specialties dealing with kids with disabilities like autism at the Children's Hospitals are full of single Mums whose partners have "had enough". There are also women and children who will lose their lives because they are too afraid to leave abusive situations because of the this constant putting down of women who access benefits and fear that they will not be able to survive on the benefit if they are able to muster the courage to leave. These are the mums these government decisions are hurting, not the VERY few Mums who think they can keep having kids to keep getting benefits. People who are determined not to work will always find a way not to work. The whole thing is demeaning to single parents and to women in our "advanced" country. - vanessay
  • Great article. Regarding Newstart and the $35 a day question - I have experience of living on this and came across this equally relevant blogpost regarding the topic - http://50shadesofunemployment.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/australia-on-35-day.html - Antonio
  • Jack, sorry had to laugh. Now where do I start. Are you saying the UN should take on China, India and the rest and play policeman? How? With guns or a rolling pin? No man is an island. The earth has to be shared. People migrate or flee their country of birth for any number of reasons and have been doing so since they discovered the world wasn't flat. Before that even. Tightening border security correspondingly attracts criminals into people smuggling. Because they can make money out of it. Economic migrants needs a legal channel to enter this country and the quota needs to be the number that deters illegal entry. We are lucky that geography prevents immigration en masse. There are only so many planes that can land immigrants in one year and so many boats that can land on our beaches. And it's a long walk across desert from the Kimberleys to Sydney and Melbourne if they did. You're safe Jack. - Rhoda
  • Mmmm. When I turned fifty, I received in the mail: Depend samples, a Lifeline keyring, and of course that bowel cancer detection kit. From telemarketers, how I love those calls asking me to consider the purchase of a funeral plan. When I pick up the phone I live in hope it's a job interview request. But no - more often it's the funeral plan. On TV, there they are again. Those lovely ads starring "us oldies" promoting: dentures, more funeral plans, more incontinence pads - it goes on. What we need is a federal politician (non-gender-specific) to make a long and tearful speech about age-discrimination. The higher profile of the politician, the better. That way it could go viral, just like that popular speech about misogyny. Ad campaign sorted. I wait in hope. - Hilary
  • Fussy! Ruth, I am 50 and applying for any job - from the bottom up. Is being a Lollipop Lady fussy? I have qualifications, skills, experience. I only just got my degree last year (I'm a slow learner, and it was merely a bucket-listed thing - boring I know). As a child of hard-yakka Italian migrant parents who've never needed to take any kind of pension in their lives, and know they never will - I find it tiring to hear the term "fussy" used in regard to the mature age jobseeker problem. Fussy - is the term that best describes ageist recruiters, and the younger employees who refuse to work alongside older recruits (and their "old daggy ways"). The related term "Job-Snob" has arisen lately as well. Easy terminology used across the media by myopic politicians (et al) needing to divert attention from actual causes of issues (like age discrimination). And they now have the factual research to prove its existence. The media/political/community demonisation of older job seekers/welfare recipients, is the elephant in the room, that's allowed age-discrimination practices to proceed unchecked by the powers that be - in the first place! What don't you understand about the Age Discrimination Act? It is easily reached online (via the Australian High Commission for Human Rights website). Cheers, Maria. - Maria
  • Sorry, forgot to say my father faced the age thing when he was 45 in 1982. The job went to a younger person who had the tickets but no real experience. Within the month they called my father back as the young person couldn't do the job. When will we get it? As already stated, that it takes years to build up knowledge in a given field, let alone life experience. - Julie R
  • Your're right Rhoda. That's another big assumption - that anyone 50 plus (even 45 plus), has some kind of juicy nest egg to fall back on - or that we have a hubby, partner (whatever) to support us. I'm 50 (and as a childless, career & carer spinster) have always supported myself. And, I would continue to do so - if I could get past age-biased recruitment triads and land a job - any job. I guess our comfortably paid, and relatively "young" libster and labour pollies, with their short-sighted views, see the world from the rose-coloured lenses of the privileged few. Our politicians (good, bad and even ugly ones) know that when they retire (ideally at around 50 plus) they'll be financially secure for life with more than adequate polly superannuation system. This makes it all the more infuriating, when (in order to meet Centrelink's Mutual Obligation) we ("older" welfare recipients) have to attend weekly (day-long) JobSeeking activities classes (great for a chat & fee sandwich though) with other assorted "unemployables". Actually, as the weeks go by, my Job Services Australia "unemployables club" is becoming more and more fascinating as an insight into the whole ridiculous situation. Meanwhile, back at parliament - our politicans sit on their well paid bottoms, igoring the issue, until it's time for them to go home. To use a labour catch-phrase - isn't "it time" our leaders confronted age-discrimination by first looking at the recruitment practices of their own government organisations. However, It seems that if your 50 and in a job, you possibly are secure. The key problem is obviously at the job applicant end for new recruits (as the research and comments following this article indicate). I agree, that an anti-age discrimination advertising campaign, targeted at employers, recruiters, and even the general community - is long overdue. I also think that younger "20 & 30 something employees, need to be educated about respect for diversity of age. You only have to look at Roxy in Celebrity Apprentice to see why we are, where we are. - Dolly
 
30
Categories:  Must see, News and Opinion

GRANNIES, OR NANNIES?

By Lucy Clark
October 22, 2012

My mother likes to joke that our childcare arrangements went awry from the moment my five year-old daughter starting recounting the storylines from The Bold and The Beautiful after a day spent at Nana’s house while I worked.

We still laugh about it ten years later, but there are a lot of tricky emotions around having your parents look after your kids, and a lot of them have to do with gratitude and parental expectations.

New figures released today by the Council on the Ageing show grandparents are saving parents $90 million a year on childcare in New South Wales alone.

The report found between 10 and 20 per cent of people aged over 65 are providing unpaid care for their grandchildren, and with news over the weekend about chronic shortages in childcare in certain areas, that number is only set to rise.

But it can be an emotional minefield.

Mothering guru Robin Barker wrote recently that she believed some grandparents secretly resented looking after their grandchildren while their parents went back to work.

“It’s a huge commitment when you’re doing even one day a week,” she said, “We really don’t have the physical and emotional strength we had when we were raising our own children. A day with a toddler is a very long day.”

Ms Barker said she heard ”a lot of complaints” from grandparents who felt put upon by their children. ”There is resentment about what children expect their parents to do. Many grandparents present one face to their children and one face to their friends.”

Ian Day from the NSW Council on the Ageing told ABC radio today: “If we talk to grandparents they will always say, look, my children need it, my grandchildren need it. I will be there, come hell or high water. 

They are giving up their time freely and happily.

“As an aside they may very well say to us but geez it’d be nice sometimes if somebody said thank you.”

Is it simply a matter of gratitude?

Advice on the internet suggest parents and grandparents need to be detailed and clear when setting up arrangements for regular care while parents work.

One suggests that parents need to be particularly clear with with boundaries around junk food, sleeping times, watching television (hello, The Bold and The Beautiful), and matters of discipline.

Perhaps parents should write clear instructions for grandparents, About.com suggests, which would seem to be a bit patronizing to the person who brought you up: if you can trust them to love and look after your precious children and thereby save you a buckteload of money, surely you can let them call the shots throughout the day?

Robin Barker believes many grandparents who agreed to a child-minding arrangement come to regret it as the reality of the regular commitment sinks in.”They’d rather not be doing it – but I doubt many people would publicly acknowledge this.”

She did also say that some grandparents absolutely love it.

 

Do you look after your grandkids? Do you ever feel exploited, or are you creating wonderful bonds with your grandchildren?

Do your parents look after your kids, and do you say thank you enough?

 

…By the way, I never had a problem with my mum sitting down at the end of the day watching her show, but I did tie myself up in knots explaining to my daughter why Amber gave birth to a black baby when she and Liam were white.

I’m also quite sure I never said thank you enough. And I’m sorry I was always rushing, Mum.

 

 

MORE ARTICLES BY LUCY CLARK

“I Wanna Be a Babe”

Poverty. We Need Robin Hood

Mary Robinson. How to Change the World

 

*Lucy (Editor of The Hoopla) is a journalist and editor with almost thirty years experience in newspapers and magazines in Sydney, London, and New York. She has been published in The Sydney Morning Herald, The Australian, The Daily and Sunday Telegraphs, Vogue Living, Australian Art Review, and Gourmet Traveller. Most recently the Books Editor of the Sunday Telegraph, she has also contributed to the non-fiction books, Australia Through Time, and What Women Want. You can follow her on Twitter: @lucykateclark.

 

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30 Responses to this article

  1. Glen October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Yes, I’m a Granny/Nanny. My daughter has to work part-time – 3 x 6 hours, and she puts her daughter into Day Care one half day a week. I have her quite often on the other two days as well as often for an hour or two before Day Care. The problem is that her hours cross over the half day day care times so even though my daughter does not work a full day, she would have to pay for a full day in day care and this would make it uneconomical for her to work. I certainly don’t mind having my granddaughter, in fact on the whole I really enjoy it, but it does prevent me from doing things I want to sometimes and can be very tiring. It would be so much better if the day care hours were more flexible and could be paid by the hour rather than by half day or part there-of.

     
  2. Aeron Winters October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    My mother never looked after my daughter. My husband made arrangements once for my mother in law to look after her while we went out to dinner for a few hours for my birthday (not a whole day, just 3 hours in the evening, at our house and our daughter was going to bed a half our after our departure). About ten minutes before she was to turn up (we were dressed and ready to go and our daughter was fed, bathed and in her jammies) she called to cancel. No explanation, just couldn’t come. Hubby made arrangements several times to reschedule our dinner and her baby sitting, but everytime she would cancel at the last minute. It was upsetting for everyone, including our daughter who was looking forward to spending that hour with Nan and Pop. If she didn’t want to do it, she could have said so. We never asked again after that. By the way, this is the same woman who, on more than one occasion, came to stay at our house (uninvited) for a week and stayed for four or more weeks and didn’t even help with the dishes much less contribute to the grocery bill. It costs a lot extra to feed two extra adults for four, five, sometimes six weeks. Don’t even get me started on the phone bills I was left with. Sometimes grandparents aren’t the only ones who are taken advantage of. My mother in law never did mind our daughter, but she had no problems sponging off us and sitting around my house acting like the queen of sheba asking when I was making lunch or dinner. Did I mention I was working from home during this time picking, packing and posting orders for our Internet business and then spending time late into the night doing the accounts?

     
    • Zelda October 22, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Aeron Winters, there was some discussion about bad
      behaviour from mothers on the Jessica Rowe article on here, in which I and others noted our experiences with a narcissistic personality disordered parent.

      Suggest you google narcissistic personality disorder and see if that rings any bells.

       
  3. thecarrotjoke October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I’m so jealous of people having grand-parents, both my parents died sometime ago :(

     
  4. Robyn October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I spend one day a week with my grand daughter and am delighted to do so. Sure there are challenges aplenty, but it is such a precious time. I’m thankful for the opportunity to develop a bond with her, a meaningful relationship. Her parents readily acknowledge this contribution and often show their gratitude in small, special ways.
    There are more grandchildren on the way so the big challenge will be spreading myself around!

     
  5. The Huntress October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    No, I don’t utilise my parents for daycare, however they happily did use my grandparents to raise my brother and I, saving them thousands of dollars over the years. Even when I lived on their property I put my son into care as I don’t like to be seen as taking advantage or sponging off other people. I understand it may work well for others, but I just wouldn’t feel comfortable with it.

    I can’t deny I look forward to the day I don’t have to pay for child care.

     
  6. Stephanie Dowrick October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I absolutely love being a grandmother and perhaps appreciate it particularly because my own mother didn’t have that chance (she died in her 30s), and I felt that loss so much when my children were small. I didn’t miss the “childcare” she might have given; far more deeply than that I missed the passionate love and interest she would have shown. Some of the happiest times in my life now are spent either with my grand daughter or with her and her Mummy (my daughter). It’s wonderful too to appreciate my daughter in her role as mother. The situation is certainly very much more complex when the grandmother is relied upon for many hours of regular care. That requires great respect and gratitude on both sides. And probably frequent, honest checks as to what’s working well and what’s not. So far for me it’s been 100% blessing.

     
  7. Tash October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    My fantastic mother-in-law took on the care of my 3rd child (this is my 2nd marriage) 3 full days per week when i returned to work. He was 6mths. While pregnant she insisted this is what she wanted as her mum had done the same for her. It was such a comfort to us and i trust her completely. There is no-one else in the world who loves him as much as us except Nan. I know we are very lucky as my own mum refused outright to look after my brothers kids even occasionally. The bond my MIL has with our son is a beautiful thing and she is about to take on the care of number 4! I thank her every single day and bake treats and make extra food for lunch/dinner and clean up the toys etc as much as she’ll let me. She is such a role model I can’t wait to do the same for my grandkids! Thanks Bev we really appreciate youxx

     
  8. sue bell October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    There are some problems with using your parents as child minders, but these can be addressed, one that comes to mind is the need for grandparents to have up to date first aid and emergency training plus good explanations about medicines for young children. A lot of problems stem from generational differences in parenting techniques.
    After the death of my father then the death of my mother’s dog I worried about her loneliness. I asked if she was interested in getting another dog. Her reply was a very definite no. For the first time in her 80 years of life she had no responsibility to anyone or anything and she prized that freedom.
    She had looked after my brother’s children (both at school) during a time of hardship, a short time but it still wore her out and she was available for any emergency, but finally she had a couple of years of freedom to do what she liked when she liked. She became very active in the community, with her friends and at a U3A. This freedom has been sadly cut short as a series of bad falls have left her in need of care.
    I think I would love to look after grandchildren but I know my constant pain levels and inability to lift, bend, and just keep going all day, would wear me out so much I would resent it

     
  9. Amanda October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I am a long distance nanny to two gorgeous little boys. I am planning for our return to Australia in a couple of years. I can’t wait to take on the role of full-time nanny. Can’t wait!

     
  10. Maxxii October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I take care of my one year old grandson 2 days a week so that my daughter can work those days. In fact, they’re building a house and living with me in the meantime. I’m so thankful for this time with them and love looking after my grandson.
    It’s a big plus that we all get along really well, and I agree with their parenting. They’ve trained him to go to sleep without any fuss during the day, and every night at 7pm, which he’s been doing since he was about 3 months old.

     
  11. Sue October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    For many years I looked after my grandson from a few months old so my daughter could do part time work. We enjoyed every minute but it was also tiring at time as we both still work. My daughter then got a new partner and my grandsons father then was back on the scene so I was no longer needed. 7 years later I feel dumped and miss my boy so much. It’s even hard to visit now as weekends are taken up with his new family. I’m glad we did it but I now feel very empty at times, and forgotten.

     
  12. Susan October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I have been blessed that my parents in law have always been there when required. MIL would catch a train from Sutherland then a ferry to Gladesville just for a few hours with her granddaughters. Although my working hours were mixed (contract) it was never any hassle. My husband also benefited as my dear FIL would do the lawns. Now that they are older they still do school holidays and they have the most wonderful relationship with their granddaughters. They are very aware how appreciative we are and both parties have benefitted enormously.

     
  13. Steve October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    My daughter asked me if I could occasionally say no to my granddaughter.
    I said no.
    I already did the hard yards of being a “mean” parent, now I want to be the good guy for a change.

     
  14. Michelle October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    My Mum looked after my first daughter 1 day per week for about 10 months or so until I was home again with daughter #2. We both found this a challenging time. I would ask for details such as sleep times or what was eaten during the day and Mum would feel like I was questioning her parenting skills. When I went back to work after daughter #2, I made alternative arrangements. Mum now does the occasional ad-hoc day during school holidays and such – not more than 1 day per week. This is a much better arrangement, plus we have both relaxed a bit since the early days. I love the days when Mum comes to my home (I don’t have to pack bags, make lunches etc and she usually will tidy up a bit for me). Mum enjoys having exclusive time with the girls without me. The girls love their Nana and have a great connection. Win-win-win.

     
  15. chris October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I share the care of my two grandchildren with my son in law’s parents- together we cover four days of the working week- it is a very good arrangement because we cover for each other on the days when we can’t do it, the kids are brilliant and my daughter and son in law are very appreciative-and they never criticise me or the other grandparents

     
  16. Glynnis Henderson October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I am a Grandma who still works full time and my only grandaughter is in NZ. I used to have her during the week, when her Mum wasn’t well and on weekends and we went to ballet and to visit a little friend on a regular basis. Now she’s not here to look after – I find that I mind a lot! I’d rather be minding her than the current alternative.

     
  17. Bronwen October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I help when I can and just started collecting two of my gorgeous grandchildren from school two days a week. I get an amazing amount of joy for a little bit of my time. Children grow so quickly and I’m greedy; I want as many cuddles as I can get and as much time as I can have with my grandchildren. As a bonus, I also get to spend time with my gorgeous children.

     
  18. Ms Behavin October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I had my mum help with child are as I had one child that didn’t take to the long daycare environment after quite a long trial. Mum was kind enough to step in, but as she wasn’t very well off financially I thought it only fair to give her some of my earnings. I thus made very little, and when mum became unwell I dropped out of the workforce. I think the govt could look into some help for families for whom group daycare doesn’t work, because if grandparents can’t help, a nanny Might work, even if shared between families. Alternatively, why shouldn’t granny nannies get a bit of pay as they are doing valuable work… It could supplement the pension in some cases.

     
  19. Marina October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I suspect the $$ saved are a fraction of the amount listed in the article. Compared to other forms of care – grandparents outnumber all other forms combined.
    As a childcare consultant, I’ve helped parents set up a variety of care options – grandparents can be brilliant, it all depends on the individual. Yes – appreciation IS the main bone of contention – with a grandparent who provides support all year round, being neglected at holiday periods for visiting grandparents who stay for a few days and have no other contact with their kids or grandkids.
    Parents – if Nan and Pop care for your kids – put aside a fraction of your wages as a bonus for them throughout the year. This might mean they can have a short break and even just a few hundred dollars can make the difference between a great relationship and one that can go sour. By giving (not offering – as this can become a sore point on it’s own) or offering to support them in other ways – you will strengthen your relationship with them.
    The best thing – is thankyou and a hug, show up with a bag of groceries each week, a bunch of flowers, offer to mow the lawn – whatever it is that will make their lives easier – as they have done yours :)

     
  20. Zelda October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I help out one afternoon a week and other emergencies if they arise.

    My son and daughter in law don’t like to ask but I tell them I am happy to have that quality time with my grand daughter. We are kinded souls ! If it doesn’t work out and I have something else on I have no trouble saying “no” and they must make their own arrangements.
    I understand that we live in a different culture to when I was young, the needs of two incomes to keep afloat means there is help needed.
    The grandchildren are part of my family and family means everything to me.
    I have heard of cases where grandparents are “expected” to help out as they are seen to be having nothing “important” to do, which is grossly unfair.

     
  21. Marnie October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I told my five children that I was not a free baby sitter. I had raised them and didn’t intend to raise THEIR children. Now with 18 grandchildren, I am glad I set the rules early, I would never have a moment to myself LOL. I do help out in emergencies and overnight when life takes unexpected turns. I see most of them every week and love it because I can just enjoy them without the responsibility of caring and discipline.

     
  22. Moffy October 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I told my kids early on if you want kids make sure you want to raise them because I don’t.Am happy to be nanny on an as required basis provided I’ve nothing else planned. I worked weekends when my kids were little and hubby took over caring for kids and we made do with fixer upper 1st home and a lot of used furniture etc.
    Most grandparents when I was a kid were people who loved you and visited you or vice versa.A woman at a parenting class shown on a current affairs show said “we have a very underused section of our community—grandparents” I thought what a croc, raise your own kids just like my parents and most others of that generation did.
    I must say though for those who need childcare the cost of creches in Vic needs investigating.Where do they get off charging parents for public hols when the damn places aren’t even open and if the mum doesn’t pay she may lose the child’s spot.Why don’t you parents out there protest loudly at the unfairness of that.

     
    • Rosie October 22, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Ummm, would protest if I could find the time between all the pick ups and drop offs, work, shopping and volunteering. Anyway, none of our parents look after our kids on a regular basis because they work. Full time. Our parents are all 60 or younger. And I wouldn’t want them to look after our kids, that is for us to do and the child care centre.
      They do however come and visit on weekends, babysit on the occasional night out for us, bring treats (for all of us), give us their opinions and love the kids to bits. What more could we ask for?
      Thanks Nonna, Poppy, Armah, John and Jezza xx

       
  23. caryll October 23, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Hi Lucy thank you for your article
    I’m about to become a grandmother and excited by the prospect of developing a relationship with my first grandchild.My son and his partner are in their early twenties,much younger than many couples starting a family . My husband and I still ( hopefully) have the health and vitality to contribute in our extended family but many grandparents must struggle in this regard.

     
  24. Zohra Aly October 23, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I had a lovely set of in laws who loved my kids and looked after them willingly at the drop of a hat, whilst respecting my “rules”, Bold and Beautiful inlcuded! Mind you, my kids were the only grandkids they had.I was the one reluctant to always leave the kids behind with them.
    My mum did her share of grannying when she moved to live closer to us too.
    I’m not sure if I would be such willing fulltime (gr)nanny to my grandkids. I could live with weekends or the odd night out, or maybe the odd day during the working week. I also have four kids, so I’d be grannying all the time if I had to say yes to all of them!

     
  25. sue elliott October 23, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I reckon I was very lucky indeed to have been able to care for my wonderful gradie boy a couple of days a week til he started school and now he stays with us for some of his holidays. I really do love having him stay. I love spoiling him and having him all to myself.
    He worked it out very early when he explained to his mum that he can have anything he wants at Ma’s place cos she never says NO.
    My daughter is happy with this cos she sees that manners and respect are demanded and granted along with sweeties and chocolate icecream, and hours of reading and undivided attention.
    There is no doubt that she has reared a wonderful little fella and this makes visits all the more pleasant.

     
  26. Dimpzee October 25, 2012 Reply
     
     

    We mind our 2.5yr old grandson 2 days per week & have done so since he was 6 months old. Another babe has recently been added, my daughter is still on maternity leave so we have yet to ‘nut out’ how often we will care for both.
    We love having him & have so enjoyed our time so far being part of his upbringing. Before we took this on we all sat & talked about expectations & my daughter made it clear that the children were ultimately HER responsibility & should we ever want to give it up we MUST tell her.
    All these (supposed) whines from grandparents perhaps could be solved by having an honest conversation.

     
  27. Rent a nanny wanted! October 26, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I’d love to have my girl’s grandparents step in to care for them occasionally! But my mother is constantly stressed and has a hair trigger temper, my father is put of the picture due to being a serial abuser, and my in laws are cancer ridden and, although willing, they are incapable. Anyone want to be our rent-a-gran on occasion? My kids really are quite nice…

     

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