• Lol Young and naive, the AWU slush fund, really? Is that all that you can come up, that non-story that Tony Abbott keeps trying to make something out of? Pathetic doesn't even begin to describe your little mind. Now the question should be why would Tony Abbott be so interested in such an issue? Perhaps it's because Tony Abbott is actually the one who knows a thing or two about setting up a dodgy slush fund, hmm? Let me enlighten your ignorant little mind, long before most of us had heard of Julia Gillard, Abbott lied to the AEC over a certain “Slush Fund” that he set up to destroy a political opponent for his own and his party’s political gain. What a **** hypocrite is all I can say. And you have a phone booth for me you say? Well I have a neurosurgeon just for you - one who specialises in brain implants. I think you're in dire and desperate need of one. Lol. - Bridget
  • Carole, that Morgan Poll is interesting. Can't see it reported in the msm though. Why not? 2PP gap reduced from 12% to 7% following the sacking of Sattler. Had Jones and Co been rightfully sacked as well, we might be looking at a different political situation today. - katie
  • ummmm, dont think it will catch on- to have all this done you need to have money and lots of it! I feel extreme low self esteem and body dismorphia has contributed to these poor souls delberately disfiguring themselves. And shame on the surgeons for doing it to them! If that is 'beauty' I am happy being "plain" - its like the "Emperors New Clothes" someone needs to point out the bloody obvious! - beth gosden
  • Where is Gee? Giddy up, Gee, gee you're very good entertainment value. - Kate
  • Thanks JoanneH and Carole/m, you can find out more details about Fair Media Alliance's proposal for a Julia Gillard Day here - http://fairmediaalliance.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/action-stations-julia-gillard-day/ Please leave a comment to register your interest so that they can get an idea as to how many people are on board. I'm going to look out for anything that GetUp might be planning to do as well. - Bridget
  • Thank you Gabrielle. I've been telling my friends this all year unfortunately they just hear tony rants. I think this government will go down in history as one of the most forward thinking and effective government - Buttercup
  • I dont care what colour your skin is. If this was about a religious group, eg, Protestants, it would be illegal. It's about women. Why isnt this hate & violence laden rubbish illegal too???? - madge
  • All the sexist commentary and abuse is a mark of how effective Julia Gillard has been and how desperate Tony Abbott is to unseat her - and the fact that her accusers are unable to make reasoned and sensible criticism of her stick. One of the greatest betrayals and pieces of hypocrisy must be Germaine Greer's advice. I am in awe of the way our Prime Minister just "gets on with it" despite all the derision. She has achieved so much - AAA economy, NDIS and Gonski to mention a few - as Trish, JoanneH and others have pointed out. And that's with a hung parliament where she works hard for the votes of the independents. - miranda
  • made a few typos, one part should read 'to see it as anything but POSITIVE.' - roomwithaview
  • @ Ash: "i am seriously not impressed with the frankly racist implications in this article." I suspect this is the main reason we're reluctant to deal with mysoginistic rap. It appears to be the exclusive province of black performers, so we're bound to be accused of racism. We often see women's issues submerged and even subverted by other agendas. It's a common theme and a well worn tactic deployed against women. Here we see Ash posing as a defender of race in order to defend misogyny. Elsewhere in his posts you'll find him posing the reverse argument if it suits his agenda. - Tony W
 
15
Categories:  Must see, Wellbeing

MY FRIEND IS A KEPT WOMAN

By Gretel Killeen
October 12, 2012

The older we get the more women share.

While men may communicate with one another via references to their own successes, women do so with stories of their own imperfections; farting at a dinner with the in-laws, investing in BETA video in the eighties, attending a work function with the back of your dress accidentally tucked into your undies.

By your mid forties a woman might consider it fair to imagine she knows pretty much everything about her gal pals. That’s why I was so taken aback when recently retrenched Linny announced to our gaggle that she’d found the ultimate answer to ‘life, purpose and our search for love’… by deciding to become a kept woman.

“I need money. Men want sex. I’ve decided to become a mistress,” Linny blurted.

“Mistress? Don’t you mean prostitute?” asked Clara (wife of a doofus millionaire, mother of four, thinks having your hair blow dried straight is hard work.) “You can’t sleep with someone for financial support.”

“Why not? You do.”

“That’s different, I’m married. And besides you’ll get emotionally attached to anyone you sleep with.”

“Why will I? You haven’t.”

“I’ve been married so long I’m immune to my husband. But most women are genetically programmed to fall in love when they have sex.”

“That’s why I need the financial exchange, to remove all emotion from the interaction.”

“Well if you must do it, I suggest you avoid being arrested by requesting payment in the from of things you need, rather than cold, hard cash.”

“You mean things like a new toaster?”

“I guess I do, but unless you value you’re sexual performance at $49.50 I suggest you aim a little higher.”

Linny is single. When she got divorced her husband sued her for alimony. She’s raised three, now grown-up children on her own. Linny is strong and independent, the kind of woman men like to flirt with as an arousing challenge but not settle down with (for precisely the same reason.)

Being determined Linny further researched her ‘kept woman’ idea with Colin, her neighbour, whom she dated briefly before discovering St John’s wart offered better emotional comfort.

“I’ve decided to have sex for money.”

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15 Responses to this article

  1. Eat, drink and be Kerry October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Love it – thanks for the laugh Gretel.

     
  2. Jenny M October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Literally laughed out loud, thank you for the Friday morning giggle!

     
  3. Liz October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Loved it Gretel. Keep them coming.

     
  4. Louisa October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Linny could me me, why can’t I be you and write such funny columns!

     
  5. Gill October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    St John’s WORT, not wart. LOL.

     
  6. Annie Also October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    ‘front bottom’???? Really?

     
  7. ro.watson October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    my comment was rubbed from under me. Typical..

     
  8. ro.watson October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    What I was saying was I have had companion lovers for most of my adult life…the last 5 years have had me pathologised, gossiped about and betrayed~ that weird notion and expert use by ex leaves me feeling disused~ gossip and isolation~ not good ..

     
  9. ro.watson October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    every relationship we enter into involves our self~ I am not so bitter~ reflecting back at the huge emotional investment day to day, night and night~I know I gave what I could~ and did not expect a lot from a “busy” working lover~ I suppose I am supposed to feel grateful for any attention paid to me~ but I don’t when that attention was negative, damaging and delivered with ,um narcissism..after her day’s work~ trending outwards on me as some excess burden~ quite unbeknownest at the time,by me~ but heard so much since

     
  10. Sara October 13, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Loved this, Gretel! There are no replacements for girlfriends, especially men!

     
  11. Jac October 15, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Thanks Gretel..Incisive and witty – laughed a lot.

     
  12. Kim McGuinness October 17, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Great laugh and very valid point! Thanks Gretel.

     
  13. ellenni October 20, 2012 Reply
     
     

    i have been a kept woman for 48 years and we have both benefitted from the arrangement.
    its wonderful to have all these shared ups downs and the memories we share are gold. we fit together and its a very good fit.
    girlfriends are great and have many with whom i also have golden memories and i love a them all but i cant cuddle up to them at night. enough said i think.

     

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Comments

  • Bridget: Lol Young and naive, the AWU slush fund, really? Is that all that you can come up, that non-story that Tony Abbott keeps...

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  • katie: Carole, that Morgan Poll is interesting. Can't see it reported in the msm though. Why not? 2PP gap reduced from 12% to ...

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  • beth gosden: ummmm, dont think it will catch on- to have all this done you need to have money and lots of it! I feel extreme low self...

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  • Kate: Where is Gee? Giddy up, Gee, gee you're very good entertainment value.

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