• Hmmm, lets hope that John Jay fella doesn't get wind of this! - Will Marshall
  • Regardless of the legality of the owners' actions, they need to be upfront in their advertising and state 'no poofs and dykes please' and spare themselves bad international publicity and embarrassment to their innocently booked guests. They have gone one step further than the usual preface to a homophobic comment than 'I don't care what they do behind closed doors...'. They do actually care. - Andrew
  • we can only hope stories about these horrible people become rarer but you have to wonder ? its pretty scary when the question of will you let my boy/girlfriend stay tonight ? happens but I think if you continue to let the boys ask whatever questions they need to ask you shouldn't have any probs, my daughter now 21 seemed to slowly get us used to haveing her boyfriend around - all seemed to happen by osmosis ! My boys 16 and 18 seem abit slower at bringing the girlfriends home - no complaints here - but they know we dont want one night stands and seem to respect this - marie
  • The tornado in Oklahoma was a sign of God's anger. I went into a deep stage of reflection and this was revealed to me by The Divine. As was Cyclone Sandy a warning from God for America not to vote for The Anti Christ Obama. - John Jay
  • Gee, what's with the cynicism here, just because Ruddy may have seen the fact that same sex marriage doesn't affect opposite sex marriage, it has nothing to do with politics, because he doesn't have the support of his party, so, he will never come back, and John Jay, you will be glad to know that same sex marriage is becoming a reality all around the world and god hasn't raised a finger to do anything about it, me being here to post this is testament to this. - Will Marshall
  • My middle son has ADHD and my youngest autism and ADHD. There is a big genetic crossover between the 2 conditions; that is they share many of the same genes. My son with ADHD is in no way disabled, but has low muscle tone and dyspraxia, just like my son with autism. These are neurological manifestations of a biological disorder and I get fed up when people try to claim that ADHD is a 'social construct'. ADHD is real folks and the medication, while not a panacea, helps my kids hugely. For the record I'm a pharmacist and my husband is a doctor, so we're pretty informed consumers. As for the French! While there are many things to admire about the French their attitude to childhood disorders is not one of them. The French are about 40 years behind the rest of the Western world in their treatment of autism. This genetically-based neurological disorder is still treated by Freudian psychoanalysis and blamed fairly and squarely on the mother! The net result is that French families have to leave France to get proper evidence-based treatment for their children with autism. Sure the biological model of mental health is imperfect but the French are not being progressive here - they're still stuck in the 1960s. See the link if you don't believe me. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17583123 - Benison O'Reilly
  • Bowel motions are God's natural way of ridding the body of excess. I will not reply any more to you mocking God and promoting the unnatural practice of sick souls who practice the use of the anus for things going in, not out. Your cleverness is The Devil at work. - John Jay
  • Yes this is an important issue and one worth close attention. And there have been a number of good articles on this topic, but not this one. What a hysterical, cobbled together piece -- "Psych versus Psych" please! You just can't cut and paste quotes from other publications, tie them together and hope that it provides a clear picture for readers. Particularly those readers who are dealing with family members who have developmental or mental health disorders. You might be able to get away with it with lifestyle articles, but not when it comes to mental health. I would urge readers to look elsewhere for a professional assessment of the issues raised by the new DSM-5. At best, this is sloppy journalism. At worst, misleading and dangerous. - Sally
  • Our house rules are you accept people as they are and we are not in a position to make judgements.... - Lynne
  • You find stupid bigots everywhere but I must agree with their right to 'my house, my rules' as it's a guest house not a hotel. Although I think they should advertise that only ignorant bigots & homophobes need apply, because you know you only want the right type of people to give you their money. - Nic
 
15
Categories:  Must see, Wellbeing

MY FRIEND IS A KEPT WOMAN

By Gretel Killeen
October 12, 2012

The older we get the more women share.

While men may communicate with one another via references to their own successes, women do so with stories of their own imperfections; farting at a dinner with the in-laws, investing in BETA video in the eighties, attending a work function with the back of your dress accidentally tucked into your undies.

By your mid forties a woman might consider it fair to imagine she knows pretty much everything about her gal pals. That’s why I was so taken aback when recently retrenched Linny announced to our gaggle that she’d found the ultimate answer to ‘life, purpose and our search for love’… by deciding to become a kept woman.

“I need money. Men want sex. I’ve decided to become a mistress,” Linny blurted.

“Mistress? Don’t you mean prostitute?” asked Clara (wife of a doofus millionaire, mother of four, thinks having your hair blow dried straight is hard work.) “You can’t sleep with someone for financial support.”

“Why not? You do.”

“That’s different, I’m married. And besides you’ll get emotionally attached to anyone you sleep with.”

“Why will I? You haven’t.”

“I’ve been married so long I’m immune to my husband. But most women are genetically programmed to fall in love when they have sex.”

“That’s why I need the financial exchange, to remove all emotion from the interaction.”

“Well if you must do it, I suggest you avoid being arrested by requesting payment in the from of things you need, rather than cold, hard cash.”

“You mean things like a new toaster?”

“I guess I do, but unless you value you’re sexual performance at $49.50 I suggest you aim a little higher.”

Linny is single. When she got divorced her husband sued her for alimony. She’s raised three, now grown-up children on her own. Linny is strong and independent, the kind of woman men like to flirt with as an arousing challenge but not settle down with (for precisely the same reason.)

Being determined Linny further researched her ‘kept woman’ idea with Colin, her neighbour, whom she dated briefly before discovering St John’s wart offered better emotional comfort.

“I’ve decided to have sex for money.”

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15 Responses to this article

  1. Eat, drink and be Kerry October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Love it – thanks for the laugh Gretel.

     
  2. Jenny M October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Literally laughed out loud, thank you for the Friday morning giggle!

     
  3. Liz October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Loved it Gretel. Keep them coming.

     
  4. Louisa October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Linny could me me, why can’t I be you and write such funny columns!

     
  5. Gill October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    St John’s WORT, not wart. LOL.

     
  6. Annie Also October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    ‘front bottom’???? Really?

     
  7. ro.watson October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    my comment was rubbed from under me. Typical..

     
  8. ro.watson October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    What I was saying was I have had companion lovers for most of my adult life…the last 5 years have had me pathologised, gossiped about and betrayed~ that weird notion and expert use by ex leaves me feeling disused~ gossip and isolation~ not good ..

     
  9. ro.watson October 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    every relationship we enter into involves our self~ I am not so bitter~ reflecting back at the huge emotional investment day to day, night and night~I know I gave what I could~ and did not expect a lot from a “busy” working lover~ I suppose I am supposed to feel grateful for any attention paid to me~ but I don’t when that attention was negative, damaging and delivered with ,um narcissism..after her day’s work~ trending outwards on me as some excess burden~ quite unbeknownest at the time,by me~ but heard so much since

     
  10. Sara October 13, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Loved this, Gretel! There are no replacements for girlfriends, especially men!

     
  11. Jac October 15, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Thanks Gretel..Incisive and witty – laughed a lot.

     
  12. Kim McGuinness October 17, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Great laugh and very valid point! Thanks Gretel.

     
  13. ellenni October 20, 2012 Reply
     
     

    i have been a kept woman for 48 years and we have both benefitted from the arrangement.
    its wonderful to have all these shared ups downs and the memories we share are gold. we fit together and its a very good fit.
    girlfriends are great and have many with whom i also have golden memories and i love a them all but i cant cuddle up to them at night. enough said i think.

     

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Comments

  • Will Marshall: Hmmm, lets hope that John Jay fella doesn't get wind of this!

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  • Andrew: Regardless of the legality of the owners' actions, they need to be upfront in their advertising and state 'no poofs and ...

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  • marie: we can only hope stories about these horrible people become rarer but you have to wonder ? its pretty scary when the que...

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  • John Jay: The tornado in Oklahoma was a sign of God's anger. I went into a deep stage of reflection and this was revealed to me b...

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