FORUM ON TEENS #2. PORNOGRAPHY
“I am still in shock to find out that my 14-year-old son watches pornography, and I mean GRAPHIC porn! I know that’s because a lot of the other boys are doing it at school and you apparently get marginalised if you can’t join in the conversation. I’m not sure what conversation I should have with my son.” Heather, 45
Last week we tackled the topic of teens and alcohol and asked for your Australian Women’s Wisdom. Readers said they found the shared advice very helpful.
Now for the vexed issue of teens and pornography – this terrain is a lot more tricky.
The positive or negative effects of consumption of pornography can’t be easily measured – unlike alcohol or drugs. Taboos around the discussion remain in place and one’s views are tempered by religion, culture, age and sexual practise.
It’s embarrassing to discuss this stuff with your teens. Switching off the Wi-Fi at home won’t help. Your teens are watching pornography. Whether you, or they, are ready or not.
A report in the Australian Journal of Medicine published last week said: 28 percent of nine to 16-year-olds had seen sexual material online. Other surveys have found that the average age of exposure is 11 years old; and that amongst Australian school students aged 13 to 16 years, 93 percent of males and 62 percent of females had seen pornography.
Some researchers say exposure to X-rated images correlates with permissive or callous sexual attitudes and risky behaviour. Others say excessive porn-seeking appears to be more a symptom of trouble than a cause.
“I can’t define pornography,” one US judge famously said, “but I know it when I see it.” (Justice Stewart in Jacobellis v.Ohio. 1964.)
Today we ask for your Australian Women’s wisdom on teenagers and pornography. It’s another discussion we have to have.
Recently the SBS program, Insight, hosted by Jenny Brockie aired an episode called Generation XXX.
Here’s a selection of (edited) comments from the transcript of the show:
AT WHAT AGE DO YOUNG PEOPLE BEGIN VIEWING PORN?
NOVA STEWARDSON: Well, I was curious, I think it just sort of came up on the internet when I was younger and it was sort of passed around the school grounds as well. Like a lot of people were just talking about it in primary school.
CHARLIE KAY: I think I was around 12 or 13 the first time I saw an ad for porn. I was looking for cheats for Pokémon in primary school on my parents’ downloads…
MICHAEL FLOOD, SOCIOLOGIST, UNIVERSITY OF WOLLONGONG: … young people’s exposure to pornography in a sense is reaching saturation levels. Certainly by the time they’re 16 or 17, the vast majority of young people, close to 100 percent have seen porn in some form or another and by the time they’re 12 or so, roughly … half of boys, about a third of boys have had some kind of encounter with porn. There’s a few trends that are underway in Australia though. One is that young people are using porn, consciously using porn at younger ages than they did.
WHAT DO PARENTS DO?
Here are a few approaches…
KIRSTEN ANSCOMBE : There are disturbing things but you’re going to find out sooner or later. If you’re going to be mature about it, like my mum gave me my first porn site (at age 13-14) and that was an educational thing. That was an educational thing for me. I didn’t go looking for it.
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13 Responses to this article
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Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right June 4, 2012
I watched that SBS show and I can’t say I see the point of sitting down with your teenager and showing them porn. You can have the discussion without having to watch it with them. Because I think boys are more interested in watching it than girls, I don’t feel I have to tell my teenager to not watch it, but rather I warn her about the consequences – the normalisation and the expectations boys might have and how that may impact on her.
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dramaqueen75 June 4, 2012
I have had the conversation with my son – porn is not reality, most women do not look like that, many women are not comfortable with the kinds of things you see portrayed, people might find those images arousing but what goes on between two consenting people in a mature relationship is not what you see in porn.
I want him (and my daughters) to know that sex can be fun, it can be a bit “naughty”, it needs to always be between two consenting people who are not planning to hurt or degrade each other and that the best sex grows out of love.
Porn doesn’t teach them that – that is my job; as awkward and uncomfortable as those conversations are for them (and me and their dad)
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The Huntress June 4, 2012
I’m hoping at the end of my post grad diploma in sexology I will have better answers, but my belief at the moment is an open, honest dialogue with children, right from the beginning, at an age appropriate level. We should be open, rather than embarrassed by sex and hopefully by giving an honest education kids may not have to seek porn out as an alternative as they would have the answers already.
Kids need to know that sex is fun, it’s enjoyable, it makes you feel good, however with it comes the risk of disease and pregnancy. They need to know how to best prevent such things. They need to know that there is far more to sex than vaginal penetration in the missionary position and above all they need to understand the meaning of consent, respect for their partner and where they can go for help or advice without embarrassment or getting into trouble. Big stuff for a lot of parents to handle, but I personally believe it’s important.
If we can have an open dialogue like this we can show that real sex is a far greater, joyous and pleasurable experience than any porn viewing. Kids will always view porn, but the message should firmly be that it’s a carefully constructed fantasy, not reality. It’s easy for young teens to believe that’s how sex should be (hence the uprise of brazillian waxing, anal bleaching, labiaplasty etc.) and we’re not giving them the tools or confidence to say no to these body modifications, let alone sexual practices that they don’t want to partake in or or not ready for.
I think by taking the weight off the value of virginity, ceasing the “save yourself for someone special” message and changing it to a more realistic message, one that emphasises safety, consent and respect we would be doing our teens a great favour. We often forget that puberty is occuring (and often complete, especially in girls) before they go to high school – teens have bodies complete with all the hormones that are urging them to have sex. We should be mindful of this and give them the tools and confidence to take control of their bodies.
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Sandra Grey June 4, 2012
Dear Huntress, great work I agree.
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Amacamchumps June 4, 2012
Best thing ever to put porn into perspective is Louis Theroux’s Wierd Weekends documentary on the industry. You see the process, from agents, stars, and producers, to the actual making (but tastefully filmed). You get a real taste for how conflicted and sad a lot of the participators are, and how sick some of the enthusiasts are. You have a real view of where it’s coming from, both opp & same sex, and the world behind the fantasy on the screen.
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Vanessa June 4, 2012
I often wonder why it seems acceptable for young males to spend hours killing and blowing up people within their video games or watching violence on television however sex is one of those terrible things that we should hide from them.
I was lucky enough to have my 15 year old son standing near my computer while I was reading this article. I read the heading and his ears pricked up and he stayed close by while I read a few things out loud. He told me that porn is not something that is discussed amongst his peers and I’m happy about that. I read out loud the part about porn not being real and nothing like he will find in real life which was great for me. I unfortunately lost him when I mentioned anal sex. Didn’t see him for dust.
Me…well I remember finding dad’s playboys when I was about 13 and wasn’t that an education.
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The Huntress June 4, 2012
@ Vanessa
“However sex is one of those terrible things we should hide from them”
I am avidly curious to know why you believe sex should be hidden from children and teens. Studies have shown over and over again that good, timely sex education produces far better outcomes for our teens rather than not educating them in time or relying on a message of abstinence is the answer.
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The Huntress June 5, 2012
@Vanessa
So sorry, I must apologise – I misread your post. I reread it properly and then understood where you are coming from.
Sometimes my brain is an embarrassment and should not be let out to play.
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Pearl June 4, 2012
What a timely article. As an educator in a Primary School, I was shocked to learn my students had been accessing this type of material at 10 and 11 yrs of age.
I would encourage parents to remember that they are the first educators of their children. Discuss this with your children, because it’s a conversation, as a teacher, I legally can’t have with them. As much as I’d like to think of my students as children, unfortunately for them, their access to technology means they are growing up at a much quicker rate than you would ever imagine.
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Benison O'Reilly June 4, 2012
I have three sons, 18, 15 and 11. All three, I know, have seen porn. My 11 year old is on the autism spectrum and being a typical ASD kid told me all about the ‘sexy porn’ and ‘Rule 34′ (which I had to look up). Net Nanny went straight on his computer. The older boys we’ve caught, of course. They certainly weren’t going to tell me!
It’s difficult to know the right approach to this. My views on sex are pretty liberal – whatever, two, three or even four consenting adults get up to in the spare time is fine by me
However, the misogynist aspect of much contemporary porn I find disturbing: the normalising of anal sex and the practice of guys coming in girl’s faces are two examples.I can’t say I’ve ever discussed porn in that much detail with my sons, although my eldest is in a sexual relationship and certainly doesn’t demonstrate misogyny in any other form. Perhaps their doctor dad needs to have a word.
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Vanessa June 4, 2012
Just had to google Rule 34. What an education I’ve had tonight.
