• You a past Labor member? That's a good one! So presumably you were once concerned about social justice. You railed against rampant materialism but because you perceive the ABC and its audiences believe in what you presumably once believed in, you want it slashed and burned and its journos tossed out into the streets? Huh? - Kel
  • Well what's your take on why the ABC PLUS the MSM refuses to investigate the Ashby affair; you know where a federal justice adjudicated that an LNP candidate in concert with Ashby conspired to bring down the government by fraudulently claiming sexual harassment by Slipper. Is this left wing bias? Who gains from non investigation of this issue? Furthermore why won't any journalist including our truth seeker Alberici, ask Pyne why he lied when asked about his dealings with Ashby. What about when Hockey denied meeting with Brough and Brough denied the number of times he had met Ashby. Gee this isn't about left or right wing bias, this is about the truth. Given that Limited News' 70% monopoly is dedicated to bringing down the government how does a citizen learn the truth about any issue confrronting this nation? - Kel
  • Well put, and I hope to see your documentary. I hate the idea of vaccinations and believe they can be harmful individually but we are part of a community and as such, we have responsibilities to each other, so my son'a vaccinations are up to date. The reality is that no one knows what will happen to us or our children, whether we are talking about injury by vaccine, or injury by preventable disease, or running in a marathon where a terrorist is in wait, or getting in a car and being wiped out by a drunk driver. We all do what we can for our kids and we can try and protect them as much as we can - but none of us escape misfortune. I have a friend whose son has shocking tumours and a limited life span. My own son has a platelet disorder which means we have to be constantly vigilant that he doesn't injure himself lest he bleed internally. Let's do what we can for our own - but let's not harm others in the process. - Alice Smith
  • What a fabulously challenging topic. Jackdan, very well delivered argument. I'd love to see your research. Publish it! Sonya, I look forward to tomorrow night's documentary. Thanks for taking (what sounds like) a rational approach. - Misty
  • Thanks jack... a very interesting response and, from my communications with Sonya I think this is exactly the conversation she's hoping for. Be very interested to hear your response after viewing the doco. - Wendy Harmer
  • As someone who doesn't follow the Australian Vaccination schedule, I already feel like I am risking ridicule and worse posting here. We have been hassled and hounded by doctors, nurses (one of us is a nurse) and other parents. Blamed for the resurgence Whooping cough and related deaths, etc. Our stance is that we immunise based on our own needs and intelligence. As a for instance, we are not convinced that our children needed to be vaccinated against Hepatitis B at birth, especially given that the vaccine contained Thiomersal when it was recommended to us. I'm not sure how aware you are of the Japanese experience with the DTP vaccinations in the mid 1970's, but as a result of many adverse reactions and over 30 deaths as a direct result of the vaccine, the schedule was altered and children were vaccinated later. I am aware that the vaccine is no longer a whole cell vaccine, however it is worth considering the delicate balance of the immune system in infants below 6 months of age. So we immunise roughly to the Japanese schedule. There is no Hep B or vericella. And MMR is given as MR and Mumps separately. We will make the call on Japanese when we visit next month. I note that the tone in the promotion of the doco appears to depict the non vaccination school as driven by emotion with the pro vaccination argument being driven by Science (which is a pretty broad concept). Our decision to vaccinate alternatively has been based on a lot of careful research and is based on risk mitigation considering that vaccinations do carry a percentage of risk, however small. We have the advantage of also being Japanese citizens, (myself a spouse resident) and can access the differently combined vaccines and scheduling. When recently discussing this on a facebook post I was branded an anti Vaccinator. Abused and blamed. My response is that I think there is a better way. A much better way. And the heavy handed pressure to Immunise to schedule, which then elicits a strong anti response from those who question, but are discouraged strongly and frowned upon for questioning, has created a climate of 'for or against', emotion or science, us against them. All pretty narrow reductive way to explore a whole collection of different diseases, risks, and vaccines (including their varieties of compositions, combinations and timing). So we have attempted to immunise the best way that we can ascertain. It's a tricky time consuming task to get all the info on each different vaccine from the manufacturers, to research each and every disease to ascertain the risks of actually contracting it and then what the risks associated with the disease are, but it has been worthwhile. I think that the community could benefit from a less doctrinal approach to the current immunisation schedule and regular review of disease risks and the vaccination schedule response. - Jackdan
  • I'm an E cup. When I was younger and skinnier I was only a C cup and could handle underwires. Then I got pregnant and discovered the bliss of maternity bras. Post babies and breastfeeding I went back to the wires only to find they poked me and now I've got 'birdseyes' in my cleavage. I cannot fathom the underwire. Obviously the person who designed it has never had to wear one. Having big boobs we're all encouraged to wear them, but now I'm old and fat they're far too uncomfortable to contemplate. I'm happy with my 'wirefree' bras. I figured that if manufacturers could make a maternity bra without wires that fitted perfectly and provided excellent support to lactating breasts, they could do the same for large, non-lactating breasts too. I found the perfect fit for me at a large chain store and bought the same type for years. Not terribly sexy, but comfortable and serviceable. Now I've discovered same large chain has a moulded cotton bra in large sizes. Better still, you can order them online when the sales are on and collect them from the store. Bliss! - BeansGran
  • Well put Sonya. I am so glad that you have created this documentary. Also, you have put forward a voice of reason backed up by compelling evidence & your own credibility. I am pro-vaccination, but I understand why it is an delicate decision for many parents. I haven't come across the anti-vax theories (I'd never even heard of the AVN until Mamamia kept writing & tweeting about them). I'd always just followed the immunisation schedule. But I have come across a lot of pushy pro-vaxxers and I have to say, it is a turn off. I understand that it's a passionate issue. But is it an effective way of increasing immunisation rates? Of course not. Some pro-vaxxers make it their full time job to name, shame & harass people opposed to vaccination. Is harassment going to change their position, heck no! Is it going to galvanise their anti-vac position, quite probably! I just think we need to be smarter about this. I know it is not a "debate" in the sense that the science is in on the benefits & general safety of vaccines. But it completely normal to feel uneasy about purposely injecting your child with something most of us know very little about. And then watching their every breath that evening as they process that vaccine. Sonya, I hope that your documentary is the beginning of the change in the way we talk about immunisation. Well done. - Kasey
  • I am very impressed by what you've set out to achieve and how you've come about it. Much of my work these days is in vaccination and I work hard to break down the myths and false beliefs people have about vaccines. I find listening to concerns, empathy and responding with good evidence based information has been the most successful manner I've had so far. I also reassure parents that it is always their choice, but I also share that I am a mum too and that I choose to vaccinate my child fully. And funnily enough that's usually the clincher. Respect, good information and empathy can go a long way. I really hope that many people watch your documentary and help absolve the many concerns and myths surrounding vaccination that are out there. You must be proud of your work :) - The Huntress
  • Not everyone has access too or any interest in the internet, you cannot drive a tractor and watch the internet but you can listen to radio, you cannot drive a car and watch the internet but you can listen to radio, you cannot wash the dishes, the clothes, yourself and watch the internet but you can listen to the radio, you can also lie in bed with Phillip Adams, half my University of the Third Age students go to bed with Phillip. Australia's best journalists were trained by the ABC. What I don't understand Gee is your palpable hatred, how can you be so angry all the time, just relax and learn that we are all different and some of us prefer the quiet nature of the ABC compared with the ranting and rage of radio shock jocks and commercial TV. Your phrase 'slash and burn' is shocking to me, no one I know hates anything, no one I know wants to destroy things or institutions, not even the IPA, why such violence of language? - sue Bell
 
92
Categories:  Wellbeing, Your Stories

THE DAY ‘PERFECT MUM’ LOST IT

By Mrs Woog
February 7, 2012

I am the person I am today due to an episode I like to call my “Nervy Turn”.

Yes, I was one of THOSE mums.

Those mums who strive to be perfect.

Smiley, shiny mums who carried homemade treats in Tupperware containers and always had wet wipes in their bag. The type of mum who pulled notes out of school bags each day and sat down at her desk to action each piece of paper.

The type of mum who would look at a mundane task she was completing and ponder: “How can this be done better?”

I pulled all of the towels out of my linen cupboard once because someone on Oprah showed me how to fold towels the way they do them in the shops so they stack nicely and look neat.

I used to fold t-shirts using a board like they do in clothing stores, so they stacked nicely and looked neat.

Yeah. I was that mum.

And nobody gave a shit.

No one in my family gave a shit that is. They could not care less how the towels were stacked or how their t-shirts looked in the drawer. No one cared whether the cake they were hoovering was homemade or store bought. They had other things to worry about. Like how late they got to stay up.

I continued on this merry path to Crazyville until one day my body stopped. And my mind blanked.

 Page 1 of 2 next >>
support us

92 Responses to this article

  1. MadamBipolar February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I am so proud of you for coming out and saying this. It is not easy to say – I had a mild case of depression with some anxiety. This kind of writing normalises a stigmatised condition.Well done. You have done well, my girl. Love you totally. So proud.

     
  2. Eliza February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    another brilliant, honest piece from you Mrs Woog… and it is so true. I often wonder how THOSE mums do it all and do it so well, and I try to be like them. Lucky for me and my sanity I am an underachiever, LOL

     
  3. Zoey @ Good Googs February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I read through the first page thinking that I had clicked through to the wrong article because there was no way Mrs Woog was a Stepford Mum!

    You bared your soul and it’s a beautiful one.

    xox

     
    • Mrs Woog February 7, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Thanks darling! I think of it as my lost years x

       
  4. smile chickie February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    oh mrs woog, i have so felt your pain!
    i too have attended oprah’s towel folding masterclass and don’t even start me on tupperware.
    the day of my meltdown, the day when i came to the realisation that the bloody wonder woman suit only comes in size 6 latex and i was never going to fit.. was a fine fine day
    my daughters are now 17 and 18, the towel cupboard is a disgrace, the tupperware collection is missing almost all of its lids and there’s “bought biscuits” a-plenty…. but we all survived and, you’re right, nobody who mattered noticed the bloody difference. x

     
    • Mrs Woog February 7, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Thanks for sharing and understanding! It seems there are a few reformed “Perfect Mums” out there! xx

       
  5. Mrs Woog February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Thanks! It is not easy to put it out there. xx

     
  6. Kirsty Rice February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Hooray for imperfect Mums. Being the “perfect” Mum has nothing to do with housecleaning, baking or towel folding. I admire so much about the way you parent Mrs Woog – your recent trip to school with H and how you’ve raised J – you. rock.

    Kirsty – 4 kids, 20 suitcases and a beagle.

     
  7. mama mogantosh February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Bravo Mrs Woog, a hilarious, honest and insightful piece of writing as always. x

     
  8. bigwords February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Mrs Woog you are a wonderful woman with the kindest heart. Every time someone says it’s ok to stop trying to be the “perfect mum” helps someone out there struggling with it – me included. Thanks honey x

     
  9. Danimezza February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I love you as always, if not more oxox :)

     
  10. Megs February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Thank you thank you thank you. Have just returned to work after 11 months maternity leave & trying to be all things to all people. I needed this article. A lot. xxx

     
  11. Megan Blandford February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Wow. It’s wonderful that you let yourself just be you, Mrs Woog. In the scheme of things, it’s all just so bloody unimportant. My mum has a saying: ‘Your kids will remember the fun times they had, not how clean the house was’. So true, and I think many of us have had to learn that the hard way.

     
  12. dramaqueen75 February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Wow- I am amazed how many of us have “been there”.
    At about the age of 38 I realised I was desperately unhappy. I was putting everyone else first, trying hard to balance work, family, husband and home and losing myself in the process.
    I didn’t like who I had become – everyone’s doormat and a martyr to boot. Woah was me!
    I could blame everything on everyone else. I was chubby because I had to look after the kids, my fashion sense was back somewhere in the mid 90′s, my social life had shrunk and I was doing nothing creative.
    So, I turned it around. I started running, I got fit and healthy, I joined the local theatre company and found myself doing Shakespeare for the first time, I started saying no to lots of things I didn’t really want to do and yes to the things I did.
    I stopped crying into my pillow at night and found my smile again.
    I was happy, the kids were happy and, as my hubby with attest “happy wife happy life” ;-)

     
  13. Sarah February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Thank you – a joy to read.

     
  14. Lisa Lintern February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    You don’t know how much I needed to read this today. Thank you Mrs Woog. x

     
  15. Anne Looby February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Go Mrs Woog!! That is brilliant. Thank you.

     
  16. Carolyn February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I have never been one of the perfect mums that you’ve described.
    I’ve always thought that my kids would never remember if the floor was clean but would remember me getting down on the floor to play with them.
    I was once with a group of mums after drop off at kindegarten, one of them said with genuine horror that she had left the house that morning without making all the beds and doing the breakfast dishes.
    I never even knew that was something one should aspire to. I figured I was winning if I got the kids to school on time without anyone losing a shoe!
    As women and especially as mothers I think we should all be a little kinder on ourselves.

     
    • amd August 4, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Your comment made me laugh. I once had a friend say to me “I can’t leave the house if the beds aren’t made”. Seriously? I replied “I have been known to leave the house BECAUSE the beds aren’t made”. Many times I have looked at the crappy household chores and run for my life.

      Great piece though, highly entertaining, and glad the author has moved on from the pointlessness of perfectionism.

       
  17. Nell February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I’m so glad I’m not alone. Although I still love to bake, ironing and laundry can go jump. No-one’s going to die if I don’t iron a shirt or 20.
    Thanks for sharing today, Mrs Woog

     
  18. Veggie Mama February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    And I’m yet to see a better mum xx

     
  19. Jane Furnell February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I used to aspire to be one of those Mums, but there was always someone who would trump me. I began to realise that there are better goals in life than always having an immaculate house, with immaculately-groomed children and nothing but organic home-made food in their lunch boxes. Like having close relationships with the people in my family. Don’t get me wrong, I can still have a bit of a fit when someone tromps all over my newly mopped floor. But a house needs to look lived in to be a home, and kids need to get grotty and they get snotty and sometimes I am still in my jammies at 11am.
    I witnessed the melt-down of one of those Mums once, which really put things in perspective for me. It was at kindergym, and this poor woman who was always so even-tempered and dressed magnificently, absolutely lost the plot (not even sure why), and burst into tears and packed up her kids and took them away , closely followed by one of her posse of magnificently dressed Mums, and i thought ‘ Shit, if she can’t cope, what the hell do I think I am trying to do?’ It was liberating to say the least.
    So now I aim for realistic. I have 4 kids, a husband, a dog, 4 chooks and assorted birds and I am a full-time student, and at times, something’s gotta give. Like a home-cooked meal every night, or a clean bathroom.

     
  20. Suzanne February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I relate to this soooooo much. Unfortunately I didn’t change until my first marriage ended!!!! Then I thought, well alot of good all that perfection did for me!
    And you’re right……kids don’t give a fuck!!! :-)

     
  21. jillian February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I have missed you Mrs Woog! I have been out of the cyber loop and reading this is like coming home. Thank you! I love the bit about Pap Smears – “You need to stay on top of that shit.” Awesome.

     
    • Rachel Smith February 7, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Agree – I snorted tea at that bit. Mrs Woog is a total hoot :-)

       
  22. Debyl1 February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Thankyou so so much.I needed to hear that some one I admire greatly, who seems so cheerful all the time, has had her moments.Makes me feel normal.When I stopped doing the perfect mum stuff because no one gave a shit I felt a bit of a failure.I couldnt see why they didnt appreciate what I was doing for them and the love I was putting into it.Although now and then when my teenage daughter has a hormone raging fit she rubs my nose in the fact of what i dont do any more…so makes it bit hard to not to still feel a failure .
    By reading your honest post and all the comments I now know its ok.I think/hope I will start to feel better from here.

     
  23. anna February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    good on you i know how it feels

     
  24. Rachel February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I remember so clearly, just after giving birth to my son, thinking I had to be the perfect mum (whatever that is).
    I put so much pressure on myself that I was completely overwhelmed.
    I wanted to be just like my mum (who is the perfect mum in my eyes). However, I am not my mum.
    I have fumbled my way through the last five years and my darling son thinks I am the ants pants. I love him so much.

     
  25. Kerri Sackville February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    You have made me cry with laughter many times, but you just made me cry for another reason altogether.
    An absolutely magnificent read. I am proud to know you. xxxx

     
  26. edenland February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Oh my god.

    This is my favourite post of anything you have ever written, and further proof of why I adore the HELL out of you so very very much. YOU ARE REAL.

    Testify, sister.

     
  27. Caro Webster February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Linen cupboard? What’s that? Our towels go from bathroom to body to amorphous mess on bathroom floor to washing machine to clothes basket and back to body again. I dig crumpled, scratchy towels and the lack of angst it engenders. ;) Brilliant post as always. x

     
  28. Nikki @ Styling You February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    You rock my world Woogsie x

     
  29. Mama K February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I am/was this mum and admittedly reading this I’m not sure if I should laugh or cry. Like you say no one else cares and while I’d like to think I’m reformed, old habits die hard… One day I’ll ditch the Martha Stewart ways for good and adopt a little more Woog.

     
  30. Suzyb February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    What perfect timing.
    I just returned from the doctor who told me I have depression. Yes I try to do all those things and run business from home.
    Boy are my family in for a shock this week !
    thank you Mrs Woog and the Hoopla :-)

     
  31. Top Bird @ Wee Birdy February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Bravo, and long may the towels be crumpled! I choose sanity over sanctity all the time. love, Anxiety Girl.

     
  32. KJ February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Dear Mrs Woog,

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yesterday I sat on a counsellor’s couch (OK, she is strictly a psychotherapist, but I’m not cool with seeing a ‘therapist’) and poured out my pathetic, early middle-age angst into her lap. Diagnosis: I need to take care of me
    .
    Thanks for a further reminder, Mrs Woog!
    ♥

     
  33. Seana Smith February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Ah Mrs Woog, I am horrified to hear of these crazy attempts as perfection parenting and am over the moon that you got all that nonsense out of your system and became the Wise Mrs Woog we know and love.

    You’re leading other mothers out of the temptation to be anything other than merely mediocre… mediocre mumming is the business.

     
  34. Sam-O February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    This just happened to me.

    I have not quite resolved myself to less than perfect, but as I sit here in my unvacuumed, unswept house with a dishwasher to unload and last nights dishes sitting on the sink, I realise I am probably further along than I thought.

    Love your writing Mrs Woog.

     
  35. Jules February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I.love.this.article…..thankyou

     
  36. TB February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Thanks Mrs Woogs for smashing the ideals about the perfect ‘supermum’.

    Can I suggest that the next topic of domestic discussion be about the ‘perfect married sex life’? Been talking to recently separated friends who said that they had not had sex or intimacy for years – and they thought that was ‘normal’ (hmm and now they realise that was what they were missing). Over to you Mrs Woogs….

     
  37. WorkingMumsAustralia February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Good on you Mrs Woog! Making life easier for the rest of us xxxx

     
  38. carol @ perennial February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Great Post – my moment came in the shower when I realised I wasn’t sure how to turn off the tap. I stayed there til the water was cold and hubbie found me shivering, lookin- blogperennial.blogspot.comg at the taps like they were from another planet. A great GP, some good drugs, a dose of ACT with a fabulous psychologist and I am happy. My husband is happy. My kids are happy. My towel cupboard is perfect (hard to let some things go) but my kids’ cupboards are a total disaster and I don’t care.

     
  39. Celia February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Mrs Woog, that’s twice in one week I’ve been moved to share your words of wisdom with my friends. You rock. Thankyou

     
  40. kim at allconsuming February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    You know, the Divine Ms M was the ONLY one who voiced her concern at some rather dramatic self-destructive behaviours I started to engage in when Oscar was wee. She gave me the name and number of a good psychiatrist. Who I ended up seeing for about six years. (Now I see a guy on this side.) If she hadn’t been brave enough to say what she’d said – in light of everything that has happened since – I probably would not be here. She called it, I responded and here I stand. Mum to four boys in a house resembling a bomb site. They notice when I clean it (Them: wow mum, the floor in the bathroom looks BRAND NEW. Me: well yes, if you boys peed LESS on it that’s how it’d look all the time) but it certainly doesn’t stop them trashing it all over again. And therein lies the lesson. I think.

     
  41. Wendy Harmer February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Ok, my husband just washed the floors and is out doing a spot of mowing ( It’s like hearing birdsong)
    A ( partial) list of stuff that’s bothering me: Huge pile of laundry; bathroom cabinet looks like a $2 shop; son’s sheets need washing; veggie crisper wants doing; mum and dad STILL can’t work the email- even after on-on-one tutoring with me; should have sent my sister a birthday present; my hairdresser just quit and I have to find a new one; daughter’s camp permission in front of me; too many plastic containers… I could list dozens of things that are stressing me out ( including a backlog of your amazing stories, please be patient with me).
    Instead I am writing a sequel to my YA novel ” I Lost My Mobile at the Mall”… and having a ball.(Just blagged a week’s extension)
    Chicken is thawing, tea will be made, kids and hubby still love me… life continues in its imperfect squalor.
    I am, on balance, happy with my lot.

     
  42. Lisa @ Home/Work/Mum February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Thank you Mrs. Woog, you normal darling. I was my own worst enemy, especially as I work from home, thought I should be able to be the supermum with a sparkling house at all times. I’m sorry, but I’m just not that person.

    Well done to anyone who can pull it all together, but surely sooner or later, something’s gotta give?

    Thank you for choosing to use your profile to show the reality of being a mum. Now we all just need to be a little bit easier on ourselves. Now I’m going to NOT fold my washing.

     
  43. Jay @ Moodie Foodie February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    We have all been there Mrs Woog! Great article.

     
  44. Bec February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Mrs Woog, your posts always make my day and this one is a pearler. I’m off now to not do the housework.

     
  45. Deborah February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Ms Woog, you actually sat at your desk to “action” every piece of paper the school sent home? ‘To action’ is really scare stuff mate. So glad you are off it.

     
  46. royce February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Well put…. well expressed…. you’ve said it all…. now for ‘me’ time….. Now enough!

    I am a bloke. I appreciate how hard it was before you had your Hissie Fit….. but be warned, the new you needs to not harp on about it too much.

    As ‘not theperfect mum’… you get to enjoy life a little more, but don’t get the sooking rights you once had.

    Happy times….

     
  47. Jacqui Horwood February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Good on you for reclaiming yourself, Mrs Woog. I have never strived to be a perfectionist but I still suffer lashings of anxiety – so I can only imagine how you were feeling.

     
  48. Jenny February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Mrs W, I’m glad I’m not alone! I too, look at the perfect mums with perfect families, perfect homes, gym memberships and confidence to take on the world and often wonder why I’m the only one who can’t always get it together. i was hit by the anxiety truck many years ago after working with a god awful boss (who you might remember) which turned me into a stress ball. Life is good, but if I take on too much that truck comes and whacks me in the ass full force. It’s good to have a laugh about it and remember that it’s ok to be disfuctional!!! My kids are happy, I’m happy, my husband is happy and even the dog forgives me if she doesn’t get a walk everyday. And yes, we are having leftovers for dinner tonight! That’s called keeping it real:)

     
    • Wendy Harmer February 7, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Thank you Jenny, and go all the mums you are “keeping it real”. The fridge can last one more day, surely.

       
  49. leah pallaris February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    love reading the article, WOW, we mothers unite in similar stories..
    I decided one day, that if we seek perfection we will either be in the funny farm, or the hospital. So I live each day with my best, and perfection’s got nothin to do with it..Life is too short for petty problems, so time is more important than house work, i read and play and sit and enjoy the roses,just remember the BRADY BUNCH, well years later those kids had real issues, makes you wonder, even though it was just a show, the real lessons of family are that doing your best ius good enough.. NO EXPECTATIONS THAT ARE TOO FAR FETCHED, AND KEEPING IT SIMPLE AND SWEET WILL DO JUST FINE…. Progress is being content with what you have in life…. No need to keep up with the JONES, they usually are keeping up with the SMITHS, and so on…

     
  50. Tors February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Your friend deserves a medal for taking swift, decisive action like that. You’re so lucky to have her!

     
  51. gardnerm February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Fantastic read and I once resembled that perfect wife, mother, where did it get me? Nowhere. I thought, teach my kids by example, beds without a crease, nope! They never make their beds, fresh baked slices that they swapped at school for store bought snacks, no jars of sauces for me, nope! Good ol’ fashioned homemade everything, what a crock of s$&@, you are so right, nobody gives a tinkers and if they do, well they can do it themselves. One hole in your story! Master of the cat, I think not, otherwise you are my hero.

     
  52. Anita Atherton February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Mrs. Woog I could have written this article myself – in fact I HAVE! Well, very similar. As a recovering “highly-intelligent-over-achieving-perfectionist-control-freak” (my GP’s diagnosis, not mine!) in invite you to have alook at my articles describing my switch from medication to meditation at coolcalmandconnected.com
    Thankyou for sharing your darkest hour, it sheds light on the the rest of us who think we are all suffering alone. AQAxxx

     
  53. Amanda February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I’ve been trying to let go for some time now but can’t seem to be able to. I quite regularly have a cry at night when I’ve finally sat down at 9:30 or go mental at my husband when he puts a dish in the sink instead of the dishwasher. When I ask for help I get the eye roll. It’s very exhausting. But everytime I decide to be a bit slacker someone drops in and I start apologizing for the mess. Any hints on how u let go of it?

     
    • NicNac February 7, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Yep. I’ve been there too. The straw that broke the camels back came when we had to move out ’cause we were renovating. I put my back out and ended up on valium, unable to move for a week. That’s when the panic attacks started. Still working on not trying to be the perfect wife and mother with the perfect house but posts like this – and the gorgeous comments that followed – sure as hell make it easier! The key for me is surrounding myself with ‘real’ people. They’re the ones who don’t judge you if your house is a tip or your kids have processed food in their lunch boxes.

       
    • NicNac February 7, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Stop apologising for a start and imagine if the situation were reversed. If you went to someone’s house and it was a bit of a mess would you judge them? Would you care? I reckon people feel more relaxed if the house isn’t perfect and there’s a bit of a mess – makes it seem like real people live there! It’s hard though, I know. Oh, and find something that you love to do, that feeds your soul – and give yourself permission to do it. x

       
  54. Anita February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Standing ovation Mrs Woog. Please serving up the healthy doses of reality. It’s one thing to dream….another to just get through the day! Thanks too for making me feel a hell of a lot better about the state of my linen cupboard…it’s always a mess! As for airing out that dirty laundry…. A:)

     
  55. Mrs Woog February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Bit overwhelmed b the response to this post that I wrote through tears…. and then relief! So glad I am/was not alone in this.

    Now go and get a pap smear.

    Much grateful love
    Mrs Woog xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

     
  56. Pip February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    So much awesome in this story. Thanks for sharing Mrs Woog & reminding me to chill out about the cooking, cleaning and cake making ( the Coles cookies I took to a party recently got more compliments than any of my home cookery anyway) Now for a hot bath …

     
  57. Melita February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I was just thinking I should be MORE like one of those mums and feeling secret shame at my linen cupboard deficiencies, store-bought baked goods (even though they were organic), rats eating my tomato plants (at least I grew some!) And my flying cockroach farm aka my living room. You’ve reminded me that a bit of household vermin and dishevelled towels are far preferable to a nervous breakdown. Thank you

     
  58. Mrs Savage February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    So nice to read this the day after I took a drive at 8:30pm to check out the sunset….in my pyjamas. Sometimes kids drive you to this stuff and it’s ok to say so.

     
  59. Donna @ NappyDaze February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Bravo Mrs Woog, quite possibly my most fave post of yours ever. I am struggling with trying to achieve perfection in every aspect of my life, and always want to appear as if its all under control, and that I live in a super clean, super organised house all the time (& havent just done a mad dash to spring clean before visitors). I’m really trying to work on breaking this cycle at the moment and cut myself some slack. I’ll now be thinking of this post every step of the way xx

     
  60. SandsofTime February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I love this article. I love that you had the presence of mind to ask for help. I love that your friend was so awesome. And I love a cake based analogy, always.

     
  61. Samantha February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Been there, bought the T-Shirt!!!

     
  62. Anne Lawton February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Ha-ha! Love all the comments. Well, you brought up a very important issue Mrs Woog, and a very important bit of truth. It’s been brought up before, but nothing changes. Guess it’s up to all of us to make changes if we want them? Not easy I know though… ):

     
  63. Red Dalish February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Kudos, Mrs Woog. I love you even more.

    Scratch the surface and you’ll find most mums have a pretty thin ‘perfect’ veneer. Like today when a pal admitted she had also not ever cleaned her oven, after I fessed I haven’t cleaned mine for the three years I’ve lived in my home.

    Off to get my pap smear. Such me time. Joy of joys.

     
  64. Denyse Whelan February 8, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Mrs W.
    I love your story of getting real.
    Can we form a group?
    Love u Mrs W

     
  65. Kaye February 8, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Mrs Woog Thankyou xx

     
  66. AmandaLee February 8, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Sitting here at the computer reading The Hoopla instead of doing the housework. My daughter has a new friend coming to play from school this afternoon. She is an only child with high achieving parents. We have three kids who achieve at their own pace and clean up at their own pace (never clean up). Visitors are going to see disarray (chaos). What should I do? Deep breaths!!!!!

     
  67. Wendy Harmer February 8, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Put on some loud music, smile, step over the mess and let the kids start dancing. Say a firm, but polite, see you later to the parents, close the door and then join in the fun. If your home isn’t up to their standards, tough. This is not a competition. Good luck ( and believe me, I know that I’m talking about here).
    Wx

     
  68. Jackwafabwa February 8, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I hope my kids will remember the time I spent playing dollhouse and lego with them, and not give a flying frogs that the house was a mess and the laundry basket overflowing.

     
  69. MoniqueN February 8, 2012 Reply
     
     

    As the daughter of an imperfect mum, I have to say that even though there was never cake and I went to school without clean socks more often than not and I still twenty odd years later compulsively smell the milk in the carton before I put it in my coffee (even if I bought it this morning) and I once pinned up the skirt of my school tunic with safety pins for most of a term. I will still take imperfect mum who made a trip to buy ballet shoes an event and loved Sesame Street more than we did and let us upend the house to make forts out of the furniture, and moved the rug when we spilt orange fanta on the carpet and the stain wouldn’t come out, over the perfect mother of my friend who sent her to school with an ironed hanky and home made ginger snaps for play lunch and who met us at the front door when we came home from school and ran us both over with the dustbuster before she let us into the house…

     
  70. Wendy Harmer February 8, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Oh my goodness… being run over with the dustbuster… that is hilarous! What next at the front door, an X-ray scanner for crumped tissues and half-sucked lollies?

     
  71. Gabbie February 8, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Thank you for this Mrs Woog.

    I very nearly destroyed my marriage by trying to people please everyone else but myself. I thought that being selfless meant the kids needs, my parents views on how we lived, my friends opinions and anyone else who chimed in with their two cents was much worthier listening to than the squished down, quiet little voice in the centre of my being.
    My husband tried everything to coax me out and I fought him every step of the way. I thought he was trying to make me be someone I wasn’t and therefore how could he love who I was? I sure didn’t, or why else would I not give myself the chance to be heard – above all else, and speak about what mattered most – to me.
    It took a full blown panic attack that hit me like the proverbial Mack truck to stop me from losing my husband, my family and my mind and bring me back to me. The real me. The “imperfect mother” that I am.
    I’m getting to know her all over again and I think I like her.

    So thanks Mrs Woogs – for making it okay to not be perfect.

    Lotsa love for you. X
    Gabs

     
  72. Amanda February 9, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Gabbie, thank you. So heartfelt, and so real for so many young mothers. Working all that stuff out can waste precious years. Hope lots of women read your post. x

     
  73. Tania McCartney February 10, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Brilliant. I’ve had 20 minute car-freezes for years and still go back for more. I’ve been pinged with pebbles and thwacked with bricks. I think I need to do something before the brick wall falls on me. Thank you.

     
    • Mrs Woog February 10, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Do it. Do it today. Much love to you Tania xx

       
  74. Farmers Wifey February 10, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Lovely Mrs Woog, I’ve done this as well, I have severe Motherguilt. I wish I didn’t though xxx

     
  75. Maxabella February 10, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Thank god you found the keys to freedom, Mrs Woog. x

     
  76. Trish February 10, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Mrs Woog , I love you too – not one of us can be perfect we all have at least one crack :) . Thank you for your honesty in sharing this and reminding me of the most important things – to enjoy life and my family. It has only been 1 week and I feel overwhelmed by school already.
    Damn it I think I am due a pap smear too.

     
  77. Caz Makepeace February 10, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Love this post Mrs Woogs.

    Life is all about the memories, and so we need to live each moment creating them. Keeping a perfect house or perfect mind won’t ever do this for you. How can it? If it is perfect there is nothing to create.

    However, I do think my children know about where the cake comes from. Kalyra often tells me that I should in fact buy the cake as I am a terrible cooker who sends rock hard brownies into her pre-school on her birthday– see if I was perfect, we’d never have this funny memory to share!!

    One reason why I LOVE travel so so much and am so grateful for it is because it taught me that life is all about living in the moment and when you do this every moment is joyous and precious.

    Loving, laughing, sharing, enJOYing and just BEing. This is what your children will remember you for the most. Without a doubt!!
    Be yourself, it’s all that we can do!

     
  78. Poggie February 10, 2012 Reply
     
     

    OMG! Why am I only finding you now? You are my new favouritest thing in the world!

     
  79. Claireyhewitt February 11, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I just can’t imagine anyone with a cupboard like that. My linen cupboard is similar to the plastics – open it fast before it all falls out, but every time I look at them I think there are a hundred women who think I am a bad Mum for living this way. Silly, but that is the way the mind works sometimes.

     
  80. Doreen March 13, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Coming in late as only just seen all these wonderful messages.
    My lesson was confirmed when after years of self recrimination, I apologised to the kids for not being the always there Mom. They looked at me as if I was from another planet, then hugged me and both said that in all they can only remember the love I gave them and not all the things I worried they had gone without. I call that success .

     
  81. Carol March 25, 2012 Reply
     
     

    So glad you finally made it out of the perfection prison. I have… almost, but the price I pay, I don’t think it’s been worth it.
    I’ve done the have-to-do-everything-according-to-others-rules & my husband believed it too. It almost ended my marriage. I played on the floor, the kids made cubby houses out of the upturned furniture. I was chastised for NOT doing the ironing & letting my husband contribute to the housework & ironing his own shirts. I have sent the kids to school with homemade everything, yes, including shool uniform. I have spent days in my backyard swinging my daughter. I know the playschool song almost backwards.
    Now, I tell them all the “cleaning” things I have done during the day. If I cook a meal, it’s a miracle. Anything to have them notice that I’ve contributed. I’ve had 2 breakdowns in 23 years, spent time in a psych unit, & apart from my husband & kids, the grim reaper will be the only other person at my funeral!
    I’m ok, just got a virus.
    Keep going Mrs Woog, you’ve dun good!!

     
  82. Maid In Australia September 12, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I hear you Mrs Woog. I realised long ago I can’t do the perfect mum thing and would rather build memories with my kids than have a perfect home. But I have friends and relatives who AREN’T like that and who judge me for never getting to the bottom of the laundry pile, or having a messy kitchen. What do you do about that?

     

Have Your Say

Get e-mail notifications for new comments

 

You may also like

Left Right

porno porno sex

FEATURED CONTRIBUTORS

Talking About Dementia
Get Started!

Your Score:  

Your Ranking:  

Hoopla Poll

If you are menopausal - what is your menopause treatment approach?

Comments

  • Kel: You a past Labor member? That's a good one! So presumably you were once concerned about social justice. You railed again...

    Reply|Read all

  • Kel: Well what's your take on why the ABC PLUS the MSM refuses to investigate the Ashby affair; you know where a federal just...

    Reply|Read all

  • Alice Smith: Well put, and I hope to see your documentary. I hate the idea of vaccinations and believe they can be harmful individual...

    Reply|Read all

  • Misty: What a fabulously challenging topic. Jackdan, very well delivered argument. I'd love to see your research. Publish it! ...

    Reply|Read all

Freebies

Copyright © 2012 The Hoopla

All Rights Reserved

Site by Feel.
loading time: 0.83 sec