• Stephanie, one can demonstrate that real policy achievements have been made, but there will always be those who are unwilling to look at the reality of the situation. I am sorry that you cannot appreciate what has been done for our society, and I hope that you will benefit from these achievements in the future. Then you may change your mind. cheers. - Nel Matheson
  • ro, the slight is not that Tim might be gay, the slight is that their relationship is fake. - Jeannie
  • Lucille, further to my previous comment, you don't seem to grasp what the vileness is about this issue. I don't doubt your intelligence (in fact, you seem quite articulate), I just think you are looking at this through the wrong prism. The PM did not at any point say that gay people were vile, she said the question and the rumours were vile. Put yourself in the situation. This question implies any and all of the following: - your partner is with you because it is convenient, not because they are attracted to you/love you - you are silly/a bad judge of character if you don't know - you are dishonest/foolish for staying in such a relationship if you do know - you must be kinky and/or weird - you must have low self esteem - you are incapable of attracting a 'real' man - you are living a lie. If you were asked if your partner was gay (or straight, if you are gay) I think you might be a tad upset. I say this from a position of experience, because I do get asked this (and have been asked all of bullet points and more), and I find it as offensive each and every time. I don't 'laugh it off' like a dignified woman would, because I think such a question is rude, intrusive and NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. - Jeannie
  • "Question Time – the forum where the Opposition gets to ask the Government policy questions" - you forgot to add the remainder of this sentence - "and the Government ignores, preferring to use the opportunity to attack the opposition." Question time is a joke and a waste of time, and the Headmistress is doing herself no favours in the eyes of the discerning public with her deflected answers. Roll on September 14! - devuman
  • Lucille, have you really thought this through? It's not vile to imply to a woman in public that she is a man's beard? It's not vile to imply to a woman in public that her partner is being unfaithful (because if he's gay, he's obviously not getting his jollies at home)? It's not vile to imply to a woman in public that her marriage relationship is somehow not valid? It's not vile to ask intrusive and irrelevant questions of a public figure about the private life of a member of her family' (*not* on her own private life, which Sattler claims he had permission to do)? If this happened to you, about your partner, you wouldn't find this totally inappropriate? If a stranger asked you these questions, even privately, would you not be offended? Wow, Lucille, wow. - Jeannie
  • [...] Gillard: The Leader We Had to Have [...] - THE HONEST BROKER
  • [...] How To Leave a Marriage [...] - HOW TO LEAVE A MARRIAGE - PART 2
  • "Personally I’m in doubt that it’s of a high degree" oops...correction: NO doubt - Tony W
  • Pet hate is dining out on a winter's night dressed in an overcoat! Restaurants in SE Qld please note- it is ok to close doors and install heating to be used during winter. Our beautiful sunny winter days here on the Sunshine Coast are accompanied by single degree temps at night. More people might venture out at night for a meal if they were assured of some warmth while dining. NQR to sit eating in your scarf and coat, even if they are cashmere :-) - Pea
  • @ Jo: "I’m thinking the MRA do more harm than good in the long run." Yes, I suspect you're right in some ways Jo. They have a legitimate agenda with commendable aims, mostly surrounding fathers' rights - stuff like custody laws and visiting rights and police protection for children in the custody of neglectful mothers and their oftentimes abusive partners. I'm sure that must be an awful situation for the father to be in, and the law in this area is heavily weighted against them. It's very easy for a woman to falsely claim harassment and get a restraining order, and the father is then powerless to protect his children against abuse. Unfortunately though it's exactly the kind of movement you'd expect to attract misogynists - blokes who've been screwed over by "unfaithful" women, or at least see themselves as having been, and then been screwed over by the courts in respect of divorce settlements and custody arrangements. They're very angry people and some of them have a right to be, and I can imagine them getting together and comparing stories and bitching about women in general. I've heard this shit all my life from mates who've been through marriage bust ups and are consumed with bitterness, and I've worked in lots of all-male environments and had to put up with it too. Bluecollars are the worst, you wouldn't believe the shit that gets spoken in fibro lunchrooms plastered with Playboy pinups, it would curl your hair! Anyway I'm sure that's where a lot of these trolls come from, and clearly they're impersonating women sometimes. That's why Sandy lost it when she thought she'd been had, it's kinda funny when you think about! There's also another subgroup of trolls who present as Christians but who I wouldn't mind betting are divorced blokes who've done it tough for a while and then "found Jesus" and got their lives back on track. Churches are good support for blokes who've lost their way in life a bit and that's a good thing, but they can't always cure them of their resentment towards women and I suspect in the wee hours of the morn they visit Hoopla sometimes to vent a bit! Strange as it may seem I reckon there's a lot of common ground between feminist and MRA movements, the intentions are good on both sides and neither movement is born out of malice. Like everything there are two sides to the story and it never pays to ignore one side completely. In your case you've actually seen both sides of the DV story, that's very unusual I would imagine. Personally I've come to the conclusion it has very little to do with gender, the syndrome is identical for men and women, it's just the tactics that vary. For example women use weapons more often, as you'd expect given their lesser physical strength. - Tony W
 
14
Categories:  The Dating Project

THE DATING PROJECT #16. PLAN B

By Bettina Arndt
August 24, 2012

A week is a long time in the world of internet dating, long enough for Lou Lou to meet a new man who has her weak at the knees.

But Eloise’s hot date from last week looks like he’s going to smother all life out of their budding romance. Never fear, she has Plan B firmly in hand with a date with Man #2 set for next week.

Astrid is resurfacing and plans to be back in action soon.

We’re advising her to try the male shotgun approach, sending out a spray of kisses in the hope that some reach the right targets. That way she’s bound to have some positive responses – far better than sending out one or two and just wishing and hoping that the men respond. She’s also promised to spend time searching for men who haven’t been active in the few weeks. Males listed as currently active are often being swamped with attention. So it’s better to look for men who have dropped below women’s radar a little, so the competition isn’t quite so tough.

Wish her luck. It certainly isn’t easy picking through the smorgasbord of men, particularly when so many have such very odd photos.

I’ve been pondering recently on why many older men seem to favour travel shots. You find yourself peering at a teeny, tiny figure of a man posed next to a very large Egyptian pyramid. Or trying to make out features hidden behind the sunglasses of the safari-suited visitor to the Tanzanian game park. Maybe they are keen to be seen as sophisticated men of the world?

Then it occurred to me that it probably speaks to the limited social network of many men, who may not have anyone to take photos of them in their normal lives, whilst there’s always a fellow tourist willing to take happy snaps on a vacation. Make sense, Rob?

By the way, we love our readers buying into some of these discussions. It is always interesting to hear what you all have to say about the quirks which emerge each week in the dating adventures.

Now here’s our surprisingly flustered Lou Lou:

Oh, hello… who are you?? No seriously. Where has the cool, sassy, sashaying Lou Lou gone? She seems to be replaced by this flustered, scatty flibbertigibbet. Let’s call her Franny Flibbertigibbet. (Alright I must stop speaking in the third person because when other people do, it ticks me off.)

So what’s going on, I hear you ask? Man #10 that’s what. It’s like he’s somehow cleverly found the way to remove the ‘cool chip’ from my motherboard.

On our first date, I go from a sashay to an over-strut as I walk over to say hello. He is hot.

And my body is compensating for the desire to stop and have a moment: Wow, this is finally happening, a guy I actually fancy!!

My mouth seems to be following the example of my over-strutting, enthusiastic hips. I can’t seem to get the words out. And when I do, I tell him ridiculously unimpressive things. What guy wants to know I’ve only ever had two successful, long-term relationships??

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14 Responses to this article

  1. The Huntress August 24, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Go Lou Lou and hot man #10! I am so glad I’m not the only person who says idiotic things when they’re nervous. I cringe when I think of my first date with Mr. Huntress (I believe I accused him of being married with children because men like him didn’t get to his age being single. WTF!?! Massive cringe factor!)

    I can understand the wariness of Eloise with man #1. While I do see how men can behave in downright bizarre ways when infatutated, I don’t think they realise how odd they come across to us ladies. I recently went out with a girlfriend for some drinks and as usual I was wearing leather gloves, so my wedding rings weren’t visible. Some fellow walked over plonked himself down next to me and declared that he only talked to pretty girls because he found ugly girls angry and defensive. I think if that was how he chose to try and get things going with women he would make most women angry and defensive – what is with these guys?!?

    Oh yeah – they get nervous and say stupid stuff, just like us…

     
  2. sami August 24, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Eloise- if he gets pushy just drop him. Some men are just like that, irrespective of age or history. As soon as it starts feeling like you’re babysitting him or sparing his feelings it is not an equal relationship and you’ll only spend time with him because of the guilt trip if you say no. You don’t need that. You need an adult!

    Lou Lou for all you know Mr Hot Man may be feeling the same way! I would nearly throw up before each meeting (rendezvous? catch-up? date?) with the boyfriend when I first met him. And because it took a couple weeks for him to kiss me I was plagued with paranoia and butterflies and I was sure I kept saying stupid things. So I just told him that I was nervous, as a kind of caveat I suppose… that if I said something stupid or fell over my own feet it was because I liked him! Maybe tell Mr Hot Man that you’re nervous because you think he is great, it could dispel some of your anxiety.

    If it makes you feel any better, my boyfriend will always remember our introduction- he tried to shake my hand but I awkwardly had to refuse as I had ‘spring roll grease’ all over my hands. Sigh. Classy lady!

    My gosh Huntress, that’s the worst attempt at a compliment that I’ve ever heard! I really hope that line has never worked on a woman…

     
    • The Huntress August 24, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Haha, that’s not even the worst of it sami LOL It was the biggest job interview of my lifetime (I had just graduated as a Registered Nurse and was applying for a job at the hospital I desperately wanted to work) and I was asked if I would be interested in working in mental health. My reply?

      “Oh, I love working in mental health, but I enjoy it for all the wrong reasons” *Insert charming smile here*

      *Insert face palm that I should have done here*

      I got the job.

       
    • The Huntress August 24, 2012 Reply
       
       

      AAAaannnnd I just realised sami was talking about the man, not me…*sigh*

      I suffer foot in mouth disease.

       
  3. susan August 24, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Is there a bit of a double standard here? It’s weird when Eloise’s Man#1 is nervous and keen but it’s cute when Lou Lou is nervous and keen with Hot Man? Haha, just saying!

     
  4. sami August 24, 2012 Reply
     
     

    There’s a big difference between nervous/keen and pushy/needy! ;)

     
  5. Sere August 24, 2012 Reply
     
     

    YEEESSSS!

    THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ‘BOUT!

    HIGH FIVE!

    ETC

    All this excitement is for Rob’s quotes about being friends in a relationship. LOVE IT!
    Love his comments this week. My favourite comments from him. Touched my emotions.YOU GOT IT!

     
    • rob August 25, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Cheers Sere, really appreciate your positive support and feedback. I can walk a fine line balancing encouragement and advice for the women on their dating adventures. Sounds like I hit the nail on the head for you this week. I notice that you consistently keep up with the Dating Project–love your enthusiasm. Thanks again!

       
  6. MoniqueN August 26, 2012 Reply
     
     

    @The Huntress – I believe that was a clumsy attempt at ‘I only talk to pretty girls so if I’m talking to you then you’re one of them’ but I can see how that would backfire nine times out of ten… Still it’s a step up from the tired old ‘did it hurt when you fell from heaven’ routine

     
    • The Huntress August 26, 2012 Reply
       
       

      I think so too, MoniqueN, but I still find it offensive. But then I have heard some doozies, that’s for sure. Although I still think my friend had one of the best:

      Man: “Oh, hello, may I buy you a drink?”

      My Friend: “Thank you, that would be lovely. I’ll have a Bacardi and Coke, please.”

      Man: “Hey, I’m a student, I can’t afford that. You can have a half of VB.”

      My Friend: “Ummmm, ok.”

      My friend was so polite – she even drank the VB, conversed with the boy all night (it wasn’t easy, I was watching and smirking) and even though he thought a half of VB gave him shagging rights, my friends tolerence rightly ended there. Bless him, he tried, but it wasn’t particularly flattering for him.

       
  7. BusiChic August 30, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Online dating – omg yes, the photos!

    As a streetstyle photographer who also takes professional profile photos I was FASCINATED by the types of photos up on online dating:
    1. Here is me in a tux at a friend’s wedding- us one day?
    2. Here is a selfie I took in my bathroom – see how clean I keep the shower behind me – oooh and look: full roll of toilet paper that you can judge me on too!
    3. Selfie in the car – look, I wear a seatbelt!
    4. Badly cropped photo where I kinda cut out my ex-girlfriend but shows that women have been interested me in the past, right?

    Needless to say, do not be discouraged! Turns out that my now partner was on the same online dating site as I was except I had a private profile so he couldn’t find me. And he was outside my “search” parameters – so maybe broaden that search ;)

     
  8. rahim August 31, 2012 Reply
     
     

    xxx

     

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  • Nel Matheson: Stephanie, one can demonstrate that real policy achievements have been made, but there will always be those who are unwi...

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  • Jeannie: ro, the slight is not that Tim might be gay, the slight is that their relationship is fake.

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  • Jeannie: Lucille, further to my previous comment, you don't seem to grasp what the vileness is about this issue. I don't doubt y...

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