DON’T GO UP THE CROSS, SON
*NEWS UPDATE, July 19… Police have charged 18-year-old Kieran Loveridge with Thomas Kelly’s death. He has been charged with one count of murder, one count of assault occasioning actual bodily harm and two counts of common assault.
To be the father of growing daughters is to understand something of what Yeats evokes with his imperishable phrase ‘terrible beauty’. Nothing can make one so happily exhilarated or so frightened: it’s a solid lesson in the limitations of self to realise that your heart is running around inside someone else’s body. ― Christopher Hitchens, Hitch-22: A Memoir
Kathy and Ralph Kelly. Photograph via news.com.au.
Unlike Hitchens, I don’t have daughters, but substitute ‘sons’ in the first sentence and he could be talking for me: ‘your heart is running around inside someone else’s body’.
How then must it feel to be the Kathy and Ralph Kelly, parents of Thomas Kelly, the 18-year-old who died after a being king hit in a random attack in Kings Cross, Sydney, on Saturday night?
After some difficult teenage years it seemed things were looking up for Thomas. He had an accountancy cadetship and girlfriend, his first. It was also his first trip to the Cross. All it took was one random attack and a couple of days later the doctors were turning off his life support. A family’s hopes and dreams extinguished.
It’s unimaginable but at the same time only too imaginable, especially for us mothers of teenage boys.
One friend recently told me she loved the fact her 19-year old son was always in bed with his girlfriend because it meant he wasn’t out on the streets with his friends. Another simply declared that raising teenage boys was the ‘scariest thing in the world’. The statistics bear this out, with males accounting for around three-quarters of injury-related deaths and hospitalisations amongst young people in 2008.
Neuroscientists have discovered that our frontal lobe – the region of the brain that’s responsible for reasoning, planning, and judgment – isn’t properly developed until the age of 25. And herein lies the problem.
Teenage boys demand their independence- as they must do if they are to become adults – but there’s a malevolent voice inside them that whispers to them they’re indestructible.
Unfortunately they’re not. I know someone who recently had to attend a funeral of an ‘indestructible’ 15-year-old, who took his parents’ car for a joyride one day and lost control.
According to media reports, Mr Kelly asked Thomas not to go to Kings Cross, “but you can’t tell an 18-year-old what to do”.
My eldest son is also 18. He’s a party boy and a night owl and would readily admit to being much less responsible than Thomas Kelly. On Wednesdays he usually heads out to ‘the Cross’. His friends are for the most part responsible. They don’t drink and drive, but all it would take is for them to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and the worst could happen.
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33 Responses to this article
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Madmother July 11, 2012
As the mother of two boys, I hear you loud and clear!
My oldest has Asperger Syndrome. He is the voice of reason, the one who believes all are inherently good and a quick talk will calm things down. The one who wants to save the world, who will probably suffer for it.
For we, as adults, know most are NOT inherently good, not bad, but not purely good either.
Add in alcohol, bravado, testosterone and BOOM. He could be the next Thomas, king hit a he tries to reason with another.
So truly, truly terrifying.
Life is frail.
Teenage boys are frailer still.
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franbud July 12, 2012
This article could not have articulated my feelings more. My ‘internal “worry” clock’ also wakes me at around 2am and sometimes I don’t want to get up and see that the front light is still on and my 21 year old son or 20 year old daughter is not home yet. I will lie there imagining the worst because I know it can happen. I have experienced loss of the greatest kind at 3am one morning a few years ago now and have a connection to the extended Kelly family so were aware of the situation very early on Sunday morning of the tragedy that occured on Saturday night. I love when my adult children are tucked in bed each night, they are the nights I sleep soundly. It is true we cannot stop them going out but we will never stop worrying. My heart aches for the Kellys and their family and friends. The pain never goes away, only softens a little as the years go by. They have shown great composure and bravey and the response from the community is a reflection of this. I am sure it will make a difference in how we and the authorites act to try and remedy the circumstances surrounding this numbing, senseless act.
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MamaB July 11, 2012
So scary. I have two boys, 9 and 10, and I can’t imagine what it will be like being ‘the one at home’ when they’re teenagers.
Never gave it a second thought when it was me racing off at 10-11pm. My parents were remarkably cool (outwardly) under the circumstances and I never realised what it must be like to see your beautiful child disappear off into the night without a care in the world, and despite your best efforts at educating without scaring…completely oblivious to the dangers.
I know I was.
To add insult to injury, I joined the Defence Force, and moved a long way from home – that can’t have been easy, either. (Mum only recently admitted how terrifying that was for her – she used to think about all the media reports of horrific things that have happened in training institutions, what might happen if I was out at night, and even the possibilty of training accidents/what could happen while I was serving in the Gulf….but she NEVER expressed any of this to me – wanted me to go and live my dreams)
You can’t appreciate how difficult it is for parents until you become one. I know it’s a rite of passage, but I sometimes feel guilty to my lack of sensitivity to what they were going through. I daresay I will be a basket case, when my boys enter that phase of life.
My sincere sympathy to this family – what a tragic loss.
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ml July 11, 2012
I’ve lost count of the Nights of Terror i’ve spent worrying about my sons at the Cross. Fear that goes right through to the bone and makes me wonder if I knew then what I know now, would I have children? Extreme? Nope. Shivering with terror for your child, week in, week out, often until the sun comes up. Then the ‘Sory lovely mother frgt to text,stil breathing luv ya xoxo’ at 6am. If you’re the lucky mother and not Tom’s Mum.
Several weeks ago I was so tired and knew that the youngest was at a quiet local pub in a ‘family’ suburb so I set my alarm for midnight and went to sleep. I heard the door open early, around ten thirty and called out. One of his friends answered and said that they were all ok and that they were just getting something to eat. Beautiful. I’d escaped another Night of Terror and they were all safely tucked up for the night.
BUT the next morning my son stood outside my bedroom and told me not to freak out but he had been sucker punched by a boy they didn’t even know.
His jaw was broken in three places, a tooth hit so hard that there is no trace of it or the root – a molar punched out and disappeared. Right in front of the main bar where he’d just bought a beer and had turned to speak to a girl that he used to work with.
He thought he had been punched once but witnesses say it was three or four times. CTV footage has been given to police as has a name but the suspect still hasn’t been questioned nor have witnesses been interviewed. My son is six foot two. Whoever assaulted him without provocation meant business but he still hasn’t been questioned.
My son was taken to the office, cleaned up and put on the courtesy bus. The person who inflicted grievous bodily harm on him was kicked out. The police weren’t called and my son could have died in his sleep from a bleed but the establishment was only interested in getting them out of there so their reputation was unblemished and their application for longer opening hours approved.
So what have I learned so far? I’ve learned that security guards are there to guard the establishment, not the patrons. I also learned that there but for the grace of God walk all of us in the shoes of Tom’s family. The night my son was assaulted another boy left the same bar and was run over by a taxi. The day my son underwent surgery, they buried their 23 year old son.
I’ve also learned that they don’t have to be in the Cross.
It’s time to stop this. It’s past time.
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Catherine July 11, 2012
My son is 20 – and has rarely given me good reason to worry; and yet I do. He goes to uni, he works nights, he volunteers for a youth charity – and often we will only see each other for an hour or so randomly during the week. I manage to sleep quite well, but when I haven’t seen him for a while I sms him to ask him to “check in”. I have to trust that he will be OK; but there’s a little bit of my heart that is always in panic mode!
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Norelle July 11, 2012
It is such a terrible, sad loss for that family. I live in the Darlinghurst area and when I hear a siren at night I often wonder what misery it wails for someone – almost always knowing it is probably a young suburban boy. While we still don’t know the profile of the attacker, most of us jump to the conclusion that alcohol and its impact on mental health was probably involved. Casualty at St Vincent’s will tell you. One of our struggles is that people see it is a local problem but recently I phoned in to a Life Matters segment and begged that people get into the debate about licensing hours and the number of premises (which has grown hugely in 15 years). City Council is a little soft but it does get worn down by legal battles/expenses at Land Environment Court fighting alcohol monopolies with vast sums to spend. State government seems to rather defend the Liquor industry and goes weak when asked to be stricter on these things.
Please everyone it is far from being a local problem. When you see an article in the paper about anything to do with licensing, have your say, get involved in curbing the number of premises serving grog, and the hours they are legally allowed to – in fact those of us born in the 50s now witness a generation given an extra 5 hours of drinking time per day (9 hours for those who remember the 6 o’clock closing). Are we mad to think there is no cost to that – to productivity, to our brain cells and most importantly to safety. I am far from being a wowser, buddies will atttest, and frequent some of the smaller bars but the worry for the young is the volume, the hours, the fact that many young people are cashed-up and spend $100 + a night – for many of them, like Thomas it is an innocent, fun and special night out. For even more it is a ritual. It is very upsetting and I feel extremely sad for the Kelly family (while also praising them for their organ donation choice). To have raised a fine young man to that stage of happiness and maturity and to have him taken from you hurts us all.
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Benison OReilly July 11, 2012
I’m actually working at St V’s today & my friend who works in Emergency confirmed what you said, Norelle, that they are always seeing people who have been king hit at the Cross. Most we can only assume are left with no long term damage, but it’s so frightening. I’m delighted I have a new ally in the form of my son’s girlfriend, who after reading about the Kelly’s has also warned him about going to the Cross. Suspect it won ‘t be enough, however.
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Roni Jean July 11, 2012
My mother once said to me, “I will never stop worrying about you, even when you’re 40.” I have a 16 year old son and an 18 year old daughter, both with Asperger. I dearly want them to go out and enjoy their lives, I want them to go out and have as much fun as I did at their age, without getting into too much trouble, of course. I’m not so much worried about what my kids will get up to, as I am about what other people might do to them. This is something I’ve told them many times – whether I’m giving them driving instructions or life lessons, that they not only have to watch out for themselves, but be prepared for the idiots and destructive individuals that will inevitably cross their paths. My heart aches for the Kellys. I cannot begin to imagine the pain of losing your child, no circumstances can make that easier to bear, but the fact that it was a senseless whim on the part of another would drive me out of my mind.
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Glenis July 11, 2012
I do not have a son but a daughter who is 22 and goes out to the city with friends. The nights she goes out I do not have a glass of wine at home just in case I have to go and pick them up because they have been involved in an incident or cannot get a taxi home etc.
Like the other mums I worry until she gets home. I txt her but then get told that I am just worrying. I do not sleep well until I know she is home. Going out with friends who are male too in her group does not ensure safety either.
She tells me so many young people are drinking and agro on a Friday and Sat night [ then wonders why I worry!]. My heart goes out to the Kelly family because we all know it could have been a member of our family this awful incident happened to and it could have been us up there broken hearted.
Of course young adults want to go out with friends and have a good time. They think that they are indestructable as we did whenn they were young. It is a sad state on society that this is happening more and more and then you read that people who do the damage get off easily by the courts because it is a first offence, they were out of their mind, they did not know what they were doing.
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JoD July 11, 2012
My son turned 18 yesterday. It is now legal for him to do all the things he’s been doing since he was 14. As a single mother of a very naughty boy I have had more than enough visits to the police station and so many sleepless nights I couldn’t count them. I knew I had no control left when a the age of 14 as I was trying to stop my 6 ft son going out the door on a Sunday night he turned to me and said “Mum you can give me any punishment you want but it’s not going to stop me”. Despite throwing everything I could possibly think of he was right. Nothing stopped him. After 2 years of nearly killing myself with the stress I gave up. I let life take its course. So far he’s still alive but it’s only by good fortune. When you’re faced with a kid like that there’s actually nothing you can do in the end. He’s a wonderfully interesting, fun and adventurous spirit and I can only hope that his frontal lobe hurries up and grows!
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Jacqui Mac July 11, 2012
My 18 year old son was King Hit on an Australia Day afternoon outdoor celebration. He hit the concrete and fractured his skull.The ambulance pulled up just as I arrived to take him home at 5.30pm…..I was on the other side of the oval. I had no idea where he was ..he was always reliable… I kept ringing him over and over//… his friends were trying to contact me to say he was on the way to hospital. He healed, the police were fantastic .. trying to track down the culprit (My husband’s workmate had a son in this gang). His doctor couldn’t understand how he was functioning as a normal human being. The fracture was indicitive of extreme brain damage. He is happier than ever travelling overseas.
As the previous writer said,”But for the Grace of God go I”. They don’t have to be in Kings Cross and they don;t have to be strangers and it doesn’t have to be late at night. Alcohol was involved…the common denominator.
My heart goes out to the Kelly family.They didn’t deserve this. Why do people think they can destroy a life built beautifully for 18 years? -
Mez July 11, 2012
As mother of 3 sons my heart goes out to these parents, it is our worst nightmare. My eldest at around 18, some years ago now was victim of unprovoked ‘king hit’ by a Surfers Paradise ‘bouncer’ (not on duty). Hit the pavement hard, knocked out, woke up in Southport hospital, only for his friend that was with him. He could have been killed as well. Severely concussed, time off work, smashed new watch. After court case the ‘bouncer’ got off with 6mth bond and was to pay damages. What a joke he took off never to be found.
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anna July 11, 2012
there must be someone around who saw something, I hope that the Kelly Family find out who did it. I feel so sorry for their loss, as I have 3 teenagers and this scares the crap out of me!
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The Huntress July 11, 2012
Every parents nightmare. Nursing in trauma it was a repeat scenario day after day. I remember giving one boy a very stern talking to – he was brought in by ambulance at 5am after wrapping his car around a lamp post at 5am. He was 17, drunk, speeding in the rain and neither he, nor his sister (who was in the passenger seat) were wearing a seat belt. He tried to tell me he hadn’t really done anything wrong. I pointed out everything he had done wrong and bluntly told him he was an idiot. A couple of hours later his panic striken mother arrived and I was sickened to see hims treat her with such blatent disrespect. I turned to him, told him to pull his head in and listen to his mother as she actually knew what she was talking about and to show some common respect to her as I would not tolerate his behaviour. I left the room and later on that shify his mum quietly pulled me up and thanked me – I honestly thought she was going to claw my eyes out for speaking so plainly to her son, but she was glad someone did.
And all I ever hope is that it’s not my son in this situation and me playing the same role as that poor woman. My one big wish.
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Buttercup July 11, 2012
I have 2 sons, now 24 and 22. I echo other mothers in that we cannot stop our sons going out and we worry till they come home. 99% of young people are great, just want to have fun, explore and socialize. But as we all know drugs, alcohol and bravado can turn a young persons night out to terror and tragedy.
I now try not to worry as I am the other side of the country to my sons now, but when they were younger I used to say if they wanted me too, whatever the reason and time I would come and pick them up and I did.
My heart goes out to the Kelly family. It is not right that their much loved boy is dead. -
Seana Smith July 11, 2012
Oh dear this is a horrific story. Life is full of random dangers and being a young man increases those many times over.
I had the decency to leave home early so no-one had to wait up for me!! Must encourage my three boys to do the same.
Have just helped a very drunk very young teen who had been drinking rum. Bit early in the day for it. He was so young, went off in an ambulance. Hope whoever gave him the booze feels some repercussions for their illegal stupidity.
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marie July 11, 2012
I have three children – a daughter,20 and a boy close to his18th birthday and a 15 year old boy. My daughter worries me on her nights out but it is different to the fear I have for my 17yr son when he goes out. I love the confidence and energy he and his friends have but am scared that it may also put them in the wrong place at the wrong time.
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Mum of Adult Kids July 11, 2012
I’m totally with you. I’m mum to two males, 22 and 21. They regularly visit clubs in the city from Thurs – Sat nights. I’ve often woken in the wee hours of the morning and got up just to check they are in their beds. When they are not, I usually panic and run through a list similar to yours!
Now my eldest has moved out of home, I MUST txt him every few days to make sure he’s ok. Will we ever stop worrying about our kids? Probably not.
My heart goes out to the Kelly family. Their loss is unimaginable.
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Benison O'Reilly July 11, 2012
The comments suggest this story has struck a nerve with many and I’m certainly not alone in my anxiety. Unfortunately, I have another 15 year old son who just started to socialise, so I have many years of anxiety to come.
I can’t help thinking about all those mums in previous generations who had to see their 18 year old sons go off to fight in wars. Almost unfathomable.
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Maree July 11, 2012
My heart goes out to Kathy and Ralph Kelly and I cannot imagine how they must feel facing life without their wonderful boy. My thoughts are with them.
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Tracey July 11, 2012
Gosh – such sad and scary stories. That quote by Christopher Hitchens is so true. Thinking of the Kelly family at this terrible time, x
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Sally July 12, 2012
And I used to think it was only Schoolies I had to worry about, but now I understand it is like this every weekend in Surfers Paradise. I pray for wet nights so they turn in early. I have had the awful phone call late at night to tell me that they have my 18 year old daughter unconscious from alcohol and have had to rush out in my pyjamas to get her – yes I too am thankful for a boyfriend that keeps her home at night in bed, better that than partying on the streets. My heart goes out to Kathy and Ralph Kelly too I cannot begin to imagine the pain and bewilderment they feel
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Benison O'Reilly July 12, 2012
Oh no. I just heard the news about Patrick Crowe, a 22 year old who died on Saturday night after being stabbed in Parramatta during an argument. Another life wasted. Sincere sympathies to his family.
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Roni Jean July 13, 2012
Bulletproof. That’s what teenagers think they are. Moved to the point of being heartsick over this article and the horror of what the Kellys are goign through, I’ve just sat my two teenagers down (16yo son and 17yo daughter), read them this article and started reading some of the comments. I’d hoped to give them some real insight into the dangers and heartache their indepence can bring. They trudged into my computer room with sighs of resignation, and while my son appeared bored during the reading, my daughter chirpily interjected comments here and there before interrupting my reading by launching into a rapid-fire commentary about how she felt when I recently went to hospital for stomach surgery: “OMG! What if something goes wrong? What if she gets an infection? What if they take the wrong thing out and it’s something she actually needs to live? What if there’s a zombie apocalypse?” My son took this opportunity while I was distracted to sneak out of the room and back to his computer. My daughter, noticing he was gone, saw that as a cue that the reading was over, cheerily kissed me and bounced out of the room. Teenagers are impossible to reach. And they’re bulletproof.
