There are three things that always happen on January 1st.
One is the arrival of a sensational new diet plan that no intelligent woman will touch, because it bans alcohol. The second is an avalanche of horoscopes (I may be partly responsible for this). And thirdly, there will be something about cricket. I believe it’s quite popular.
You hardly ever read the New Year story that should matter the most. And I hate to say it, but Australia doesn’t need to get a hotter body.
It needs a big fat soul detox.
I’m not talking a $100 appointment with a New Age wanker with a flashy website, either. Believe me, if you’re an astrologer you’re surrounded by them.
A soul detox is actually free. And it’s very simple. It’s literally what’s good for the soul.
You don’t need to sit there chanting. Just start getting your head around the idea of giving back. And even if you already give back, you wonderful woman, then do more. You’re probably exactly the kind of woman who can!
If you’re reading this, on The Hoopla, then you have a computer.
And if you’re Australian and own a computer then you’re richer than anyone else on the planet. I would guess you also have a Medicare card, and you could wander down the market any time and get a discount bag of apples for $2. That’s rich, to a woman in Afghanistan.
Now, nobody wants to be a charity bore, but there are some embarrassing facts about being Australian that you need to know…
According to Dick Smith, more than 2000 people in this country earn over $1 million a year but claim no tax deductions for charity whatsoever? In other words, unless they have bad accountants, they’re just not giving anything at all.
For the last 10 years I have been involved in a series of books called Girls’ Night In and Kids’ Night In (with Wendy Harmer among others) in aid of the charity War Child.
So far we’ve made AUD$3 million together, and had everyone from J.K.Rowling to Stella McCartney involved.
Yet, echoing Dick Smith, I feel like naming and shaming those who didn’t help. Because there were an awful lot of them, out there in famous-person land.
You know those celebrities whose faces look slightly different, every time you see them? Or those famous bodies which are forever in tiny shorts? Well, they don’t do charity. They’re too busy being gorgeous, darling. Detoxing. I know, because I used to write begging e-mails to their agents and managers. Nobody ever wrote back.
It is really easy to be gorgeous. Even fabulous. To drop a dress size and have skin that doesn’t need concealer.
Every woman knows how to do this. You were researching it in Dolly magazine when you were 15 years old. Enough already with personal trainers and seaweed supplements. Eat less. Move more. Do fish and vegetables. And water. The end.
The best way to lose weight, though, is to be busy and happy. Or in love.
With my hand on my heart I can tell you that being involved with War Child, and the Girls’ Night In and Kids’ Night In series, has made me busier and happier than anything else in the world.
And frequently found me helplessly in love (10 years of being surrounded by handsome, heroic aid workers will do that to you).
When you’re on the phone to East Timor juggling giant shipments of Elle Macpherson’s donated Bendon underwear to desperate women, believe me, the last thing you feel like doing is eating.
So onwards to 2012. Anyone care to join me in a big fat soul detox?
So, the Hoopla wants to know: How do you spend your charity dollar? Please give them a big, fat plug here:
*Jessica Adams is one of the country’s best-known and beloved astrologers. She is a graduate from the University of Tasmania with a degree in Ancient Civilisations, Religious Studies and Philosophy. Jessica has worked on many well-known magazines and newspapers including Elle, New Woman and The Daily Telegraph. You can follow her on Twitter @jessicaadams or visit her website.