THANK YOU, GERMAINE
I was born in 1964.
My formative years landed right in the 1970s and were highlighted by watching Countdown, witnessing my beloved Tigers win premierships and being influenced by feminists.
The message of the 70s was never “women can have it all”… Germaine Greer, at home in 1976.
I remember those years as if they were yesterday so am very confident of what I was told and how and by whom I was influenced. I can categorically say that I was never given the message “Women can have it all” by anyone. I never heard the expression “work-life balance”.
The feminist credo I received was “you have the power to create the life you want”.
So who gave me this message?
First, let’s start with my mum – a first-generation university-educated feminist who married in the 1950s before the contraceptive pill was invented and 20 years before no-fault divorce was introduced.
She made it clear to me that I could have a career, control my fertility and be financially independent. Her message was rather forcefully delivered, no doubt as a result of not wanting her only daughter to experience a life of missed opportunities. She saw her own life as certainly more liberating than her mother’s, but not as free as mine could be.
My teachers gave me the same message. And thanks to books like The Millstone by Margaret Drabble, and The Women’s Room by Marilyn French I got the message loud and clear.
I felt bold and confident as I entered my adult years.
This liberating message was delivered in the context of the sacrifices of women that went before us. I was taught that the struggle for equality had been hard fought. I learned about the Suffragettes who starved themselves in gaol to win the right for women to vote.
I learned that after decades of campaigning, Australian women workers won equal pay rates with men doing comparable work under an Arbitration Commission decision in 1972. In the 1970s we had a representative from the newly formed Women’s Electoral Lobby come to my school to explain how women could influence politics in Australia.
I recall in the early ’80s, a number of Australian women attempted to join official ANZAC Day marches because they wanted to commemorate all women who had been raped in wars. About 70 of those women were arrested and charged.
All these examples are of women who sacrificed and suffered much to make their point and ultimately to make gains for gender equality. My generation are the beneficiaries of that sacrifice.
But their struggles are not the end of the story. And herein lies the heart of the issue.
The struggle is not over. Yes, it is hard juggling a career with motherhood. Yes, it is hard climbing up the corporate ladder and breaking through the glass ceiling. And like many feminists before, you will not always take the majority with you. Women as well as men can be detractors of gender equality. But who said equality came easy?
The message of the 1970s was never “women can have it all”. In fact, it was quite the opposite. By observing the mums of my school friends taking on the lion’s share of home duties and by being educated about the barriers and flaws in our society, the message was crystal clear that women cannot have it all.
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23 Responses to this article
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Sharon August 14, 2012
This is awesome. Yes, it is.
Thankyou Lydia. -
Caroline August 14, 2012
Listening to my father’s put downs towards my mother, sister, and myself; along with the psychological abuse was the physical abuse. Eventually, I realised that my father was the one with the mental illness. After his death, I found this to be true.
I doubt that my father admitted to my mother that he had been diagnosed with having a mental illness, and of full his history as a repeat criminal offender. No wonder he bashed me each time that I stated that I was going to the Police – he was beating me into submission.
My father even decided my career path – something that I rebelled against. I did not want to be a secretary. Years later, I am now studying at university, and starting to do the things that I want with my life.
My father hated my husband. I did not invite my father to my wedding – I wanted this day to be full of positive memories – I had someone else give me away. My husband has shown me how life with a good person makes all the difference.
My mother died before my father. I discovered after my father’s death that my mother had handed him $4,000 to cover her funeral costs. I have no idea what happened to the money. My father had my mother cremated – at taxpayer’s expense, and kept all of her property. Consequently, the almost new furnishings were not sold to off-set the funeral costs.
Two of my father’s sayings, “Even when I am wrong, I am right.” This was one saying to my mother, “What’s mine, is mine. What’s yours, is ours.”
My mother was a good person. Dealing with evil and negativity is tough. Unfortunately, the perception of women being weaker than men can still result in women not reaching their full potentials.
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marcela August 14, 2012
Thank you Lydia, I think somewhere along the way we got the message confused and ended up with ‘we can have it all’ and the favourite L’Oreal saying ‘coz you’re worth it” with not being satisfied until you do ‘have it all’ and we set our self’s for failure… I think you can have most of it but something will always give way and you have to make it work for you not follow the silly phrase for the sake of it.
Ps. Thank you for the woman that paved the way for future generations
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Dirty Pierre August 14, 2012
Have all the equality you like but come one — Greer is the mad old cat lady of feminism…
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Rachel August 14, 2012
At last, somone talking sense. I too was born in 1964 and was influenced by Greer. We read The Millstone as a school English text; The Women’s Room was passed around the locker room and discussed avidly at recess times. Sadly I don’t think my daughter’s Facebook pals venture into this sort of territory. No-one ever told us we could have it all but we did begin adulthood with a sense of knowing that we had choices. Young women take it for granted that they have to right to wear whatever they want, study whatever they want, have sex with whomever they want and whenever they want, and be whatever they want. And good on them for asserting those rights. However, a few history lessons would not go astray for some of them who do not realise that their rights were achieved by hard work and dedication to the notion of choice for everyone. But these same young women are bombarded with ongoing demands to look as ‘perfect’ as the airbrushed images they see every day, everywhere. Young women are spending money on breast enhancements and nose reconstructions instead of demonstrating in the streets and buying plane tickets to find themselves. It is up to those of us who did spend our youths listening to Helen Reddy and Aretha Franklin providing hope, inspiration and courage to the fabulous young women of today to get out there and be themselves. For a start, they should all read this article!
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Jacqueline August 14, 2012
Thank you Lydia! For some time now this conversation has also been on my horizons. Firstly – I would like to know what “having it all” actually and realistically means. Who is this person that “has it all”? Is it the stereotyped ’50s father and husband who had it all? Career, nice little wifey, house cleaned, meals cooked, glass of scotch as he walked through the front door…? I wonder how many men really think they “have it all”? There are only so many hours in the day, and if you wish to invest time in your career, then something has to give. Or to put it more accurately, someone else has to give. And are we supposed to imagine that those hired to look after the children are “having it all”? Particularly if one considers the magnificent wages nannies and child care workers are paid. My point is that one’s “having it all” will inevitabley be at the expense of someone else “having it all”. And why Germ and co. are getting the blame is not entirely clear to me.
As for you Dirty Pierre – them’s fightin’ words!!
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The Huntress August 14, 2012
I don’t know where the idea that you could have it all ever came from. I do remember, however, at 23 with my 6 week old baby breaking down and wondering how all the other mums went back to work at 6 weeks, ran a house, cooked meals and had sex with their partners. Now I can look back and see I put the pressure on myself, but I learned a valuable lesson that day, which was to create the life I WANT.
To do this I started asking myself “is this important?” and it worked wonders. I questioned everything from housework to basic errands to big life decisions, such as going back to uni and leaving my boys biological dad. Now I couldn’t be happier with my life. I definitely receive much scorn for the state of my house, my inability to remember simple things (well, they’re not important to me LOL) and for being more relaxed with my parenting, but I’m happy and my son is independant, caring and empathetic. I am on the way to the life that I WANT.
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Leesa August 14, 2012
Well said!! To me, feminism has never been about ‘having it all’, it is about having the right to make the decisions to have the life you want – kids, no kids, career, home… whatever!!
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Jane Caro August 14, 2012
I don’t want it all, I just want what blokes have got. You know; choices, the right to represent only myself not my entire gender, the right to behave badly and make mistakes, the right to the same pay for the same job, the right to control my own body, and the right not to be judged more harshly if I choose to do what i want to do rather than be a support system for others.
Why, if is it reasonable for blokes to want it, is it unreasonable for me and all the other women on the planet?
The phrase “having it all” is a bullying phrase meant to make us feel greedy and demanding.
It was coined by the enemies of feminism, not feminists.
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Tess August 14, 2012
Jane Caro, I think I love you. You always say it how you see it, and that is usual how I, and many others, also see it.
Great article, Lydia.
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Sharon August 14, 2012
Dirty Pierre I will assume you never took the time to read The Female Eunuch? I dare you.
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Christine August 14, 2012
“I ‘ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me”
The line of a song that I live by. Expect I have been to me and found paradise. What is having it all mean anyway?
I have it all, happily married, 3 great children, a succesful business a nice house and I am loved. Not much money though. But you can’t have everything can you?
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Katie August 14, 2012
Thank you Jane Caro: “The phrase “having it all” is a bullying phrase meant to make us feel greedy and demanding.”
Well put. That is the clearest expose’ of that nuisance phrase that I have read.
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Sarah-Jane August 14, 2012
Just fabulous and full of common sense! And I don’t think men have it all either. Everyone’s trying to find the best way in an imperfect world…
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sami August 14, 2012
What is ‘it all’ anyway? Does it mean marriage, kids, house and career? If so, why? Who defined that? If you think about it, isn’t ‘having it all’ and ‘living the life you want’ the same thing? I think they should be.
I rent a house, have a great boyfriend and a job that I like. I do not have kids or a ‘career’ and I don’t really want those things. If they happen, that’s fine, but I’m not going to pursue them because of some imaginary ideal that an imaginary person came up with. I have my health, I have a great family and friends, I have love, I have furkids, I have nice food, a roof over my head, a car and I do what I want most of the time. I think I have it all
if there are women out there who desperately want a full on career and kids and whatever, then they should definitely have those things. They will also have it all. Also who are these people judging those who don’t ‘have it all’ and who are the ones wanting it all and blaming feminists when they can’t get it handed to them? Thankfully I’ve never met these people, but I am possibly just lucky.
Lydia your message is so right. Do what you like, do what makes you happy! Choose whatever life you want to live, and if you change your mind and want something else later, then that’s alright too! In the grand scheme of things the approval of others means very little and if you spend your life trying to fit a mould you’re wasting all the time you have on the planet being unfulfilled. If you’re not hurting anyone, then you’re all good.
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julie p August 14, 2012
Well said Jenny, you’ve said it for me. I was in my 20′s when I read all the books mentioned and they changed my thinking too as well as my girlfriends.We were all young wives with kids destined to follow in the footsteps of our mother’s in law but the 70′s writers changed all that and you should have heard us roar!
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Ro. Watson August 14, 2012
I like dogs~ and before they are dogs ,they are pups.
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Sara August 15, 2012
I think the having it all is a product of fairy tales and media rather than feminism. Jane Caro is spot on – it’s a message peddled by the enemies of feminism. Women have to take responsibility for their own dissatisfaction and half lived lives, and not blame it on concepts like feminism or social expectations. We are the boss ladies of our lives – feminism taught us that.
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sue bell August 15, 2012
I was deeply influenced by the writings of Friedan, French and Greer. The message was, women should be able to choose their own path in life. I started work when we did not have equal pay, we could not continue in the public service if we got married (except for teachers) and we had no superannuation. We were never told we could have it all. I chose to be a feminist mother, unfortunately many, many feminists did not believe you could be a feminist and a mother. I was asked not to come to Melbourne Uni. to speak about W.I.R.E. as I was a mother and therefore not a feminist. We women are as hard on each other as men are to us.
I believe women who worked in the bad old days should be given a government payment of at least $50,000 to improve our superannuation and get us out of the low level poverty that we are in just because of our gender. -
Fiona August 29, 2012
No-one gets it have it ‘all’, be they man, woman, or wherever they sit on the gender fence. There’s a big difference between being able to have ‘anything’, and being able to have ‘everything’.
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Freya September 3, 2012
Thanks Lydia, now can we debunk the myth that feminists have to save the rest of the world before they are allowed to speak up for themselves. Oh, and the one that says a feminist like Greer is not supposed to say what she likes or to be her own person. And then, all the other misrepresentations that the media has been propagating about feminism for the last forty years.
If we didn’t have to spend all our time explaining the basics to every stroppy man who comes along and demands that we justify our right to speak before he will listen to what we say, we might actually move this along a little faster!
