• Well put, and I hope to see your documentary. I hate the idea of vaccinations and believe they can be harmful individually but we are part of a community and as such, we have responsibilities to each other, so my son'a vaccinations are up to date. The reality is that no one knows what will happen to us or our children, whether we are talking about injury by vaccine, or injury by preventable disease, or running in a marathon where a terrorist is in wait, or getting in a car and being wiped out by a drunk driver. We all do what we can for our kids and we can try and protect them as much as we can - but none of us escape misfortune. I have a friend whose son has shocking tumours and a limited life span. My own son has a platelet disorder which means we have to be constantly vigilant that he doesn't injure himself lest he bleed internally. Let's do what we can for our own - but let's not harm others in the process. - Alice Smith
  • What a fabulously challenging topic. Jackdan, very well delivered argument. I'd love to see your research. Publish it! Sonya, I look forward to tomorrow night's documentary. Thanks for taking (what sounds like) a rational approach. - Misty
  • Thanks jack... a very interesting response and, from my communications with Sonya I think this is exactly the conversation she's hoping for. Be very interested to hear your response after viewing the doco. - Wendy Harmer
  • As someone who doesn't follow the Australian Vaccination schedule, I already feel like I am risking ridicule and worse posting here. We have been hassled and hounded by doctors, nurses (one of us is a nurse) and other parents. Blamed for the resurgence Whooping cough and related deaths, etc. Our stance is that we immunise based on our own needs and intelligence. As a for instance, we are not convinced that our children needed to be vaccinated against Hepatitis B at birth, especially given that the vaccine contained Thiomersal when it was recommended to us. I'm not sure how aware you are of the Japanese experience with the DTP vaccinations in the mid 1970's, but as a result of many adverse reactions and over 30 deaths as a direct result of the vaccine, the schedule was altered and children were vaccinated later. I am aware that the vaccine is no longer a whole cell vaccine, however it is worth considering the delicate balance of the immune system in infants below 6 months of age. So we immunise roughly to the Japanese schedule. There is no Hep B or vericella. And MMR is given as MR and Mumps separately. We will make the call on Japanese when we visit next month. I note that the tone in the promotion of the doco appears to depict the non vaccination school as driven by emotion with the pro vaccination argument being driven by Science (which is a pretty broad concept). Our decision to vaccinate alternatively has been based on a lot of careful research and is based on risk mitigation considering that vaccinations do carry a percentage of risk, however small. We have the advantage of also being Japanese citizens, (myself a spouse resident) and can access the differently combined vaccines and scheduling. When recently discussing this on a facebook post I was branded an anti Vaccinator. Abused and blamed. My response is that I think there is a better way. A much better way. And the heavy handed pressure to Immunise to schedule, which then elicits a strong anti response from those who question, but are discouraged strongly and frowned upon for questioning, has created a climate of 'for or against', emotion or science, us against them. All pretty narrow reductive way to explore a whole collection of different diseases, risks, and vaccines (including their varieties of compositions, combinations and timing). So we have attempted to immunise the best way that we can ascertain. It's a tricky time consuming task to get all the info on each different vaccine from the manufacturers, to research each and every disease to ascertain the risks of actually contracting it and then what the risks associated with the disease are, but it has been worthwhile. I think that the community could benefit from a less doctrinal approach to the current immunisation schedule and regular review of disease risks and the vaccination schedule response. - Jackdan
  • I'm an E cup. When I was younger and skinnier I was only a C cup and could handle underwires. Then I got pregnant and discovered the bliss of maternity bras. Post babies and breastfeeding I went back to the wires only to find they poked me and now I've got 'birdseyes' in my cleavage. I cannot fathom the underwire. Obviously the person who designed it has never had to wear one. Having big boobs we're all encouraged to wear them, but now I'm old and fat they're far too uncomfortable to contemplate. I'm happy with my 'wirefree' bras. I figured that if manufacturers could make a maternity bra without wires that fitted perfectly and provided excellent support to lactating breasts, they could do the same for large, non-lactating breasts too. I found the perfect fit for me at a large chain store and bought the same type for years. Not terribly sexy, but comfortable and serviceable. Now I've discovered same large chain has a moulded cotton bra in large sizes. Better still, you can order them online when the sales are on and collect them from the store. Bliss! - BeansGran
  • Well put Sonya. I am so glad that you have created this documentary. Also, you have put forward a voice of reason backed up by compelling evidence & your own credibility. I am pro-vaccination, but I understand why it is an delicate decision for many parents. I haven't come across the anti-vax theories (I'd never even heard of the AVN until Mamamia kept writing & tweeting about them). I'd always just followed the immunisation schedule. But I have come across a lot of pushy pro-vaxxers and I have to say, it is a turn off. I understand that it's a passionate issue. But is it an effective way of increasing immunisation rates? Of course not. Some pro-vaxxers make it their full time job to name, shame & harass people opposed to vaccination. Is harassment going to change their position, heck no! Is it going to galvanise their anti-vac position, quite probably! I just think we need to be smarter about this. I know it is not a "debate" in the sense that the science is in on the benefits & general safety of vaccines. But it completely normal to feel uneasy about purposely injecting your child with something most of us know very little about. And then watching their every breath that evening as they process that vaccine. Sonya, I hope that your documentary is the beginning of the change in the way we talk about immunisation. Well done. - Kasey
  • I am very impressed by what you've set out to achieve and how you've come about it. Much of my work these days is in vaccination and I work hard to break down the myths and false beliefs people have about vaccines. I find listening to concerns, empathy and responding with good evidence based information has been the most successful manner I've had so far. I also reassure parents that it is always their choice, but I also share that I am a mum too and that I choose to vaccinate my child fully. And funnily enough that's usually the clincher. Respect, good information and empathy can go a long way. I really hope that many people watch your documentary and help absolve the many concerns and myths surrounding vaccination that are out there. You must be proud of your work :) - The Huntress
  • Not everyone has access too or any interest in the internet, you cannot drive a tractor and watch the internet but you can listen to radio, you cannot drive a car and watch the internet but you can listen to radio, you cannot wash the dishes, the clothes, yourself and watch the internet but you can listen to the radio, you can also lie in bed with Phillip Adams, half my University of the Third Age students go to bed with Phillip. Australia's best journalists were trained by the ABC. What I don't understand Gee is your palpable hatred, how can you be so angry all the time, just relax and learn that we are all different and some of us prefer the quiet nature of the ABC compared with the ranting and rage of radio shock jocks and commercial TV. Your phrase 'slash and burn' is shocking to me, no one I know hates anything, no one I know wants to destroy things or institutions, not even the IPA, why such violence of language? - sue Bell
  • [...] Science says vaccinate! [...] - LET'S TALK (NOT SHOUT) VACCINATION
  • Thankyou Emma for your good work and humanistic attitude towards others. I could not do your job and be nice to others at the same time, i'v e realized. The other ABC journo's et al should be taking notes.......all the best in your career! - louise
 
29
Categories:  Must see, News and Opinion, Wellbeing

MRS WOOG IS NO MARY POPPINS

By Mrs Woog
October 16, 2012

Did you know that if you Googled “how to get your kids to do the housework“ you would have over ten million articles claiming all sorts of tips and tricks into getting the dunny brush on high rotation by your perpetually objecting offspring?

That is a lot of reading and information to sort through.

There are countless suggestions from well-meaning folk including reward systems; threats; withholding of favourite items until things get done; time outs and of course, turn the whole lot into a “game”.

Like that perpetually chirpy Mary Poppins would attest to.

 

In ev’ry job that must be done 

There is an element of fun

you find the fun and snap!

The job’s a game

 

And ev’ry task you undertake

Becomes a piece of cake

A lark!  A spree!

It’s very clear to me…

 

You want to know what’s clear to me?

That in 1910 in Old London Town, there was an overabundance of mind-altering substances that Mary could not get enough of. That carpet bag? Mary was packing. And not just clothes and hatstands…

But this post is not about Mary Poppins and her drug-fuelled ways. It is about lazy kids doing bugger all around the house and getting away with it.

I can put my hand up here and declare an interest. I am an enabler. I know it. I do too much for my kids.

They slid right out of hopeless babyhood, screeched though toddlerdom in no time at all and landed up as little people. Little inept people, when it comes to what Carol Brady would define as…CHORES! 

 

“I am going to continue to grow out my sideburns until you empty the bin, Greg…”

 

I throw it all in the too-hard basket, along with mismatched socks, bits of fluff and empty toilet rolls.

To me, it is just not worth the argument and I go about doing the lion’s share of the daily domestic duties as my kids wallow around eating grapes that I have probably peeled for them.

NOT. ANYMORE!                          

You see, there is a lady in Calgary named Jessica Stilwell who has inspired me…

 Page 1 of 2 next >>
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29 Responses to this article

  1. Vicky October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Absofrigginlutely she did the right thing. I admire her tenacity. I’d get to about day three and completely lose it. The only time I do everything for my kids now is when they are sick, otherwise,they all have job lists, including the five yo. I’m not their slave. I’m their mum, so in the interests of teaching them all to be self sufficient individuals when they finally leave home, they get to do stuff! (When my first husband moved in with me, at 22, he had never cooked a meal, didn’t know how to use a washing machine, I taught him to iron FFS! Right then I made the decision that no child of mine, male or female would leave my house without being able to look after themselves.)

    So, Mrs Woog, I respectfully say, turn off the tv. Watching tv is a privilege, for after getting their shit together. :) x

     
  2. Scandi Coast Home October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    My kids (12 & 10) get themselves up and ready for school. They make their own lunches etc. I used to do it all and have to motivate them through every little freakin bit of the morning but then I just decided that it’s not a great long term plan (give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach him how to fish and he’ll eat for life). I stopped worrying if they got to school late and told them that if it became a problem then after a while the Principal would explain it to them……tehe……;O)
    I honestly think they thought they were doing me a favour getting ready for school on time……Aaargh!
    When it becomes a problem for them then THEY WILL get off their butt so to make a short story long I do thing that Jessica did the right thing……Absofrigginlutely!!!
    Tania xx

     
  3. Jason October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Yep – My Mum did – many years ago when I was a teenager.

    To this day, I know how to operate a washing machine, Iron and wash dishes etc and BEHOLD – use a broom to sweep up the mess on the floor.

    Those things we used to call “chores” and whine about them are benificial. They teach the life skills that we all need when we leave home.

    Go Jessica! :-)

     
  4. Emmasbrain October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I am a firm believer in not doing things for your children that they are capable of doing themselves, or I should say that I’m a firm believer in that, until I remember that everything takes a a thousand times longer and is umpteen times more frustrating, so I do it myself, because a rod for my own back is much more comfortable than living in an episode of hoarders..
    I must say though, I can’t get past Carol Brady growing out her sideburns… I LAUGHED I tell you..Made my morning.

     
  5. Mum of Adult Kids October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    My boys weren’t a great deal of ‘help’ around the house as they were growing up, however I did expect them to clean up their own stuff… or I would just throw it in their room and shut the door.
    My ‘beef’ was always the washing. Any clothing that wasn’t in the laundry when I wanted to wash didn’t get clean. One day my then 17 yr old wasn’t prepared to take his washing to the laundry when I wanted him to, so he told me he’d wash his clothes himself. Six years later he still does…

    On the flip-side, I think we’d lived in our house for about 5 years when one day my other son asked where we keep the vacuum…

     
  6. Angela C October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Reminds me of the these story I read where the parents got sick of their children (maybe teenage) not helping out so they moved out into a caravan in the driveway and let them have the house. It took two weeks but it worked -they moved back into a clean house. Sorry my details are a little vague …. between wine and kids brain cells have left my head. Must add caravan to my wish list ……

     
  7. trash October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Start ‘em young. Helping to set the table from 18mo, sorting socks, etc, etc. Vicky is right, tv is a privilege and it has to be earned. I have also found that the occasional nuclear explosion of maternal vitriol while getting them to find their own feckin’ things.

     
  8. miss milu! October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    It is just mind boggling this is even an issue. We were always told that mum and dad provided everything, so they shouldnt have to DO everything either. It was just respect. Every Saturday we were given a full spring cleaning list of chores that got divided amongst me and my sisters. And we werent allowed to do anything else until it was done. Lawn mowing, washing, ironing, dusting, washing windows, vacuuming, scrubbing showers… everything! And it didnt kill us! It was so routine we didnt care, we just got really quick at it. And this wasnt the 60′s, im only 26.
    I would do exactly the same thing with my kids. Start them with helping them make sure they put their toys away. When a little older, collecting mail and other simple chores. And teenagers, theres nothing they shouldnt be able to do. If you raise them as complacent brats, dont be suprised when the act as disrespectful complacent brats!
    And yes we were never just ‘given’ things either. We saved and the parents matched every dollar we saved to help out. Its not old fashioned, its helping your kids have a sense of achievement and responsibility, not entitlement!

     
  9. Ariel October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    My mum did that to us, more so my dad, when we were younger. My dad never did anything and after weeks of a dirty kitchen left by my mum, he got cracking. And now he cleans after himself and even cooks the dinner and does the laundry. Works well if you ask me :)

     
  10. Marina October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Electronics are currency in our house! 15 minutes for particular jobs and if you really want the time – you’ll put in the extra effort. And that goes for regular visitors too!!!
    In the holidays, we often have 10 kids staying over – they all know what’s expected and pitch in.
    We have a bored jar (ideas of what to do if you are bored) it was fun making it but it’s hardly ever used! The process actually helped them realise what they could be doing so they NEVER have to utter those words in mummy’s presence again – if you do – they get a job to do!
    As soon as kids can toddle, they can put singlets and tshirts away, stir a spoon – get cooking, get toys out – put them back in.
    There is a whole generation out there of kids who have never set the table, packed a lunch or made their beds (I mean how hard is it to shake out a doona???).
    We are doing our kids an injustice by NOT sharing the house duties. Stop calling tasks CHORES/JOBS and attitudes change too.
    It’s amazing how much you can get done when you throw on a song and everyone pitches in. Pump up the volume and get them moving – the key to introducing change is for the adults to have tasks and then the kids have the opportunity to point it out if it’s not done ;)

     
  11. housegoeshome.com October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I find husbands can be equally infuriating. When we arrive home from weekend excursions, I do a load of washing, empty the dishwasher, sweep the kitchen … his first instinct is to make a cup of tea and read the paper. I think it’s because the male and female minds work so incredibly differently. But oooooh, wasn’t I in trouble when I blogged about the phenomenon … http://housegoeshome.com/2011/12/31/venus-and-mars/

     
  12. Lisa@RandomActsOfZen October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I wouldn’t have to think twice about joining this growing movement if needed…..hell yes!!
    Go Jessica and Mrs. Woog!!

     
  13. Catherine Rodie Blagg (Cup of Tea and a Blog) October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    My children are too young to help really. Grace is nearly three and Cerys is 15 months. I try and encourage G to help pick up her toys and have tried the Mary Poppins approach many a time.
    When I was growing up my mum insisted we help. I was doing my own laundry from the age of 13 and one eve when I went out without washing up I returned home to find my dishes in my bed. I was hopping mad, but Mum said it made her feel better (I totally get it now!) and I certainly learned my lesson!

     
  14. Marg Davis October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Approximately 50 years ago I came home to clothes spread all over ….just as I left them. Appeals to Dad only earned me more work to do. Up until that time I had no idea of how much my Mum did for me also taking into account she worked full time. Gave me a whole new appreciation of my mum and dad.

     
  15. KateB October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    At last! I wasn’t the only kid who thought Mrs Brady’s hair was a bit off there for a while. One more childhood trauma laid to rest.
    Nope, don’t do too much for my kids except love them. Oh and feed them. Oh and look for lost library books….
    Oh and the chorizo and chicken pasta went down a treat last night thankyou! See, I feed them!

     
  16. Lisa October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Oh yes she did do the right thing,I have threatened to go on strike ,but never had the balls to do it ,though I really should ,my children are adults and I still pick up after them,and you have given me an idea,I hope it works though because I will have a lot of work to do if it doesn’t ,I think that is my fear ,that they won’t care and I will just have more to do!

     
  17. Debyl1 October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Go Wonderful Mrs Woog.I support you all the way.
    I did way too much for my girl as 1.it was far quicker 2.it was done much better 3. it wasnt worth the fight at the time.
    Now she is18 and does nothing to help me.I am to blame.
    Act now before it is too late.Dont let them wear you down..Best of luck.xx

     
  18. Sharon October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    My mother tackled the washing problem by refusing to do any. She bought a number of baskets and whenever she came across our washing impeding her progress in the laundry (eg wet in the machine) she shoved it in a basket and added it to the slacko-stack. Till this day I remember my brother out on the balcony swinging jeans around his head in emergency-dry-before-school mode.

     
  19. Sha October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I do teach my the two kids who are living at home (18 and 16) to do things but I think I am a bit of a pushover when they are busy with school or work. And I have cracked it numerous times….. The kids still talk about the time I dumped my eldest daughter’s clothes into the pool after she ignored repeated request to clear her bedroom floor. She is22 now and owns her own home. She is obsessive about a clean kitchen and bathrooms but still has a problem with clothes – folding and putting them away seems to be impossible for her. Her partner says he knows when we are coming to visit because the floor gets cleaned up (by pushing the piles into the wardrobe)!
    And when she comes to visit me she gives my kitchen the once over so it comes up to her standard!

     
  20. Nette October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    My cleaner wnt to university 15 years ago and has not come back! My house is so disgraceful with my hoarder of a husband I can no longer invite anyone over. I just step over the mess. When he complains I say, “Isn’t that interesting!” or just, “Really?” I have not been able to eat at a table for, I can’t remember because of all his clutter. 12 years ago I hired a skip, filled it with his junk and paid for someone to take it to the tip. Tantrums ensued for months because his treasures had gone. It requires such effort and willpower to throw anything out(even bits and pieces at a time) that I have given up. I WILL NOT spend spend all my time cleaning up after someone. I have learned to live with it. Best of all I have his credit card. And any time he disagrees with me I take all the women in the family out, buy Oroton or plan a lovely overseas trip. Keep smiling and just do what you can. :)

     
  21. Silla October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    One of the reasons why I don’t plan on having children :)

     
  22. RES October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I tried not washing up the cereal bowls after my son refused to do them (“I don’t do dishes” was his mantra). When we ran out of clean cereal bowls, he moved on to eating his cereal out of mixing bowls. I ended up caving in because I needed a bowl to eat my cereal!

    He’s now moved out and has learnt to look after himself – they all get it eventually, some sooner than others!!

     
  23. sue bell October 16, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I do not consider anyone is an adult unless they can bring up the next generation and this means planning ahead, cooking, shopping, cleaning. My youngest still at home whilst at uni looks after his own stuff and I look after mine (very badly I am hopeless at putting away clothes) he often surprises me by doing things I cannot do due to arthritis, such as cleaning the shower and floor without being asked.

     
  24. Maureen October 17, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I got to the point of frustration on getting up. Nudging 3 or 4 times got old. I bought a new alarm clock and said if he didn’t get up, he’d have to find his own way to school and he’d get detention.. Detention 4 days in a row sorted it right out. I was a single working mum so the kids did their own laundry, walked the dog and emptied the dishwasher. I did the rest as long as they were on the honor roll at school.

     
  25. Sarah October 17, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I agree that far too many parents these days cave it and allow their children to be lazy just for the sake of avoiding an argument today. Trouble is that kids aren’t stupid! They know exactly how long they have to wait before Mum will just give up and do things for them. I know a mother who can only get her 7 year old girl to do her homework if she is bribed with chocolate, the whole process regularly descends into tears from one of them. When it was suggested to this mother that maybe she should just let her daughter turn in incomplete work and face the criticism from her teacher the mother’s response was ‘but I don’t want her to be criticised’! I shudder to think what her mother is going to do as the girl gets deeper into the school system and her volume of homework increases. My advice, don’t be scared to crack the whip early on, set them up with good habits and teach them to take responsibility for themselves! There’s no other way they’re going to learn.

     
  26. Georgie October 17, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Go ladies!
    My parents had us doing our lunches, tidying up, gardening, washing dishes, clothes & cooking early on. If we didn’t do it, well too bad. And I was born in the ’80s. My partner had most things done by his parents. Still does when we visit them…although just this week I called bullshit on his claim that one can tidy the kitchen whilst cooking. Halfway through our week long trial with him on the loose in the kitchen & lo & behold he left things untidied. And he hasn’t had to do it yet with a toddler hanging off him haha!
    I’ll be starting our little one on chores as early as I was. (can’t do it yet, too little) I wang her to be able to look after herself!!

     
  27. Alex October 17, 2012 Reply
     
     

    My partner clearly got away with not lifting a finger the whole time he lived at home. When he moved in with me, I eventually went on strike… only to be told “WE” had let the housework get a bit away from us this week hadn’t “WE”?

    It took over a year to train him, and in the end I think I just have a higher tolerance of mess…

     
  28. Nat October 17, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Ok I can understand a kid not puting dirty clothes in the laundry, but not the leaving the tissues they had used around. My three year old has to put his garbage in the bin, his plates in the sink and helps put the washing away. Yuk for the tissues!!

     
  29. Jo-Anne October 19, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I found myself singing…. just a spoon-full of medicine (from her carpet bag no doubt) makes the cleaning like fun…In the most delightful way….

    I ask you this… In households where the “cleaner comes” how do the kids learn? Oh yes of course… that you can pay to have someone else do the dirty work!

     

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Comments

  • Alice Smith: Well put, and I hope to see your documentary. I hate the idea of vaccinations and believe they can be harmful individual...

    Reply|Read all

  • Misty: What a fabulously challenging topic. Jackdan, very well delivered argument. I'd love to see your research. Publish it! ...

    Reply|Read all

  • Wendy Harmer: Thanks jack... a very interesting response and, from my communications with Sonya I think this is exactly the conversati...

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  • Jackdan: As someone who doesn't follow the Australian Vaccination schedule, I already feel like I am risking ridicule and worse p...

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