When I was a kid, Mum won Lotto.

I was beside myself and ran around telling everyone who lived in our cul-de-sac to make the most of living next their nouveau riche neighbours, because we were about to go and live on Easy Street.

In my head, I had already moved to the fancy part of town, a few suburbs over. We would have a swimming pool, a double storey house and half a dozen ponies, perhaps even a whole zoo. Plus we would definitely be getting rid of the lime green Toyota Hi-Ace. I suspected we would upgrade to the popular Nissan Bluebird. All the fancy families had one, and goddam it, I WANTED IN ON THE FANCY!


The dream house Mrs Woog’s family didn’t buy when they didn’t win the lottery.

The streetlights flickered on, signalling for me to head home. I bade my former neighbours farewell, for I would most certainly miss them, and went to find the hero of the day: Mum.

I started talking to Mum about my upward ascent in the social pecking order when she informed me that wehad won the lotto.

We had won $20. And I had to go and get ready because we were going out for Chinese to celebrate.

One pink lemonade later, and all was forgiven.

Winning the lottery. Is it all that and a bag of prawn crackers?

British man, Michael Carroll famously collected his win, equivalent to $15 million Australian Dollars, in 2002 wearing an electronic monitoring tag. 8 years later, the former garbage man collects the dole, having blown his fortune on drugs, gambling and prostitutes.

The year 2002 was a great year for Lotto Winners! American Andrew Whittaker (right) won $315 Million. Over the years, that massive fortune was whittled down to nothing due to gambling and bad deals.

His daughter and granddaughter both suffered from fatal drug overdoses. Whittaker now claims that he wished he had torn that ticket up.

And then there is Callie Rogers, who was just 16 years old when she won $3 million in the UK Jackpot. Callie spent years spending up on drugs, partying, new boobs, properties, cars, holidays and gifts.

She had two children, whom she lost custody of, and attempted suicide.

To win lotto, you need a ticket. Last week there was a small queue at the news agency, lined up to buy a ticket in the 70 Million Dollar Oz Lotto Jackpot.

For some reason, I decided to buy a ticket. I was a lotto virgin!

I stood in that line and listened to the folk in front of me communicating what could only be described as some very complicated orders.

Wads of cash were handed over to the newsagent. Big wads.

I started to panic because I didn’t know what to say.

I mean, do you just say “One ticket in the 70 Million dollar competition please?” and hand over a dollar?

The woman in front of me barked out her request with the skill of someone who had done it hundreds of times. She collected her ticket and stepped aside. My eyes met the dead eyes of the lady behind the counter, and before I could stop myself, I said;

“I’ll have what she’s having….”

The Newsagency lady told me that THAT was a Solo Auto Play System with Ten Games, and that would cost me $12.50.

Because the line behind me was growing at a rapid pace, I did not feel I had the time to ask her the hundreds of questions rolling around in my head. Mainly, what were my chances of winning the $70 Million and if I did win it, would she like a percentage of that win, as a thanks for selling me the ticket.

There was no time, because she had already gone. Moved onto the next customer. I was cast aside like an unwanted scratchie.

I will tell you this for free. Get yourself organised before you stand in that Lotto Line. There is no time for frivolous questions or even a sniff of stupidity.

I didn’t win the Lotto last week. No one did. So tonight it goes up to $100 Million Dollars and guess what?

I am out. No interest.

And not because the line scares me, or if I win that I am likely to blow all the cash on new boobs and hookers.

I am just happy with a plate of sweet and sour pork.

I mean, a tiny bit happier if I was eating it in Shanghai…..but happy all the same.


What about you? Do you play Lotto?

Have you ever won anything? And do you think it would make you happy?




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*About Mrs Woog: “I can be found in the laundry, folding laundry, sorting laundry and dropping off the dry cleaning. I am mum to two boys, boss of my husband and master of a cat and two guinea pigs. Come nightfall, I watch TV while tweeting which drives Mr Woog insane. I like to read cookbooks and eat out. During my waking hours I ferry kids around in the Mazda while drinking takeaway coffees and listening to talkback. I think about going to the gym every day. I used to work in the publishing industry before I realised it was nothing like Elaine Benes from Seinfeld made out like it was. Now I write this blog. And I never get writer’s block. It is a gift I have.” You can follow me on Twitter @Woogsworld.

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  • Reply November 6, 2012


    I’ll take you to Shanghai with me for a meal when I win tonight. xx

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    I have split a ticket with my sister in law. We will be happy if we win back the cost of the ticket.. They are expensive!!
    Perhaps and extra $50 so I can buy some fancy cheese and chocolate.

  • Reply November 6, 2012

    Mrs Woog

    That would be delightful! Business class?

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    You’ve got to be in it to win it! It’s all about people having a little bit of a fantasy about what they could do with the money. I’d much rather take my chances on tonight’s draw than the horse race this afternoon or the pokies. That kind of money, invested wisely, could set up your family for generations to come. 🙂

  • Reply November 6, 2012

    Danimezza (@Danimezza)

    I lined up last week and bought my very first lotto ticket for the 100 Million tonight. I don’t know why I did but I’m stupidly excited about it.

    I too had to ask “Umm I’d like a ticket for the 100 Million… but how does thing whole thing work?”. Thankfully I got an excited old biddy behind the counter who was all too happy to natter away about it… I love Windsor. I bought 24 games for $28.85… WISH ME LUCK 😀

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    You have a knack of getting into my mind Mrs Woog. I experienced the same discomfort buying a lotto ticket , having all the experts sprout out orders in front of me. I just asked for help and felt stupid. Same with betting on the Melbourne Cup I will ask my 22 yr old son to help he seems to be very expert on that area.. Funny wasn’t on his school curriculum.

  • Reply November 6, 2012

    Scandi Coast Home

    life is complicated enough without having money to confuse the issue.

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    I have never done it either. The queue scared me too much. I sat across from the queue in donut king and registered on tatts site and bought my first ticket for ozlotto online.

    Woo’d by the potential win and financial dire straights!!

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    A third for me, a third for my loved ones and a third for good deeds.

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    Boring former consumer advocate here, your best odds are with the $2 jackpot lottery.

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    I was left in charge of the work syndicate this week. Collecting the requisite loot was hard enough, then rocking up to the tatts shop 30 seconds before it shut (no queue – yay – pressure was on to make a decision), telling them I had $XX and what could I get for that?? The normal person goes all fancy with system this and ssystem that. I came away with a selection of quick picks and they’d better be happy with that!

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    Nope, never ‘played’ Lotto. I didn’t think it looked very fun. x

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    I jst bought a couple of tickets on-line. Too easy. They email you with the results so I am expecting that ‘congratulations’ email in my inbox by 9am tomorrow morning.. (I wish!)

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    I buy a ticket every now and then. For the price of a small quick pick (under $10), I get to spend the week fantasising about all of the people in my family I could help if I won. I say not a bad fantasy

  • Reply November 6, 2012

    Sam Stone

    I am in a syndicate at work but have NO idea what the hell it is all about. The guys asked me to buy the ticket once and I had a panic attack.

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    We have chip-ins for Lotto at work whenever there’s a lot of money on the line, but I never play. Just $2 every week adds up, so I can spend my savings on a nice meal like Mrs Woog!

  • Reply November 6, 2012

    Charlotte Rose

    My Mum won $80,000 in the Golden Casket when I was 14. We received a telegram one night asking us to call the Casket office in the morning. We got a new kitchen, a deck, and we traded in our Datsun 240K for a red Corolla Seca. It wasn’t a Nissan Bluebird, but it smelt brand new and it never broke down. It was the most exciting thing ever…

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    Mmm~ cautionary tales!!

  • Reply November 6, 2012

    Wendy Harmer

    I’m with you, Mrs Woog. They could put a Billion $$$ up for grabs and I wouldn’t be in it.
    Not cut out to be a gambler – the pain of disappointment is too great… I like my destiny in my own hands. Which it’s not, of course, but I like to imagine it is.

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    Got given a book on personal financial management from my dad, and the first story is of a woman who bid the same numbers in lotto every week. One day, she stuck her numbers on the fridge and used the same money that she would have bought the ticket with to save and invest. She was a cleaner, and eventually she bought out the company she cleaned for – and in that time, her numbers never came up in the lottery. I never bought a lottery ticket after reading that… But I never saved either haha! Prob just spent it on chocolate 😛

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    Dad has been playing the lotto for decades, one Saturday night when the whole family had gathered for dinner he announced that his numbers had finally come up, for five minutes we were all excited by the prospect of coming in to some major cash, I for one began to spend the cash in my mind, trust me, it doesn’t take long, and then all of us were disappointed to find that he had the wrong ticket from a previous draw, oh well, if only he had used those same numbers on that Saturday night. Dad still plays and hopes that he will win one day, who know’s he may still win!

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    A fortune teller told my partner that he would win lotto while he was still young enough to enjoy it – so occasionally we play it. I never know what to do, and it all feels very foolish. All gambling feels silly to me, like I am participating in a Emperor’s New Clothes game. What are the odds, right? And how’s your lotto horror stories?

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    I play lotto every now and again, when I remember to buy a ticket. Also I’m super lazy so I’ve paid to have my tickets registered that way when I forget to check them I know that if I win anything I’ll get a cheque. I’ve had a few cheques from George over the years, to the total value of a few hundred dollars. I still have no idea how many numbers means what apart from 1st division. It’s my only form of gambling, can’t stand the pokies.

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    Some people are luckier than others. I never seem to win much but friends of mine FOUND a bundle of $US dollars near an escalator when they were travelling through LAX. Long story made short they handed the money to officials and thought no more of it until six months later the friends received a cheque for $30K. They money was never claimed! So maybe you just need to be born lucky.

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    I never play, but we all chipped in for a syndicate at work. Don’t ask me what that means, but all I know is that all up we bought over $600 worth of tickets.

    I do know this though, if we win, the school is going to be a very quiet place tomorrow.

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    Was at the shops this morning in my mum’s suburb – I looked at the newsagent then at the chemist – there was a line out the chemist door and past a couple of shops and no line at the newsagent’s – I thought wow there are a lot of sick people in this suburb. When I got to mum’s I mentioned it to her – she then told me the chemist had the lotto and the newsagents didn’t – hence the line at the chemist not the newsagents.

    I backed 2 horses in the cup and had 3 horses in a sweep and have a quick pick for tonight’s lotto – I don’t gamble usually but today I have gone mad!!

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    I don’t want to win Lotto – I have a pretty good life, and though it would make life easier in the short term, I think that it would ultimately not make any happier. More likely

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    My uncle won the BIG ONE (Lotto) in 1980. Then some jerk of a financial advisor recommended he buy into Qintex (Christopher Skase’s spectacular failure). Gone baby, gone!
    True story – why would I embarrass myself by making this stuff up?

  • Reply November 6, 2012


    I was a lotto virgin before tonight as well.
    I didn’t know what to do, I told the lady that and she basically just gave me options. I picked the $7 quick pick like my mum also did a few days earlier. It didn’t win anything.
    But it was fun to imagine what I could spend the money on. Probably won’t ever do it again though.

  • Reply November 7, 2012


    I buy a lottery ticket about once every 2 years; when I’m feeling particularly lucky! Last time I did I had to aske the newsagent how to fill the form in (it’s really not that tricky but I got confused!)

  • Reply November 7, 2012


    I will sometimes buy Lotto tickets, but have never won with them. I do often win on scratchies though! My work sends them out to us when we get a good evaluation, and I will frequently win $1 or $2, and sometimes more. Nothing much to speak of though.

    But it’s quite thrilling when you MIGHT have won, and it’s certainly fun spending the money in your daydreams!

  • Reply November 19, 2012


    It is true that many individuals like to play lotto since the prize is really big. For this matter, you need to have those winning lotto numbers in order to take that money. You have to believe in your luck and instinct in selecting those numbers.

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