POOR ME. STRAIGHT, WHITE & MALE
You have to feel sorry for white heterosexual males.
After all, they’re in the minority these days. Which is why there’s a new civil rights movement.*
Russell and Lauryn Mark… separate beds for 17 nights. Photograph via news.com.
Picture this: Conservative talk-show host Rush Limbaugh, standing at the Lincoln Memorial, echoing the words of Martin Luther King.
“I have a dream,” he’d say to the crowd, peppered with white points, “that one day my brothers will rise up and take back what is rightfully theirs.”
“We now have a black man as our commander-in-chief, declaring war on the institution of marriage. Gays are openly serving in the military. How can you shoot bullets from a handbag, I ask you? It’s not the American way.”
This movement has a flag-bearer in Australia by the name of Russell Mark.
The Olympian has been kicked out of the matrimonial bed as he prepares to take up arms to defend his country. He and his gun-slinging wife have been told they can’t room together in the London Olympic Village.
“The stupid part of this, which I have argued to them, is that there are tons of gay couples on the Olympic team who will be rooming together so we are being discriminated against because we are heterosexual,” Mark told News Ltd.
His wife, Lauryn, agreed: “If you are heterosexual you are penalised.”
Some say they’ve gone off half-cocked.
But I support them, on behalf of this oppressed minority. Some straight athletes are forced to keep their sexual orientation private for fear of vilification.
You know all that stuff about gay diver Matthew Mitcham living a secret life, quitting training, and almost giving up on his Olympic dream? Well, boo hoo, nancy boy.
As Uncle Chop Chop would say, “Harden the f*#k up”.
Lauryn Mark won’t be able to sleep in the same bed as her husband – to whom she is legally married – for a whole 17 nights. Imagine the stress that puts on a marriage, which is, after all, the backbone of this great nation.
As for those beach volleyballers, Natalie Cook is married to her partner, so I don’t know what she’s got to complain about.
Sure, it’s not a proper marriage, but hey, if this commo, pinko, lefty, homo-loving government has its way, we’ll all be marching down Oxford street in hot pants, singing “I Am What I Am”.
I know, bad things have happened: Bullying, youth suicide, discrimination in the workplace, yada, yada, yada. But it’s time to get over it. You now have positive discrimination. And, you dress better than us.
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