WARRIOR WOOG TAMES THE INNER BEAST
An incident, which occurred last week, took me straight back to the time that Linda Marsh’s mum pulled my mate Penny up in the primary school playground and gave her the biggest dressing down I had ever seen in my whole 11 years on the planet.
To make matters worse, Mrs Marsh ( not her, left, but close) had a very thick Scottish accent and a comical appearance along with a habit of spitting when she talked.
Penny was getting tongue lashed by someone else’s mum for all to see. (And if you thought Penny was unhappy, Penny’s mum was steamily livid when she found out about it later that afternoon.)
The verbal assault set in train a series of unpleasant events and exchanges between the two women and soon became the talk of the town.
I would NEVER reprimand someone else’s child unless they were about to light someone’s hair on fire.
But it seems that there are some parents out there who feel it is their business.
My darling son, who is eight, apparently has an arch nemesis in the year above him. A girl who enjoys some argy bargy. Now do not get me wrong here, I know that my son can give it back as much as he gets it, but after a particularly unpleasant exchange, this girl told her father. And he took the matter into his own hands.
Mr Woog and I had fronted up to the school to attend an event. There we found our son in tears.
He had been accosted by the father of his nemesis who proceeded to have a bit of a yell and holler at him in front of his classmates. Our son was totally freaked out and started to calm down just as I started to fire up.
“Who was it?” I asked. “Point him out to me.”
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42 Responses to this article
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Penny April 9, 2012
You totally did the right thing, although I would have been more impressed if you had also done it in a Scottish accent. I had forgotten all about that incident. To be honest, all I heard was ,”Och dinoo dinoo och och trainspotting och och taggart denooo denoo feckin feckin william wallace.” xxx
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Lisa Lintern April 9, 2012
I think this is the funniest comment I have ever read. And now I must wipe the tea I just spat off the walls.
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rue vogiatz April 9, 2012
You handled it very well! love the line about the thesaurus!
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Whatjanesaysandblogs April 9, 2012
Seems this happens a lot! I even defended someone else’s child against this type of behaviour. An 8 yo girl was so fiercely yelled at and abused by another child’s father, I had to intervene. I thought the father was going to punch me when I explained how inappropriate this was. He got right in my face and spat as he yelled back at me! I spoke to school teachers and principal. The father certainly had anger issues and was already known to be confrontational. So it’s good you have your sons back, but in case you aren’t around – I’m more than happy to stand up for him too!
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Mrs Woog April 9, 2012
I bet that girl’s Mum was very grateful you did that, as I would be! Good on you xx
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Skye April 9, 2012
It sounds like he got off lightly. I can’t imagine how the boy in question felt. I would have hated it. The father deserves to go down. Certainly he has to realise he’s dealing with children. What a bully! Just saw Polanski’s ‘Carnage’. Check it out for a different take on these situations.
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smile chickie April 9, 2012
perfect! please tell me you had the black eye at the time… that would have scared him off! x
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Angie April 9, 2012
I’m not sure what the rules are at your school Mrs Woog, but it’s absolutely “NOT ON” to confront another child in the playground . You did the right thing. The father did not. Our Principal has banned some parents from entering the school grounds over the years!
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Maid In Australia April 9, 2012
I think you handled it perfectly. What that child’s father did was totally out of order. You just don’t do that!
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Lucy April 9, 2012
You are a treasure. And indded a lady.
Remind me to tell you about the day I let rip just outside school at the P Plater Fuckwit Dad at the school crossing…
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Robyn April 9, 2012
As a very old mother, I’m going to go against the tide here a little. While there is NEVER any excuse to bully a child, there is often a damn good reason for an adult other than a parent to repreimand a child for misbehaving.
Children learn best when the reprimand is timely, not a few hours later if they are reported to a parent.
I have and will continue to tell children they are behaving in an unacceptable manner if they clearly have no parent in the vacinity.
I believe one of the problems we have in Western society is we have become so over protective of our children we don’t think anyone else has a right to tell them off (appropriately, of course).
Hillary Clinton made famous an old African saying, “It takes a village to raise a child.” While Hillary used the saying in a different context, I suggest Western society has lost this ability. When I was a child any adult could and would tell any misbehaving child to stop their behaviour and that was that. There was, as far as I can recall, no yelling, screaming or spitting.
I think there was more a concept of parents were parents, not just of their own children, but had parental responsibility for a generation at large.
There has to be balance. While I agree there seems not to have been appropriate balance in Mrs Woog’s case, let us not throw the baby out with the bath water.
Recently laws were introduced about serving alcohol to other people’s children and I 100% agree with such legislation. Telling a child to stop hitting other children in the playground is a totally different issue altogether.
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Mrs Woog April 9, 2012
You make some very good points Robyn. If a kid was hitting another kid in front of me of course I would ask him/her to stop it. And if they didn’t I would tell the teachers.
Thanks for adding to the discussion and giving me some points to think about xx
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Robyn April 9, 2012
Thanks – I was a bit wary hitting the “Reply” button as I felt a bit like a fish out of water!
I do congratulate you on “calming the inner beast”! We ALL have one of those!
Also, the days I was talking about kids were out and about in the neighbourhood more than they are these days. Not that I specifically was very much, living where I did (in the middle of nowhere).
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Karen April 9, 2012
Go Mrs Woog! You are a champion. An incident at my son’s school ended in one father yelling at someone else’s kindy child till they cried, the child’ father getting involved and the police being called. So, with that as a reference point, I think you were most definitely a lady!
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Mrs Woog April 9, 2012
That is totally unacceptable. That poor kid!
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Desire Empire April 9, 2012
OMG Penny’s as funny as you. No wonder she was your mate!!!!!!!
Carolyn xx
Refer to comment one for anyone that missed Penny’s response to the above incident. Too funny!!!! -
Donna @ NappyDaze April 9, 2012
I cant even imagine confronting another child in such a way. I dont even like doling out discipline to my nephews – I don’t see it as my job. Sure, if something majorly naughty was happening and I was the only parent in the vicinity I’d deal with it but it aint my job to tear strips off another child. Shame on that man!
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Mrs Woog April 9, 2012
I feel exactly the same Donna xx
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veggie mama April 9, 2012
I think you did awesome but I’m still dying over Penny’s “och trainspotting” comment…. oh my god. funniest ever.
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Ms Midge April 9, 2012
Oh yes indeedy, we are all warrior mummies! I wrote a post about my son’s incident, where another “mother” decided it was ok to smack my child! http://msmidge.blogspot.com.au/2011/10/slap.html
Good on you for keeping it clean!!! x -
Omega April 9, 2012
I think there’s a big difference between calling out someone (kid or otherwise) for public bad behaviour and seeking one out to berate them..
I’ve spoken up lots of times when I have seen kids doing messed up stuff in public.
I would never, ever seek out a kid to harass them in a school playground..
Two very different situations, two very different approaches needed.
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wilmawalrus April 9, 2012
You are absolutely right, Omega – there is a big difference. I have done the same, and will continue to tell children in our school playground to not do things that will endanger others, involves bullying or similar or is inappropriate (and usually refer it to a teacher as well, immediately if possible). I would never tell off or berate a child who was not mine.
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Lisa @ Home/Work/Mum April 9, 2012
I had a situation last year where my 8 year old daughter was coming home saying a particular little brat was giving her a hard time. My advice was to keep out of her way and play with the other girls. A few days later at drop off, I was just out of the line of sight of this girl and saw her getting stuck into Bell, who was trying to stay calm, but I could tell she was about to lose it.
I walked up and said calmly that she should keep her hands off other people and not say things if they weren’t nice. I made sure there were lots of other parents close, so there would be no one-sided stories going home, and actually spoke to her as I had done on several occasions in my own house when they had been friends (I had been relieved when this friendship ended, as she was a rotten kid actually).
That afternoon I got a phone call from her mum, saying she was furious that I would scream and swear at her kid….. WTF!!! I felt so horrible that this child had felt threatened, but knew that I had been 100 times more gentle than I felt like being.
Anyway, the crazy mother spread garbage around, made my time at the school very uncomfortable and made me count the sleeps until we started at a new (very lovely) school. This was already the plan, but couldn’t come quick enough.
Since our incident, that lovely little girl has done the same to 3 more kids, and when I hear about it from the other mums, I just think how glad I am not to be involved in that s**t anymore.
Bullies, whether they are kids or adults are not cool. -
Jessica April 9, 2012
Hmmm not sure about the ‘never any excuse’ argument. I’ve personally been in 2 situations in my lifetime that touch on this. One pretty serious, one not.
My husband and I own a few cafe’s and one is in a sort of ‘open air’ shopping complex, a ‘homemaker’ centre. A few years ago (before I was a mother myself) there were 2 or 3 young boys hanging around the centre all morning. They were either almost teens or early teens. They were just up to general ‘punk-ery’ as kids that age are wont to do. Littering, skateboarding, yelling…whatever. Customers in my shop had been complaining about them all morning. Apparently (I didn’t actually see it) they almost knocked an old lady over while skateboarding. Luckily someone who was with her, caught her. Anyway it was either really hot or really cold that day because the outsides of all the shop windows were completely opaque with condensation. On one of my regular trips outside to clean and clear our tables I spotted them writing (in ENOURMOUS letters) with their hands on the window of the store next to us. They had gotten as far as F U and half a C when I thought “Meh, kids will be kids – but there are a lot of little children and families around, and they don’t need that. Plus, I think these kids NEED to be reminded that SOMEONE is watching them since no-one has said anything to them all day”
So I mustered up my angry face, strode over to them and said loudly (I can speak loudly without ‘yelling’ – theatre training
) “HEY, if you’re going to write that kind of garbage on there then you punks can get lost!” You’d have thought they were Carl Lewis the way they took off. That one was just funny, really. But it was not so funny when I was in grade 4, so 9 years old and had a serious problem with a boy in my class. He supposedly had ‘ADD’ – but instead of applying the same rules for him as other kids, the school’s policy seemed to be to use his condition as an excuse for any errant behaviour. The standards for him were considerably more lax than for other kids and I don’t think that helped his condition.
At any rate, he seemed to develop a crush on me or something. It started out innocently enough, but progressed to what I suppose was real sexual harrassment. He would put his hand up my dress, try and lift up my skirts, try and unzip my dresses, make sexual inneuendo at me, put his arm around me so I couldn’t get away and try and kiss me, slap me on the butt…the list goes on and on. Mind you, this all happened IN CLASS in front of the teacher. Sure, she told him not to do it a few times, but when he did, nothing more was ever done.
Eventually I told my Mum about it (before it got REALLY bad) and she told me to tell the teacher, avoid him and when he did it to say very loudly “Stop it!” so that people couldn’t ignore it. None of it worked. As it got worse, I started not sleeping, dreading going to school when I’d previously loved it. I felt violated and unsafe. I could hardly eat and I suppose as much as a 9 year old can, was slipping into depression.
Mum in the meantime had been in contact with the principal and vice principals and had been told in a nutshell, “We need to have a bit of patience and consideration of Aaron’s condition”. They never even approached him about it once. My mother had stayed out of it for this long at MY urging but wasn’t going to take anymore.
She came with me to class early one morning, while kids were waiting outside classrooms, but before teacher’s were there. I pointed Aaron out and she told him (I’m paraphrasing here) “Don’t you ever touch my daughter again, or you’ll be in deep s***”. Everyone heard it, and he was terrified. She never touched him or called him names or was abusive…but she was scary all the same.
Needless to say she received a call that very same day from the vice principal saying “That was wrong, Aaron has the right to be able to come to school without fear of…*blah blah blah*”. Mum replied “Well my daughter has a right to come to school without fear of SEXUAL HARRASSMENT”. Let’s just say he shut right up very quickly, nothing was said of it again and Aaron never touched me again.
So, after that essay, I ask…Is there NEVER any excuse? Life’s a bit in the gray sometimes.
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Heidi April 9, 2012
You SERIOUSLY did the right thing! I am constantly amazed at the liberties people think they can take in this life – shoe on other foot – i am sure that guy would have not handled it like the ‘grown up’ you were!
(.. but did you catch where he parked .. a quick keyin’ of the bumper also works a treat!!!
… yeah .. so no I wouldn’t either but what great imaginary ‘why-i-oughta’ re-runs i could have with that!!) Look forward to the parent-teacher cringeworthy discussion he will have to face! -
Maisey April 9, 2012
I have been in a similar situation a few years ago when my son then in primary school had a continual argy bargy with a boy he was actually friends with. It escalated one day to the point the other boys father (who is a police officer) rang me to let me know he would be taking it upon himself to talk to my son the following morning in the school playground. I of course told him he would do no such thing and whatever needed to be addressed with MY son would be done by ME. After letting him know my sons side of the story he was quick to try to apologise profusely for his son not telling him everything. One would think being a copper you might get both sides of the story before ringing and doing the tough guy act.
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Melissa April 9, 2012
I’m a little depressed that you put on your lady knickers. I’d have loved to see Mrs Woog in full flight over this one. I’d have been apoplectic had someone chosen to do this to my child.
Is Harry ok?
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Sarah April 9, 2012
I will not always have my son’s back.
If he is a right little bugger I will side with the other team and point out his mistake.
If my son is berated by another parent I will generally see that as being due to him misbehaving, and I’ll just point out that if he doesn’t like it, he shouldn’t misbehave.
“My country right or wrong” is crap as us “my child right or wrong.” -
Fiona April 9, 2012
I have had occasion to request children who were in the company of their parents, for example in a cafe, to behave or keep quite and have been amazed that their parents have chastised me. If a person is out in public they have every right to expect a certain basic level of manners from the other people out in the public. It would have been completely different if I was at their home as a guest and their children behaved that way. I just feel so sorry for the children because with ignorant parents like that, what chance have they got. The parents were too busy being insulted for being dissed to be aware that both they and their children were displaying the worst possible manners and showing everyone else their complete lack of social skills and couth!!
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Mum+one April 9, 2012
Fab post, mrs Woog, and thanks, everyone for your stories, too. I’m going to add mine
My 11yo has ADD and Aspergers and had been going to a public school where the teachers alternated between saying they understood his needs and then not giving a crap. It all came to a head when his teacher physically grabbed him after he’d walked away from the class (after assembly), got in his face and started yelling. For a second I was WTF??? Then I said calmly, ‘can you not yell at him?’ she rounds on me with an angry ‘well, if he’d listened he would have known that-’ where I interrupted and repeated, ‘can.you. Not. Yell. At. Him’. By this time my boy was in tears, standing behind me. Nazi Teacher just threw her hands up, said ‘oh, I can’t deal with this!’ and stomped off. This was in front of his class, in the middle of the quad. I was FURIOUS!!! Ended up seeing the principal, boy was off school for nearly 2 terms (seriously considered home schooling) and finally got him back part time. God, I’m steamed just typing this! And she never even apologized – the principal gave me a very PC apology with no admission of guilt. -
Kristen April 9, 2012
I totally agree with Robyn. Our society is falling down as everyone does their best to mind their own business. Some parents turn a blind eye to their children’s bullying or anti-social behaviour. If more adults put themselves on the line to address inappropriate behaviour in children, our world would be a better place. Of course children should be respected as should every human being and shouldn’t be yelled at or humiliated. But I have had occasion to speak to other people’s children about their bullying, destructive behaviour, dangerous behaviour (where they might harm themselves) and even once spoke to a teenage girl I didn’t know who was swearing down the phone at her mother. Busy-body? Yes. None of my business? Actually, I think it is. These children will grow up to become adult bullies/anarchists and it should be stopped. And by all means, if you see my children behaving like this, please step in for their own good. Hopefully I am raising them to know right from wrong, and resilient enough to take criticism on board.
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Tracy Williams April 9, 2012
I don’t mind telling other children what I think. I would never ever swear, yell or upset a child (that is not mine) but a polite ” please stop that” or ”thanks, you can leave my kids alone now” is usually all that is needed. I struggle though at school pick up with children running about unsupervised. One time I suggested this boy not sit in the gutter if the pick up zone incase he gets run over. For my interest in his welfare I got the finger, should have left the grade 2 er right where he was!
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SAwHole April 9, 2012
Lucky Aunty Saw was not there.
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Jodie aka mummaducka April 9, 2012
You absolutely did the right thing. Every child (even seriously naughty ones) deserves to feel safe at school. You must let the principal know as this verges on a child protection issue. The protocol is to go through the school to have issues addressed, and if there ever was a problem surely the school should be informed. I know of parents being banned from entering the a school due to instances of harrassing, threatening or scaring children or even teachers.
I have heard whispers that there might be some changes to the law regarding yelling at children.
I politely told a child off the other day when her grandmother had no control over 3 little girls and one turned the lights off in a toilet under the grandstand at the show. I explained that it made it very dark and she should not do that as it was dangerous. She stopped. I have no issues from parents, kids or others as i do it politely and with a smile. Most of the parents thank me. I know that sometimes kids listen more to strangers than their parents. Mine do!
Imagine what goes on in that other kids home when no one is listening if that is what he does in a public playground. Poor little kid. -
Jodie aka mummaducka April 9, 2012
Whoops forgot to add that i chased teenager kids into an abandoned house once when they were throwing bricks at cars on the highway, they hit m car. I must have scared the hell out of them. Don’t care if I did -they were going to kill someone. (it terrified my own 3 who were in the car at the time!
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Susan @ Afford Your Passions April 9, 2012
I can’t imagine yelling at another child, but it reminds me of an incident when my son was in the first grade.
Another child had pushed him off the bleachers in the school hall. The bleachers were up on the stage.
When I saw what he had done, I calmly walked up to the horrid little child, and in a very low voice, I told him that if he ever did something like that again, I would personally throw him off the stage myself.
Much more effective than yelling at the child.
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Jewel Divas Style April 10, 2012
Yes you did the right thing, sometimes parents need to be pulled into line like their children.
I also agree with Robyn, sometimes you need to reprimand another child. I did it once when a girl pushed my nephew out of the way to get on a McDonalds slippery dip thing. I actually pulled her out of the way and said, “no, he was next”. I wasn’t reprimanded by any parents and they could hardly care either way.
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Samantha April 10, 2012
After exhausting all avenues, my mum became sick of a girl two grades above me picking on me. She found her outside school waiting to be picked up one day. My mum accosted her and let rip.
Everything she felt while watching tiny six year old me cry my heart out after being picked on for my freckles and my teeth just came pouring out and she properly gave this girl a dressing down. The girl was speechless and I’m guessing, terrified.
She never picked on me again. True story. -
Birgit April 10, 2012
Love it.m
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KellieMaree April 10, 2012
Really love all the stories, how wonderful that there are so many smart, tough, loving mums who will stand behind and support their children. I agree that you should never yell at a child (difficult some times, I know) but I definitely think if a child is being naughty, you want to get down to their level, look them in the eye and explain in a low, steady voice that their behavior is unacceptable and why it is unacceptable.
I have such concern with parents who don’t hold their children’s bad behavior up the light and make them accountable. Children will up the ante in bad behavior if their parents will not follow through with suitable punishments, but allow them to skate through with a desultory “don’t do that Johnny” only to be ignored. Kids need boundaries or they can end up out of control.On a lighter note – Penny you rock!
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Michelle April 10, 2012
When my son was 5, an older boy befriended him. I didn’t think much of it until my little one ‘fessed up one night that he didn’t like S*****, because he wanted to take him to his hiding place with the pictures of nude girls.
That was bad enough. Then I was told. “And he wanted me to suck on his doodle, Mum! I ran away. I don’t like him anymore”.
Mortified much?
The kid in question was barely 13 years old. He came from a family background that was barely functional. I “knew” instinctively that confronting his family would do more damage than anything else.
I got the task of confronting this boy when he next turned up to “play with my son”.
I very carefully told him what I had learned. I then also told him that if he needed an adult to talk to about sex and what was happening to him, I was available for that role if he needed. I told him that what he was doing with my son was completely inappropriate and outside of the law. I assured him I would not be going to the cops at that point as I felt he really just needed to find someone he could talk to first if possible.
The child was so shocked and dismayed he practically ran from our house and we never saw him again. I felt bad that I had shamed him so but his behaviour was entirely unacceptable.
To this day my son has confided in me nearly everything. I believe this is because he saw his mum defend him at his most vulnerable.
At the time I didn’t believe it was appropriate to alert the older boys family to the situation. If the sexual harassment HAD escalated, I would have gone through the Police instead and followed their procedure. That wouldn’t have been easy but it would have been necessary.
It’s not easy raising a kid. I think there is a dilemma in that many Aussie families are so very nuclear and are granted sole autonomy over the discipline of their children while there are unwritten (and often very high) expectations in our communities on parenting and disciplining kids. The two don’t always gel.
