- "When a sick fourteen month-old baby needs her mum….or dad. No it’s not. There’s no contest. Sick baby wins!" "If sick baby wins", why was it ok for sick baby to wait 5 days? Mum requested on Monday... for leave on Thursday. And then when granted leave, mum spends the afternoon doing radio and television interviews. Seems more like sick baby wins when it's politically convenient. We've moved from misogyny and onto sick babies, this Parliament's new football. - Joe
- Hey KF, more power to you and me and anyone who has to FIGHT for our loved ones who can't fight for themselves. One day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time. Metoo- here's hoping you never have to walk a mile in our shoes- for a multitude of reasons, and my last word- I don't see it as "locking up" my aunt I see it as an honor to make sure she is safe, looked after and comfortable for the rest of her life Good luck to everyone, Robyn - Roby
- Tara, this article is brilliant. Agree with every word. - Nicole Madigan
- Santorini..... - Katherine Basher
- Very moving. Everyone I know who had done this has been touched by it. - Jo
- I have to disagree with a few things in this article. Mothers have never been better supported than they are now. 12 years ago I didn't get a baby bonus and I only got 16% childcare rebate. Now families get 50% rebate on childcare. 12 years ago there was no paid maternity leave option from the government and the paid maternity leave from my work was 6 weeks, now it's increased to 8 weeks. A colleague told me last year she took 8 weeks at half pay (over 16 weeks) and then got 18 weeks paid maternity leave from the government so she could take over 8 months off with pay. There is also paternity leave available now where I work which wasn't available 12 years ago. However I do agree with Tara Moss about Newstart. Giving single parents the Newstart allowance is pathetic and I challenge any politician to try and live on it for 6 months and pay a mortgage or rent and see how they survive. We also still have a long way to go on gender equality when it comes to pay scales but hopefully with more women in the workforce it will help the cause. - Not That Bad
- Wonderful. I always ask myself will someone die if I fuck up? Will it matter in 3 months? And who fucking cares? Works for me. The swearing part is important apparently. ;-) x - Michaela C
- Our focus on women and children and their difficulties ignores the elephant in the room. Where is the father/partner in this equation? Where is the support, financial responsibilty, active participation and general parental sharing by partners/fathers? Where are they all? Why has the focus on women and children left them invisible and unaccountable? Is it because we don't expect men to take care of their responsibilities, or is it too hard any issue to deal with? I fully acknowledge that there are many exceptions, including death of a partner, abuse and violence, and other diverse reasons, but is there no way we can broaden the debate to include the responsibilities of partners/fathers? Just a thought. - Nel Matheson
- Can we please clarify that not all single parent families were moved from PPS to Newstart - only those who were grandfathered by the Howard government when they brought in the changes many moons ago. It was Howard and his cronies that singled out and privileged a group of single parents, allowing them to recevie more than anyone in similar circumstances who didn't benefit from the grandfathering, or never received PPS in the first place (Not everyone's marriage ends before their youngest child turns eight). While I don't believe that Newstart is sufficient to live on and raise children easily I am very much against this focus that has been placed and what is in reality a small group of people. How about fighting to put everyone on PPS or to increase Newstart rather than just a few. - Carz
- Well spoken, Vanessay. I cringe when I hear people go on about single mothers. As if it's only the mothers who deserve the social stigmatization and the husbands, boyfriends, partners don't. And as if the two parent family is so perfect. As if no two parent family lives off the taxpayer or eats junk food. But more important than the social stigma that attaches itself to their children is the poverty that disadvantages them and how it can be transmitted to the next generation. Many single mothers are close to the bread line and that's not good enough. Do we want them on the street? How would that look? It's no better than kicking someone when they're down. Un-Australian. - Rhoda
ON THE HIGHWIRE ANSWERS
I REALLY DON’T NEED ANY MORE…
People are out looking for a gift for you, possibly right at this moment!
Here’s your chance to tell them what you definitely DO NOT need any more of… cookbooks, candles, platters, salad servers, salt and pepper shakers in the shape of ducks?
It may sound a tad ungrateful, but your loved ones wouldn’t mind a teensy clue.
16 Responses to this article
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Lizzie November 27, 2012
I like Sarah Wilson’s comment a lot, and I am frankly envious of the unified family view. I’d rather give everyone donations or experiences or cooked things or photos, but my ‘family’ (this is my original family, not the one I’ve made myself as an adult) would think I was being a self righteous git. They like to give lavish impersonal gifts instead. My mother still buys exactly the same things for me and my sisters, and we’re all in our forties and very different people. Urgh.
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Norelle Feehan November 27, 2012
donating to a person’s favourite charity is the go (ie for MS research) for those with everything OR of course giving a voucher for an experience, like hot air ballooning in the Hunter (alert, I am a PR for those two!) is also often welcome – like consumables (no clients there)
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Clare November 27, 2012
When my brother and I reached about 18, our family no longer exchanged presents, and it’s been that way ever since. Extended family members have labelled us as “ungenerous”, but I don’t consider cooking up a delicious lunch and bringing decent bottles of wine to a family occasion as “ungenerous”. I agree with both Sarah and Narelle – we have so much stuff. And others have so little.
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JessB November 27, 2012
My sister has said a couple of times so far that she is really opposed to buying more ‘stuff’ for people this Christmas. If there’s something that someone really needs, she’s happy to get that, but in general, our family, like Sarah’s, doesn’t really need much (if anything).
I love the idea of buying people presents, but I find it does have to be something they will love and use. I love Maggie’s idea of giving things that can be used up. I adore giving food, and often give packets of homemade biscuits. Yum!
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Thomas Brookes November 27, 2012
Stuff….
Buying things you don’t need (or they don’t need), with money you don’t have, to impress people you don’t like.
The best things in life, aren’t things. etc
Yet the media will go on and on about how good or bad the retailers are doing before Christmas, then the inevitable post Christmas sales… jeepers look at the behaviour at that Black Friday thing, that just occurred.
I’m not a particularly religious person, but I am sure Jesus was not born to further the cause of retailing…
Really liked all the comments by the Hoopla writers.
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BelindaP November 27, 2012
Our alternative is buying World Vision gifts – there’s a family out there that really needs a goat!
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Anne L November 27, 2012
All the ladies sharing seem to be abundantly materially blessed, and good on you for being grateful for that. I have modest material resources but I am not ‘poor’ and I am very grateful for what I do have compared to many.
It’s great when people acknowledge that eg. spending precious time spent with dear ones, or giving and recieving home made items, or even contributing something to a festive meal are so precious and valued.
Like Belinda in the above comment, I would suggest that you consider asking friends, relatives etc to please donate the value of a gift they might give you, to a charity of your choice. That way they know in advance and their kindness is acknowledged, simply given expression in a different and compassionate form, surely in keeping with the true ‘spirit’ of the Season. Oh and they don’t have to stress wondering what on earth to get the man or woman ‘who has everything’, lol. So ease all round.
For me that wouldn’t be buying a family a goat … I’d be too worried about the fate of the poor little goat and if it was being cared for & would it end up cruelly slaughtered, etc. I would rather an in lieu gift to one of my preferred animal welfare charities : )
But point being, whatever we chose, a charity would benefit and everyone would get the warm glow of knowing they they had done something special for the benefit of another soul, whether human, animal, or both! xxx
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jonah stiffhausen November 27, 2012
I agree with every article on this site.
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ro.watson November 27, 2012
I used to love Christmas. As an adult, I loved seeing my sisters and parents once a year. I loved the festival. My parents died. My sisters established their own family things. I then had a girlfriend whose birthday was on Christmas Day. Big,big party after closer in lunch. I mean huge party. Now I have “mood swings’ at this time of the year.
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Cathie November 28, 2012
Hubby and I have established our own tradition of making yummy gifts in our kitchen–chocolates, preserves, cakes, biscuits–that we put in beautiful (but simple) wrapping. It saves us time fighting the shopping crowds, gives us fun time together, and is a truly personalised gift we couldn’t get anywhere else. Plus, it all gets used up (in fact, we’ve even had “more please!” requests, esp. for hubby’s sugar-free instant chai from last year.) And I’d say it’s the one thing I really look forward to at Christmas time.
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Claire November 29, 2012
:Hear Hear” or should that be “Here Here”? Whatever. I agree with every comment. I, too, have given gifts of chickens, goats and similar gifts from Oxfam. I have told the family many times to send the money to charities of their choice. Some do, some don’t. A couple of years ago I moved into a
serviced apartment in a retirment village and left behind all my “stuff”. Years of accumulated “treasures”.
All gone. However, I do miss my little car. (Sniff) -
ro.watson November 29, 2012
I still like the hush that falls over the hot suburbs at Christmas.
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ro.watson November 30, 2012
I have cleared on a breakdown~and given to charity. I have cleared to make my place my own. I have given back material gifts. I have had inherited gifts with provisos like keep them in the family. I have heard cries from myself, and others, like “you are the only one I want”. So no wonder we stuff poultry at Christmas and eat things we baulk at, at other times of the year.Good luck, every body.
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Ann-Marie December 3, 2012
Ohh, so many people (including myself) end up with really unlikely and unwanted gifts each year – simply because so many of us think we HAVE to give a gift, no matter what it is!
That’s why we developed an app to try and eliminate this pain: wRapt!
It’s currently FREE in the iTunes Store, and it simply is a gift registry in your pocket. You just snap a photo, tag some details, and share it with Facebook and Twitter. It means anything you desire (be it a Lego Wii game, nail-polish, or a goat for a village through Oxfam) can be shared immediately with friends and family. Also means you can see what they share on wRapt! and avoid giving them an unwanted gift too!
We’re in Open Beta Testing and are looking for as much feedback as possible. Download it today, join the wRapt! Community on Facebook and let us know if this is the app that stops the wasted money and the unnecessary landfill.
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VictoriaBrooks December 8, 2012
We threw out/donated most of our “stuff” ( entire home) when we decided to travel around Australia this year. We now live without “stuff” and only have what we need… and what can fit in the car. We made the decision that what we could give each other was TIME. Simple, free and personalized. We also decided that we would give our friendship and our professional abilities to those in need along the way. This is our first Christmas on the road, and we will celebrate and express gratitude for our good health, our successes this year, the beautiful vistas we have seen on our journey so far and the wonderful people who have made us feel so special along the way. Our Christmas is about looking back over the year and appreciating our experiences and each other. We will celebrate by eating beautiful local produce, sing traditional Christmas carols, laugh with our children and just embrace the world that we live in. Stuff had weighted us down for years. It has been utterly liberating to have left it all behind and experience true freedom with our children. We feel like we have got it right
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Stephanie Dowrick: No more "brave resolutions" without braver action! I'm either going to make the change (long overdue) or stop talking about it. I've been saying for years that I intend to work a bit less and have more time for my darling family and friends. If the time isn't now, it never will be. Habits of overwork are lifelong. But that's all they are: habits! (I'll report back in six months!!)
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Between “resolution” and “action” there is a decision about deciding or not deciding? That is where the courage is~ after that there is movement, or not?
What do you think of this response from Stephanie Dowrick? Click here to have your say
Christine Whiston: I don't need anything but in the spirit of the season, comestibles are always welcome; special foodstuffs to share, to savour and to celebrate the festive days ahead.
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Katherine Thomson: Cookbooks. If I am imprisoned in my kitchen for the next ten years I may get through some of the recipes from the miriad of gorgeous, seldom used cook books. But having just bought a Weber from a friend I now can't stop myself turning on that gas bottle every second night, so I believe I could cope with a few smart BBQ accessories. And someone to clean it afterwards.
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Maggie Alderson: Like everyone else, my house is full, my life weighed down by material objects. I don't need another thing, but I do love the ritual of giving and receiving presents. In this spirit I only give things that are to be used up up - lovley soap, delicious smelly bath smelly unguents, body lotion, scented candles, chocolates and my current obsession, nail varnish. One of the best presents I've ever had was some amazing silver polish from Nantucket. Every time I use it, I think of that friend - and best of all, it's nearly finished.
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Meredith Jaffe: The NO list is so obvious- no books- be they cookbooks, fiction, fact or fantasy. My kitchen sinks under the weight of appliances, crockery, cutlery and Creuset. My linen press doors no longer close and my wardrobe is well worn and not needy of scarves or bespoke jewelry. I'm not overly fond of chocolate, liqueur or otherwise, but Champagne is always welcome, as is good nougat- the sticky kind.
All I really want, and don't tell them I told you, is my family in my home to share company, food and cheer- the most important gift of all. (I much prefer giving to receiving) Mx
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Wendy Harmer: Platters, candles in the shape of cacti, table napkins, books, vases, mugs
with amusing messages, pens of any description, notebooks covered in Batik .
However, I DO need printer ink - lots of it. Thanks.
Latest 2 of 2 comments
Your printer ink comment made me laugh. Apparently it’s the most expensive liquid in the world. Why can’t we buy it in wine cask sizes and fill up ourselves … well, not ourselves, the cartridge.
Printer ink! The perfect gift. I’m off to write to Santa right now!
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Sue Ingleton: Please dont give me your fears. Please dont give me your mistrust.Please dont give me anger and despair. Give me laughter, light and hope. Thanks
Latest 2 of 2 comments
Such lovely thoughts Sue. I am looking forward to a Xmas day
full of laughter, light and hope……as, for the first time EVER my children and nephews – Josie 24, James 25, Heath 31 and Bryn 32 have had the brilliant idea of cooking Xmas dinner for the oldies in lieu of gifts, so that we can rest our weary bones and enjoy the day. Mmmmm…we’ll see!!?? I think laughter, light and hope might get us through.
Sue, your message seems to be more about what you are prepared to receive but not what you are prepared to give. Whilst you have made your boundaries clear~ just thinking you may be missing out on notions of “giving” this time round?
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Naomi Simson: I don't need any more 'stuff'. Full stop. I think Will Rogers said it best: "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like". Clearly this aligns to what we believe at RedBalloon– which is all about buying less “stuff” and instead living in the moment and enjoying shared experiences. With self storage one of the fastest growing industries in Australia – do we really need any more stuff? All I want is time with my friends and family this Christmas - nothing more, nothing less.
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I’m with you on this one. We have moved a couple of times in the lat few years, and that has made us brutally edit our stuff. And my brother and I are also dealing with our parents lifetimes of stuff after their deaths. This has definitely taught me the lesson of “stuff” can’t make you happy, in fact too much of it can make you miserable, you can’t take it with you and it just becomes someone else’s problem when you die. So, we don’t do gifts for adults anymore in our family, and we are judicious in our gifts for the kids. We are now giving money we otherwise might have spent on useless stuff to charity, and putting money to holidays as well. It’s refreshing!
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Sarah Wilson: I - we all - don't need ANYTHING. My family don't do presents. Instead we donate a goat to a impoverished village somewhere or chip in to rent a house down the coast for a few days so we can spend time together. We grew up anti-stuff and stuff depresses all eight of us now. I highly recommend the practice!
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For similar reasons I’ve tried to do this with my family for about 6 years now. I ALWAYS meet with resistance, esp with the buying of the goat thing. I despair of my family sometimes. I might suggest the rental over Christmas – that might appeal …
We also donate to a charity instead of giving presents. No having to pretend that the new tea towels are fabulous or wasting money on unwanted gifts. We know the money is going to a good cause. (Kids get presents until they are 18, so we are not total Scrooge’s!)
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Marina Go: Please, no more products for my kitchen. That includes all of those fad electric vegetable choppers, muffin makers and pancake mixers that seem to find their way into department stores for Christmas. I also don't need any more decorative candles.
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