THE 6 SOCIALLY AWKWARD SINS
Socially awkward situations are no friend of mine.
They are, well, toe-curlingly awful. I am sure if you, sitting there right now, cast your mind back, you will not have to travel far before one pops up from your memory.
Are you a social kisser? Single or double? Barack Obama with former French first lady Carla Bruni and, on homepage, with Hillary Clinton.
Let’s take a look at six common sins that one can easily make and investigate some strategies that may ease your horror.
1. Introducing people to each other when you do not know all of the names. This is one of my biggest hurdles. You are at a function or something, talking to someone that you clearly know but whose name has momentarily escaped your brain. Someone else joins you in conversation. They stand awkwardly, looking at you, waiting for an introduction. You can either say something ineffective like “Surely you two know each other?” and pray to the gods of memory recall that they kick into gear fairly swiftly. Or you can excuse yourself and go and get another canapé.
Or you can stand up tall, look at your friend with no name and say, “I am so sorry. I forgot to take my medication this morning and I have completely forgotten your name.” Do this. And move on quickly to the next topic of conversation.
2. Rage. All sorts of rage can occur these days. Road, phone, walking. You name it; there is a RAGE factor. Now I have been known to occasionally cause a road rage incident and the most effective way to diffuse the situation is to blow the rager a kiss. A big one. They either burst into laughter or burst a vein in their forehead. Either way, do not get caught up in it. Just move on.
3. Sometimes you go to use the ladies’ room at an event, only to find the line is really, really long. And next to the ladies’ room is the men’s facilities that no one is making use of. I am one of those impatient people when it comes to emptying my bladder so I am often found in the gents when the ladies’ line is too long.
The problem arises though, when you are making use of the latrine, when a few men folk come in to wee in the public trough. And then a few more come in. And you have finished your business, waiting patiently for them to all leave. But they do not.
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28 Responses to this article
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Vanessa June 12, 2012
I’m thinking it was the time at a friend’s wedding when I returned from the ladies toilet with the back of my skirt caught up in my stockings. I had re-joined my girlfriends but could hear a conversation amongst the men behind me, “no you tell her.” Then I felt a tap on my shoulder and one of the braver men whispered discreetly in my ear. I turned tail and very embarrassed -ly walked back to the toilets to adjust my clothing. Walking back out to the group was a very hard thing to do. My thighs and bottom have never been my best asset, so to have them on show encased in a sausage skin (stockings) was horrifying. But I put on a brave smile and just carried on because truly, what else can you do?
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Bern Morley June 12, 2012
I can NEVER remember people’s names. This happened here the other day when I had been explaining to my friend about how one of the other neighbours had introduced herself to me AT LEAST 3 times and yet try as I might, I just couldn’t retain that information. In my mind I was referring to her as ‘Black Swan’ because she’s a ballet dancer and is one nail file away from taking to me in a soundproof room (story for another day)
Then, a couple of weeks ago, she walked up to my friend and I, and my friend, bless her, introduced herself straight away and Black Swan replied with, “Oh, hi” NO RETURN INTRODUCTION. Was fucked. Still am fucked. She will forever be Black Swan.
Great Stuff. Oh wait, unless i just one upped you with my story, then, shit…
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VRog June 12, 2012
@Vanessa, I had to laugh at your comment! The same thing happened to me as I walked the length of Tullamarine airport with my skirt tucked into my stockings. Nobody told me until I got to the gate. Embarrassing! Thank God I live in Sydney!
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Emily June 12, 2012
I was at my work Christmas party (which I had organised). My boss arrived and as he did he beckoned me over. He leaned in and I stupidly assumed he was giving me a “hello” kiss. So I kissed him on the cheek. He looked rather taken aback and said “um err, I was just wondering what Anne’s husband’s name is”. He was just leaning in to whisper that question, not to go the tongue afterall.
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SawHole June 12, 2012
I am socially awkward. When I had my performance review once, I rolled my chair back and hit my boss in the balls. I did not get fired, only because we went to uni together.
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MissMeg June 12, 2012
Oh my goodness SawHole, I now have spots of food on my computer screen. Very very funny (can’t bring myself to type ‘LOL’)!
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Amacamchumps Sarah June 12, 2012
Hahaha Sawhole – totally gave away that I’m not working…. I generally don’t find spreadsheets so freaking hilarious I make a laugh/snort.
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Valerie Parv June 12, 2012
Everybody forgets names at some stage. I find it helps to tell friends before we go to an event together that if I don’t introduce them it’s because I’ve forgotten the other person’s name, and to please introduce themselves. Keeping my ears peeled for someone else to use the name also helps. And if I jump in and use the wrong name, I’ll admit it and add, “I don’t know why I called you Joan, Mary. I should know by now…” Being upfront with a smile seldom fails, though I could use the Queen’s aide, walking beside her, whispering the crucial name in her ear, should she forget.
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Sarah Watts June 12, 2012
Gold!
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divert June 12, 2012
When you get introduced to someones new partner that you used to know from past shenanigans and they pretend to not know you.
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carmen June 12, 2012
I have a gift of forgetting immediately anything socially awkward… so I’m sure others would remember more than me. I guess it’s the fact that I’m rarely a hugger… although if someone makes a beeline to hug me – I will quickly make sure I look like I expected it all along. *ahem*
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Erika June 12, 2012
I remember dogs names, but not the owners. Famous for it.
As for regifting – put a sticky label on it with the original giver’s name. No memory required
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Polly June 12, 2012
I once had a women start chatting to me a gig when she leaned in and made a commnet along the lines of “the guitar player is a bit of a dag isn’t he?”.
The guitar player was my husband!. But truthfully, he was a bit of a dag.
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Fussy Eater's Mum June 12, 2012
Everyone in Australia seems to kiss while in the USA it’s typically a good firm hand shake. It’s taken me years to deal with the kissing and most Australian’s seem offended if you offer your hand instead. I now find myself saying, “It’s more hygenic” and that really puts them off.
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Maxabella June 13, 2012
I can’t help but feel that a mute peck on the cheek is more hygienic than a handshake. For instance, I did not recall Mrs Woogs washing her hands as she exited the men’s room so wonderfully. x
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Mary Watson June 12, 2012
I was once approached by a woman in an unfamiliar setting. She knew me asked after my husband and chatted on. I could not for the life of me recall who she was. She went on saying she was exhausted because Daniel had kept her up all night. I took a punt and said,
How old is now?’ She looked at me strangely and said 43. He’s my husband. .
I pretended someone was calling me and slunk off. -
sam June 12, 2012
I spent the first three weeks of my son’s soccer season calling the coach Jules instead of Nicola. One of the other mums eventually took pity on me and told me of my mistake. I apoligised to Nicola and she just laughed and said she’d been called worse. The other embrassing thing I did, and my poor daughter still goes red at the thought was, at the end of year 5 I went up to her teacher, said thanks and gave her a hug and a kiss. All the mums who were talking to her looked shocked and none of them talked to me for the whole of year 6. Thank God my daughter is at High school and I don’t have to go near the place:)
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Miss Pink June 12, 2012
Writing notes furiously.
Great post Mrs Woog!
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Hannah June 12, 2012
Given that I am the most socially awkward person ever (I may have regaled you with stories of me dropping the JC-words in front of my minister uncle once. Definitely in vain, what with me being Jewish and all…) all this advice is brilliant!
I am always taken aback by ‘i just met you’ kisses. I am better than I used to be but seriously…I find it so weird! With family, I always go in for the kiss and then realise I should hug them…leading to an awkward lean back in for a hug as they pull away from the unnecessarily long cheek-smacking that occurred while I’d been assessing the hug situation. Oh lordy.
The most awkward moment ever…making a ‘yo mama joke to someone whose mum had just died…and stopping halfway through because I remembered as I started making the joke. Oh god.
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blue June 12, 2012
I wont’ kiss someone i’ve just met. I’ll shake their hand. Even if they are leaning in for the kiss I just stick out my hand.
As for the long queues in the ladies loo. I’m with you Mrs Woog, I’ll head for the men’s one if I’m busting and can’t wait. Only I don’t say anything to anyone or look anyone i the eye. I walk in head down and head straight for a cubicle (and luckily there’s always been one vacant) and on leaving still keep my head down and get out quickly. Essentially, I pretend I’m invisable. Although not sure why I should act like this.
Regifting is not my thing. Somehow I think you have to be a very confident, skilled regifter. I have gotten the feeling that I was being regifted to a number of times. Some people just can’t carry it off.. And I don’t think I could get away with it myself.
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Benison O'Reilly June 12, 2012
I once went to a kid’s birthday party in one of those indoor play venues. I grabbed a coffee and sat down to natter about the kids with one of the mums I recognised from the preschool. She kept looking at me in a really strange way and I couldn’t for the life of me work out why. It was only when she excused herself hurriedly that I looked around and discovered the REAL mum I recognised from the preschool. I’d been talking to a total stranger – one who clearly thought me a complete weirdo! Which I am, probably.
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Angelica Minx June 13, 2012
Serial social awkward person here .
Just a few…
Saying I could just ‘shoot myself’ to a friend after I dropped my freshly cooked mud cake out of the oven and onto the floor. Her friend (not mutual) had recently committed suicide…groan.
Going in for a cuddle/kiss and missing their cheek but getting their ear or worse, they turn and you get their lips!! This happens a lot.
Hearing gossip (I live in a small country town) from a new mum at school (tiny school of 70 kids) who you have only just met. The gossip was about me (obviously she didn’t know my name until after the gossip was passed onto me by accident) . Luckily it was quite flattering – that my boobs are looking so huge that maybe I’m pregnant…I’m not.
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Christine Macdonald June 13, 2012
Having to pass gas at the office. Those are the days I wish I wore tights to lock it in. xo
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Esther June 13, 2012
I am TERRIBLE with remembering names. A couple of years ago I took my son to his classmates birthday party and on the way into the party said to the child’s mother “I’m sorry I don’t remember your name” (I’d spoken to her a few times before and our sons had been friends for over a year) and she said “that’s ok, I’m Sarah”. Then on the way out of the party I went to thank her for the invite and said “I’m sorry I don’t remember your name”, completely forgetting I’d said the exact same thing on the way in. She just looked at me and said “that’s weird” and then walked off. So very embarrassing.
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Louisa June 13, 2012
I like to consider myself a right on sort of person and subscribe to the mantra of “see the person and not the disability” which is no excuse for asking a mature aged student Of mine with a sight impairment (legally blind) where she parked her car. Also was at a wedding where two young widowed friends were getting married and her father made the toast using the dead husband’s name which was followed by appalled silence. Love your work Mrs W
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Lab Elf June 14, 2012
Fresh off the plane at Frankfurt airport, I accidentally went into the male toilet and went straight to a cubicle. When I came out there were a couple of guys standing at the urinals I had completely failed to notice on the way in. Even then the penny failed to drop and I just thought ‘wow it’s so cool how the europeans do unisex toilets’ and nonchalantly washed and dried my hands under the blower. Only when I went out and looked back at the door did I see the man silhouette and realise it was the boys’. I have no idea what I was thinking when I went in and can only blame jetlag and disorientation.
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Michaela C June 19, 2012
Oh my. At the risk of one-upping… went to a party in London attended also by an actor I fancied the pants off. Got so anxious, drank too much, stayed too long, woke up among other bodies on the floor, covered in my own vomit. Actor looks over at me and says “What to throw up on yourself, Aussie”.
I died inside, just a little.
Not my finest hour. Actually, probably the worst self-inflicted moment of my life. LOL I went through awkward straight to “Cannot hold up my head in public again. Ever. Ever.”
