THE BIRDS, THE BEES AND THE NUNS
Do you remember those awkward sex ed classes where some squirming teacher stood at the front of the class pointing to diagrams of fallopian tubes while fending off embarrassing heckles from the naughty kids in the back row?
Illustration via (no, we’re not kidding) The Christian Post.
My memories are made more ridiculous by the fact that the class was led by a nun!
The woman wouldn’t have known a penis if it jumped up and tea-bagged her in the face. The black-and-white diagrams were as sexy as that old woman was ever going to get.
No wonder I became a promiscuous little slut.
It was all her fault. If she’d managed to do the job properly, I wouldn’t have needed to do so much field work. (Nikki’s book One Way or Another – The Story of a Girl Who Loved Rock Stars documents her schoolgirl dream of losing her virginity to the boys in the band – Ed.)
Unfortunately, while technology, communication and industry have made huge strides in the world, sex education is still a flaccid, boring and inadequate subject that is not making any headway.
Teenage rates of sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy remain high and kids are experimenting in more and more extreme ways and earlier.
In fact, Australia rates poorly against other developed countries when it comes to teen pregnancy and STDs. There is no national curriculum for sex education and it is not a mandatory part of our education system and even if it were I suspect it would be as dry as my old nun’s …
Kids need more than frigid diagrams and a cautionary delivery of all the perils of ignoring condoms.
I’m not advocating teaching them how to roll a condom onto a banana with their mouths, but in order to get the message across that sex is healthy, fun and also something that demands a great deal of respect, we need to spice it up and make it real.
Kids figure out very early, whether we tell them or not, that sex equals babies. You can learn that from watching even the most G-rated television programs and listening to other kids on the bus. But sex isn’t really about making babies even though the nuns tried to make it so.
Sex is more about embracing yourself as a man or woman.
It is about who we are. It is about connecting with others, having fun, worshipping the power of our own humanity.
If we had a baby every time we had sex, the planet would be in trouble. Only a very small percentage of sexual encounters end in pregnancy. Sex is primarily about having fun with a friend.
Sex education doesn’t have to be rigid and bland.
It should first of all be delivered by an educator who has sex, enjoys sex and is comfortable enough to dive in and tackle subjects that kids want to know about.
There is little point teaching boys about erect penises and masturbation. That much is self-explanatory.
They want to know whether it’s normal to have homosexual feelings, how much porn is healthy, do girls really like anal sex, are pimples on the penis normal?
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16 Responses to this article
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The Huntress June 5, 2012
Hear, hear! This is THE MOST sensible approach to sex education that I have come across for some time. We need to educate with useful information, not hide behind an “abstinence is the answer” or “true love waits” message. I am thoroughly heartened by this message.
I am an RN about to undertake my post grad diploma in sexology to hopefully become a Sex Educator (and with luck also specialise in sexual forensics). I see enough of a problem in the way sex education is handled in schools, that I hope I can at least get out there and do something about it.
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Pauline June 5, 2012
I agree. I think we have made too much of sex in this society. If we were more open and honest and less embarrassed, the young ones wouldn’t think it was some forbidden and secretive act. Maybe they wouldn’t be so anxious to see what it’s all about. If we educated the school kids on the consequences and risks as well as demystifying the whole shebang (woops, pun not intended) we would have an educated cohort who could make considered choices. Same with drugs, give them the truth and let them make up their own minds.
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Michelle (mamabook) June 5, 2012
Great piece. I read this article awhile ago in the NYTimes and it showed what really great sex education looks like. And I so agree – it is not about the mechanics but everything else. Worth a read.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/20/magazine/teaching-good-sex.html?pagewanted=all
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The Huntress June 5, 2012
@Michelle
That is a great link, thanks for providing it.
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Samantha June 5, 2012
Loved this piece Nikki! Hope to read a lot more from you on The Hoopla!!
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Nikki McWatters June 5, 2012
Oh, you can count on it, Samantha. I’m a newbie Hoopla fan!!
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Terri June 5, 2012
In 1974, the nuns at our school waited till a missionary priest visited and he delivered the talk to the Year 6 students. This was due to the fact that the following year we would attend a public high school. The talk included awareness of words and behaviors we would face when we moved from the protected environment of the convent. The nuns were continuing their job in teaching us about a world we were yet to discover. Once entering high school, we were subjected to a sex education video where I think I saw the same baby born five times during my time there. The information was very bland and really it wasn’t a safe place in which to learn this anyway. Having peers who found it funny, embarrassing or an opportunity to be rude didn’t allow anyone who had questions an opportunity to safely ask for further information. The community expected parental input in the delivery of this important information, but had begun to allow the schools to deliver the necessary information due to the obvious shortfall in knowledge. Raising my own children, my husband and I took the responsibility in educating our kids on sex, and whilst we may not have covered all the aspects initially, by maintaining open communication with them, we dealt with their questions, fears and discoveries as they arose. I believe parents need to be more involved in delivering this information to their children, not expecting the education system to fulfill all the needs. My experience, admittedly in the very early days of sex education, was delivered in a group setting and this didn’t work well. Children need a safe place in which to hear about this important aspect of life. In a perfect world this should come from their parents, but in our world where we have children raising children, it’s no wonder there is so much confusion and pressure put upon our educators to deliver a lifetimes worth of knowledge on a subject which by its very nature, so complex. I think Nikki was a bit harsh about the nuns, these women may not participate in sexual relationships, but that doesn’t make them naive nor ignorant about human behaviors. Their job wasn’t to parent and Nikki’s experience reflects the failure of the system that expects educators to parent.
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Nikki McWatters June 6, 2012
We all know parents should educate kids about sex but the reality is many are uncomfortable about it so our education system should provide a proper program at school that ensures the message gets delivered. My point was that nuns are not the right people to deliver that message. You would not learn to drive from someone who has taken a vow against driving and is firmly against the wearing of seat-belts as protection. That would be downright dangerous. Even if a celibate was open-minded enough to tackle all aspects of the subject…chances are they’d be disciplined. See this article today – http://www.smh.com.au/world/vatican-throws-the-book-at-nuns-understanding-views-on-sexuality-20120605-1zub1.html
But thanks for sharing. And I do agree that the parents need to be involved as well.-
Terri June 6, 2012
I do understand what you are saying, I guess if you send your children to a catholic school, you also must expect the exposure to the belief system it promotes. This includes only sex between men and women (definitely no same sex), sex within marriage only, virgin birth, etc. Too, I think it would be unrealistic to suggest that all nuns are virgins upon entering the convent. Given the low entry rates to the convents by women wishing to enter the church, I would expect the future where nuns deliver sex education to be a thing of the past. Thank you for writing such a thought provoking article.
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David Johnston June 6, 2012
Thanks for humorous and down to earth look at sex education. These issues should be discussed in a sensible way to promote both health and better relationships.
The fact is that both (that is ALL GLBTI ok?) sexes can be stupid about sex in their own way unfortunately. Expectations are both high and low. Myths can rule in spite of education.
Bullying is an issue with cruelty that can leave permanent scars or cause suicides. Workplaces now have OH&S standards that try to make people civilized, but don’t reflect the reality of damaged emotions and misinformation nurtured in some schools.
Look at how the Pope has slapped down recent attempts by some Nuns to address some issues in sex etc. Long way to go. -
Dave June 6, 2012
Great article! I think I would like Nikki to give me a few lessons…
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Anne June 6, 2012
I had no Sex Ed classes at school. Perhaps none is better than badly taught classes. Wonderful to raise this important topic, thanks Nikki. Also, the article from the New York Times is so inspiring. What a fantastic impact Al Vernacchio is having on his pupils. Thanks for mentioning it Michelle.
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Fran June 7, 2012
I had no sex education at school 1968-1980 (catholic schools), we had religious education instead and found myself sent out of class for asking questions that they would not answer, but my parents always taught me to respect myself, question what feels wrong/bad, if you make a mistake, reflect on consequences.
Today in this fast paced world and the ability to obtain any information(correct or otherwise) our children need to respect themselves 1st, from a young age before, during and after puberty , show them by example(google their questions together, this also invokes communication,conversation and an open door to approaching tender topics), good and bad(balance the argument) differences between appropriate behaviour and not; consequences and costs to theirs and others future.
Parents do not have all the answers, but we have the responsibility to show them how to research and discuss any questions they have, this should be backed up by the schools they attend whether on an individual basis or group situation. -
Nikki McWatters June 7, 2012
Hey Fran…your parents seem to have had a great attitude toward open communication and your advice to parents is so sensible. Teaching children respect for themselves and others is really the core of sex education. If only more parents fostered an environment of trust and comfortable safe communication….talking about it in forums such as this might just remind some, eh? Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
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Bri June 11, 2012
The Huntress: I am currently studying my Post Grad Dip Sexology! And forensics is my area of interest too! I will be blogging about my course at my new blog http://myscarlettheartt.wordpress.com/
