MY FEMINIST BIRTHRIGHT
There’s a story my parents tell about me that I love because it makes me sound like I was one of those sassy, adorable kids that populate Modern Family and the imaginations of childless TV writers everywhere.
When I was about three, I announced to my neighbours that I wanted to be a truck driver. My neighbours – three girls, all older than me – laughed.
When I asked why, their mother told me that little girls can’t be truck drivers because that’s a job for little boys.
These days I’d argue that, technically, it’s not a job for children at all but at the time I had larger concerns. I told her that she was wrong because “my family are feminisms which means that girls can be any job” and immediately ran next door to tell my parents what I’d heard.
In retrospect, this story reflects better on my parents than it does on me.
For a three-year-old to know the word feminism, let alone to identify (albeit grammatically incorrectly) as a feminist, indicates a homelife that features healthy discussion.
It was hugely important to both my parents that my brothers and I knew that men and women are equal, even if they’re not treated that way by society or the law.
As I entered my teenage years, the conversation became more complex.
I wanted to know what my parents thought about contraception, equal pay for equal work, maternity leave, pro-life versus pro-choice and whether declaring Natasha Stott Despoja a stone-cold hottie undercut her authority as a politician. (I was about to write “R.I.P Democrats” but Wikipedia claims they still exist. Hang in there, you crazy kids.)
My parents never shied away from answering these often difficult questions, or from encouraging me to read everything I could and draw my own conclusions. So it was with some surprise that, about a year ago, I found myself answering a few queries that they had about feminism in my generation.
The SlutWalk phenomenon began when a police officer in Toronto suggested, in January 2011, that women should “avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimised”. The wrong-headedness of this statement provided an opportunity for something wonderful.
Suddenly, the term “slut-shaming” entered conversations and rape culture became a popular topic for opinion pages.
This was hardly new for feminists my age who use sites like Jezebel for daily lady-news, but the language was a stumbling block for my parents.
“But why does it have to be a ‘slut’ walk?” asked my dad. “Why would you want to reclaim the word ‘slut’ anyway?” asked my mum. “The Sydney march is in June? Won’t you be cold?” asked both of them.
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13 Responses to this article
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Caitlin May 4, 2012
I was so proud of “Hemlines Aren’t Guidelines”. That was a great day. Nice work, woman in charge of her own sexual agency.
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veggie mama May 4, 2012
Damn do I love open-minded parents raising open-minded kids! Taught to think… what could be better.
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The Huntress May 4, 2012
Fantastic! Sounds like you have great, open-minded parents who have shaped and fought for your beliefs. I was raised to believe that as a girl I was worth less than my brother and would amount to nothing more than a wife raising children. Funnily enough, while I did end up as someone’s wife and a mother, I also got a degree, marched for countless feminist causes, married a man who is a feminist (even though he didn’t actually realise it, until I pointed it out to him, bless him!), blog for equal rights and raise my gorgeous boy to be as open minded as possible (I was so proud when my 7 year old said it was stupid that gay marriage was illegal). On the plus side I have slowly started to show my mother that women can be anything they want and it’s not too late for her. I was so proud when she started to stand up and put her foot down to my Victorian minded dad. And completely to her credit she didn’t even flinch when I told her my new postgrad diploma is going to be sexology. Yep, times are still changing and it’s worth every moment we shiver in a tiny skirt on yet another march or rally.
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Alice Shaw May 4, 2012
I am a feminist, raised by a feminist, raising my children as feminists. Both of my daughters (12 and 9) identify as feminists. When my youngest was 5 I took her to a rally for paid maternity leave – she proudly announced that she was a “fenimist”.
I think I have my mother to thank for being a strong woman who fought for equality and rights for women in the 70′s. In a one parent family, she fought against discrimination based on her sex and marital status and has been an amazing role model to me.. she is also a wonderful role model for my children.
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Amacamchumps May 4, 2012
I love this article! My mother is a feminist, but is dead afraid of sexuality, which has rubbed off on me a bit. I have no shame in owning my sexuality, but have always stumbled on the block of being labelled a slut. What would people say if they knew that about me?!
So good to see what the alternative is, with your upbringing Brydie, and your own attitude. Definitely something to infuse into my own outlook, and for my future children. -
dramaqueen75 May 4, 2012
I remember being shocked and outraged in year 6 when members of the mounted police came to talk to us at school. It was 1977.
I was so impressed by the horses and the uniforms that I asked what I would need to do to become a member of the force when I grew up. The police officer laughed “you won’t ever be able to join. First of all you are very short for your age and there are height requirements and secondly you are a girl. We do not accept women into the mounted police”I was outraged and determined to point out to the officer why short people and women were just as capable of doing a good job as any one else. My teacher was shocked and dismayed by my cheek and I was soon told in no uncertain terms to quiten down.
That was the moment my awareness was raised and after talking to my mum I discovered I was a feminist
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Liz May 4, 2012
I was also raised to believe I was less of a person than my brother but I went to an all girls, very much feminist, school who taught me I could be anything I wanted. I had to leave Ireland to achieve that but here I am with a degree and two very informed children. Just a pity Gen Y don’t share our views.
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Erin turner May 4, 2012
Im so proud that wagga wagga made it in the bio
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Sam May 7, 2012
I think many many women mistake feminisim with man hating. I know of women who have blogs devoted to all the ways men are stupid and how they are horrible etc. My very real concern is mothers who are raising their daughters not to be feminists but to be man haters. Just because someone may have been in a relationship with someone who turned out to be different to the dream man they thought they would marry, does not mean that every other man should be tainted with the same brush. Even when people have this pointed out to them, they choose to brush it away with the words “I am not a man hater. I am a feminist”
I feel very very sorry for the daughters they are raising. -
Alicia May 21, 2012
Superb piece Ms BKL, superb piece.
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Alicia May 21, 2012
Oops..Ms BLK I meant to type…
