HERE’S TO MRS WHATSERNAME

By Lisa Lintern

January 23, 2012

I always knew I’d keep my ‘maiden’ name when I got married.

Not because of my husband’s unusual Irish surname (although it could make you giggle if you say it fast 10 times).

Not because of my feminist views (although I’m definitely not comfortable with the archaic concept of being ‘sold-off’ to another family).

Not because of the paperwork (although I am prone to the odd meltdown when faced with anything administrative).

And definitely not because of a lack of commitment to my husband (trust me, if you knew what we’ve gone through to be together, you’d know I’m in this for the long haul).

It’s just that, well, I quite like being Lisa Lintern.

I’ve been told my name has a nice ‘ring’ to it. The double-barrelled initials. Signing off my emails with an easy LL. It’s me, and I can’t imagine being called anything else.

I guess I’ve always had a strong personality – one that was nourished by parents who gave me the freedom to be myself. My father is the first to say I’ve never been good at doing what I’m told, his frustration unable to hide his pride.

Thankfully my husband wasn’t bothered at all when I told him about my desire to keep my name.

It was pretty much a non-event for him. Well, apart from the congratulatory cries of “Welcome, Mr and Mrs Lintern!” at our honeymoon island resort, an assumption made because I was the point of contact for our booking.

(His manly pride was wounded much more when we learned his bag was lost and he would have to wear fluorescent floral shorts and shirts, from the island’s only souvenir shop, all week.)

Five years on, we now have two children. They have their father’s surname, but my son has Lintern as a middle name, and my daughter’s second name is Lisa. I feel content that they have been ‘branded’ with some of me, as well as my husband.

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67 Responses to this article

Sandra Smith January 23, 2012 Reply

Hi Lisa
I totally understand your viewpoint about your unwillingness to take your husbands name. However have you ever wondered why the practice has come down to us from the past? Its practical and avoids confusion.
The Scots seemed to have dealt with this problem very well. I am a family history tragic and have scottish forbears. The tradition in my scots forebears family was for the first born to take the mother’s maiden name as a middle name .Subsequent chidren were then given the surnames of other strands in the family tree.
So you keep the female surnames represented in the generations to come and it is so easy to find family members in the birth records.
- Lisa Lintern January 23, 2012 Reply
  
  Hi Sandra – I wonder more this ‘practice to avoid confusion’ doesn’t allow the family to take the woman’s name surname…just asking *shrugs*
  - Sandra Smith January 24, 2012 Reply
    
    Hi Lisa in reply to your comment about taking your surname for your children rather than your husbands .I think its a little more primeval. Children carry there father’s blood type ,hence your husbands instinctive reaction to you suggesting this idea.
    However in Jewish society it is essentail that the mother is jewish or the children are not considered to be Jewish they become gentiles. Culture, society and tradtition.
    - Lisa Lintern February 6, 2012 Reply
      
      Culture, society, tradition…and sometimes myth. A child’s blood type is not always the same as their father’s. They can have either their father’s, their mother’s or their own unique to either parent.
      - Sandra Smith February 6, 2012
        
        Then why does paternity have to be proven with a blood test?
    - Taz March 20, 2012 Reply
      
      Your blood type is determined by the paired combination of a gene from each parent, so though most people are aware of A, B and O in truth your blood type may be AA, AO, BB, BO, AB or OO, each either rhesus positive or negative.
      It’s possible to exclude patrnity by an impossible blood type (an AB offspring cannot come from an OO parent, for example) but genetic parenthood’s determined by DNA, which can be sourced from a cheek swab.
Jewels Diva January 23, 2012 Reply

Lisa, you stated “I felt like a wanton harlot, a brazen floozy who didn’t do the honorable thing and take her husband’s name. I pinned on the nametag and scarpered to my seat, my husband tittering behind me.”

Why? I don’t get why women get embarrassed or upset over such an idiotic thing. I won’t be taking my husband’s name (if I ever get one), merely for the fact of business. I’m known by my name. My husband can call me his Mrs anytime, but everyone else who does will be told no, that’s not my name.

I personally would have corrected the tag if there was no one else there to do it, but really, this is an issue that’s not worth worrying about. If you do or don’t it’s your business, but if someone calls you by your husbands, name, so what? Correct them or don’t. Go with the flow of what the moment is. Is it worth worrying about in that moment? You are his wife, so what does it matter in the grand scheme of life?
- Lisa Lintern January 23, 2012 Reply
  
  I was really surprised by my own reaction. It has never been an issue for me before (and thankfully once I sat down and thought things through I remain committed to keeping my name) but I was really caught off-guard by my unexpected blushes…
bigwords January 23, 2012 Reply

I kept my name too and am often saying: “Yes, I am so and sos Mum”. Gets a bit annoying, but Bianca Wordley is me, that’s who I am. Love this piece Lisa x
Mrs Savage January 23, 2012 Reply

I really regret taking my husband’s fancy Italian surname with too many vowels. I have committed myself to a life of “let me spell that for you”.
- ellenni February 18, 2012 Reply
  
  we will always have to spell our greek name. in the 80′s we used to use the name johnson as it was easier when making bookings over the phone. one night i call a chinese restuarant and as usual booked under johnson. the lady on the other end of the phone asked how do you spell it. we found it highly amusing. we have friend who called her child jak – wont he have to spell that for the rest of his life? what about siyenna? they wanted the name siena to stand out from all the other siena’s. we have pawleen in our circle. i didnt like my surname. my husband’s name is much easier so i was delighted to change. today with so many marriages failing its best if women keep their maiden name. its such a hassle to update your name on all the relevant document. so i guess all women should keep the the name with which they were born.
Bernadette Morley January 23, 2012 Reply

Great article L.L.

I did change mine from Clarke to Morley although if I had a sweet last name I was fond of, I would have happily kept it.

Now my initials are B.M. though. Thank god my middle name isn’t Una.
- Sarah February 2, 2012 Reply
  
  Interesting article, Lisa! I took my husband’s name when I got married over 17 years ago, a decision I have never regretted (although the paperwork involved in changing everything to the new name nearly did my head in – I had no idea how many things had my maiden name on them)
  
  An unexpected bonus was having a much shorter surname, and a signature that flows a lot easier off the pen!
Frankly Feisty January 23, 2012 Reply

One of my “I really just don’t get it” issues.
I fell in to line as a VERY young and naive bride (at 20!)
But within a couple of years once my brain had kicked in to gear, I realised I would never ever get used to being called Mrs not-my-birth-name. After all, that was the name of my Mother-in-law.
I wanted my own name back. It’s who I am.
So I took it back and never regretted it.
I went on the have 3 kids.
Every time I was called Mrs (now) ex-husband, in person or in writing, I corrected them.
I have been with my current husband ; ) for 18 yrs and often we refer to ourselves as company BAM, an acronym of all our surname initials.
Our kids have always known we are a family.
Everyone that knows and loves us, know we are a family.
The practice is based in trade, and dowrys and chattledom and makes me very uncomfortable.
Take, for example, Indonesian families who commonly name their children with their birth order as their name and where family names are almost unheard of – they all know who they are!
In my experience, there is no confusion, unless you let it happen.
Viva la difference!
Fiona January 23, 2012 Reply

I didn’t change my name when I married because all my professional qualifications are in MY name and I wasn’t prepared for the confusion changing my name would have caused. My husband was always fine about my not changing my name and identifies with Prince Philip in that respect. It all depends how you handle it with others. I always act as if I’m the one doing the normal thing and the rest of the world is out of sync with moi.
ShambolicLiving January 23, 2012 Reply

I kept my own surname when I married almost 16 years ago. My daughters have their fathers surname. Occasionally the girls don’t like that I have a different name but for the most part they are OK with it. In most of the school correspondence I am referred to by name, although every now and then one will slip through. I don’t worry about it. Also when I went to help out in the classrooms when my girls were little I just went with “Mrs Williams” (married name) it was easier than trying to explain to a group of 6 year-olds the concept of feminist principles, attachment to achievements made under maiden name and deep desire to not be at the end of the queue (W) for the rest of my life!
Wendy Harmer January 23, 2012 Reply

I was made to change mine because I was married young and working at the newspaper and the men there said I had to write under my married name! Then it was too late to change it after I got divorced. My Maiden name’s “Brown” and now I’m married to a “Donohoe” and the kids have that name. So I can be Ms Harmer; Brown or Donohoe. I don’t mind the surname so much,but I’m not that keen on “Wendy”… blagh. I wish my father had got his way and named me after my favourite great Aunt Claire!
Frances January 23, 2012 Reply

I’m assuming you don’t consider those who choose to take their husbands name are in any way lacking in independence and that it’s possible they too can have strong personalities and like their ‘freedom’.

I fail to see what difference it makes if you elect to take someone’s name or not. I chose to simply for the unity it signifies (for me and mine) with my husband and children and because I don’t have a natural gag reflex to tradition for the sake of being a modern woman. I am however, surprised that if you have such comfort in your decision you’ve struggled with it so much and not found in it a natural happiness.

What I found most remarkable in your article was you used the collapse of a ‘stunt’ marriage to validate your decision. Further, I’m not sure she was ever referred to (even by herself) as Kim Humphries, so it’s unlikely anyone reported the divorce of Chris and Kim Humphries for your husband to even ask the question ‘Who is Kim Humphries?’ but then that reality would mess with your story. I suspect you are still struggling with your choice if you followed such a flawed logic.

I’m tired of articles aimed at validating personal choices in the hope of individuals promoting themselves as more modern, sophisticated or whatever than the next woman and feigning everyone else’s disgust in your choices. You’re making a bigger deal of it than anyone else. It’s such a non-issue…move on.
- Lisa Lintern January 23, 2012 Reply
  
  Hi there. Thanks for your comment. Just confirming my husband did indeed ask: “who is Kim Humphries?” in response to an item we saw in the news on TV. That’s not made up! And as you have rightly pointed out, I do agree that women who do take their husband’s name can most certainly be equally independent, if their decision truly reflects their own personal choice.
  - jenran January 23, 2012 Reply
    
    I was really really tickled when one of my friends asked “who is Kim Kardashian?” And she was for real! And she was exactly right – just who in the world is Kim Kardashian, and why should we care. lol Totally beside the point – sorry!
    - Lisa Lintern January 23, 2012 Reply
      
      Have to confess, when I told hubby Kim Humphries was Kim Kardashian he then asked: “and who is that?” He he.
Margaret January 23, 2012 Reply

to quote Shakespeare “a rose by another name would smell
as sweet”.

I was married in 1962 and never gave it a thought, changing from McDonald to Cummings was an improvement , didnt change me. But nearly 50years of being Margaret Cummings has changed me, but not because of the name change..
Sue January 23, 2012 Reply

Great article List thanks.
I kept my name to honour my Father and ancestors because they came here from Ireland and England as migrants (settlers) with the other side as convicts and I am very proud of my name.

My Father served in WW11, was among the first to leave Australia in 1939 and returned in 1944. The man who left did not come back. A different man returned with War neuroses it was called back then, now Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which impacted on our growing up with his increased alcoholism. An early death also and directly resulting from the same war.

I figure I have earned the right to keep my own name, and my daughters also are known by the same name as is my son of course.
Meredith January 23, 2012 Reply

Well I changed my name the first time I married because I hated my maiden name. I changed it the second time I married because I didn’t feel comfortable using another man’s name. But all in all, I changed my name because I liked it better and I was more than happy that people knew I was married to Mr Jaffe. We’re on the same team and my identity is in no way subsumed by the patriarchal society rep in the house!!
Whether women do or do not change their names is a very personal choice. Not better, not worse just another decision to be made.

But I’m with Wendy- was Meredith really the best my parents could come up with??
Annette Piper January 23, 2012 Reply

I’m one of the few that appears to have been honoured to take my husband’s name when we married 22 years ago. Well, there you go.
- Heather January 23, 2012 Reply
  
  Me too Annette- I passed the halfway mark recently and I have now been known by my married name for longer than my maiden name. I changed my name because it was easier to do that- and maybe it was/is? Who knows?
Maxxii January 23, 2012 Reply

Well here’s one for you!

My married name was ‘Irons’. When I divorced, my dad had died so I wanted to go back to his name – ‘Helps’.

My daughters of course still have their dad’s name – Irons.

Now if I’m introduced with one of my daughters it’s – Carlie Irons and Pamela Helps! It sounds like we’re laundry ladies and everyone gets a kick out of it!
Benster January 23, 2012 Reply

I really don’t understand why this is an issue. I’ve been married for almost 23 years and there was never any question I would change my name. Why should I? It’s not law (despite what my then-employer’s HR person tried to tell me), it’s simply a tradition you can follow or not. My kids – and respective preschools, schools, sporting clubs, dance schools etc etc – never had a problem with us having different surnames (they have their father’s). I’m sure schools in particular have greater worries than that to deal with. We’ve had a few laughs with my husband it’s handy when salespeople phone to ask for Mrs [his surname] and I can tell them there isn’t one.
Now where is the debate about why men don’t women’s names more often?
- Lisa Lintern January 23, 2012 Reply
  
  Or the debate about why a child can’t have their mother’s surname? Yes, my husband is totally cool about me keeping my own name, but when I suggested the kids take my name also? A totally different matter.
  - Tess January 28, 2012 Reply
    
    I have my surname, my husband has his surname, and the kids have their double-barreled surname. We laugh about it sometimes at home.
    I often get info with Tess Kids-Surname when it is something to do with the kids. It doesn’t worry me, of course people would make this assumption if they don’t know.
    What does annoy me is when people say – what will your kids do when they get married, what will they do with all those names? Well, I would hope by the time they get married (if they do), they would be mature enough to work this out with their partner.
Heather January 23, 2012 Reply

I agree with a few people here in that it’s a bit of a non issue really. Is it still an issue? Do or don’t for whatever reasons-I don’t think it makes much difference. Name tags are big headaches for people organising events. It’s better to offer people a texta and a label and get them to write their own. Many forms now have provision for “preferred name” to deal with the difference between formal legal names and everyday ones.
Hypsipyle January 23, 2012 Reply

I didn’t get married, so didn’t change my name, and my three kids have their father’s surname. It’s pretty common that the mum has a different surname from the kids and everyone gets used to who is who. (Being addressed as Mrs X just alerts me to the fact that that person doesn’t know me – yes, handy on the phone.)
Don’t worry about it. At school you will be known as x’s mum anyway.
Jess January 23, 2012 Reply

I kept my name, because, hey, it’s my name! Why would I change it just because I married? I love my name, the history it tells.

My husband and I have a ‘joke’ surname that we call ourselves which is a mashup of both of our surnames It was never even a question, and just like he wanted to keep his name, I wanted to keep mine.

Occasionally someone will call me Mrs (I still use Ms as my honorific) and I’ll correct them if it’s in person.

I’m surprised by the number of women who do still change their name, I have to say. I guess I can understand the desire to have the same surname as your kids, though (we’re not planning on having them so that’s not an issue for us).

But, for sure, each to their own! And maybe one day this really won’t be an issue any more
Michelle January 23, 2012 Reply

I totally understand, I refused to take my husbands name, I was born with my surname so shall die with it. If I get called “Mrs x” I correct them and set them straight because there is no Mrs in our house or say that is my mother in law. My husband actually said if his parents were not alive he would have taken my surname. I am raising my daughter with the same belief that she does not have to take her husbands name if she chooses to marry.
- Sally January 23, 2012 Reply
  
  Totally agree Michelle. It’s the name I was born with, it is who I am. I give the same advice to my three daughters. Our identity is so important and there is much through life that erodes it. I actually don’t understand women, after my mother’s generation, who take on their husbands names. What is that all about?? Why take the man’s name? Why doesn’t he take yours? I disagree that this is not an issue. As to first names, well you can put Sally in with Wendy.
trees January 23, 2012 Reply

Slow news day I’d say
Heather January 23, 2012 Reply

I reverted to my maiden name afte the end of my 20 year marraige. I explained why I was ddoing so to my 3 children- they were all happy for me to do so. My friends celebrated the change- To my surprise , my husband, who initiated the split as part of his mid life quest to find himself, was furious…..and to top it off- the woman to whom I was never good enough, his mother, thought it an outrage . Sorta strange when considdering.

…my only regert- that I buckled to the pressure to confirm in the first place
Kay January 23, 2012 Reply

I kept my name and our children have my name, but we’re definitely in the minority!

We don’t consider it that bigger deal. We are still a family, regardless of our surnames (which our daughters may change if they marry anyway) , so the ‘unity’ argument didn’t come into it for us.
Mrs X January 23, 2012 Reply

When my son started primary school his father and I were not married (by choice and thus had 2 differernt surnames) but we were living in a committed long term relationship. He has his fathers surname and when he began school, I used his father’s surname also and became Mrs X – it was far easier than having to explain. Who cares really, you know who you are and what your relationship is based on (not a surname) so whats a name when it just makes life easier for your kids. Its no big deal.
TreesRGreen January 23, 2012 Reply

Im amazed that contemporary brides change their names, especially as so many are marrying ‘later’. My sister married for the first time recently at age 42 and I was quite surprised that she presents herself now as Mrs. Her husband is 31. I was ambivalent when I married, leaning toward no change, but it seemed to mean a bit to the bloke, so I changed, but I have regretted it (as in I would prefer to have not done it and feel more strongly now that I did then, but its not a biggie).
Amongst my (early 50′s) peers, there is is pretty even split of those that did and didn’t. My brother marries for the first time later this year, at the age of 50 and his bride is marrying for the 2nd time and has children of the first marriage. I have to say I will be disappointed if she becomes Mrs.
A cousin married in her 30s changed her name, and so did her 15yo son (his choice). Now they have split. Confusing much! Pity the future family historians.
Mind you I don’t really understand the whole getting married thing at all anymore it seems to have outlived any real purpose (other than religious)
Im very happy in my relationship of 30 years btw, 24+ as Mrs.
Lisa January 23, 2012 Reply

I took on my husband’s name when I got married, and still have his name 9 years after we got divorced. Too much hassle to change it back, and this way I still have the same name as my kids.
royce January 23, 2012 Reply

My wife took my surname enthusiastically when we married 35+ years ago. I was kinda surprised that she was so willing to drop her maiden name. She liked mine better.
I felt [and still do] massively complemented and stand tall with my partner carrying my surname. Our family is solid around it….. we are that family. My grandson carries the name and my son’s ‘partner’ soon to be wife will take on my surname….AND…. her 16 year old daughter who came with mum into our family wants to change her name too.

My male ego is so inflated. I feel great about this.

This is so, because I completely understand how weird it is to drop your name because you are mated up to someone.

My son has an earth moving business and now our surname is displayed on machinery and in big letters on fences around the place. GO MY SURNAME!
Karen January 23, 2012 Reply

I think it’s all semantics. Whatever goes on within a family unit is up to those within that unit to negotiate and decide. I took my husband’s surname because I couldn’t bear the next 50 years of whining that I didn’t. I’m still me. I was actually glad of the new identity after growing up with an abusive father.
Valerie Parv January 23, 2012 Reply

I adopted my husband’s name because his was way better than the one I was born with. At school, Newsum too readily morphed into nuisance and our spelling differed from most versions. As I used to tell him, Parv looks good on my book covers. And since we chose not to have children, this keeps the surname going.
Louisa January 23, 2012 Reply

Louisa is my second name and I use it whenever I can. My first name is Wendy and I will never forget Ms Harmer’s line about it being the name of the girl who gets left behind with the picnic and Timmy the dog when the other kids are off having adventures! One of my favourite writers made up the surname Diski which she and her husband changed to when they got married. Not a bad solution.
- Wendy Harmer January 23, 2012 Reply
  
  You’re right. I did say that. Had almost forgotten myself. Did you know there are sites you can go to that are just for Wendys? I was named after a knitting pattern. And I see online there’s a company called Wendy Knits. ERGH.
  - Sheryl February 6, 2012 Reply
    
    Ha.. I was a nice little cable cardigan my self. Never had and issue with changing my surname. Buy when I was addressed as Mrs Chris… (my husbands firts name not mine) I was highly offended.
Deborah January 23, 2012 Reply

Can’t abide the term ‘maiden’ name. I just say ‘my name’….or my name has always been…. I’ve been married 28 years – and for a few years after my children were born used my husband’s last name because I thought it would be good to all have the same family name. I changed it back to my name as I never felt like Mrs X…. although still happily married. Much less paperwork if you don’t go changing names – my husband never has to show the marriage certificate to prove he is who he is. If you change your name you need to keep a track of the damn marriage certificate forever. I also object to having to choose Mrs, Ms or Miss. I sometimes put ‘Dr’ as it has no gender or marital status connotations.
- Ann-Maree from Taree January 23, 2012 Reply
  
  I am unimpressed that apparently my 20 year old original marriage certificate is not recognised by the Passport Office..I need to apply and of course pay $$$ to have an ‘official” one ….of course husband sails right along with the one bit of paper……..grrrrr
- Frankly Feisty January 23, 2012 Reply
  
  It would appear we are sisters from other mothers! I HATE how Mr reveals nothing, but Mrs.or Miss. reveals a whole lot of none-of-your business.
Anne January 23, 2012 Reply

Hi Lisa,

I was Anne Cernuta until we moved to a small NSW country town and as my husband was the Deputy Principal of the local High School I became Anne Elliott. I still use both names separately (different parts of my life) but have recently started using Anne Cernuta Elliott (an American 19th century model) which I like. Both my sons have Cernuta as their second middle names.
Melissa January 23, 2012 Reply

I kept my surname but my kids have my husband’s name. I sometimes use my ‘married name’ but only for things like health insurance and medicare as the kids are on the same card. My husband says he doesn’t mind, but I think it would have been an issue if I’d wanted to use my name for the kids.
Lucy January 23, 2012 Reply

I kept my name when I married. I like it and it was who I thought of myself as being. I didn’t marry til 30, and that’s a long time to be one person, then suddenly known as another. I don’t get this as an issue though – at school I’m not Mrs anyone, I’m so and so’s mum or Lucy. Kids have husbands name because it is more interesting and uncommon than mine. Less forgettable, in other words, and as we agreed they would all be world changers, they will need unforgettable names! The most insulting insult, though, is when my elderly and very traditional father sends me mail addressed to Mrs insert husbands first initial, husbands surnname – eg Mrs J Brown – when my name happens to be Ms L White!!
Angela Doyle January 23, 2012 Reply

As usual, a very entertaining read Lisa. I love the idea of a family having all the one surname. What if, once married, husband and wife created a new family name? P.S. THEEE Wendy Harmer????
Laura Cochrane January 23, 2012 Reply

Thank you Lisa for articulating the exact feelings I posses for choosing to keep my name. My husband and I have been married four years and I constantly have to correct people who assume I have taken his name. Although, as the ‘organiser’ in our relationship, he too has experienced ‘Mr Cochrane’ on numerous holidays.

My husband is happy for me to take whatever name I choose. So what surprises me the most are my male peers who are genuinly afronted that I have not changed my name. Many have tried to convince me that I owe it to my marriage, my family and convention to have the same name as my husband. I tell them my husband had the option to change his name to Cochrane and chose not to, just as I chose not to change my surname to his. As a couple, we don’t have an issue, so why should they?

I know I will have to correct people for the rest of my life and if we have children these occassions will no doubt multiply. But I am prepared and do this because I have a strong sense of my identity, and that identity includes my surname.
Melissa Watts January 24, 2012 Reply

This is a great article. I’m currently pregnant with my first child and my partner and I have chosen (about 5 years ago) not to get married. Thus I have never had the changing name issue. However we do have the issue of choosing a surname for our child. My partner would like our children to have my surname, he feels awkward about the usual approach of them taking his surname purely because it’s tradition. I don’t mind them taking his surname, they have to have one so his is as good as any. I don’t mind having a different surname to my children (some women have suggested that’s a good enough reason to get married and change my name.) I think regardless of the surname our children will be smart enough to work out who their parents are. I never realised how much of an issue it was until now, people are naturally referring to my partner as my husband because I’m pregnant, and I’m constantly being asked about surnames.
Joanne January 24, 2012 Reply

Ok, I understand this, but why did you give your kids your husband’s surname then? Aren’t they YOUR kids? Why give them his name and not yours? Why not double-barrel? Your surname is not going to live on beyond your life if you simply keep it for yourself (not your reason for keeping it I know) but the whole thing seems a bit pointless.

I had this same conversation with my partner and he’s happy for me to keep my name should we get married but then whose name will we give to our kids? His or mine? I don’t want to have a different name to my children & it seems unfair to give them my surname which is simply my father’s name, as my parents divorced and my mother has her maiden name. I can’t actually really pronounce my partners surname the way he does (Knecht) so I may not change it for that reason Ha.
Joanne January 24, 2012 Reply

Also, what happens if your husband leaves you and marries someone else & she takes his name & you revert back to your maiden name? (which happened to my Mum). If your kids have his surname then they will have the same name as their step-mum, giving the impression she is their mother. I almost changed my surname to my Mum’s maiden name for this very reason to show solidarity with her but that was all too much effort, so left it as it was and correct people as needed. I think given the divorce rate it doesn’t make sense for the majority of us to change our last names.

I do like Anne’s suggestion of having your maiden name as your middle name though and giving the kids your maiden name as their middle names. That agrees with me. Best of both worlds.
Jennifer Crowther January 24, 2012 Reply

Thanks for the piece Lisa. I also kept my name when I married – it seemed an artifice to change names.

The only time it has ever been an issue was when the kids first started school. But the kids were the answer to the problem – they understand that I have a different name, and that their own names are a blend of both their parents’. And they can explain this so quickly and succinctly to anyone who calls me Mrs Murphy.

Keeping one’s own name is no big deal at all – so simple a child can understand it!
Miranda January 24, 2012 Reply

I’m not married yet, but I’ve always wanted to keep my own name, despite my estranged relationship with my Dad. It sounds better and I personally don’t understand the “honour” of changing my name to my future husband’s name. I wouldn’t care if I got called Mrs Fisher, as long as it’s not by my close friends. I just feel like it’s one of those old-fashioned, a-woman-is-a-burden-type things that I don’t believe in. So good on you Lisa!
Miss J January 24, 2012 Reply

Ok, I haven’t got around to getting married yet (although the bloke threatens to marry me one day) but I think that when we do get around to it, I will be keeping my name as it is. a) I have a really cool signature, b) by the time we do get married, I will have established myself in my name in my career and it’s the name my qualifications are in and c) I think I am too darn lazy for the palaver of changing my name.

It’s only a “reputation” thing, and not a ‘legal’ name change as it would be if you changed your name by deed poll. (it’s really easy to go back to maiden name from married name) The kids aren’t confused by the concept that I have a different last name to them, the school has it sussed out nicely and hasn’t mucked up yet. Sometimes for convenience, I use the boys last name and occasionally the bloke cops my name but we know who we are, and quite frankly, I want a new kitchen before I get married!
WENDY GREEN January 24, 2012 Reply

Well, everyone else has had their say on this, so … one in all in!

I took my husband’s surname (both times) because I was proud to be someone’s wife. Is there anything wrong with that?

My current, and can I add, simply wonderful husband was extremely proud that I thought enough of him to take his name and I am proud to use it. I still think of marriage as ‘two becoming one’ so not taking his name would be contradictory. It’s just a pity my first husband did not take the ‘two into one’ ideal as seriously as I : (

But – no regrets – I couldn’t be happier now : )
NarelleK January 29, 2012 Reply

I am a little late joining this conversation, however, I notice one of the participants said she kept her maiden name to honour her father and ancestors. My father was also one of the Australians who fought for many years in WW2 and today he is 92 and very involved in family history. I changed my name when I married, to save having endless hyphens as the years went by, but, I feel just as much a part of my long family history in this country, which started when the first of them arrived in 1817 and who, by the way, went on to explore the Australian coast as an officer with Philip Parker King.

It is not a name that gives us a great sense of history and shared ancestory but something much more.

I am equally proud and pleased to belong to my mother’s side of the family. If you are involved in family history you will realise that you don’t need to hang onto the name, you will belong without it. In fact, maybe woman who take on another surname are the stronger woman because they have a sense of themselves without some tag on the end of their first name.
Emma January 30, 2012 Reply

I had to update my CV last night for a job application and realised it still had my pre-married name on it – I’ve been married over seven years. I must have sent it off with the wrong name when I applied for my current job 18 months ago, but nobody on the interview panel even noticed! I guess my name isn’t as important as who I am.
Cathy February 1, 2012 Reply

Well I went from an 11 letter surname to a 6 letter one! I would have been all for hyphenating if it wasn’t so long!
Deborah February 6, 2012 Reply

Somehow or other there are two people by the name of Deborah on this site. I thought that our tag names would all have to be different. Not that I’ve disagreed particularly with everything the other Deborah has to say but I’d like this to be sorted out. The post above was not mine. Either that or I need some serious medication.
melissa February 8, 2012 Reply

weird when you hear a woman complain about an ex- husband – yet still go by HIS surname!

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