• "Personally I’m in doubt that it’s of a high degree" oops...correction: NO doubt - Tony W
  • Pet hate is dining out on a winter's night dressed in an overcoat! Restaurants in SE Qld please note- it is ok to close doors and install heating to be used during winter. Our beautiful sunny winter days here on the Sunshine Coast are accompanied by single degree temps at night. More people might venture out at night for a meal if they were assured of some warmth while dining. NQR to sit eating in your scarf and coat, even if they are cashmere :-) - Pea
  • @ Jo: "I’m thinking the MRA do more harm than good in the long run." Yes, I suspect you're right in some ways Jo. They have a legitimate agenda with commendable aims, mostly surrounding fathers' rights - stuff like custody laws and visiting rights and police protection for children in the custody of neglectful mothers and their oftentimes abusive partners. I'm sure that must be an awful situation for the father to be in, and the law in this area is heavily weighted against them. It's very easy for a woman to falsely claim harassment and get a restraining order, and the father is then powerless to protect his children against abuse. Unfortunately though it's exactly the kind of movement you'd expect to attract misogynists - blokes who've been screwed over by "unfaithful" women, or at least see themselves as having been, and then been screwed over by the courts in respect of divorce settlements and custody arrangements. They're very angry people and some of them have a right to be, and I can imagine them getting together and comparing stories and bitching about women in general. I've heard this shit all my life from mates who've been through marriage bust ups and are consumed with bitterness, and I've worked in lots of all-male environments and had to put up with it too. Bluecollars are the worst, you wouldn't believe the shit that gets spoken in fibro lunchrooms plastered with Playboy pinups, it would curl your hair! Anyway I'm sure that's where a lot of these trolls come from, and clearly they're impersonating women sometimes. That's why Sandy lost it when she thought she'd been had, it's kinda funny when you think about! There's also another subgroup of trolls who present as Christians but who I wouldn't mind betting are divorced blokes who've done it tough for a while and then "found Jesus" and got their lives back on track. Churches are good support for blokes who've lost their way in life a bit and that's a good thing, but they can't always cure them of their resentment towards women and I suspect in the wee hours of the morn they visit Hoopla sometimes to vent a bit! Strange as it may seem I reckon there's a lot of common ground between feminist and MRA movements, the intentions are good on both sides and neither movement is born out of malice. Like everything there are two sides to the story and it never pays to ignore one side completely. In your case you've actually seen both sides of the DV story, that's very unusual I would imagine. Personally I've come to the conclusion it has very little to do with gender, the syndrome is identical for men and women, it's just the tactics that vary. For example women use weapons more often, as you'd expect given their lesser physical strength. - Tony W
  • 'No point blaming the press,- Murdoch’s or any other. ' I'm not so sure, MM. The press (including Murdoch press) turned against Howard - suddenly he's not prime minister any more. Then it turned against Rudd, and suddenly he's not prime minister any more. See a pattern there? Murdoch press has a long history of pushing public opinion (rather than reporting facts), and the fact that it represents more than 70% of Australia's print media only makes its influence stronger. The success of advertising - and I submit that opinion pieces masquerading as news stories, which is what most of the political 'news' in Australia consists of, are advertising - is well known and documented, and why would corporations bother if it didn't work anyway? If 70% of the advertising you saw was for McDonald's, do you seriously think you wouldn't eat many more meals there? - Jeannie
  • @worried, shouldn't your nick be 'trolling'? Because you are so not worried, and you are so trolling. I hate to feed trolls, but do you honestly think anyone on this site believes you are genuine? It's a bit of a waste of your time, really, you should join your colleagues in the comments sections of News Ltd. - Bored
  • I know this may sound dumb but give up gluten and driving might be easier. I drive up to 1000km per week for work and it started to become really, really hard and I started having accidents as my concentration went out the window. For the first time in my life last year I suffered depression and anxiety. I was given 6 months off work and offered a plethora of medication. For much of my monthly visits to the GP I said my symptoms felt physical as they were very much what the writer describes, particularly brain fog. To cut a long story short it turns out I'm not coeliac but extraordinarily gluten sensitive. Since September last year I have given gluten up and my brain works again and the 20 years of medically diagnosed IBS has disappeared! I have to wonder about my depression diagnosis too. - Sharlene
  • Just a small correction, Wendy M, the PM didn't lie about a carbon tax, because we don't have one. We have a carbon price. This was promised prior to the 2010 election - for proof see the link below. So the 'liar' claims are not disingenuous, they are the actual lies. http://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/julia-gillards-carbon-price-promise/story-fn59niix-1225907522983 - Jeannie
  • Well, well, well. Julia Gillard has been shown to be truthful about the carbon pricing scheme. It has been announced in todays news that China has introduced its carbon pricing scheme in an effort to control its pollution problem. So much for Tony Abbott going to repeal the carbon pricing scheme in Australia. Nothing forward thinking about that idea and a big raspberry to him for trying to dupe the Australian public and helping his friends in the mining industry. Good for Julia! At least she looks to the future instead of the past. - Marnie
  • @ Janet: "Once again The Hoopla is judge and jury. None of you actually know any real details of this." I don't see any great rush to judgement here Janet. Dr. Sally referred to "alleged abuse", and many comments here express reservations and a desire for more information. This much we do know - spousal abuse occurred. The photographs are proof enough, and Saatchi has admitted guilt: "we were....having an intense debate....and I held Nigella’s neck repeatedly while attempting to emphasise my point." Assault could be charged, however that would face a defence of consent, which may lead to a warning only. What goes on behind closed doors is another question, but if a restraining order were sought, the assumption of any court would be that the abuse is of a higher degree than what goes on in public, and any testimony provided by Lawson would prevail over that of Saatchi on the evidence of proven behaviour. Likewise for any assault charges laid, but these would require further evidence. Those are the facts, the rest is speculation. However, unless you believe this was an isolated incident, you're forced to concede she is a victim of spousal abuse. From there it's merely a question of degree. Personally I'm in doubt that it's of a high degree, for several reasons, including Saatchi's preparedness to lay hands on her, and his evident lack of self control, to do so in public knowing they'd be recognized and knowing the likely consequences. Add to that her meek submission to physical abuse, and her subsequent excuses and cover up on her husband's behalf, and you have a classic DV victim. The fact that he wasn't actually trying to strangle her is irrelevant - this was an extraordinary display of controlling behaviour in public, the likes of which I've never seen in my whole life. - Tony W
  • What a wonderful article! I have been on both sides of the coin - the fat side and the thin side, currently sitting squarely on the plump side. I can absolutely testify that the world DOES treat you differently when you are overweight. I used to have people buying me drinks, letting me cut ahead of them in line, holding doors for me, striking up conversations with me... Now I am largely ignored and sometimes even given dirty looks for no conceivable reason other than because I am chubby. I tell people this and they scoff at me, like they don't want to believe that this discrimination exists. - Amy
 
Categories:  Must see, Wellbeing

WHAT IF MONEY WAS NO OBJECT?

The philosopher Alain de Botton tells a lovely story about the Sunday night blues: that time when the creep of melancholy steals over the Monday-Friday worker, when you think about the week ahead and feel, well, not entirely joyful.

On speaking about career crises at a TED conference, the engaging, entertaining de Botton says:

“Often on a Sunday evening, just as the sun is starting to set…the gap between my hopes for myself and the reality of my life start to diverge so painfully that I normally end up weeping into a pillow.”

De Botton gets a laugh from the audience at this because clearly here is a man in his element, not suffering painful divergence of the soul at all, but … do you know that feeling?

How far has your life diverged from the dreams you once had? Do you weep into your pillow on a Sunday night thinking about what might have been?

At The Hoopla we came across an inspiring video from the late British philosopher Alan Watts (1915-1973) who was famous for interpreting Eastern religion and philosophy for a Western audience.

In working with school graduates in vocational guidance, Watts would ask them: “How would you really enjoy spending your life?”

“What would you like to do if money were no object?”

The students would tell Watt that they’d like to be painters and poets and writers, but “everybody knows that you can’t make any money that way.”

Forget about the money, Watts would say.

“If you say that getting the money is the most important thing, you will spend your life completely wasting your time.

“You’ll be doing things you don’t like doing in order to go on living, that is, to go on doing things you don’t like doing, which is stupid.”

Hard to argue with that logic.

“It’s better,” says Watts, “to have a long life doing what you love doing, than have a long life spent in a miserable way.”

The prominent British educator Ken Robinson, author of the book The Element – How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything, argues along similar lines. He believes we are all born with tremendous natural creative capacities, but that we lose touch with them as we spend more time in the world.

And through that, we lose touch with who we really are.

He writes: “A few years ago I heard a wonderful story, which I’m very fond of telling. An elementary school teacher was giving a drawing class to a group of six year old children.

“At the back of the classroom sat a little girl who normally didn’t pay much attention in school. In the drawing class she did. For more than 20 minutes, the girl sat with her arms curled around her paper, totally absorbed in what she was doing.

“The teacher found this fascinating. Evenutally, she asked the girl what she was drawing. Without looking up, the girl said, ‘I’m drawing a picture of God.’

“Surprised, the teacher said, ‘but nobody knows what God looks like.’

The girl said, “they will in a minute.”

Robinson says he loves this story because it reminds us that young children are wonderfully confident in their own imaginations, and that most of us lose that confidence as we grow up.

“Ask a class of first graders,” he says, “which of them thinks they’re creative, and they’ll all put their hands up. Ask a group of college seniors the same question and most of them won’t.”

You have to wonder what happens in between.

 

Have you lost touch with a dream you once had for yourself?

What would you do if money were no object?

And, as we come to the end of another school year, what would you advise your children as they face the adult work of work?

 

Here’s Alain de Botton:

 

 

MORE ARTICLES BY LUCY CLARK

I’m Not a Feminist, But…

Rape Pregnancy: “God’s Will”

“I Wanna Be a Babe”

Mary Robinson. How to Change the World

 

*Lucy (Editor of The Hoopla) is a journalist and editor with almost thirty years experience in newspapers and magazines in Sydney, London, and New York. She has been published in The Sydney Morning Herald, The Australian, The Daily and Sunday Telegraphs, Vogue Living, Australian Art Review, and Gourmet Traveller. Most recently the Books Editor of the Sunday Telegraph, she has also contributed to the non-fiction books, Australia Through Time, and What Women Want. You can follow her on Twitter: @lucykateclark.

 

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13 Responses to this article

  1. Valerie Parv November 30, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Inspirational advice, thanks. I used both the “drawing God” and “who is creative” elements in an old book, The Idea Factory, as well as the story of the man who told his doctor and said he was thinking of going back to uni and studying law, adding, “The problem is, I’ll be 68 before I graduate.”
    The doctor asked him, “How old will you be if you don’t study?” I didn’t care what job I did as long as I could work with words. Started out writing advertising copy for a hardware company, the first step to following my dream. I left school at 15 and got my MA five years ago. It’s never too late.

     
  2. Belinda November 30, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Thank you for this inspirational article. I recently viewed the the video through a podcast I follow on Facebook. I am at a spot in my life (stay at home of a 2 y.o) where I am readdressing what direction I wish to take and it is articles like this that make me try and remember what those previous passions and dreams were.

    Lately I’ve been remembering my love of writing and storytelling as well as the passing on of wisdom and knowledge. If money was no object I would be writing books and scripts, making movies and have a beautiful country retreat where people could get away, learn or just kickstart something new.

     
  3. Lauren November 30, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I am pleased to say that I recently took one more step to accomplishing my dream. I always wanted to be a writer, and I just finished NaNoWriMo, where you write a 50,000 word novel in a month :)

     
  4. Janet G November 30, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Why do many college seniors not think that they are creative? I think it is caused by an education system that relies upon examination results rather than research, exploration and an ability to absorb the risk of failure knowing that the experience is invaluable.

     
  5. Rosie November 30, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Yes but it will be 10,000 hours of something you love. Imagine that.
    I am a master at what I do, a designer and dressmaker. I would say a couturier but I am not French.
    And I will always love it and it keeps me healthy and happy.
    Now I am onto my next venture of mastering. Wish me well.

     
  6. ro.watson November 30, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I wish you well Rosie. I have on occasion made things~ like a faux fur waist coat with leopard faux long sleeved gloves~ mixing with nipple jooje message~ in amongst where drag queens dare to saunter in Perth as part of an AIDS benefit. And on or around Christmas in the 1980′s ,I dressed up as a pantomine cow in black, white hessian on cardboaard to entertain the women at Greeham Common, England over Christmasxx.

     
  7. Shiralee November 30, 2012 Reply
     
     

    The said thing is that as we get older we are told our dreams etc are stupid and a waste of time. Thats why we all have such low estem.

     
  8. ro.watson November 30, 2012 Reply
     
     

    We need more safety pins.

     
  9. ro.watson November 30, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Meant Greenwich.

     
  10. ro.watson November 30, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Greeenwich/Deptford is a place on the Thames River where the convict hulk boats stayed until they were sent to~ yoo hoo, Australia. I wish all those who have escaped persecution and tyrannny and arrived in a safe place~peace and goodwill~ and warning such greetings are not always avaialble here,but that does not mean you are not welcome..

     
  11. ro.watson November 30, 2012 Reply
     
     

    ….and of course I meant “tyranny”….

     

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  • Tony W: "Personally I’m in doubt that it’s of a high degree" oops...correction: NO doubt

  • Pea: Pet hate is dining out on a winter's night dressed in an overcoat! Restaurants in SE Qld please note- it is ok to close ...

  • Tony W: @ Jo: "I’m thinking the MRA do more harm than good in the long run." Yes, I suspect you're right in some ways Jo. ...

  • Jeannie: 'No point blaming the press,- Murdoch’s or any other. ' I'm not so sure, MM. The press (including Murdoch press) t...

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