OUR MIDWEEK MEDITATION: RITUALS
Hair brings one’s self-image into focus; it is vanity’s proving ground. Hair is terribly personal, a tangle of mysterious prejudices. – Shana Alexander
The Princess turned 12 the other day. “Mum,” she said. “My life is just going too fast.”
I laughed. “You should see it from my end.”
She looked so depressed I tried very hard to be sympathetic: “Never mind,” I said.
“You’re not even a teenager yet. Twelve this year and 13 next, that’s how the numbers go.”
“Thirteen!” She positively bounced upright. “That’s right. Everybody has that big party when they turn 13 – you know, it’s like turning 18 or 21, but there’s a special name for it.”
“There is?” Plenty of things sprung to mind – the start of the highway to hell, the teenage tunnel, the flouncing years, but not anything specifically connected to 13.
“That Bar Mitzvah thing,” she said.
Right. My no-religion daughter wants the religious ceremony Jewish boys have when they turn 13 for her party next year.
Notwithstanding that living in the Byron Shire has enabled her to study an eclectic mix of Bahai, Buddhism and even Catholicism during her school years, turning male and Jewish, not to mention learning the Torah, seems a tall order.
But it did start me thinking about rituals connected with age, and of course, as well as the Bar Mitzvah, there is the Bat Mitzvah for Jewish girls when they turn 12.
Both of them are a rite of passage – the recognition that instead of just studying the Torah, the young adolescents are now capable of understanding it.
Catholics of course, have their confirmation, but what do we, those of us who have put conventional religions aside, have to celebrate the arrival of the teenage years?
Somehow the English ritual of going from Brownies to Girl Guides and leaping over a giant mushroom with Akela and Brown Owl on each side of you doesn’t seem to quite cut the mustard.
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7 Responses to this article
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Glynnis Henderson October 10, 2012
my mother was having her fourth baby (another boy) when I turned 12, so it was just another birthday, that got passed over. I did have a confirmation when I was 13 and a 21st, so that made it for it eventually!
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sam October 10, 2012
I took my daughter to have her first grown up haircut this year. She wanted it cut before starting high school. She had straight hair down to her bum and I was terrified that she would hate it and blame me. She walked out with a shoulder length curly bob! Who would have known that there was a curl struggling to get out. I must admit I had a tear in my eye as I could see the woman she is going to be peeking out.:)
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Claire October 10, 2012
My 12 year old daughter has just signed up for “Shave for a Cure” she has beautiful dark hair half way down her back and she insists that it will be the full shave not a colour or short cut.. A close family friend has been diagnosed with cancer and she feels that it is something she can do to help. I couldn’t be more proud of her, and I guess in a funny way lack of hair will indicate the person she is.
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Louisa October 12, 2012
This took me back forty years when as a 12 year old my Aunty Molly took me to a smart city hairdressers and I had my first style cut. I remember so well the gazing in mirrors and my family’s startled surprise when I walked in. Thank you.
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sue bell October 12, 2012
When our daughter was turning 16 we made it the big birthday. We are atheists so no batmizvah, or confirmation. We felt 13 was too young, 21 too old. She was right on the cusp of womanhood.
When our daughter got her first period I introduced her to tea and timtams, a standard stand by for times of not feeling too good.
When our son turned 17 he had the big birthday party, he chose that age just to be different to everyone else.
When our first daughter died we did our own funeral, there were lots of children at it and we all played music.
Being atheists we have to design our own rituals to celebrate life’s events.
When we got married, the party was at our place, everyone bought a plate, there were no speeches. Our band played and when we ran out of food the local pizza place came to the rescue and they also joined in the party. My wedding dress cost $50.00 and I wore it for years and years.
