SURGERY FOR TEENS. IT’S NOT OK
Cosmetic surgery is one of those touchy subjects.
Glossy pictures of some actress with bee-stung lips, pert breasts and an unfurrowed brow are dissected as we try to determine whether she’s had any work done. Tut! Tut! from some of us, and each to their own from others.
What about when it’s your 16-year-old daughter? Is that okay too?
For me the answer to that question is an emphatic no. So imagine how I felt when my husband told me that his ex had not only allowed, but paid $5000 for, their daughter to have her ears pinned back.
There are so many reasons this news nauseated me, I don’t know where to start.
Sixteen-year-olds are obsessed with their physical appearance.
A solitary pimple that erupts the night before school photos or a hot date is enough to send them into a spin. In their imagination, that lone pimple assumes the proportions of a volcano which only copious dollops of Clearasil can have any hope of eradicating.
Sixteen-year-olds are no judge of the relative proportions of any part of their anatomy.
Surely part of our parental charter is to celebrate each of our children as unique and special people because of their imperfections not despite them?
My eldest has an interesting nose. All her life I have told her, “it’s what makes you, you”. Beauty is not airbrushed perfection; it is quirky, in the eye of the beholder, and often it is the very imperfection that makes a person truly beautiful rather than just plain pretty.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti cosmetic surgery. For the record, I’ve had a boob job.
A decision I made at 30 and an operation I paid for myself being single and happy about it at that time. What I was not happy about was wearing AA bras and never being able to wear a bikini or a shoestring dress. My decision, as an adult.
But I’d never touch my face. Partly because it is who I am, its lines and marks tell others how I’ve fared on the journey so far, how I think about life and how I think about myself. Plus, to be completely honest, I’m too scared something might go horribly wrong and turn me into a freak. Sticky out ears can be covered with hair. It’s a darn sight cheaper too.
But even when what our children hate about themselves can be remedied by a scalpel, is it okay to put a child under the knife for the sake of a vanity?
Doctors always warn that every operation carries with it the inherent risk of failure. Failing to live might be too high a price for the sake of a crooked nose or bat-like ears.
And if you end up with a nose that’s worse than the one you went under with, what then?
For a start, not all plastic surgeons are created equal and none of them is infallible. Things go wrong. Even if nothing goes wrong and the job is perfect, what if you don’t like the result? Imagine being stuck with a cute little upturn and missing your old hawkish schnozzle.
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32 Responses to this article
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Jillli October 21, 2011
Well done Donna.
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Catherine October 21, 2011
I had my ears pinned back when I was in my early 20s. As a child my siblings called me ‘Dumbo’ because of my ears. I paid for the operation myself. Correction of batwing deformity is the proper name. It was extremely painful, and the pain lasted longer than I expected. For years I asked hairdressers to be careful not to touch my ears.
My children are seeing an orthodontist to have expanders and braces. The policy now is that you don’t remove children’s teeth to make them fit well, you expand the structure to make the teeth fit. Isn’t this reshaping their faces? It is standard practice, akin to cosmetic surgery. Likewise, removing teeth changes the shape of the face. Do you have a problem with that, Meredith?
I would never get a boob job, or collagen or any type of cosmetic surgery, but I’m prepared to change the shape of my children’s faces for the sake of straight teeth. Life isn’t simple, Meredith.
Have you considered that your boob job might have influenced your 16 y o to go ahead with the operation.-
WENDY GREEN October 22, 2011
What’s wrong with crooked teeth? So many parents are lining the pockets of orthodontists these days!
Again, why do we feel we have to be perfect? And what is perfect anyway???-
Jenny September 4, 2012
I agree with you, Wendy. So far, five of my eight grandchildren have or have had braces, and in some cases quite radical dental work performed to straighten teeth which to my mind simply were part of each child’s individual personality. None of them were seriously displaced at all.
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Sarah Watts October 21, 2011
BIG difference between having your ears pinned back and surgery to your face or boobs. Can completelly undertand a 16 year old or younger having their ears pinned back!
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Phil Barker October 21, 2011
Er, Meredith, I was kind of with you until you perkily revealed you’d had a boob job.
You can have that unsightly hypocrisy snipped off in a jiffy, you know.
I have a teen daughter. If she got called “dumbo” just once, because of something that’s simple, safe and quick to fix, she’d be off to Dr Wingnut the Ear Man before lunch.
I’d do it to save her years of angst and fear, and protect her self-esteem and mental health.
I agree with your idea that beauty is not airbrushed perfection and it is often imperfection that makes people beautiful.
Was that your opinion before you decided to have a boob job?
And I get that if you had $5k to throw around you’d go on a holiday before undergoing “self-mutilation”. Maybe you could wear a bikini on your holiday and show off your nice fake C cups.
Maybe if you’d met a fella, and if he was the right fella, he would have thought your little boobs were just the thing that made you special?
See. a lot of people think a boob job is a creepy procedure because of the impossible maze of sexual politics involved.
Like it or not, boobs are sexual. What you’re saying to your daughters is bigger boobs are – what? – more “womanly? Fashionable? Why is your sundress better with Cs than AAs?
And you’re worried about face safety but were happy to go under a general anaesthetic and let plastic bags of silicon be pushed into slices in your chest?
You’re in treacherous waters. Lucky you’ve got floaties. -
Janet October 21, 2011
While I consider cosmetic surgery madness I see this operation quite reasonable at any age. I feel very sorry Meredith Jaffe’s 16 step-daughter. At the very time she needs a little TLC her step-mother has decided to discuss this very private issue with the entire world.
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Therese October 21, 2011
Oh Phil, floaties. Priceless. Yes we have bit of a problem with this article, Meredith. Not really sure how that got thru Ed?
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Sherryl October 21, 2011
This is not a young teenage girl issue. Boys also have their ears pinned back and I think there’s a certain dishonesty in saying it’s what on the inside that counts. Yes, it counts in the end – it’s why someone will stay with you but it’s not necessarily what will attract someone to you in the first place. Looks do count for something as well. Completely support this girl having her ears pinned back.
I have a friend whose father suggested to her at 18 she have a breast reduction because they were interfering with her ability to play sport. He offered to pay, she jumped at the chance and has never looked back.
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misskdonkey October 21, 2011
You are a complete hypocrite, Meredith, maybe its more about “Who paid for what”, get over yourself and leave the kid alone.
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SandsOfTime October 21, 2011
Oh dear – and there I was thinking this is a place where opinions could be aired pretty freely but I see that the heading is completely right – cosmetic surgery is indeed a touchy subject.
OK so there are a few things where we don’t see quite eye to eye but Meredith I do think that the fundamental point of allowing children to develop fully before surgery is in all likelihood a good idea – our faces and bodies change just so much from teenage awkwardness through to … oh well in my case adult awkwardness too.
Each to his or her own, eh?
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WENDY GREEN October 22, 2011
My step-daughter had breast surgery – to REDUCE her boobs – when she was 17. Her reason? She wanted to lose weight and she must have thought a good deal of the weight was in her fulsome breasts. Her father (later to become my husband) shelled out for the operation.
At 26, having worked hard at losing all the excess weight gained during her adolescence, she asked her Dad for the money for breast implants!!! This time he refused to pay but she went ahead anyway, getting a personal loan to pay for it!I AGREE wholeheartedly with you Meredith – teenagers are way too young to have surgery like this. They don’t know what the future holds and neither do their parents. Perhaps when she asked her Dad for the money for the operation she was really asking him if she was ‘good enough’; his willingness to pay would have sent a clear message: ‘No, you aren’t good enough’. She caught him at a vulnerable time – he had just lost his wife to cancer.
My step-daughter, like yours Meredith, is the most beautiful woman you would ever be fortunate enough to see, but – unfortunately – she has grown into a woman totally fixated upon herself with dire consequences in her life.
Perhaps, in her father’s indulgence of her whim when she was 17, he was actually supporting her view of herself that she was not ‘perfect’ enough. In reality though, nothing could be further from the truth.Why are we giving in to a model of society that says we all have to look the same?
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Meredith October 25, 2011
When I asked the question, is cosmetic surgery on teens ok, the answer was a resounding YES!! from most of you. What I’m finding really interesting is that The Hoopla posed a similar question when it asked if we would pay $40 to get our toddlers’ baby pics retouched and no one thought that was a great idea. In fact some suggested it was a sure fire way to send our children a message that they are not perfect the way they are. This week we are talking tatts and cosmetic surgery and it seems that this a completely different kettle of fish.
I still think my beautiful stepdaughter was perfect the way she was. In her case, her hair did cover her ears (which weren’t wingnuts or dumbo ears in the first place) and interestingly she refused to have orthodontic work because she was a “bracophobe” (her word not mine!)
And I do think that so often in life what we see as our flaws are often the very characteristics that others find make us attractive- be they lovers, friends or family.
I guess I’ll have to agree to disagree and be out of step with the dominant view. But all your comments have definitely made me stop and think.
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Imogen October 31, 2011
Some of the comments here are fuelled by an obvious personal attachment to this issue, and have ended up attacking the article’s author rather than expressing a viewpoint. This is noted as a touchy subject, but it is a touchy subject where people are entitled to their own opinions, and Meredith’s is no less valid than those of the people who have commented on this article.
I have a crooked nose, and if I was asked at age 16 whether I wanted a nose job, I may have taken the opportunity. Nearing 21, I know that I will never change a thing about me with surgery. Having discussed this issue with a group of friends at university, we all reached the same conclusion: what you hate about yourself while going through adolescence, you learn to appreciate as you gain a sense of self in adulthood.
This is my opinion, and I don’t feel the need to rag on other people’s. Phil Barker, to tell a woman with breast implants she has ‘floaties’ is an unnecessary personal attack, and it only serves to undermine your argument by making you look petty and mean. I doubt you would have the courage to say something like that directly to someone’s face. Maybe you should reflect on that.
Thought-provoking article, Meredith! Keep up the good work. -
Kerri Sackville September 4, 2012
Seriously????
I’ve seen kids with sticky out ears at right angles to their heads & they get teased mercilessly. It’s due to there being a lack of cartilage in the ear, which is technically a deformity. An otoplasty is a VERY minor procedure and fixes the problem in minutes.
A boob job is MASSIVE – I’ve actually been in theatres & watched it being done. Incredibly invasive, numerous risks, and almost 100% chance of needing further surgery in the future.
I have tiny boobs and the idea that you can’t wear bikini tops or shoestring straps becaue of them is outrageous. Why the hell not???? The idea that you would critiize a parent for saving their kid a lifetime of teasing with a minor procedure when you’ve had a boob job is beyond bizarre to me.-
Jamie King September 4, 2012
Well said kerri.
Agree 100%.
I bet Meredith would object to someone having a cleft pallet fixed as well.Should those people just learn to live with it and hope they find a man who will validate them and love them “just the way they are?”
Perhaps the editors of this site should have found someone else to write this topic.
This one missed the mark by a long shot
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A&C September 4, 2012
Had a nose job at 16. Would probably not have made it to 18 if I hadn’t – considering how completely shot my self esteem was. Despite knowing that I have more going for me than just my appearance, the daily abuse I suffered from peers as well as people on the street meant that it was almost impossible to maintain my self confidence. Thankfully I had compassionate parents who allowed me to weigh up the options and make an adult decision. Did it fix everything? No. It takes more work than a nose job to gain a sense of self acceptance when it’s been taken away. The world isn’t all kittens and rainbows, decisions aren’t always made lightly, and adolescents are not always morons incapable of making appropriate choices.
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Renée September 4, 2012
I was with you all way, Meredith, until you started with the ‘one day you’ll meet a fella’ thing. I think you walked right into the same thinking that got your stepdaughter and her mom to decide on surgery.
However, I really liked that you got this conversation started. Perhaps your next blog could have a go at exploring how deeply embedded is the perception that one day a woman will meet her Mr Right, who will adore her, warts and all, and then all will be well. If not you, Meredith, then Wendy – go on, I dare you!
Keep up the good work. -
Mrs Woog September 4, 2012
If my kid had super sticky out ears and he was being teased about it, I would throw some money at the problem. As it is, he gets around wearing bright blue hearing aids. So they get attention anyway. x
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Janet G September 4, 2012
I get the willies with my teenage daughter wanting a belly ring and a tattoo. It is not the ring or the rather horrid picture but the risk of infection that bothers me. So, plastic surgery would have to qualify itself by its risk factors to its benefits.
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The Huntress September 4, 2012
At 16 my mother was encouraging me to have a breast reduction. At 10G I was all for it, until told that after the consultancy I would have to pay for it myself. A lot of money for a teenager doing TEE to come up with.
But, just 7 weeks ago I had my breast reduction, at 31. It is one of the best things I have ever done and I regret not having had it done sooner. While I understand that some people balk at surgery for young people, I really do believe that every case is an individual and some teens would be mature enough and ready and others aren’t. Let’s leave it to individual families to decide what’s appropriate.
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Kathleen September 4, 2012
Honestly. Your hypocrisy is astounding. Not to mention where does it say it’s ok to pump silicone into your chest but not indulge in a brow lift or rhinoplasty or something else on the face? There’s an amazing lack of consistency & compassion in your article. No, your neice’s nose is NOT what makes her her – personality & character do that. And no person needs to lose that if undergoing plastic surgery.
I completely understand the decision to pin back ears. It can be devestating for the child if this is all they see when they see a photo of themselves. Yes, anaesthetics carry risk but far less than driving your kid to school every day. Let’s try being more a little less judgmental when it comes to cosmetic surgery & try to understand that as long as we don’t become surgery ‘regulars’ or blow life savings on it, it is truly not the evil we like to think it is. -
Calloway Luddington September 5, 2012
I think the very valid question posed here has been completely swamped by some of the specifics that the author has shared. As many have said here, the correction of a deformity is not the same as a brow job. Many kids are ostracised and teased from a very young age for craniofacial deformities, and I would have done anything to prevent any of my kids being subjected to the unthinking cruelty of children.
I’m pretty sure if I was your step-daughter I’d be utterly mortified by this airing of such personal information. And if I was her mother I’d be in a thermonuclear rage with you. If I was your husband I’d be telling you that no part of this process was any business of yours.
Please tell me you ran this piece by the concerned parties before clicking the publish button. -
Zann September 5, 2012
I have one ear that sticks out more than the other, even through my hair. As a child my mum made a big deal about it, making me pin them back with headbands etc. She suggested surgery but I didn’t have it and i am glad I didn’t. As an adult it is no big deal and as a child and teen the teasing was nowhere near as bad as what I copped for being tall. I think everyone gets teased for one reason or another along the way and plastic surgery is no substitute for being who you are and having healthy self esteem. As for orthodontics, that is a health issue as healthy teeth are important to overall health so it’s not really a valid comparison.
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RM September 5, 2012
Meredith, I get the impression this article is motivated by a deep level of concern for your stepdaughter. She is lucky to have someone like you in her life to value her for who she is. However, surely she would benefit more from compassion and empathy. The fact that you were 30 when you chose to have a boob job does not make your decision more legitimate. It does not put you in a superior position from which to judge. Surely, given that your level of concern about wearing bikinis and dresses was so high that you pursued surgery as a solution, you would understand what is motivating her to modify the appearance of her ears. Maybe just point out that you love her ears as they are and then embrace and support her decision to have them modified.
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Emerald September 6, 2012
The fact that you have made the decision to undergo cosmetic surgery even if it was as an adult contributes to the message that cosmetic surgery is an option for those that can afford it. People particularly vulnerable people can be very influenced by the actions of significant others in their lives. The Mum will possibly have been influenced by this pressure too and sees cosmetic surgery as an acceptable answer to improve her daughters appearance/self esteem as it has for many people. I do find your article hypocritical. People particularly children will look at what you do more than what you say or so I am told.
