FOR THE LOVE OF MIDWIVES
I have long been fascinated with the work of The Midwife.
After all, I’ve had approximately 170 children (okay three, but it feels like a lot more) and have thus spent a lot of time in labour wards, and have seen their work up close. (Okay not so close – they tended to be down the other end from my eyes, but you know what I mean.) And I found my births to be magical beyond belief.
How lucky were they to be able to participate in such joy?
More importantly, how could they possibly do it without weeping?
Still, even before I had my babies, the Midwife’s work seemed to be almost mythically fulfilling. What other professional gets to witness the miracle of life, day after day day?
Well, obstetricians, obviously… but they have to do all the boring stuff beforehand too – measure the uterus, examine urine samples, perform ultrasounds, and counsel highly anxious pregnant women who are convinced that they have damaged their unborn child by breathing in oven cleaner fumes*.
The midwives, on the other hand, just come in for the fun stuff, and help another beautiful baby to come into the world.
“Do you ever get tired of it?” I asked each of my midwives during each of my three births (until my capacity for logic and speech deserted me and all I could do was yell “Ah ah ah ah AGGGGH!” and “KILL ME!” in equal measure).
“Never,” they unfailingly said. Which I suppose meant either that they never get tired of watching babies be born, or they were too polite to say to me, “Actually, I’m bored shitless right now, but you seem agitated enough that a human head is about to push its way through your vagina, so I don’t wish to burden you with my work ennui.”
Still, I don’t know how they do it.
The only births I’ve seen live were those of my own kids, and it’s not surprising I was a little emotional at those, but every single time I see a birth on TV or at the movies I sob. Every. Single. Time. It doesn’t matter if the birth is real, or dramatized, or in an episode of The Simpsons, I sob. I can never fail to be profoundly moved by the wonder of it all.
A glorious scene from the BBC’s much-anticipated new series, Call The Midwife.
And yet the midwives remain cheerful, but calm and composed. Now, I acknowledge that a sobbing midwife would be not be a great support to the patient. What’s more, a team of crying nurses would become a drain on the medical system.
Still, I honestly don’t know how they manage to control themselves. It’s a new baby for goodness’ sake!!!
I was assisted by a variety of midwives during my three stays in hospital. There was the gorgeous young midwife who rubbed my back and helped me into, and out of (and then into, and out of) the bath. There was the matronly, brusque midwife, who remained business-like at the business end, patting my thigh awkwardly as she left. There was the mean, mean midwife, who woke me at the crack of dawn the morning after my baby was born, even though we’d both been up all night crying.
And then there was Max the mid-husband, who asked politely if I’d mind being attended by a male. Apparently some laboring women had a problem with men (presumably because a man got them in that state?) but I couldn’t care less.
Quite frankly, my midwives could have had three penises and a tail; if they propped up my pillows and offered me gas and morphine, they were definitely a friend to me.
I’m still entranced by the work of the Midwife – the caring, the brusque, the mean, the male. Their job still seems to be one of the best in the world, and I feel sure that they are very special people.
But how they manage not to weep whenever a baby is born, well… it will always be a mystery to me.
*Or perhaps that was just me.
Have you encountered a special midwife?
What do midwives mean to you?
*This post is sponsored by BBC DVD.
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*Kerri Sackville is a writer who lives in Sydney with her husband and three kids. Her first book was When My Husband Does the Dishes and her second book The Little Book of Anxiety is out now. You can follow Kerri’s blog here and catch up with her on Twitter here.
20 Responses to this article
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sam October 12, 2012
I’ve always thought that if I had my time again I would be a midwife. I have been watching “call the Midwife” avidly. My hubby and I cry every episode. The midwife I remember best form the two births I have had, was the one right at the end of the birth of my first child, you took one look at my poor hubby asleep standing up and said “right lets wake up your husband and get this baby out”!
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Penny October 12, 2012
I too remember lying in the birthing room after my birth, drenched in wonder while the rest of the world slept and carried on its usual business, and I thought, my god, these amazing midwives are a part of this ALL THE TIME. This is their job! Does the intensity not get too much?? I fell in love with all the women who tended me before, during and after that birth, they were so nurturing while I was literally and figuratively open to them. It’s such a potentially vulnerable time for a woman, you need people who really care and I was lucky enough to have a set of amazingly warm, skilled and caring midwives: Hilary, who did all my pre- and postnatal care, Tana, who coached me through an exhausting second stage, and a third whose name I never knew who wiped the blood from my legs and between my toes with a beautiful gentleness. I’ll never forget them.
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JanelleC68 October 12, 2012
I also LOVED CTM the series, enough to buy the 3-book set from the UK. What a privilege to be there for the entry of a new life into the world. I think they’d disagree with you about just doing the fun stuff at the end. All the ones I’ve seen have done ALL the work. I didn’t need an obs for any of my 4 pregnancies and deliveries – the midwives were all more than capable. My sister is one, and I’ll be one in my next life, cause I don’t have any spare time left in this one. Midwives rock.
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Marnie October 12, 2012
I had five children of my own and have attended the births of four of my grandchildren. Every one of them was special and most of the midwives were exceptional. They are able to cope with the most outlandish situations with barely more than batter of an eyelid. My daughter had to travel 75 klms to get to the nearest hospital after her waters broke. She was sitting in a visitors chair waiting for a bed when she got the urge to push. She lifted herself with the help of the metal chair arms and pushed. The young midwife swung into action, caught the baby, slipped on the now wet floor and threw the little one to me and the new father as she fell. We both had one arm tucked under the mum supporting her but both wrapped the spare arm around the baby catching it securely. The Midwife got up, threw a towel over the wet floor and carried on as if nothing unusual had happened. Well done Midwife. If we had got a spare hand between us we would have applauded. I don’t suppose the true story of little Makita’s arrival ever made it in to the official records but her midwife was a genuine heroine.
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JessB October 12, 2012
I’ve loved this series too! It’s a really fantastic show.
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Jenny October 12, 2012
I had just midwives for my first two babies, but needed extra assistance for my third, which was a bit more complicated. For all three births the midwives were the ones who kept me from panic and helped me stay in control of what was happening, and shared in my absolute bliss at the end of each birth. They are a special breed, and I often wish I had gone on to train as a midwife after my general nursing training was completed. But I chose marriage instead.
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Annie Also October 12, 2012
First birth I won’t talk about. It was awful, horrific, terrifying and oh so long….awful.
The second and third were wonderful I chose a hospital that mainly let midwives ( 1979/1983 Qld) deal with the birthing process. The ob/gyn came in at the end to do the ‘fancy work’ on me.
The midwives were lovely. Calm calm and calm, easy going, looking after hubby, feeding him and giving him a comfy chair…and they asked me questions and asked me what I wanted…ie they gave me choices ( unlike the first experience…order around like a new recruit). I was glad both girls were delivered by nice women who were joyous (or appeared joyous) at placing the baby on my tummy to breast feed while they delivered the placenta. So ‘normal’ so natural’. and I think I appreciated it all much much more because I know what it could be like. May only those people who are good at it and want to do ever be midwives. Thanks to them all. -
Harriet October 12, 2012
Thanks Kerri I completely concur with you. . Even though I am hopeless with blood and emergencies I too thought it would be wonderful to be a midwife after my son was born. So different to a boring normal sort of job. They see the real humanity of us all.
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Leah October 13, 2012
I completed a nursing prac in the birthing unit, and cried the first time I witnessed a birth. I couldn’t help it! It was beautiful and amazing and it was an honour to be a part of bringing a little one into the world.
The midwives I worked with were very professional and very caring. They helped the partners of the labouring women when they began to look panicked and ashen, and they still had time to talk me through each process while it was happening.
Like any other nursing profession, sometimes things go wrong and babies die. And like any other nurses, midwives have to hold it together just long enough to get to the tearoom/bathroom before letting their emotion show.
Midwives are, without a doubt, amazing. -
Marlee October 18, 2012
I have just graduated as a Registered Midwife. Every birth is special and amazing, yet some resonate with me more than others, and stay in my mind for days, weeks, and even years later. It depends on the energy and atmosphere surrounding the parents.
I completely disagree with doing all the ‘fun stuff’ at the end, we do everything! Receiving the baby at the birth is a just the tip of the ice-burg of our profession.Yes, it is an amazing and rewarding profession, yet can be extremely emotionally draining – burn-out or ‘compassion fatigue’ is a huge problem for midwives.
Things do go wrong, and sometimes babies and mothers die. However, I am yet to meet any midwife who would feel the need to hide such their emotional response from the parents and family – we are only human, after all!
It is such a privilege to be part of this precious time is peoples lives, and I will always appreciate that.
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susan October 19, 2012
I could never be a midwife but the wonder of birth and giving of life absolutely never fails to move me. “One Born Every Minute” by the BBC is compelling viewing for voyeurs like me
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David Johnston October 21, 2012
Luckily as I’m a man this has nothing at all to do with me.
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Ella October 21, 2012
David J, I don’t understand, you have no wife, sister, daughter? If not, whats the point of coming on this site?
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sue bell October 21, 2012
David had a mother and was born so he has a reason to go on this site. Birth affects each and everyone of us and hopefully the comments he sees will make him really appreciate what birth, family and life is all about.
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sue March 18, 2013
I have been a midwife for more than thirteen years. I have worked as a community midwife in London, a hospital midwife in a small rural part of New Zealand and a labour ward midwife in Australia. Whilst I am aware that your article has a very positive sentiment, I can’t help being rather insulted by your flippant quips about “just doing the fun stuff” and your emotionally devoid midwife caricatures.
I hate to sound self important. There are indeed, many vital professions which shoulder great responsibility, not least Teaching, Law and the Emergency Services. However I feel compelled to point out that midwives train for many years. I have a Higher National Diploma in Health Studies and a BSc Hons degree in Midwifery and I spent four and half years studying at university to become a nurse and a midwife. In order to register professionally every year in Australia, midwives must do hours of ongoing education.
Student midwives learn the normal physiology of pregnancy, childbirth and the post partum period and the pathophysiology of abnormal pregnancy labour, birth and the postpartum period. They study the physical, emotional, physchosocial and spiritual aspects, and care for women at all stages of their journey. In many midwifery led units across the country and on many birthing suites, midwives take on a great deal of responsibility, only involving the obstetrician if they diagnose a potential or an actual problem. It is true to say that midwives are the experts of ‘normal’ pregnancy, labour and the post partum period.
I have witnessed many, many beautiful and touching births. Have cried, and still do, many times. It still touches me to the core when I see siblings meeting their new baby for the first time. I’m still blinded by tears when couples hear the first cries of their sick or premature baby and in the rare cases of delivering a still born baby, (as I talk to it as I’m gently dressing and wrapping it) I make no apologies for my tears. My job is complex, multilayered. As well as managing the normal labour and birth, these units are like Accident and emergency units for pregnant women. On any given day we may be dealing with hemorrhage, pre-eclampsia, IV drug use, premature labour etc.
It is great that you had positive birth experiences and I’m very glad to hear that you had good ‘care’. In future though, when you discuss Midwives, please be respectful and remember that we are not caricatures, we are hard working, educated, devoted professionals, who genuinely care about and are committed to, being truly ‘with women’ during a very vulnerable, emotional and life changing time.
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sarah March 20, 2013
Sue, I am so glad for your comment. This article seems to assume a midwife’s job is just to catch a baby – I wonder if the author has ever heard of midwifery based models of care. I wad cared for and supported by an independent midwife through my first pregnancy and birth, and used a group midwifery practice in a hospital birth centre second time round. It was my midwives who measured my uterus and counselled this highly anxious woman through pregnancy, birth (not without its difficulties) and the post natal period. I literally think about my midwives everyday – I am reminded of them each time I look at my children and feel nothing but awe for the complex job they do. Midwives are highly skilled professionals who deserve, as Sue says much more respect than this fairly wishy washy opinion piece affords them.
