BEFORE YOU SAY “I DO”, ANSWER THIS…
It’s now possible to get better odds for a bet on finding intelligent life on Mars than on whether your marriage will survive.
(Although, the chances of finding intelligent life on Earth are still remote.)
See what she’s done here? It’s a taffeta rainbow!
One in three Australian marriages end in divorce. For second-time marriages, the rate rises to almost 60 percent.
Many see pre-nuptial training as the answer.
But, hey, why go to a professional to find out you’re not compatible when you can do it yourself with my handy questionnnaire? (Hope someone can come up with same-sex marriage questions too, just quietly.)
Take a look at these often-asked questions in a marriage and note your most probable answer. They should give you a clue as to whether you are really prepared to take life’s biggest gamble.
Firstly, for men. When she asks these questions, how would you respond?
“Do I look fat in this dress?”
a) I can’t see, you’re blocking out the sun.
b) Well, not compared with how enormous you look in jeans.
c) You know I love to see a woman with curves.
“Do you still love me?”
a) I’m still here aren’t I?
b) In what sense do you mean “love”?
c) Of course darling. I love you more each day.
“What are you thinking?”
a) Whether my passport is valid for the Falkland Islands.
b) If I was locked in a room with Jennifer Hawkins and a jar of honey… oh, never mind.
c) Whether it’s possible to love you any more than I do now.
“Do you think I should have breast implants?”
a) Not before you invest in rhinoplasty, no.
b) Now you’ve gone and ruined your birthday surprise.
c) Sweetheart, how can you improve upon perfection?
“Would you still love me if we couldn’t have sex?”
a) No. I’d be across the road throwing half bricks at you.
b) Sure, like I’d enjoy the footy if there was no ball.
c) It’s you I love, not your body.
For women, when he asks these questions, what do you say?
“Darling, where have you put the tea towels?”
a) In the removal van, with the rest of my stuff.
b) I’ve had them removed to a secret location along with the toilet brush and the rubbish bins.
c) You’re so thoughtful, but I’ve already finished the dishes.
“Do you mind if my mate Barry comes over to watch the footy?”
a) Why don’t we wait until he evolves into a recognisable life form?
b) Not if you don’t mind if the lesbian from next door and I spend the afternoon watching re-runs of Ellen.
c) You know your friends are always welcome in our home.
“Do you think I’m losing my hair?”
a) Well, it’s either that or a Yeti has been using your comb.
b) Of course not. Do you think my breasts are beginning to sag?
c) I haven’t noticed. I’ve been looking at your cute bottom.
“Am I the best lover you’ve ever had?”
a) What? Before or after we got married?
b) Sorry? I just nodded off for a minute there.
c) I can’t remember any man before I met you.
If you answered mostly ‘a’ or ‘b’: Marriage is not for you. By the way, your house plants have asked for a trial separation.
If you answered mostly ‘c’: Why not get married? Sounds like you have already lost the capacity for independent thought.
What questions do you wish you’d asked your partner before you were married?
What are the questions everyone should ask?
P.S. You can follow me on Twitter: @wendy_harmer.
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26 Responses to this article
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Janet September 24, 2012
I’m a bit of a c person I think. My father-in-law used to say that it takes two pairs of hands to catch the clouds- one to catch them and the other to hold the bag.
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miss milu! September 24, 2012
This post really bugged me. Why talk about how high the failed marriage rate is while perpetuating the image it will turn you into a co-dependant, mindless grouch. Thought we’d have something of substance here. Im tired of the negative marriage bashing attitudes. Perhaps the failure rate is so high because of attitude problems!!
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wen September 24, 2012
Although this is a light-hearted look at marriage it actually goes to the heart of the real problem — communication. How many couples actually spend as much time discussing the values they will commit to when raising children compared to whether it should be a 32″ or 40″ tv?
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Helen September 24, 2012
A big tick for miss milu’s post! The article was humorous but disappointing that it gives a negative message.
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Kerry C September 24, 2012
This is a huge one for me with so much washing to do -
“Do you leave tissues in your bloody pockets?”
a) always
b) sometimes
c) neverAfter another 2 weeks of constant tissues in washing:
a) go through every pocket (like a good little house-wife who works longer hours than he who leaves them in the bloody pockets
b) don’t do his washing at all
c) get a maid
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Jane September 24, 2012
This is so good Wendy – I laughed out loud – it maybe trite but pretty spot on – I love the final comment in a) or b) about a ‘plant trial separation’! Shared values are really important. I also think asking a man right up front or weaving it in to conversation ie maybe the second or third date … “Do you love you your mother?” This is a really accurate indicator in my experience, as to whether the man is good marriage material or notl!
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Jane September 24, 2012
Sorry that should have been ” Do you love your mother?”
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Rhoda September 24, 2012
The billion dollar wedding industry sells the princess fantasy and modern women are buying it. The bride and/or groom are part of the cast but I often think one or the other often looks uncomfortably like one of the props. So then comes the happily ever after or most often it doesn’t because there’s no more stage manager – it’s all DIY from there on.
So the first question I’d want to ask is whether this person is suitable to play the part and whether you can get them to play it for the next forty or fifty years. That’s a long time on stage.
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Zelda October 20, 2012
For sure Rhoda! As one who is a long way into the game I am gobsmacked at the selling of a princess for a day industry !
No one is the same person after a reasonable time in partnership, the question is can each other keep up in growing into their roles along with the commitment it takes.
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Jenny September 24, 2012
Basic core values are the most important issue to settle before you contemplate marriage. If they are seriously out of alignment then there is going to be trouble down the track. Honesty – does he/she think it’s okay to try and cheat the taxman, the retailer, or anyone for that matter? And you don’t?
Kids – whether or not, how many, style of up-bringing, discipline.
Money – attitude toward, eg saver or spender, home-owner or renter
Lifestyle – fast and high-flying, or relaxed and homely. Flashy or simple.People tend to marry without due regard to many basic issues, assuming that it will all work itself out in the long run. But it’s not as easy as that – we usually learn our core values within our family of origin, and these become the standard by which others are judged. So it is also valuable to watch your partner interacting within his family so you can get some idea of what his usual modus operandus is.
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JanelleC68 September 24, 2012
I think everyone needs psychological compatibility profiling before being allowed to get married (for all you co-habitors out there, there’ll be one for you too). I know way too many men that are lousy/impossible husbands/partners/fathers, from issues like too much alcohol, garden-variety sociopaths, an actual psychopath, and my own personal favourite (my husband) mild Aspergers Syndrome. My girlfriends & I all say: why didn’t we know about these deal-breakers BEFORE we got hitched? Why wait till 20+ yrs down the track & then figure it out?
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Ro. Watson September 24, 2012
I laughed out loud at some of the options you provided us with. I wonder if one can be a same-sex person?
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anna September 24, 2012
as you get older you change your attitudes, get fussier, no longer see the funny side to bad habits, Oh I am telling my own story!
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Ro. Watson September 24, 2012
I like the idea of “doing”anything because I am now slothful due to disease, and an inclination to rest easy after a phosphorous period in my youth~ anyway Janelle, you definately have some perspective, but I do wonder what a garden-variety sociopath looks,sounds, behaves like~perhaps a plant with reckless attitudes,and a tendency towards the sun,water and narcicism?
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Ro. Watson September 24, 2012
And Kerry C.~you can get rid of those annoying flecks of tissue by chucking a damp chux in your drier along with flecked washing. Handy hints for house maidens(advanced grade).
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Jenny September 24, 2012
Thanks for that tip Ro! I will try it next time, which I’m sure won’t be long in coming!
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Jenny September 24, 2012
We’ve been married 32 years. Initial attraction – pure lust. Reason for marrying – pure lust and lack of socially acceptable co-habitation. No shared interests, psychological compatibility profiling would have recommended we part immediately. We come from families with different values and from different social backgrounds. I am an intellectual who hates sports; he is a sports-mad non-reader. He is a saver – I am a spender. We had different ideas on child discipline. But, fortunately, the lust turned into love and with lots of compromise and laughter, we survived rearing three children, running a farm together and are now revelling in our empty nest, where the love is once again being spiced with lust.
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Janet September 24, 2012
I’ve got to agree that a lttle lust goes a long way. That can go with the tissue tip.
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Ro. Watson September 24, 2012
Yes Jenny I agree some congruence in shared values is helpful but your “interaction” test has some difficulties if parents are dead and siblings live interstate~ meanwhile 92 year old neighbour who nursed her former football playing,Minister of the Crown through alzheimers lost her friend. He had been a swimmer and she had been a runner. I have never before witnessed the quiet, dear and honest support they gave each other. He was a gambling man~with some success, who had diabetes. She was saying to me yesterday ~ what is that thing that comes around once a year~I said “a birthday”. Yes. Anyway, some people are critical,married or not~Harold,she said,would have done anything for her~and she can not quite believe he is gone…..
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Ro. Watson September 24, 2012
Other hint Jenny is to check pockets prior to loading in washing machine……
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Mumabulous September 25, 2012
After the glamour and excitement of the wedding day comes a life time of negotiating trivia.
http://mum-abulous.com/2012/07/30/trivia-they-dont-tell-you-about-marriage/ -
Marnie September 25, 2012
“Friends first, lovers second, husband third”
I know it is old fashioned but a long courting period to get to know each other before jumping in to bed really does make for a happier marriage. So, before you decide to get married you should be able to answer questions about your future spouse (same sex or otherwise) like: what was the name of their first pet? Where did they spent their holidays as a child? Where do they want to be by the time they are 50? Do they believe in circumcision for baby boys? (I have been happily married to my best friend for forty years) -
neeter September 25, 2012
Same sex marriage questions? Huh? I’ll come up with some when we can actually marry. Hell of an extension. Thanks for the thought though
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Van Essa September 27, 2012
I don’t think people realise that marriage is hard work. There are great times, good times, mediocre times and bad times. During the bad times you have to learn to stay put and not pack your bags. You have to learn to pick your fights and learn what each others hard limit is. You must encourage your spouse to find their own happiness away from the relationship (ie sports, hobbies) so that you have something interesting to talk about at the end of the day.
When chosing a mate you must look at the family from which they come from and see what the relationships are like within them. How does he treat his mother? How does his father treat his mother? These are very important indicators.
I have been married for 30 years (wow where did that time go?) and I’ve got to say that I’m proud to still be with my husband after all these years.
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Zelda October 20, 2012
I wonder if the success of a relationship now is threatened by its “us” (partnership) factor instead of singular “me”. The communal aspect of it versus the individual.
We now live in an individualist society, everyone encouraged to fend for themselves in survival mode. Your progress depends on you. So the sort of pressure that puts on marriages is phenomenal.
Apart from the legalities marriage brings, perhaps it is now outdated ?
