BEFORE YOU SAY “I DO”, ANSWER THIS…
It’s now possible to get better odds for a bet on finding intelligent life on Mars than on whether your marriage will survive.
(Although, the chances of finding intelligent life on Earth are still remote.)
See what she’s done here? It’s a taffeta rainbow!
One in three Australian marriages end in divorce. For second-time marriages, the rate rises to almost 60 percent.
Many see pre-nuptial training as the answer.
But, hey, why go to a professional to find out you’re not compatible when you can do it yourself with my handy questionnnaire? (Hope someone can come up with same-sex marriage questions too, just quietly.)
Take a look at these often-asked questions in a marriage and note your most probable answer. They should give you a clue as to whether you are really prepared to take life’s biggest gamble.
Firstly, for men. When she asks these questions, how would you respond?
“Do I look fat in this dress?”
a) I can’t see, you’re blocking out the sun.
b) Well, not compared with how enormous you look in jeans.
c) You know I love to see a woman with curves.
“Do you still love me?”
a) I’m still here aren’t I?
b) In what sense do you mean “love”?
c) Of course darling. I love you more each day.
“What are you thinking?”
a) Whether my passport is valid for the Falkland Islands.
b) If I was locked in a room with Jennifer Hawkins and a jar of honey… oh, never mind.
c) Whether it’s possible to love you any more than I do now.
“Do you think I should have breast implants?”
a) Not before you invest in rhinoplasty, no.
b) Now you’ve gone and ruined your birthday surprise.
c) Sweetheart, how can you improve upon perfection?
“Would you still love me if we couldn’t have sex?”
a) No. I’d be across the road throwing half bricks at you.
b) Sure, like I’d enjoy the footy if there was no ball.
c) It’s you I love, not your body.
For women, when he asks these questions, what do you say?
“Darling, where have you put the tea towels?”
a) In the removal van, with the rest of my stuff.
b) I’ve had them removed to a secret location along with the toilet brush and the rubbish bins.
c) You’re so thoughtful, but I’ve already finished the dishes.
“Do you mind if my mate Barry comes over to watch the footy?”
a) Why don’t we wait until he evolves into a recognisable life form?
b) Not if you don’t mind if the lesbian from next door and I spend the afternoon watching re-runs of Ellen.
c) You know your friends are always welcome in our home.
“Do you think I’m losing my hair?”
a) Well, it’s either that or a Yeti has been using your comb.
b) Of course not. Do you think my breasts are beginning to sag?
c) I haven’t noticed. I’ve been looking at your cute bottom.
“Am I the best lover you’ve ever had?”
a) What? Before or after we got married?
b) Sorry? I just nodded off for a minute there.
c) I can’t remember any man before I met you.
If you answered mostly ‘a’ or ‘b’: Marriage is not for you. By the way, your house plants have asked for a trial separation.
If you answered mostly ‘c’: Why not get married? Sounds like you have already lost the capacity for independent thought.
What questions do you wish you’d asked your partner before you were married?
What are the questions everyone should ask?
P.S. You can follow me on Twitter: @wendy_harmer.