HOWZAT! THE RETRO-SEXISM WARS
It’s not just the porn star mo’, flamboyant flares and tight white shorts that are making a comeback.
Retro sexism is all the rage.
From the portrayal of young women in Big Brother, The Shire (above) and Being Lara Bingle, to comments by radio announcers and political wannabes, everyone’s on the backlash bandwagon.
Howzat?
During a weekend interview, an American Republican hopeful said pregnancy from rape is “really rare”. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down,” Missouri Senate candidate Todd Akin (below) said.
I had no idea our eggs had brains. Based on his logic, an egg would refuse to be fertilised by a sperm ejaculated during forcible penetration.
It takes “Just Say No” to a whole new level.
Sure, it’s one comment from a right-wing idiot. (According to a US study, there are more than 32,000 pregnancies from rape in any given year, predominantly in adolescents who’ve been assaulted by a known perpetrator.) But it reflects a wider return to old-fashioned ‘values’. The common characteristics are an embrace of misconceptions; an ignorance of facts and the labelling of women as “sluts”.
Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke wants a proper apology from talk show host Rush Limbaugh for calling her a “prostitute”.
She made a speech to House Democrats supporting mandatory insurance coverage for contraceptives.
“If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex, we want something for it, and I’ll tell you what it is. We want you to post the videos online so we can all watch,” he blurted out on-air.
Sadly, it’s not much better here.
On radio last week, a woman called in tears to talk about her 19-year-old sister who’d been sexually assaulted on an international flight. A man molested her while she slept.
“Why didn’t she tell a flight attendant?” my male co-host asked.
“She was in shock,” the woman stuttered. “Actually, she couldn’t speak about it for years. She’s never recovered.”
“Well, that’s her fault,” my co-host replied. “Women have got to stand up for themselves.”
“Hang on,” I shot back. “This woman was a teenager. She was in shock. I was assaulted at the same age. And I didn’t have the confidence to fight back or tell anyone. So I feel really sorry for her.”
The exchange elicited a flood of calls: from women who’d been attacked but never spoken of it; others who’d fought back and had no sympathy for women who didn’t; and those for whom “no” clearly means “yes”.
It took me aback. Way back. To the dark days.
In 2012, I thought it would be clear-cut. A woman is assaulted. She is the victim. Deserving of our sympathy.
But the retro blamers believe the victim is at fault.
“She was asking for it. Her skirt was too short. I’ve heard she’s a prick tease.”
Each woman has her own story to tell.
I was 19. We had a house-warming party. The theme was Pimps and Prostitutes. I wore a black skirt, fishnet stockings, and lacey blouse.
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31 Responses to this article
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Jess August 21, 2012
Thank you Tracey, for your passion and honesty. I was assaulted as a teenager by a man, but when I spoke up about it, it was implied (even by the police) that I must have ‘led him on’.
I did manage to fight him off – I was lucky.
Making the victims take the blame for the disgusting actions of others is why so many don’t report their attacks. -
Alison August 21, 2012
Thanks for this brave writing. I was assaulted (first violently then sexually) by my stepfather and my mother called me a lying bitch when I told her about the latter – she had backed him up on beating me for years.
We need to speak up about this stuff and call it out for what it is, and never ever to blame the victim.
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Alice Shaw August 21, 2012
Alison your experience must have been horrendous. I hope you’ve been able to get some help and support around what happened to you. I cannot imagine why your mother chose such cruelty.
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Carz August 21, 2012
Thank you for being brave enough to speak out. Unfortunately victim blaming is alive and well for rape victims.That is why so many people don’t speak up and report what happened to them. It is also why society persists in telling girls/women how they should behave and dress but neglects to tell men not to rape.
I hope that people who have been raped or sexually assaulted are able to get the help and support they need. Personally I found great comfort in being a part of an online community of survivors called Pandora’s Aquarium. People there understand because they have been through it themselves.
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Pam August 21, 2012
Great article Tracy, it can;t be restated too often that sexual assault of vulnerable men, women and children is wrong, inhumane and a criminal offence. Too many women have been made to feel fesponsible for the attacks on them, and legal defences for perpetrators, like Qld’s ‘provocation’ laws need to be kicked away.forever
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The Huntress August 21, 2012
Excellent article Tracey, you are brave for speaking out.
I don’t want to talk too much about my own experiences, but I can say after reporting some disturbing information to my parents, as a young teenager, they looked blankly at me and said “well, what do you expect?”. I was shocked, horrified and consequently have never told my stories to anyone.
Victim blaming is still rife. No means no. Any other excuse trivialises and legitimises sexual assault in the mind of the perpetrator.
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Sam W August 21, 2012
I too was sexually abused as a young girl in the 70s. The real shame lies in my family’s reaction, a ‘sshhh, sweep it uner the rug’ type affair. As a parent now myself I find this utterly staggering & shameful. No support whatsoever. The 70s may be reminiscient of a more carefree time but I agree, men in that era were definately a different ilk. God forbid we hark back to those bad old days….
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Sharyn August 21, 2012
Thank you, Tracey. Your article is more than timely. I am 35 and am just coming to terms with being held down and assaulted by 2 teenage boys when I was just 14. I knew it was wrong, they knew it was wrong but I was also in shock, I was scared, I feared being blamed, I feared anyone finding out and being bullied or teased (that happened anyway for other reasons). In the past week I have spoken about it with my husband and best friend at length. I feel I am strong enough to do that now. I know I am not a bad person, I wasn’t to blame, I was taken advantage of and held against my will. I have a daughter to protect and teach. What kind of mother would I be if I stayed silent? My parents don’t know, I don’t think I could ever tell them but I have thought about it. I’m not a victim, I am a survivor. Those 2 boys have been fortunate to live their lives with this skeleton in the closet, untouched by the law and none of the damaging effects I have suffered in the past 20 years. Sickens me that they probably have families, wives or girlfriends that don’t know what they did.
Want to know yet another things that’s really bad about what happened to me? My best friend at the time stood by and watched while it happened, her boyfriend stopped her from going to me. But I can tell you now, I still remember her face, their faces and she did not fight at all, not even an ounce of how hard I tried to fight to get them off me. -
Nina Funnell August 21, 2012
Excellent piece Tracey! You’re my new personal hero
You’re co-workers response was atrocious. Aside from the fact that the woman was in shock- why do we always put the onus on victims to advocate for justice and social change? Victims need support. They need to be treated with compassion and dignity. They need time to heal. We shouldn’t leave it to them to advocate for justice in their own lives, let alone for social change on a mass scale. Why put this job on the shoulders of women who (in many cases) already feel disenfranchised and powerless? Its up to groups with power, privilege and resources to make this change.
With that said, whenever a woman ads her own story this makes a tremendously powerful statement (and victims who DO advocate for change- as you have just done- deserve a huge round of applause). Tracey- you are amazingly brave for sharing this and hats off to you! Your story will speak to so many thousands of women who have experienced similar crimes. I salute you -and hoopla for publishing.
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Jane Caro August 21, 2012
Good for you, Tracey.
I used to belong to a book club full of high powered, well known women (some quite famous) who the world would have regarded as ‘formidable’.
We read Helen Garner’s “The First Stone” one month and the discussion that followed was one of the most illuminating and moving I have ever experienced. There were about 10 of us there that night and all of us, I kid you not, all of us, had experienced some form of unwanted sexual attention in our youth, from the fairly mild (touching & fondling) to the very serious. My own involved inappropriate behaviour by a Dr, during the fitting of an IUD, that i still cannot bring myself to talk about very often.
Why I still feel ashamed when I was so clearly not at fault I cannot fathom, but I do.
As it turned out,that night of “The First Stone” even among those formidable women, we all did. -
Van Essa August 21, 2012
I was only reminiscing with my girlfriend about the time we were walking through sand dunes at our local beach and we were set upon by a group of boys who jumped on us and (I’m struggling for a word here…grabbed us inappropriately? Sexual assault sounds too awful) touched us up (?) (is there even a word or two to describe this?) before we were able to fight them off. We would have been 14-15 years old and we never told a soul. Then when I was 15 there was the McDonalds Manager who used to ‘goose’ me all the way up the stairs when he could catch me alone. Then there was the driving instructor who thought that putting his hand on my upper thigh every time I had to change gears was an effective way to teach a 16 year old how to drive. When I cancelled the 2nd lesson, the lady at the other end of the phone tried unsuccesfully to get me to tell her why I was cancelling, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to anybody. I’m sure they had lots of cancellations and were just trying to find one brave soul to give him up. Then when I was 18, there was the attrocious behaviour of the men at the car yard I worked at who’s sexual inuendo was totally beyond anything I had dealt with before. And back in the 70′s early 80′s I just didn’t tell anybody. Not even my parents.
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Van Essa August 21, 2012
@ Carz – “It is also why society persists in telling girls/women how they should behave and dress but neglects to tell men not to rape.” Bravo. I agree 100%
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Amanda August 21, 2012
“…the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
‘that whole thing’ Oh my God! When will the rot end???
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Bertie Wooster August 21, 2012
Terrific article, Tracey. Gutsy and well put. Thanks.
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RobynMarie August 21, 2012
I first heard that ‘female body dosen’t allow pregnancy from rape’ from a teacher in highschool – a male teacher of course. I was outraged ! This was mid eighties state school. He went on to become a principal of a church school, so Im guessing that myth is being perpetuated to a whole new generation.
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RobynMarie August 21, 2012
I first heard that ‘female body dosen’t allow pregnancy from rape’ from a teacher in highschool – a male teacher of course. I was outraged ! This was mid eighties state school. He went on to become a principal of a church school, so Im guessing that myth is being perpetuated to a whole new generation.
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bigwords August 21, 2012
Stands and applauds.
Thank you x
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Monica August 21, 2012
Respect! You deserve it, Tracey.
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Denyse August 21, 2012
OMG so very sad. I wonder how many of us ( myself included) were assaulted during our teens and just blamed ourselves for (as you say) having drunk too much or had a short skirt on. I just hope the young women of today are not as accepting as my generation were.
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Dannielle Miller August 21, 2012
Tracey I read this in tears. Why was I crying? Sadness. Rage. Pride. The emotional trifecta!
I was sad for the young girl who was brave enough to tell her sister’s story, only to be publicly humiliated by (yet another) radio moron.
I was furious. Furious for teenage you, and all the young girls like you, who have been made to feel they are somehow responsible for assaults.
And I am bloody proud. Proud that you are able to speak up for those who can’t – and stand up too to the on-air misogyny that is so deeply rooted in AM radio in particular.
Brava Goddess. Brava.
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Jacqui August 21, 2012
Fantastic article Tracey, well done!!
As a psychologist I have had many clients who have suffered a varying range of sexual assaults and the ramifications it has on their lives is just horrendous – not being able to form relationships, not being able to have children because they fear a doctor touching them, not being able to have sex, nightmares, PTSD, the list goes on.
I’m privileged to be able to help these women through it and become free(r?) of the toxic connection to the fear/terror they experienced, but am so saddened and maddened by the fact that most of the perpetrators get away scott free and my clients bear the scars forever.
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Jacqui August 21, 2012
Fantastic article Tracey, well done!!
As a psychologist I have had many clients who have suffered a varying range of sexual assaults and the ramifications it has on their lives is just horrendous – not being able to form relationships, not being able to have children because they fear a doctor touching them, not being able to have sex, nightmares, PTSD, the list goes on.
I’m privileged to be able to help these women through it and become free(r?) of the toxic connection to the fear/terror they experienced, but am so saddened and maddened by the fact that most of the perpetrators get away scott free and my clients bear the scars forever.
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Aunty Penny August 21, 2012
Amazing, amazing article. Thank you Tracey!
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Rhoda August 21, 2012
And neglect to tell men not to rape. Now there’s a thought. Should be on billboards across the country. Thou shalt not rape.
We have been giving them permission to do it with our silence I guess. They know they can get away with it. And the apologists who say women deserve what they get. May a pox be upon them.
Time to get real I think and spell it out for those who don’t comprehend the harm that rapists do. It is an act of violence. The perpetrators are thugs.
Thank you for your candour Tracey.
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moiby August 22, 2012
Excellent article.
I agree with you, and I identify with it on a number of levels (unfortunately).
I think this statement encapsulates my sentiment:
“I believe in feminism because society teaches ‘don’t get raped’ rather than ‘don’t rape.’”
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AnnaR August 22, 2012
I love your pieces Tracey..
As someone who has had a remarkably similar experience (party, too much to drink, woke up with my them boyfriend taking my tights off and well, you can guess the rest) I know it’s not easy to speak up.
In fact, I have never told another soul about my experience and I think that has a lot to do with me still not really having processed it. I don’t want to believe that he would do that to me, but he did.
Thankyou for speaking up and understanding why some can’t -
Tracey August 22, 2012
Thank you all for sharing your personal stories. I am so saddened at the prevalence of sexual assault in the community – and the dismissive attitude of some men. Thanks for being such a wonderful community of women, supporting each other through times like these. xxx
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Tim August 23, 2012
Just wanted to also post a message of support and thanks to you Tracey. I would have just had a read and had my own thoughts but I noticed that there are few or no men pledging their support so I wanted to pledge mine.
These crimes really do happen all the time (particularly to teenagers and children, also to boys) and it’s clearly wrong. There’s no reason to blame the victim unless you want the guy to get away with it. There’s no confusion I mean everybody has urges to go against the rules and we have a known capacity to stop ourselves (eg. the bank was waving it’s money around so I had to rob it) – the claim is that male sexuality and arousal is different, well it’s not!
However, the culture of police is to put issues back to citizens where the legal process won’t have a good outcome (eg. I bought a used ph recently that broke and went to the police to locate the person, I was told that it was a privacy issue, I could be lying and that I should have done more to protect myself – passing the buck). Why do men think they can talk their way out of it when (most of us) don’t expect to talk our way out of a speeding ticket?
It’s disgusting and I, for one, am a man who doesn’t tolerate talk or action of this manner and protect the women around me whenever I can.
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anon August 25, 2012
“We have been giving them permission to do it with our silence I guess.”
I think that’s very unfair to victims and women and I don’t see how it’s any different from saying “it’s her fault because she didn’t stand up for herself”. Our objectifying, exploitative, misogynist society gives them permission.
Thinking about WHY women feel shame at being assaulted and don’t report it is very upsetting. I think it’s because it’s an acknowledgment that we’ve been treated as less than human; that culturally we are taught that we have less credibility and the man is actually backing the likelihood that we won’t be believed; the fear that the group will preference the man over us and we’ll be cast out; and that we’re taught not to upset others.
In a related note I found it quite disturbing that, during the most recent episode of Puberty Blues, few people on twitter seemed to realise that a character was being raped because she wasn’t screaming or being dragged behind the bushes.
Should we not educate people about this stuff?
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sue bell September 2, 2012
I was attacked by three young boys (10 – 13) while walking home through the Exhibition Gardens one evening. I fought them off and went to the police. The police told me I had no one to blame but myself as a woman should not be walking alone at 6 pm, and the main information they wanted from me was “What is your star sign”. This was at a time when the Victorian parliament was considering placing a curfew on all women as the number of reported assaults was increasing.
These were the same politicians that we used to see (from our balcony) cruising up and down the road in their Parliamentary cars picking up prostitutes.
I have been raped (too horrible to talk about ) a few times because I refuse to be held back from activities by fear, this was my town and i owned the right to be there.
I have had no counselling but have done rape crises counselling and helped set up a rape crises centre. I once set up a letter box in the women’s toilets at a neighbourhood house, inviting women who had been raped and never spoken about it, to write of their experiences. They are assured that no one would ever reveal what they had written.
The box was full each day. I wept over every letter, I respected women far more for what they had endured and yet continued to be loving and caring. I hope that the chance to write their experiences down also helped them on the road to recovery. -
Rhoda September 2, 2012
Agree absolutely Anon. When I say our silence has given them permission I mean that we play into their hands by being silent. In no way do I condemn women for being silent when society refuses to see rape as a crime against human rights.
A true story was once told on tv about an elderly woman who was raped in her bed one night and then tied to her rapist. She managed to escape while he slept and ran to her son’s place next door. She didn’t have time to grab something to cover herself and when they opened the door to her she was naked. They all kept their heads and did what they had to do. The police didn’t want to pursue charges – her reputation, the talk that would go on – da da. Let’s just brush it under the carpet.
I wish I could remember it in more detail but what I do remember is that this elderly woman related the story very matter of factly and in great detail. Didn’t make anything more of it than it was. Held herself proud. Wasn’t the slightest embarrassment in her demeanour. She was unshakeable in her belief that the crime was his and she was determined to hold him to account.
I hope women everywhere will one day be able to stand as tall as this woman did and dump it all on those who do violence against them.
The war against rape is a war we haven’t begun to fight and I believe it’s a human rights issue.
