HOOPLA HOROSCOPES. WEEK OF JULY 26

Your weekly Hoopla Horoscopes, brought to you by prophet, astrologer and natural-born storyteller Rob Brezny.

Week beginning July 26, 2012

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The state of Maine has a law that prohibits anyone from leaving an airplane while it is flying through the air. This seems like a reasonable restriction until you realise how badly it discriminates against skydivers. Legal scholars will tell you that examples like this are not at all rare. Laws tend to be crude, one-size-fits-all formulations. And as I’m sure you’ve discovered in your travels, Leo, one-size-fits-all formulations always squash expressions of individuality. In the coming weeks, be extra alert for pressures to conform to overly broad standards and sweeping generalisations. Rebel if necessary. You have license to be yourself to the tenth power.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I propose that you try to accomplish the following clean-up projects in the next four weeks: ten bushels of weeds yanked out of your psychic landscape; 25 pounds of unused stuff and moldering junk hauled away from your home; ten loads of dirty laundry (especially the metaphorical kind) washed free of taint and stains – and not blabbed about on social media; at least $5,000 worth of weird financial karma scrubbed away for good; a forgotten fence mended; and a festering wound tended to until it heals.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Philosopher William Irwin Thompson says that we humans are like flies creeping along the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. We literally cannot see the splendor that surrounds us. As a result, we don’t live in reality. We’re lost in our habitual perceptions, blinded by our favorite illusions, and addicted to beliefs that hide the true nature of the universe. That’s the bad news, Libra. The good news is that every now and then, each of us slips into a grace period when it’s possible to experience at least some of the glory we’re normally cut off from. The veil opens, and previously undetected beauty appears. The weeks ahead will be the closest you’ve come to this breakthrough in a long time.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Can you guess which European country has the best military record in the last eight centuries? It’s France. Out of the 185 battles its soldiers have engaged in, they’ve won 132 and lost only 43. Ten times they fought to a draw. Of all the signs of the zodiac, Scorpio, I think you have the best chance of compiling a comparable record in the next ten months. Your warrior-like qualities will be at a peak; your instinct for achieving hard-fought victories may be the stuff of legends years from now. But please keep in mind what the ancient Chinese military strategist Sun Tzu said in his iconic text The Art of War: The smart and powerful warrior always avoids outright conflict if possible, and wins by using slyer means.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): After consulting the astrological omens, I’ve concluded that during the next three weeks, you will deserve the following titles: 1. Most Likely to Benefit from Serendipitous Adventures; 2. Most Likely to Exclaim “Aha!”; 3. Most Likely to Thrive While Wandering in Wild Frontiers and Exotic Locales; 4. Most Likely to Have a Wish Come True If This Wish Is Made in the Presence of a Falling Star. You might want to wait to fully embody that fourth title until the period between August 9 and 14, when the Perseids meteor shower will be gracing the night skies with up to 170 streaks per hour. The peak flow will come on August 12 and 13.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You may have to travel far and wide before you will fully appreciate a familiar resource whose beauty you’re half-blind to. It’s possible you’ll have to suffer a partial loss of faith so as to attract experiences that will make your faith stronger than it ever was. And I’m guessing that you may need to slip outside your comfort zone for a while in order to learn what you need to know next about the arts of intimacy. These are tricky assignments, Capricorn. I suggest you welcome them without resentment.