RULES FOR A SCARLET WOMAN
The other woman. That harlot. That hussy.
That filth in her skin tight dress and peroxided hair (or scarlet mane – pick your stereotype).
Image via curvestokill.com.
Some of us are those women. We look relatively normal on the outside, you probably couldn’t even pick us out of a line up. Perhaps the guilt lines ambushing our eyes might be the only betraying clue to our cutting secret.
Adultery is a horrific situation as no one can possibly win.
But scarlet women exist. Let’s not pretend that “we” don’t. So let’s establish some ground rules, in a simple, easy to follow “Dos and Don’ts” format to prevent insanity.
For the purpose of simplicity, in this instance we’ll assume that the married party is a “he” and the other woman is a “she”. In real life, I acknowledge that there are variations in the gender roles but let’s just go with a textbook scenario as the situation is probably already more complex than something very complicated.
Let’s start with the “don’ts”.
Don’t fall in love.
Never, ever fall in love. In the name of all that’s sacred, never fall in love with him. Just don’t. Don’t even contemplate love as an option. It will ruin you. Am I clear on that? DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM. And when you do, make sure you take yourself off to a day spa (or about three hundred and sixty five of them), cease all contact with the offending party, engage in awful hate sex with an unrelated individual and do some spells.
Because they will NEVER leave their wife. It’s not even an option. And when they do, it will not be for you; it’ll be for someone that they’ve been seeing behind your back and you’ll be outraged that he was cheating on you with someone else that wasn’t his wife.
Don’t stalk.
This is easily one of the most enticing activities known to humankind. Stalking is an activity that possesses an avalanche effect which has the potential to snowball you all the way into a nineteen sixties style mental asylum. Instill a self imposed internet ban until you can master your mouse clicking enough to stop Googling your first name + his surname; it ‘ain’t guh huppen.’ Don’t drive past his work/sporting ground/preferred coffee studio even if it shortens your journey by thirty minutes. NB: It’s not considered a journey if you’re just getting in the car to drive past his house.
Don’t enjoy his creative pursuits.
Don’t read the book he wrote. Or drink the wine he made or admire the building site he demolished. Because men doing and creating things is a glorious turn on for lady folk and the aim here is to step away from the conjugated man and get one of your own. Or be happy on your own or something very Liz Lemon like that.
Now the “fun” part. The “dos”.
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16 Responses to this article
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Penni September 11, 2012
I must be missing the point of this. Is it meant to be satirically funny? Or a warning? It seems to be neither.
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The Huntress September 11, 2012
LOL Excellent guide. Having been the “other” woman on occasion (in my own defence it was not something I knowingly did. While I can pick a married man at 50 paces now, I couldn’t when I was younger and believed them when they said they were single) it is very helpful. Especially about the part that they will NEVER leave their wife. It’s true. Never, ever believe them if they say they’re going to leave, they never will. Why end a perfectly good situation (from their point of view) – wife at home, raising children, cleaning house and cooking dinner. Strumpet on the side being groomed, gleaming and catering to all other demands. Some people like to have their cake and when they do they want to eat it too.
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Elizabeth September 11, 2012
Ah, well, sometimes weird sh!t happens. Like he does leave his wife for you (a clue to how it will end between you – take heed). And then the estranged wife dies (!) and I end up an involuntary stepmother. There is psychological damage (mostly to me) and it all ended badly. But these are the experiences that shape one.
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G September 11, 2012
I was the other woman. He was the other man. I left my partner for him. He left his parter for me. We’ve been together for 2 years and have never been happier. Some relationships are just toxic but you get trapped – our affair made us see the light. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t wrong (and we certainly should have gone about it a different way), but it made us realise we both didn’t want to be in our relationships.
I vehemently disagree with the ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ saying.
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S September 11, 2012
I couldn’t agree more with this, Rubes. Straying from your r/ship never ends well, and I’ve learnt this the hard way
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R September 11, 2012
Or, once you learn he’s married, you could just go, ‘Sorry, that’s just not how I roll’ and get the hell out.
Just my two cents…
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justjane September 11, 2012
I agree G, I am in a similar situation to you.
But 15 years later we are still together and more in love every day. I know that I will NEVER cheat on him and vise versa.
Best thing I ever did was fall in love with him and end my marriage. Never been happier.It can work out and often does but no body talks about that because it is better to label someone scum and blame them instead of looking at what caused it and why it happened.
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shelley September 11, 2012
Hilarious and so true. I think that no-one deliberately decides to develop feelings for someone who is married/de facto. Would it be worse to have a platonic affair? Obviously for some people the affair works, grows into something lasting and I takes me hat off to those people. Is it correct that human beings are not monogamous? More cans of worms, am loving todays Hoopla. Thanks. x
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H September 11, 2012
I was the other woman off and on for a couple of years. At first, I just thought I was the woman, then I discovered that no, I actually was the other one so I cooled it off. That lasted like five minutes (ok, I was shallow and he was fairly hot) and the Thing carried on more or less as before, I didn’t let him know I’d found out about the Missus (they weren’t married, he was in a long term relationship though, and worked two different jobs in two different towns – I was in one town, she was in the other) and it carried on as a casual Thing for a fairly long time. I called it off when he started making taking things more seriously kind of noises after he’d split from the Missus (not because of me) because I realised I didn’t actually *want* a relationship with him, ironically enough, because he was a good cheater!
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Matt September 11, 2012
My ex-wife left me for her scarlet man who she had been ahem..”seeing on the side” for almost a year before I found out.
They both worked in the same field as me and the scandal went all through our industry. So much so that they eventually moved to the UK to get away from it. They’re now married I believe with 2 daughters.
Bottom line……well buggered if I know really. -
Ms M September 11, 2012
I had a crush on a lovely man many years ago, before he was married. A couple of years later we were working together and I fell for him big time. To my surprise, he also declared his love for me. We had an affair for a year or so.
Skip 17 years to now, he’s still married, lives interstate with two teenagers. He’s still my sweetheart and we still keep in touch. We still care very much about each other. I never got married, but I have no regrets. I never expected him to leave his wife for me. I am just happy to have a special friendship that’s lasted many years. -
Bec September 11, 2012
Love is never simple or easy especially when it’s a married man. We can’t help who we love, only what happens next. I have embraced a the love in my life with a healthy dose of what choices I can live with. I have been the crass so called other woman. It didn’t make the love any less.
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amd September 12, 2012
Not funny, not entertaining, sad, tawdry and pitiful – rather like the life of a liar or a person who enables a liar I suppose. I realise cheats don’t like to think of themselves as liars, but liars they are. And no, spouse has not cheated on me – that I know of anyway. Had a friend – past tense – who was a liar and a cheat. A psychologist friend of mine pointed out to me “If she is lying to her husband and children why on earth wouldn’t she lie to you and about you? What makes you so special?”. That gave me the perspective I needed to ditch her. Yep, we all make mistakes. Nope, not perfect. However, deliberate, repeated deceit is not a mistake, it’s a life style choice. And yes, it does go to character.
Judgemental? You bet. Always, always use your judgement and when you see foul behaviour, walk away.
