NOT IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER
Is there an expectation in “20th Century Australia” for a child to carry its father’s name?
No, says a Federal Magistrate.
According to the Brisbane Courier Mail:
“A DAD who argued it was an “Australian” principle for children to have their father’s last name has lost his bid to have his three-year-old twin boys renamed with his surname.
The boys, who were conceived during a brief relationship in 2007, had their birth certificates registered bearing their mother’s surname.
Federal Magistrate Janet Terry dismissed the bid for a name change after the father’s lawyer argued it was “important for their sense of identity” and was “right and proper” they carry his name.
She also rejected the suggestion that there was “an expectation in 21st century Australia” that a child bear their father’s surname.
“The flaw in the argument that a child needs to have a parent’s surname as part of theirs in order to prevent a confusion about identity or cement a relationship with a parent, is readily exposed when one considers that no one would dream of suggesting that the millions of Australian children who were given their father’s surname in the 19th and 20th centuries had, as a result, a less than satisfactory relationship with their mother and their maternal extended family or were confused about their identity.”
The father argued the boys should have a hypenated name. Magistrate Terry rejected that too.
The father further argued that the mother didn’t want to use his name because the children may get teased about it (the names are suppressed by the Family Law Act).
“This is not a case where the mother failed to name the father on the children’s birth certificate and rode roughshod over him by giving the children her surname,” she said.
(Both parents had signed the birth certificate after the father insisted the mother undergo a paternity test after the boys’ birth in 2008.)
The parents have been ordered to “urgently” attend a course on parenting after separation.
So, The Hoopla wants to know… what decisions have you taken about your family name?
Have you changed it from a name that was difficult to pronounce or spell?
Have you hyphenated it… and then what happend when two people got together with TWO hyphenated names?
Have you used the mother’s family name for your children?
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56 Responses to this article
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El August 10, 2012
This is all a matter of personal choice, and I don’t judge anyone who takes their husband’s name when they get married but I didnt change my surname when I got married. I really dont understand why, in this day and age, women are still contracted to their husbands with a name change!
So my husband and I have given our (now 5 month old) son a combined last name. The lil un has 17 letters plus a hyphen in his last name but we wouldn’t have it any other way. We both just didn’t understand why he wouldn’t have both of our names. My husband’s Mum says things like ‘I don’t understand why you did this, you need to carry on grandfather’s surname’ which makes me even more determined to celebrate his crazy double barrelled name the way it is! He is going to be the kind of boy who grows up understanding the reasoning behind his name and will not feel lumbered with it. He will feel proud to come from both families and proud to have that reflected in his name!-
Sharon August 10, 2012
Hi El,
I understand your reasons for including both names
What I have often wondered though (and I’m genuinely curious) is if you were given a combined last name by your parents and so was your husband – how would you have unravelled that to give your son a surname? Which ones would you include or exclude? My personal history probably explains my confusion. I don’t have a great emotional attachment to my surname (I’ve had 3 since I was born). My surname was originally my birth father’s name (he shot through when I was 4). My Mum remarried when I was 8 and I asked her if I could have the same surname as my new Dad, so my name was changed by deed poll. When I married my husband I took his surname – I don’t know why, but I never really thought about not doing it.
Cheers,
Sharon -
Caitlin August 10, 2012
People always ask this about double-barrelled names but I don’t really see the problem. In Spanish-speaking countries, every person has two surnames: One from the mother and one from the father. There is a formula to decide which two are passed down but I don’t recall the details. The point is that you just decide, whether it’s arbitrary or you have a formula, doesn’t matter. That’s for the next generation to make their own decisions about.
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Caitlin August 10, 2012
My comment isn’t nesting properly but it was in reply to Sharon.
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Sharon August 10, 2012
Hi Caitlin,
I’d forgotten about that Spanish naming custom – I used to work with an Australian lady who married in Mexico & she told me about it.
I looked it up – Wikipedia says women don’t change their names when they marry and (about naming children) – “The first surname was traditionally the father’s first surname, and the second the mother’s first surname. In Spain this order may now be reversed, according to a new gender equality law.” So ultimately it is still paternalistic – but I really like the idea
I don’t have a problem with hyphenated surnames – I was just never quite sure how it didn’t get silly when their kids had kids
Cheers,
Sharon
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WENDY GREEN August 10, 2012
Let’s hope your son feels the same way about this as you do …
You do realise you are forcing your son to take on your feelings about this issue, don’t you El?
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Tess August 10, 2012
She is ‘forcing her son to take on issues about this’ in the same way she would be forcing him to take on issues about having had his father’s name only, if that is what they had chosen, ie, it is something that will probably be quite inconsequential to him, it’ll be just the way it is.
My kids have a double-barreled name, unique to them, and they love the fact that they are the only two with it, and that they have both mum and dad’s name. It is not an ‘issue’ for them, it is a positive.
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TraceyA August 10, 2012
My children also have a hyphenated surname. To them it’s no big deal. They understand that it acknowledges both their mum’s and their dad’s family name. It’s not such an uncommon thing these days either – both of them have other “hyphen kids” in their respective classes at school. If as adults they choose to drop one of the names then that’s up to them. And as for what happens if a hypenated surname wants to marry another hyphenated surname?; well I get that it could be complicated but I also expect that as adults my offspring and their partners will be perfectly capable of working out a sensible solution that works for them. The idea that people will keep piling names upon names with umpteen hyphens as some people have suggested to me is just a nonsense.
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Confused August 10, 2012
I’ve always thought I’d retain my surname when I married, as an expression of my feminist identity. But it’s occurred to me recently – why is keeping my father’s surname less patriarchal than taking my husbands?
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WENDY GREEN August 10, 2012
Excellent point, Confused!!!
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Sara August 10, 2012
My children have their father’s name, although it was not because I necessarily believe it to be the correct thing to do. I have not changed my own name, although my husband would like me to, so giving the children his name was an act of peace keeping on my part. If asked though, I think the custom of naming the children after the paternal surname is an outdated relic of patriarchy. In fact, the only line you can be sure that the child follows is the mother’s, so it makes sense for the maternal name to be used. For my own self, I use both my mother’s name and my father’s name, although not together (don’t ask, it can get very confusing. Sometimes I use one, sometimes the other), although for all official communication I use my father’s name because it was the first one I was given, and it is on my birth certificate. I would no more change my name, which holds all of my family’s history, than have my arm cut off. I don’t know why, but I feel so strongly about this!
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Mrs Walker August 10, 2012
I have never actually married anyone….but have one son to one daddy and he has his father’s surname, although he used mine while he was in his teens and then reverted back as an adult. And then I had a boy and a girl to another daddy (and have kept him on) – the boy has his father’s surname and the girl mine – which was my decision – my partner wasn’t at all territorial about stamping his name on any of us. So my medicare card looks like I’ve really got around……three kids with three different surnames – there is more than one family surname in every family…….
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HQ August 10, 2012
I did not want to take my husband’s name when we married, but it was 1971 and he said it was important to him, so I did. I wanted to name any girls after me, but I was young and too well ‘trained’ to really put my case so we all, boys and one girl, have the ‘family’ name. I divorced him a little over 20 years of marriage, when I finally grew up, and the irony of the story is, I’ve dropped both my married name and my father’s name and have taken my maternal grandmother’s maiden name. It’s a better fit that any other I’ve had. So, if I’d named my daughter my family name, not our family name, then we’d be quite a collection of names. She, and my daughter-in-law, have taken their husband’s names. I quietly disapprove, but it’s their decision. What’s in a name though? It’s a matter of who we are to ourselves that matters really. I’ve remained so and my friends and family have adapted, in varying degrees of ease, into my name change.
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HQ August 10, 2012
One final thing: I suppose every woman marrying needs to ask herself, am I taking his name for his sake or my sake? The answer might be more important than they realise.
And the decision on naming the children should be decided BEFORE there are children.
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Nancy August 10, 2012
I have just had my first (and likely only) child. My husband and I have been together for about 14 years, and have struggled to conceive (I’m now 42). I don’t have my husbands name, a choice I made, but felt strongly that our new daughter have his name, mainly because she may be the only grandchild ever on his side. It felt more important for him than me, although we both can agree our connection to our new baby girl transcends a name!
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Gabriele Niklaus August 10, 2012
After seperating from my husband in 1986 I changed my daughter’s surname to mine because the father didnt want anything to do with us and I wanted my child to have the same name as me. I changed the name with school, Medicare and everyone else without any problems. When wanting to travel overseas in 2000 I still needed his signature for the passport even though I had sole custody and guardianship. We found out that my ex husband had died years earlier and no one informed us. At that time I also changed the birth certificate to finalise the change of name once and for all. I feek strongly about my name, it is part of me. My daughter chose her husbands name and that is fine with me too.
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Deborah August 10, 2012
I married late (47) and changed my name, even though I had a high profile in my profession for 25 years under my old name. I had no real attachment to my father’s name. His grandfather came from Finland in 1870, where they used patronymics – so that he was Carl Mattsson (son of Matts) and changed it to a common Welsh surname to make it easy in Australia. As Confused said – my surname was my father’s name, why should that be privileged over my mother’s surname. But I’d have hated a double-barreled name – that’s too fancy and too cumbersome for me. I love my new name, and feel some pride that I chose to have it, rather than had it thrust upon me at birth.
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Sarah August 10, 2012
Maybe that man should work on owning the label “father” first, before he starts demanding “father’s rights”.
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JanelleC68 August 10, 2012
That guy sounds like a complete knob, same as my ex-husband. A parenting course will not make one iota of difference to him because the issue for him is obviously about control and nothing else. People like that don’t change.
I reverted to my “own” name (I’m no maiden, so I don’t call it my maiden name) the day I walked out on my ex. I’ve since remarried and my husband doesn’t mind either way about the surnames, and if he was the type to get thingy about it that would be a red flag for me about the dynamics of power in the relationship. Our daughters have his surname, and 2 middle names. Their first middle name is after a family member, and the second is my surname. We’re all happy. -
The Huntress August 10, 2012
I gave my son my maiden name – I wasn’t married when my son was born, his biological father wasn’t showing me anything in terms of commitment to us as a family, so I gave my son my name. I’ve since escaped that relationship and married into a double-barrelled surname (which happens to be a very old family name, not a new combination of names) and my son has requested that he now be known by our new family name, rather than my maiden name. He has not once asked why he doesn’t have his biological dads name or asked to have his name changed to his biologocal dads name. I am very happy with how things have come along, I know that if he had his biological dads name I would have deeply regretted it.
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FerrelBerryl August 10, 2012
I like my husband far more than I like my father and I’m quite connected to his functional, tight knit family so my decision to take my husbands name was an easy one.
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The Huntress August 10, 2012
FerrelBerryl, that is exactly why I changed my maiden name too! I always said that I felt no need to change my surname if I ever married, but I do ever so adore Mr. Huntress and was honoured to change my name.
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Penny August 10, 2012
I kept my name when I got married. It carried my 34 years of history and is also my professional name. I love it and I’m proud of it. But when my babies were born I was happy for them to have their father’s name. I knew the babies were mine – they came out of my body – and it seemed a sharing thing to do to let my husband give them something too (aside from the very important sperm of course!). Ironically, they have his colouring and I was frequently asked if they were ‘mine’ or if I was the nanny, so maybe giving them my name would have dispelled some doubt there! I do miss having a shared family name, but we have made up our own hybrid that we play around with for fun. Maybe that’s the way of the future!
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KM August 10, 2012
We never married but there was no way I would have agreed to giving our son only his dad’s name. We agreed to have a hyphenated surname and importantly for me, my surname is last. We gave our son his father’s name on non-official documentation because it sounded better. Our son complains about having to fill out his double-barreled name on passport etc but if he chooses to change it, so be it. His choice.
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Quiet August 10, 2012
I know two families where on marriage the spouses both took on a new family name, and effectively cut ties to both families’ immediate heritage to begin a new combined family name.
One couple looked up the word for “together” in several languages, and over many months, settled on one that sounded nice, was easy to spell and to pronounce. They also considered what sort of names their children could be called (or not called!) with the new family name and kept to European languages so that they acknowledged both their families’ similar ancestral lineage (rather than for example an Asian, or African name as these were continents with which they had no ties, had not yet visited and were unrelated to anywhere in either of their specific ancestry) and thus they began their new life “Together” -
Alice Shaw August 10, 2012
The guy in this story sounds like a real champ – asked for a paternity test and then argues that the kids will struggle with identity if they aren’t named after thier father?? What a load of hooey. My experience (personal and professional) is that biology and the same name do not a parent make. Just step up, be an involved dad who pays child support and spends quality time with the kids and their identities will be formed that way, not because you force their mother to name them after you.
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Anna August 10, 2012
I kept my maiden name when I married. We are the only family with it in the whole of Australia. My father also encouraged me to keep my name – which was a surprise given that he was a lovely old fashioned Italian gentleman. But I am also a historian, and I know how hard It can be to trace family genealogies because the mothers maiden name is lost so quickly In the generational hurly burly of births deaths and marriages. So our children were given both surnames, without a hyphen. This way all legal documents like passports, Medicare cards, marriage certificates etc will show both names. In daily life though, they are known by their fathers surname. And it isn’t confusing for any one, which seems to be the second argument that people reach for, straight after the father comes first “rule”. When the time comes that they have children they can decide for themselves how to name their children. It’s no problem in cultures – like the Spanish – where the tradition is to hold both paternal and maternal names. A convention exists to guide people on how to manage the next generation.
I think this case is a great conversation starter, but my heart aches for the twins in this matter. This “father” is using all the old arguments in order to punish the childrens mother for the decisions she made that he disagreed with. Now thats the old patriarchy standing up to defend itself!!!
Honestly – doesn’t it take more to be a father than sharing a surname?
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Sandie August 10, 2012
I was not attached to my surname, in fact I found it uncomfortable to say. Had I married I man with an even worse one, I would have kept it, but I had a better option so I took it. As others have said, I like my husband better than I like my father, AND it was important to him that I take his name, so I did. Naturally, the children have the same name as both of us. My daughter says she will keep her surname when/if she ever marries, and I like the indication that she is close to her father (and mother) and will choose to continue to be known by the name we all use.
It’s a very personal decision and there are lots of great options, but I certainly can’t see why a father would automatically assume that the children will have his name, particularly when the relationship is not ongoing.
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WENDY GREEN August 10, 2012
I am proud to bear my husband’s surname – I consider it an honour. But taking on his name is not the end of it … he treats me with great respect and honour too so I think it’s not so much about the name as the way you feel about each other.
Perhaps there is too much emphasis these days on an individual’s ‘right’ to choose whatever they fancy. A tradition like taking on your husband’s surname is a very practical one, eg how hard will it be for future generations to trace their Family Tree? Just because the children have their father’s name doesn’t mean their mother’s Family Tree can’t be traced, millions of people have done that in the past and found it complicated enough as it is!
I feel that this is all pomp and circumstance and possibly masks the hidden issue of insecurity in a woman’s relationship with her husband of choice? What do you think?
But, having said all that, I don’t think it was right to go to court to try to force the mother to change the children’s names to that of the father’s. I must say I feel sorry for those twins who seem to be destined for a life of refereeing between their parents : (
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KJ August 10, 2012
“Perhaps there is too much emphasis these days on an individual’s ‘right’ to choose whatever they fancy.”
I actually think it’s great that people in Australian society can choose “whatever they fancy”. To me it simply reflects the wide range of different family types that exist these days (as opposed to the once dominant traditional nuclear family).
And I especially love the idea of families choosing their own surname from scratch!
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Tess August 10, 2012
Wendy Green, I think that is a very silly question. I will remember it next time I hear that someone who took their husband’s name is getting divorced, while my husband and I remain completely committed to each other.
Imagine if I said to you that you took your husbands name because you were so worried he was going to cheat on you that you wanted all your female friends to know he had a wife? That premise is as equally plausible as your suggestion.-
amd August 11, 2012
Yep. What Tess said.
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kathryn August 10, 2012
I am a family lawyer, a mother and not married to the father of my child. I am at a loss to understand why people insist on giving their poor children hyphenated surnames. Or fight over changing surnames. My son has his father’s surname because quite simply it was a big deal for his paternal grandfather and I couldn’t care less as I know (through my job and general life experience) that it doesn’t matter a FIG ! My son is cherished and loved, the difference in our surnames is a mere detail.
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Chele August 10, 2012
Well put Kathryn! I’m reading a lot about being proud of one’s name, history to a name, blah blah blah. I have two children (now adults) one with my surname one with their father’s surname, neither give a fig and never have. But both know they have been loved and cherished by both parents and families their whole lives. Get a grip in the end of the day it is a group of letters
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Charly Lindsay August 10, 2012
I have my Mother’s surname, and it is never something I have had an issue with. It has also never caused any issues within my family. My younger brother on the other hand has his Father’s surname, and it hasn’t caused any issues at all either.
I’ve always identified as a feminist and growing up, I always intended to keep my own name and hyphenate my eventual children’s names. However when my partner & I had the discussion it was plainly evident that it was far more important to him than it was to me, making the decision to take his name when we marry and give our children his surname simple.
To me, it is just a name, but to him it is an ideal and a large part of his family and identity. I don’t feel it makes me any less of a feminist, or removes any of my identity and it makes my partner happy to know that I see the importance he places on it.
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Amacamchumps Sarah August 10, 2012
My partner’s culture means he has a different surname to his parents – and its english translation means ‘prime’, as in prime minister, or first. So I really like the idea of taking his name, and having that symbolic name of being a first, new, family in ourselves. I love my family very, very much though, so I am keeping my current last name as a middle name.
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jesijames August 10, 2012
I took my husband’s name after we discussed lots of options. We though about both having my name, both having his or both changing our name to something else! For us, marriage was about a partnership, and we both wanted to have a shared family name. We considered merging parts of our names to create a new one, but in the end, the history of my husband’s name felt too important to keep. His ancestor was a convict, and he is the last biological male to carry the name, so we kept it.
We remember a Luddite protestor who ended up being sent down for 7 years, who was beaten for being a unionist, and who eventually became a free man and built a life for himself and his family in a state where he couldn’t live!
As proud unionists, this feels right for my husband and I. We had many options to choose from in our history, and choose one. It happened to be my husband’s name, but had it not been, we would have both changed our name! -
sami August 10, 2012
If I ever marry the boyfriend I am not changing my name. I used to just assume that I would, but now I have thought about it, why the hell should I? Why am I expected to change and he is not? This is 2012. I am not being given from my dad to my husband in exchange for a dowry. I am a human being with a name that is mine. It’s a partnership, not a purchase.
If we ever had kids I would prefer to double-barrel but it’s not the be all and end all. If he really wanted them to have his last name that’d be ok, as I guess I would already have the connection of having grown and hatched them. A fatherly bond is VERY important and if a last name helps, fine. But this is a shared decision and we aren’t even that keen on kids, so… whatever
maybe they could have my last name as a middle name. That’d be pretty cool.I suppose I have the benefit of growing up having a different surname to my mum, as my parents didn’t marry til I was in my teens. I don’t remember it being an issue for me even once, and I’m 28 now. That’s a lot of years of ‘who cares’.
If you want to change your name, change it. Go for gold. Just be sure it’s not because it’s the default option. Question your reasons. Own your decision.
As for that bloke in the article, he needs to grow up. Having an emotional attachment to your child is far more important than their last name. For goodness sake… as if dragging the childs mother through court and creating all this drama is good for the poor kid. Put it aside and be an adult. Why this is so difficult for some people I’ll never know. Good on the magistrate for saying no!
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chrism August 10, 2012
Same here. I kept my name – although over the years have sometimes used my husband’s and/or a combination when convenient! Our daughters have mine as one of their middle names (they each have two). Funnily enough, this meant that when our elder daughter married and decided to take her husband’s name mine remained as part of hers but my husband’s didn’t!
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Di Pearton August 10, 2012
I kept my name when we married, and our four children have my name as their middle name, my husband’s as their last name. Sometimes they swap. No problem ever.
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Michael August 10, 2012
Surnames are a surprisingly tough question. I have 5 kids from two marriages, all with my surname. I would like to think this was just the path of least resistance and that I would be comfortable with an alternative, but I was never asked to choose. My first wife took my surname and kept it after divorce because it was the same as the kids name. Always seemed a bit weird to me. My second wife kept her name and our kids have it as a middle name. I am not terribly comfortable with this either as it is still saying women are second class citizens. Coming up with a neutral surname seems even weirder. The problem is there doesn’t seem to be a good alternative that doesn’t also send some unintended message.
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El August 10, 2012
Haha I knew I shouldn’t have written anything as someone was likely to try to one up me on my opinions! I was just sharing my experience. And I don’t think it’s fair to say that a hyphenated surname is the result of a bad relationship with ones husband! We are all do very different, and come from so many different experiences don’t forget.
I’m sure we’ve all got our own issues that we pass on to our kids. If being proud of my heritage and what i have been through to now be who I am is my issue then so be it. I can’t be the perfect Mum and be issue-less but I can try my hardest to teach my son to understand and challenge many different ‘issues’ that may come up in our family or in the world around him.
Hi Sharon! I’ve had that thought too! I guess that my son, like many other hyphenated kids in the future, will choose the name he wants to go with. That’s a pretty cool thing to have control over I reckon.
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sami August 10, 2012
El I think your response was my favourite. Having a bad relationship is definitely a weird retort- what’s it got to do with anything? Is a man considered to have a bad relationship with his wife if he doesn’t change his last name to hers? Obviously not, so why does it only apply to women? Comments like that make my put on my feminist pants
I think if your sons biggest worry when he is older is his hyphenated surname then you’ve done a bloody good job. And you’re leading by example- woman and men are equal and just because someething is popular doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for everyone. -
shelley August 10, 2012
The father in the article is a CHUMP to say the least. My point though is about what defines a person, is it a name, is it a job or is it the kind of person you are? Discuss.
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Rhoda August 10, 2012
Why use a hyphen? I’ve been researching the family tree and it’s so interesting to trace down the several lines and see where the woman’s maiden name has been included. Haven’t seen a hyphen though.
Interesting that the double-barrelled surname was once only by the landed gentry and aristocracy – those with estates/ fortunes which were joined together by holy matrimony. An acknowlegement they were equals I suppose.
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Libby August 10, 2012
My first boyfriend had his mother’s maiden name as his middle name and a very common surname. Last I heard of him he had hyphenated his name, so he, his wife and kids now have this new name. I expect his motivation was to ensure that he is associated with his maternal uncle’s very successful business and his kids fit in with the private school clique. Wonder how his father feels though ? Wasn’t the surname he had bestowed upon him good enough anymore ?
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Sarah Boggs August 10, 2012
MY GRANDSON CHANGED HIS SURNAME AT THE REQUEST OF HIS FUTURE WIFE BECAUSE SHE SAID AS A TEACHER THE KIDS SHE TAUGHT WOULD BE LAUGH AT IT AND IT WOULDN’T BE FAIR TO CHILDREN THEY HAVE AND THEN TOOK HIS MOTHERS MAIDEN NAME. i HAVE ANOTHER GRANDDAUGHTER WHO ALSO IS A TEACHER AND SHE HAS NO PROBLEM WITH THE SURNAME . MY THREE SONS (GOOD NAME FOR A SITCOM) HAVE NO PROBLEM AND NEVER HAD A PROBLEM WITH OUR SURNAME .
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Matt August 10, 2012
Why do we need men at all these days? How dare they expect to father children and have those children bare the family name. Down with any traditions at all. Boo hiss!!!!
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Alice Shaw August 13, 2012
He asked for a paternity test then took the mother to court to force her to do what he wanted. He could’ve put that money into a trust fund for his children..
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Matt August 10, 2012
That said, the father in this story sounds like a bit of a douche.
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Megan August 10, 2012
Pity the genealogists of the future…
I changed to my husband’s surname for completely superficial reasons: it is far easier to say and to spell!
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Tess August 10, 2012
My father has three daughters so one would expect his surname would end with him. It hasn’t. I kept mine, and my children have a hyphenated surname, one sister added her husbands name to hers and created a longer surname which her children also have, and my other sister was in a bad relationship which ended just after then birth of her child so kept her surname and this is what her daughter has.
For all those people who say keeping their dad’s name is just as paternalistic as taking their husbands, I say crap – it was not my fathers name I was keeping but my own, it just happened to come from him.
I am proud when I think of my sisters and my children and nieces and nephews, that we all still share such a significant, connecting thing as our surname. Yet we are all separate, too, because we have the other family history shown in the other part of the surname.
And as for what they do when they are older – I would hope that when my children feel they are mature enough to get married, they are also mature enough to discuss with their partner their future name. -
Rosie Torr August 11, 2012
I have kept my surname purely because I like it. I have 3 brothers who can carry on the name, no problem. My children have my husbands surname as he is an only child and has his mothers surname and it suits the children wonderfully. They also have my surname as one of their middle names. So they will always have that with them. Win-win.
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Kaz August 12, 2012
I kept my name because at the time we spoke about it pre-marriage I couldnt visualise me with my husbands name – it just didnt resonate. Our children have my husbands name for purely superficial reasons, it is far less common, more unique & I surmised at the time more memorable (should that ever be a requirement). I didnt contemplate hyphenating – both surnames are long and multi-syllabled – too much. But I now wish we’d shortened and combined them to make something unique for the children, part of which came from both of us. I don’t know why. Oh well, too late – they are who they are, I love them from the depths of my soul and I know that whatever name they have, it will be them that makes the name, not the other way around.
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Jme August 13, 2012
When my dad proposed to Mum, he told her that in addition to the awesomeness that was him, she would also be getting a great new name. Strangely, she still married him but point-blank refused to take his name. What’s in a name? Actions and love bind families more than outdated patriarchy ever did.
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Brendan August 14, 2012
How’s this? The mother of my son changed her surname to my surname after we separated…. for the child’s sake?? He has my surname.
