Following a gross breakup, I took great joy in throwing out everything ‘us’ related.
This included concert tickets, a ring, holiday souvenirs and photos – including those posted on Facebook.
Keeping sentimental items was only going to tear more strips off my heart, and then eventually (as I went through the grieving process) make me angry.
At that stage he wasn’t on social media, thankfully, but soon after he joined Facebook, and was all but immediately suggested as one of those ‘people you may know’.
Thanks Mark Zuckerberg.
After having a quick look, I saw he had a new girlfriend, and that was enough. I was certainly no longer in love with him, but having that news in my face was not necessary, which is why, I don’t understand, that according to a recent poll (by Twentieth Century Fox – make of that what you will) only 32% of people delete their ex on Facebook, and, why 60% use social media to keep an eye on (read stalk) their ex…
An ex is an ex because it didn’t work.
You weren’t right for each other, whether that was your realisation or theirs.
I.e. one of you decided that it was more painful to be with the other, than apart. It’s a big and hurtful fact, but it’s still a fact.
Therefore, the decision to keep tabs on your ex over Facebook, I feel, is only going to end badly such that:
a) You’re going to see that they’re miserable, and waste your grieving process feeling sad for them, or, trying to cheer them up.
b) They’ll be miserable for a bit, which you’ll delight in (if you were the dumpee), and then they’ll get eventually a partner. Which will make you feel crap.
c) They’ll get a partner, who you’ll compare yourself to, and will conclude that you’re prettier, which is shallow and silly, or, that they’re prettier than you, which will make you feel ugly.
There are no winners here.
Bottom line is; you’ll be wasting your time, looking online, when you could be looking forward, outside, and eventually into the eyes of a Gerard Butler type.
The deletion doesn’t have to be done cruelly. It’s to give you some space. You wouldn’t hang around their front door following a breakup; therefore you shouldn’t hang around them in the cyber world, just a few clicks away. If your ex confronts you about the deletion, a quick, polite reply of “I’m giving myself some space, please respect that” should do the trick.
And this concludes my argument for deleting your ex from Facebook following a breakup, at least in the immediate instance. Rip that bandaid off (click ‘delete’), get it over with, and forward, forward.
Toward a happier life.
*Rebecca McGuire is a freelance writer. She has a psychology degree, and is studying to be a relationships counsellor. When qualified she looks forward to being the unmoustached Dr. Phil equivalent.