• Capisco. However, after getting a major (not kidding) allergy which has eventuated in my frequent-flyership at the gynaecologists (best friends now!) - I can (as a total nobody - but a somebody to my gynaecologist) - thoroughly and wholeheartedly endorse LUX SOAP. I wash clothes, dishes, and me with it - and have never looked back. If it makes me look like Ma Kettle - so be it. Bring it on!! (really not joking about this one). Cheers, Carmen 50 Shades of Unemployment at http://50shadesofunemployment.blogspot.com.au - Carmen
  • Oh Mrs. Woog - your before shot is so much better than the after. However lately I've become a closet watcher of that TVSN channel (non stop advertising). I've just seen Dimitri of Hollywood, advertising his "uber quality" product range. If I had the money, due to Dimitri's infectious advertising approach, I would buy every product. But it all went sadly wrong, this morning - during the live model makeover, when he accidently knocked the model's hair-piece - causing it to fall off - no kidding! Hilarious. And there I was with the credit card, about to hand over my money for his product that would give me "Hollywood celebrity bee-stung lips!" On the topic of makoevers, makeunders etc. some readers may find this post a worth read: "The Hazards of Faking It" http://50shadesofunemployment.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/the-hazards-of-faking-it.html Cheers, Carmen - Carmen
  • @Sally. It has everything to do with religion! All the "great monotheistic faiths" i.e. Christianity, Judaism and Islam are the greatest blights ever to afflict mankind. Obviously you have never read the bible that absolutely luxuriates in tales of ethnic cleansing, murder, pillage, slavery, oppression and war-mongering. The Koran is even worse! Obviously you have never studied history or current affairs either. Have you ever heard of the Islamic conquest of North Africa and southern Europe? Have you ever heard of the Crusades? Have you ever heard of the "Dark Ages" when the pope and his henchmen ran Europe and eagerly burned alive heretic, blasphemers, adulterers, apostates, and witches - even "witches" as young as 4 year-old girls? Just remember the biblical edict "thou shalt not suffer a witch to live". Have you ever heard of the Thirty Years War? How the oppression and slaughter of the Huguenots? How about the English Civil War and Cromwell's war against the Irish? What about Northern Ireland today? Have you ever heard of the "Lateran Pact" between Mussolini and the Catholic Church? How about Hitler's "Concordat" with the Vatican and the later establishment of the "rat line" that allowed the likes of Eichmann and Menngele to escape to Catholic South America? Have you ever heard of the "Armenian Genocide" where the muslim Turks slaughtered around 2 million Armenian Christians - forced mostly women and children to walk from Turkey to Syria and then left the survivors to die of starvation and thirst in the desert - after pack raping the pretty ones first? What do you think is happening in Syria, Iraq, and Lebanon today? What do you think is the cause? Everywhere you look for the last 3,000 years, the one constant in every war, massacre, holocaust and blood bath has been stinking bloody RELIGION! There's no Eastern solution either as the Hindus, Buddhists, and Shinto also have a long history of slaughter and oppression equal to that of the West. There will never be peace or progress in this world until the last Rabbi and Imam are strangled with the guts of the last priest! - Jack Richards
  • Yes Matilda. Muslims do condone paedophilia - unless you think it's appropriate for girls aged 9 to marry? That's the age at which girls can be married off in Iran and other Islamic countries. The Prophet Muhammad married Aisha when she was 5 but waited till she was all grown up at 9 before he consummated the relationship. It is quite common for pre-pubescent girls to be married off in places like Sudan, Somalia, Chad, Mali and Ethiopia and to have the first of their dozen children at 12 or 13. That's why an Australian surgeon has been in Ethiopia for half a century running the only clinic repairing urinary and rectal fistulas in that part of Africa. - Jack Richards
  • Oops, predictive text gone rogue, Klaus. And I'm not a contributor to Akerman's blog. I do read it and the comments, just as I read the Drum website, New Matilda, Quadrant, Reporters without Borders, International Socialist, the UN and CSIRO websites, overseas newspapers and a hundred others. I don't like being told how to think by our lefty media. Try it. - Gee
  • Q. All these headlines related to his budget reply speech in one media outlet: “Abbott's budget reply delivers a perfect political score” “Abbott 'honest, competent' budget reply” “Abbott's budget reply has the sweet smell of success” “Abbott vows to tackle 'budget emergency'” “Abbott: budget all about lost trust” “Opposition targets Swan over debt and deficit” Which one? (a) Rupert Murdoch’s News Limited (b) Fairfax, now controlled by Gina Reinhart (c) The ABC (d) The Institute of Public Affairs A. (c) The ABC. Explain that? - Möbius Ecko
  • 'Alberscreechie', Gee? What are you, twelve? I know Piers Akerman is on leave at the moment, but there must be a stack of other extremist blogs you can join in the interim. Thanks for the article, Emma. Great read. - Klaus
  • Two does not balance make, Janet G. It's time to privatise or shut it down. It's a parasite. - Gee
  • No, I didn't say that there are NO jobs that you can't take your children to or interrupt your schedule for. Your bile must have made your eyes blurry. - Gee
  • Sharon, I am merely suggesting that you help yourself. If we wait around for legislation or court appeals or whatever else you think is needed to 'level the playing fields' we could be long dead. I am not saying that it is all fair and rosey. I think that many many individuals making their own way will produce better results for said individuals than some collective approach, which might make some progress but it is unlikely to suit all women. I am not sure why there seems to a problem with empowering women to act for themselves. I do not want anyone, male or female talking for me. I want to represent myself. I don't want to rely on someone or some organisation to do my talking for me. If women spoke up for themselves then they would be more likely to get what they want. If they hide behind a collective skirt they will get what some committee thinks might be good for them. This is clearly not at all the same thing. - sue elliott
 
37
Categories:  Your Stories

FAAARRK! I FORGOT TO HAVE KIDS!

By Bianca Dye
June 11, 2011

I’m beginning to feel like a walking, talking cliché.

The sort of desperate female you read about in a magazine. You know her. The one that’s so desperate she’s using the article as a “womb for hire” advertisement.

But I’m at the age (37), when maturity and uncompromising honesty kicks me fair in the ovaries and I realise, she’s ME!

(Take deep pause for unhinged rant.)

This is my life, and the more I try NOT to think about where I am, the more it haunts me like the ghosts of Christmas past. (Ironically, it’s more upsetting than Christmas ’78 when Santa stumbled drunkenly onto the barbecue, set fire to his nylon suit and, in the midst of panic, revealed himself to be my Uncle Barry!)

Then there are Christmas boyfriends past… but that’s another moan for another time.

And now it’s Christmas present and it’s surreal.

It’s like I’m looking at myself as I have a conversation and I’ve turned into Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz… Betty White. (In fact, insert any rom-com star over 35, sans child.)

I’m having an animated, yet deeply moving, conversation with my “bestie” over a mocha frappe at Starbucks about how “my clock is ticking so loudly Barbara Cartland can hear it and has asked what the noise is”, or I’m telling her I’ve actually turned into that Andy Warhol poster where the blonde looks devastated and the thought bubble screams: “OOPS! I FORGOT TO HAVE A BABY!”

Even my fridge magnet is screaming at me: “WHERE’S OUR BABY, YOU MORON!!!”

Because, THAT IS ME – THIS IS MY LIFE !

I’m the walking stereotype of the career gal that… I dunno…  just forgot.

I got busy, dated dickheads and didn’t realise my time was REALLY RUNNING OUT!

 

Too greedy looking at what else was on the menu, I suppose. I never really committed to that: “must find hot, successful guy, must marry him, must buy house, must have baby.”

Yep, I’m the one that forgot to tick that box.

I recall being interviewed for a story in WHO weekly years ago that was headlined: “Women Who Choose Career Over Babies”.

At the time, being 33, I wasn’t really fussed at being featured in such a deceptively brutal article about how “selfish” I had been to choose “interviewing celebrities and having a top-rating radio show” over a child, because I honestly thought: “I’ve got plenty of time and I’ll be having kids one day.”

I suppose a lot of people still think of me as that selfish woman.

But now I know the truth. Something went wrong with that picture.Very wrong.

I’ll be honest.

I got sucked in to a vortex of dating the wrong guy and having kids never came up in conversation – ever.

I just didn’t feel like ticking that box – at all. There was no urge.

Then one fine day, I woke up out of a fog and thought : “WOW… I’m 37 and I’m running out of time. BIG TIME!”

I watched that SBS special on Sami Lukas turning 40 and how she was desperate for a sperm donor and I thought: “Faaarrk”…. I want kids too! What am I going to do?”

Then I reasoned, hey, I’m only 37.

Madonna (whom I had the distinguished pleasure of interviewing many years ago, sans child) didn’t start the baby ball rolling till she was 38 and that was as a single (albeit rich and world famous) mother.

She then went on to have another child aged 42.

Why was I worrying?

Now I see the truth. Even though Kelly Preston just had a baby at 48; Mariah Carey just dropped her double bundle at 40; Hugh Hefner is still dating bunnies aged 84… do I still have time?

Do I want sleepless nights, limp hair and cracked nipples?

Am I prepared to live in tracksuit pants and have an opinion of daytime soapie storylines as I sit and nurture my baby from my once-bountiful bosom?

The answer to it all is: YES I AM!

Why not? After all, the thought of NOT having a child is keeping me up nights.

So the bottom line is – short of posting an “eggs close to expiry date, use now” ad on the local shop community notice board – I need a plan.

I’ve decided to hone my feminine wiles and find myself a decent loving man.

Hey! It should be easy enough.

I need a man who has had a full and adventurous life; is pleased with how he’s turned out and is now ready to share himself with someone else and contribute to the nurturing and care of another blessed life force.

Or can buy a cat.

Look, I know I can change my attitude and accept all the brilliant choices I have made up until this date. I can be grateful for all the things I’ve had the chance to experience.

And I am all that – grateful, thankful, mindful – full of ‘fuls’ in fact.

But I’d like to have a baby. I really, really would.

I have to keep believing that tomorrow is another day and anything and everything is possible.

I know TheHoopla women are possibly the brightest and bravest women on the planet with about 5000 years of life experience between them.

(OK, no offence, you don’t look a day over 3000 years.)

But, how to I proceed from here, my ladies?

Any advice for an empty-nester like me?

*Bianca Dye is a breakfast presenter on i98FM. She can be heard from 6 to 9 am throughout the Wollongong/Illawarra region in NSW.

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37 Responses to this article

  1. Mary Moody July 1, 2011 Reply
     
     

    You are not a selfish woman, Bianca. Life just flies past very quickly when you are working hard and having fun. Let’s face it, a lot of women marry those dickheads they have been dating, have a baby or two and then get divorced! Keep looking for that special man – he’s out there.

     
    • bianca July 3, 2011 Reply
       
       

      thanku Mary! its hard somedays – but im not giving up!! i have a few years yet! xxx

       
  2. Leah July 3, 2011 Reply
     
     

    Hi Bianca, you are not selfish at all. Some woman decide to have a family when they are younger, and smart women like you live your you and life it to it’s fullest so you can share the life experience with our next generation and lead our next generation to all there goals in life to live them to there fullest just like you have. I take my hat off to you

     
  3. Gabbie July 3, 2011 Reply
     
     

    Bianca you are such a great girl, but I don’t think you believe it. We, your listeners/readers/fans do. Your witty view on life, your complete honesty with the universe, the way you live your life with no pretentions, no airs and graces (and that’a a GOOD thing) make you so loved by so many – now it’s time for you to see that, believe it too and let go. Only then will the universe give you want you most want. And it doesn’t matter how old you are. I came to the same realisation as you at 36, met my husband 3 months later. We were married by the time I turned 37 and now, 8 years and two kids later it’s as good as I wished and hoped it would be. I KNOW it will be for you too. Just get on with the business of being the wonderful you that we all love and life will do the rest.

     
  4. Lisa Forrest July 4, 2011 Reply
     
     

    This is the tough one for women, Bianca. The double standard is tough: no man would ever be considered selfish for putting off having children, and at 37 he could marry a much younger woman without being called a ‘cougar.’ But as my coach used to write on the board when I was 13, ‘when the going gets tough, the tough get going.’ The baby issue sorts out the girls from the women. The girls throw a tantrum and blame everyone else; the women take responsibility for the choices they’ve made and check out the options. I can only offer the words of the great Helen Reddy: ‘Yes, I’m wise, but its wisdom born of pain, yes, I’ve paid the price but look how much I’ve gained. If I have to I can face anything. I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman.’

     
  5. Ann-Maree July 5, 2011 Reply
     
     

    I’ ve got a couple of teenagers you can have, Bianca! Seems only yesterday they were babes in arms, now I am reduced to cleaner, washer woman and most importantly,(to them)…. on call taxi driver….the next thing to look forward too, the driving lessons! I guess then I will have no car either, Sorry, not helpful but how ‘ tis…..

     
  6. Stacey July 12, 2011 Reply
     
     

    Bianca. I had the same realisation at 37. Two years later and I am 8 months pregnant! You dont need a man to become a Mum. Ivf and an overseas donor could be the answer to your problem as well. I have only had positive reactions to my decision and am so grateful to have the support of my brilliant family and very excited friends. If I have any words of advice for you they would be – don’t waste any more time talking about this! Make appointments, get information, find out where you stand. These stories of Hollywood celebrities who are having babies in their 40′s are deceptive as they are often using donor eggs. Us mere mortals could spend years in cycles of ivf withuut any luck. I have my fingers and toes crossed that things work out for you.

     
  7. Steph July 26, 2011 Reply
     
     

    Bianca, totally agree with Stacey. Unfortunately I set the ball rolling too late and my choices became more limited as time went on. Get onto it now, do the research and set the wheels in motion. Do it for you and your baby.

     
  8. Heather Querin July 28, 2011 Reply
     
     

    Bianca – I could relate to the “I got busy, dated dickheads and didn’t realise my time was REALLY RUNNING OUT!” comment. I wasted so many years married to and living with the wrong men and when I finally kissed enough toads and found my prince I was 45. Had a miscarriage and then realised that all my dreams would not come true. Or didn’t they – I am happy and deliriously selfish in company with a wonderful man whilst my friends whinge and lament ever having kids – so who is the winner! Thanks for voicing the thoughts and feelings of so many of we “childless mothers”.

     
  9. Sharon August 25, 2011 Reply
     
     

    It can be done if it is what you want. I started at 35 from a long stretch of happy singledom. I started online in Jan, met a nice chap in April, got pregnant in May, had a baby in March of the next year, and got married while pregnant with second girl.

    Put your bullshit filter on full and get out there. I found a definite keeper almost 7 years ago now.

    I do miss the single life, though. I am considering building a yurt in the garden to escape the madness. Pity the garden is overrun with rabbits and bikes.

     
  10. Lizzie August 25, 2011 Reply
     
     

    I think I have an answer to this conundrum! Surely there are quite a few gay male couples who would love to have children – and are looking for a single keen woman to share the parenting journey. I was in a similar position to you Bianca a few years ago but was lucky to find Mr Right, marry and have a couple of kids within a couple of years. However, because having a family was SOOOO important to me, I thought long and hard on other options. For me, going solo with donor sperm was a bit frightening because I felt I needed support from another parent. With a gay couple however, you would have two other parents to help out! So now – where can they be found?

     
  11. Mary November 30, 2011 Reply
     
     

    Bianca just saw the re run of your interview on Kerri Anne. I didn’t meet “the one” until I was 39 after a failed childless marriage and many wrong relationships. I had my first baby after two miscarriages at 41 and a second at 43 and 10 months…she’s now 8 months. Both are healthy happy kids and I fell naturally…to you and many many women like you…don’t lose faith….there are plenty who will want to rob you of it!

     
  12. Belle November 30, 2011 Reply
     
     

    Just saw the re- run as well. I am 38 and have been doing IVF for 2 years now and will be going back to start my 4th cycle in the new year. It is a heartbreaking process with absolutely NO guarantees. Don’t wait!! Get in there now especially if you have already found out your AMH is low. I wish that someone had tapped me on the shoulder and said you know your clock is ticking, modern medicine can only do so much. I know there are people like Mary above who have achieved natural pregnancies into their 40′s but trust me they are the exception not the rule – the rest of us have no hope at that age. The big problem is you never know if you are going to be that lucky exception – it is not worth waiting to find out! Good luck.

     
  13. Joey January 31, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Hi! I’m still back at the bit where you say that society says women who don’t have children and pursue a career are selfish. Who says that? Why does having children make you (presumably) selfless? Seriously?????

     
    • Heather Querin May 16, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Hi Joey
      You know I have been judged and judged and sometimes harshly for not having kids. In fact one work colleague who just started with me asked “are you one of those people who hate kids” – generalisation is what judges us Joey! Oh …. and other women!!

       
  14. Alice Shaw January 31, 2012 Reply
     
     

    There’s nothing selfish about wanting and having a career. And you are right, there are many high profile women who’ve had children late in their thirties and into their 40′s. But Bianca don’t wait, if that is at all possible. Things can and do go wrong and it’s best to give yourself as much time as you can. If you have a close best friend, or gay male friend as suggested above and they are willing to donate then just do it. Sometimes parenthood doesn’t look like we think it was going to – but sometimes that’s because we’ve got a whole other wonderful life that we are supposed to be leading. There may or may not be a fanastic guy out there who is the right family guy for you, but don’t pin everything on him coming along because chances are, you’ll miss out on that baby you want.

    You should listen to Julia Sweeney – she has an interesting and amusing take on becoming a mother a lot later and in a very different way than she had imagined.

    Good luck! Hope you get what you want.

     
  15. Matthew February 1, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I am a guy who’s been happily married for 22 years with three wonderful teenage daughters. Very traditional, old school values. I was that geek at school who watched all the pretty girls go out with the naughty boys with tatts. So many girls chase the bad boys and wonder why there’s nothing long term in it. Doh! Bianca, you are an intelligent, beautiful woman. Look for the old school guy with values (even religious) and brains and you are likely to find long term love. A baby will be a natural progression in that nurturing home. You never need to apologise for the past, and you definately deserve the best for your future!

     
  16. bianca dye February 2, 2012 Reply
     
     

    wow………..

    you guys have really given me ALOT to think about – my head is spinning! IVF – alone? gulp – yet – the alternative is scary & hurts…no baby – but i want a FAMILY – not to be a single mum like i had growing up…. shit – i dunno ……

     
  17. Jane February 2, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I hear ya sista. I was in the EXACT situation as you. It was so hard. Bianca you never know what is around the corner. In my case I wrote my wishes down, fully commited to it and vibrated it out to the universe. In a matter of months I met a younger man, and fell pregnant unexpectedly several months after meeting him. I’m currently 38 and have a 7 month old baby. We are still together, have since bought property and intend on staying together. Also, having a baby is wonderful and not at all as difficult as everyone makes out. I wish I’d known this. Life only gets better. I’m sure it will happen for you soon.

     
  18. AmandaLee February 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    The big challenges for single mother’s is usually financial. Single mother’s can provide immense comfort, strength, fun, teaching, and love in every instance of life. Don’t believe the horror stories of children suffering at the hands of one parent families. Women are resourceful and strong by nature. If you have financial security, most other parenting challenges show women how amazing they can be and are!!
    You don’t see yourself as a single woman anymore anyway. You see yourself as a (future) mother, parent. Don’t you believe that a man couldn’t love you as the person you already are in your mind? Mature men appreciate the strength that strong, happy mothers have. Just think about it. Best wishes.

     
  19. AmandaLee February 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    The big challenges for single mother’s is usually financial. Single mother’s can provide immense comfort, strength, fun, teaching, and love in every instance of life. Don’t believe the horror stories of children suffering at the hands of one parent families. Women are resourceful and strong by nature. If you have financial security, most other parenting challenges show women how amazing they can be and are!!
    You don’t see yourself as a single entity anymore anyway l’m guessing? You see yourself as a (future) mother, parent. Don’t you believe that a man wouldn’t love you as the person you already are in your mind? Mature men appreciate the strength that strong, happy mothers have. Just think about it. Best wishes.

     
  20. AmandaLee February 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Whoops!! Sorry about the above double take.

     
  21. ellenni February 6, 2012 Reply
     
     

    no you are not selfish like we all, you wanted it all. i have learned that its not possible so you have to make choices. dont worry about looks or position just look for the man who wants you and your babies. most would agree cate blanchett is a looker but look at her husband. not a hotty but a hot dad and husband. my man was considered to be a hotty in all things. looks, career and good family. guess what he is now a aged hotty – lost his hair – along with a lot of other things but he is a lovely husband and father and thats what counts. so set your sights on men who dont care about being a hotty and chose one of those. have a laugh with him. he will love you more because you chose him over the hotties. very very good luck. look forward to hearing how you fared.

     
  22. reality Raver February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Go do it yourself. I have known too many friend who have waited for ‘the one’ and missed the biological opportunity. “The One” can still turn up after you have had the baby.

     
  23. Lisa February 7, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Hey Bianca, I am a Gong girl living on the Gold Coast. I left things till very late too, woke up one day thinking… Hang on I’m 35! Times ticking along here quicker than I thought… I think you’re already doing the right thing, being honest about what you want. I bought a family 4WD car :) wrote down what I DIDN’T want in a bloke and openly admitted I wanted to meet the father of my children. Within a year I had met him and now have two gorgeous kiddies and a beautiful partner, I’m now 43 years old. Good luck!!

     
  24. Toni February 9, 2012 Reply
     
     

    You never know what’s around the corner ;-)
    I’m 33, and just like you I am not married yet, and don’t have kids. And I have plenty of girlfriends who married in their 20′s. They married the dickheads that we were smart enough to only date and flick, and some of them were crazy enought to have babies with the dickheads too. Now they are all getting divorced, or have been divorced for some time, some under the age of 30. Some had marriages that lasted less than 2 years. How is that clever? You’ve experienced life, and ensured that you are a whole and independant person who is capable of being a fantastic parent to your child, when you choose to have one. Much better than a petulant, miserable and resentful parent who married a dickhead when they were 20 years old ;-)

     
  25. alto February 10, 2012 Reply
     
     

    im 32, in a 10 year relatoniship and really want kids but am also really pi#%ed off i have to have them – especially within the next 10 years!

     
  26. Pauline February 10, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Bianca, if you really want a child, my advice is to go it alone. I have 2 sons early 30s, late 20s who have no intention of settling down. I blame Seinfeld.

     
  27. Serin February 11, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Why oh why do we have to define ourselves so often by stereotyping ourselves. If the Bio- clock runs out for you it is not the worse thing in the world. I do not have children (just the luck of the draw- I married at 28 4 IVF treatments did not produce children)- I am lucky to have a realist has a partner- who said we did not have children to make us laugh- or make us cry. We still have a great life- and I am sure you have lot of freedom that people with children do not have Bianca- make the most of it.

     
  28. Fiona February 15, 2012 Reply
     
     

    A teeny bit off topic. BUT, it was it a Lichtenstein, not an Andy Warhol :-)

     
  29. Helen February 15, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Why must we always talk about mums at home as being day time tv addicts? Doesn’t that just go so against what mums at home are trying to achieve – which is to not be always thought of as brain dead?

    I’m not a mum and wish very much i was – but I’m fairly sure making it sound like all mums do is sit around in tracksuits watching day time tv is not helping their cause at all. That wasn’t the point of your piece, I admit, but it’s worth calling it when it’s said or written.

     
  30. InstTwitter L August 1, 2012 Reply
     
     

    One can seek forever and be blind….

    Bruce Lee said ” it’s like a finger pointing toward the moon, don’t concentrate on the finger or you will miss all the heavenly glory.”

    Get it? Course you do…. ;-)

     
  31. Gaye August 1, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I would love to know all this time since the article was first written what Binanca’s situation is now?
    Has she become pregnant, has she met the perfect man, has she given up on the idea of children or is she still thinking about it?
    Would love an update.
    My opinion is if she still wants children she should get stuck in now any which way she can, IVF, a gay friend just good luck.
    It is well worth it if that is what you want, you will not regret it.
    I do not believe for one minute that any parent would ever lament the day they had children as was mentioned in a previous comment by a childless person. I think those people only said that to comfort their friend (which was very kind of them), but if they didn’t say it for that reason then they don’t deserve to be parents. Well not in my book anyway.

     
  32. Roxy August 3, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I hear ya Bianca. As a now 47 year old single woman that never had kids…there’s days when Im ok about it & there are days (as you say) that are shit & yep, I’ve cried about it, many times. Don’t get me wrong – I too thought about going it alone, but honestly, it just didnt sit well with me personally. Im all for those that are ok with it, i dont judge them, dont think its wrong, but I’ve seen so many of my friends going thru divorce & single friends with kids (& the kids struggling with the parent situation in their life too) I just couldnt help but think – kids lives are tough enough these days without deliberately bringing them into a single parent world. (PLEASE single mums or those that have done it this way…dont get all upset at me & write me slamming replies – coz I HONESTLY DONT judge you for doing it your way at all, I really really dont) in fact…I actually admire those that have. Its a HUGE decision, a huge responsibility & huge commitment you’ve undertaken to do the hardest job of all – parenting, & I really do admire your strength. But its a choice we can only make based on how I personally feel is right for me & sadly, I just didnt think it was right for me. I actually felt selfish for wanting it (as well as many other emotions) & I realised that its a decision I cant un-do, so couldnt do it unless I was 1000% for it. It reminds me of a line from a movie; “Having kids is like having a tattoo on your face…” – you’d want to be very sure its right for you doing it the way you decide 1st.
    Yes…of course…I wish Id met the fabulous man, I wish life had been the Happy Ever After …picket white fence scenario as it had happened as it had for my sister, but it didnt & I have to say, while there could be more…life’s not exactly miserable either.
    Sadly I dated dickheads, alcoholics, men that lied, cheated & stole money from me & some of that shit (for me) takes a lot of getting over. I’ll be honest, Im scared shitless to trust again – out of sheer fear of being hurt. All my friends say Im too kind, too generous, too forgiving, too willing to give men another chance – but it felt right at the time & sadly went south. But the bottom line is I know Ive lived truthfully, generously, & openly & with my heart on my sleeve, coz that too is how I am – so makes it right for me.
    I too would love to hear an update on how you’re going Bianca, but if you find yourself in the same situation as you were when you wrote your initial post, my opinion is: Bottom Line, be absolutely true to yourself, honest in your feelings & your decision making & at the very least you will have peace of mind knowing you did. Good Luck to you gorgeous girl :-)

     

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If you are menopausal - what is your menopause treatment approach?

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  • Carmen: Capisco. However, after getting a major (not kidding) allergy which has eventuated in my frequent-flyership at the gynae...

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  • Carmen: Oh Mrs. Woog - your before shot is so much better than the after. However lately I've become a closet watcher of tha...

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  • Jack Richards: @Sally. It has everything to do with religion! All the "great monotheistic faiths" i.e. Christianity, Judaism and Isl...

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  • Jack Richards: Yes Matilda. Muslims do condone paedophilia - unless you think it's appropriate for girls aged 9 to marry? That's the ag...

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