DR GOOGLE IS MAKING ME SICK!
Someone once said in some ad on television about some product: “I don’t have time to be sick.”
The man flu epidemic hits and whirls on around me, while I dish out small doses of sympathy and decent doses of Panadol.
I do believe, in the case of Mr Woog at least, it is all in his head. He does not get a cough, he gets bronchiolitis. He does not get a cold, he gets pneumonia. He does not get the trots, he gets dysentery.
He is a total drama queen, sooky la-la and is a part of a growing epidemic – hypochondriacs.
Dr Google has made EVERYONE an expert in self-diagnosis.
If I were to Google all the weird and strange things that go on in my body, I would be a basket case.
My latest abnormality is a small painful split in the corner of my mouth. The pharmacist gave me a bottle of multivitamins and told me to get myself hooked. A few days later it had disappeared.
If a hypochondriac suffered the same ailment, they would have Googled the symptoms, joined a support group and a forum, looked at the links to cancer, seen a naturopath, a GP and a herbal medicine practitioner before fasting on coconut water and taking horse-strength antibiotics. They would also take to their bed, but not before telling you all about it. At length.
With the amount of information available about every ailment and condition, there is no wonder that my suburb boasts no less than seven chemists. And they are all busy.
Warts, shingles, the internet makes hypochondriacs worse. They bandy around fancy words like “deficient”, “abnormal” and “progressive”.
I used to work with a lady who was a hypochondriac. I would begin each day in the office asking how she was.
She was ALWAYS bad.
Having appointments with specialists, getting blood tests, suffering a dizzy spell, developing irritable bowel syndrome, scratching the top off a mysterious growth on the back of her arm and working herself up into a spin was the order of the day.
Over the years I worked with her, she never had a day off work and was never diagnosed with anything. She was addicted to the drama. She almost drove me to developing chronic fatigue syndrome with her constant rantings.
(So many times I was tempted to lick the rim of her coffee cup.)
Do you recall the amount of people who had Chronic Fatigue 10 years ago? It was the IT ailment of the 90s. I knew at least a dozen people who claimed to be suffering from CF, but with no way of really diagnosing it, I was left unconvinced. These were tired people burning that candle at both ends. (Apart from one girlfriend who was genuinely no good and had to take a few months off work to recover.)
In the naughties, if you do not have a personal trainer, a chiropractor, an osteopath and a dietician you are really doing yourself a terrible disservice.
I am doing myself a terrible disservice.
I have survived years of being a primary school teacher then having my own kids at day care and then school – all without dying. It is a well-known fact that in the first two years of working with kids, your immune system takes an absolute hammering. There are a limited number of times your face can be coughed at without picking up some lurgy.
Given that I have put myself in environments such as schools and offices with central air-conditioning, it is impressive to note that I have probably only ever caught a flu half a dozen times, and only a few of those times resulted in me having to seek medical advice.
I am a warrior.
I do not have time to be sick.
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MORE ARTICLES BY MRS WOOG
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*About Mrs Woog: “I can be found in the laundry, folding laundry, sorting laundry and dropping off the dry cleaning. I am mum to two boys, boss of my husband and master of a cat and two guinea pigs. Come nightfall, I watch TV while tweeting which drives Mr Woog insane. I like to read cookbooks and eat out. During my waking hours I ferry kids around in the Mazda while drinking takeaway coffees and listening to talkback. I think about going to the gym every day. I used to work in the publishing industry before I realised it was nothing like Elaine Benes from Seinfeld made out like it was. Now I write this blog. And I never get writer’s block. It is a gift I have.”
27 Responses to this article
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Mademoiselle Slimalicious March 21, 2012
Very well written, I’ve always loved Mrs Woog’s humour! I take Echinacea supplement to boost my immune system and eat properly. Result: I never get sick (last time was Dec 2010!).
True though that I rely on Google when weird symptoms appear, haha!-
Mrs Woog March 21, 2012
Why thank you darling! I suspect my immune system is shot to shit due to ongoing bad lifestyle. I now take a mulitvitamin to combat this.
And I do not rely on Dr Google anymore! xx
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Emmasbrain March 21, 2012
I wish you had have licked her coffee cup.
I have noticed a lot of people turning to twitter for medical advice as well, people who are not medical proffesionals reply with questions that really should only be answered by a doctor, It all makes me a little bit nervous. -
Caroline March 21, 2012
Dr Google told me I was going to die when I had a sore shoulder and then again another time when I ate too much beetroot. My real life doctor told me there was nothing wrong with me, and to stop self diagnosing on the internet. Good advice.
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Ms Mel March 21, 2012
We call it cyberchondria in our house.
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Mrs Woog March 21, 2012
This word should be included in the Oxford Dictionary. BRAVO! xx
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Erika March 21, 2012
Nodding head, particularly at how much WORSE it is for the boys
There’s a lot to be said for not worrying about daily germs, eating good quality food and trying to live at a slower and more forgiving pace than our society rewards. Despite a couple of long term problems, I’m fairly healthy and rarely ill.But I would also say never ignore what your body is saying. If she had, my mother would still be on unnecessary medications and not diagnosed for Paget’s disease. Doctors don’t know everything. That CFS is still (after all these years) an ailment based on ruling out other illnesses, that there is still no absolute cure – well, that’s indicative. Too many people claimed to have it when they were simply running on empty (or lazy). But it is debilitating and damned hard to live with.
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Mum of Adult Kids March 21, 2012
Increasing numbers of people seem to seek diagnosis on Facebook, together with pictures! Ewww! If I wanted to see that, I’d have become a doctor.
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Mrs Woog March 21, 2012
Ewww indeed. I have pictures in my head now of STD affected areas. They are hard to get rid of. (The pictures in my head…. not the other) x
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Edwina March 21, 2012
I get the same painful split in the corner of my mouth. It’s vitamin B-something deficiency, although I can’t remember which one. Apparently stress-related, although who really knows.
So there you go.
Note: this diagnosis was also brought to you, via me, by a pharmacist and not Google. Everytime I Google, it turns out I have terminal cancer.
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Heather March 21, 2012
Vegemite will cure that!
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Caz Makepeace March 21, 2012
Allelulia! I am rarely sick as is my husband (although when he is he is dying and it is so painful) And I am a long suffering teacher as well and have travelled and lived in disease ridden countries.
I really attibute my health to a strong and healthy state of mind. I want to be healthy, I want to be strong, being sick is an inconvenience and a disability. I don’t have time for it and I hate drama!
Some people do legitmately get sick and have issues. I did recently have to have a couple of surgeries- not from illness but something out of my control. Even then I sucked it up and still got on with what I had to do. I was blogging from the hospital- see no time!
Unfortunately people do create the drama as they feel they have nothing else to create.
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royce March 21, 2012
Three years ago I woke up with arthritic clawed hands. This lasted most of the day but came good by mid afternoon. I had worse arthritic symptoms and a bit of a flu feeling. The doctor tested for lots of things… maybe Rheumetoid Arthritis? But no… according to the test results.
My wife searched the symptoms on Google…. Ross River Virus. We went to the doc with the info. Yep…. that’s what it was. -
Alice March 21, 2012
Hi Mrs Woog,
This piece hit a nerve for me – I have had chronic fatigue syndrome for 22 years. The part of your article implying that everyone with CFS is a hypochondriac really hurt because it is an assumption I deal with constantly, along with the assumption that CFS isn’t ‘real’. Which brings me to your comment that there is ‘no way of really diagnosing it’. I assume you mean that you can’t do a blood test or similar for it (I could be wrong here, maybe you meant something different, if so, apologies). But you can’t do a blood test for depression either, so does that mean that you think there is no way of really diagnosing depression?Then we come to the end of the piece, with the general message that sick people have themselves to blame for “not being a warrior” and “having time to be sick”. Would you say the same thing about someone with a mental illness?
I do understand that it is a bit like back pain – easier for people who want to abuse the system to fake something like this than something that can be diagnosed with a blood test – but that doesn’t mean we are all faking I promise.
\end rant
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Mrs Woog March 21, 2012
Hi Alice,
I am sorry you took this writing for something other than the tongue-in-cheek piece that it was meant to be. Really, I apologise if you were offended in anyway.
Mrs Woog
xx
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Sharp March 21, 2012
I’m going to go out on a limb here…and I’m sure many other readers will agree, and others will think otherwise. But Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for 22 years? I’m sorry, but I just don’t believe you. I think the problem is a big discrepancy between how you think you should feel (ie not exhausted) and what you are prepared to do about it (ie some serious exercise, weight control and healthy eating. But mainly the exercise). Too exhausted to exercise? Gotta push past it to feel better.
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Erika March 21, 2012
better believe it. Like depression, CFS can go from mild to severe. You can have just one bout of it, or you can be living with it for the rest of your life. You can be mostly better but still be vulnerable and have relapses(which is where I am right now). You are more prone to relapses if CFS goes on for several years. Right now I’m trying to do 4 hours of work a day (yay for understanding management). I could be stuck here for months. Which is incredibly frustrating. Trust me, it would be grand to operate at a normal pace.
I accept that there are a percentage of malingerers. But I eat sensibly, my weight is at a healthy level and I would LOVE to be able to take my dogs for a decent walk. I would also like to be able to do the housework and not be exhausted. I’d love to be able to get through the day without falling asleep. I’d love to be able to think coherently through the day again instead of being so damned tired I can’t think, or even concentrate to read. And as a voracious reader, that hurts like you wouldn’t believe.
And after all Mrs Woog is reminding us about how not to assume we’re medicos and diagnose from the web, there you go doing it. Sorry if this sounds like flaming, but CFS is such a frustrating condition to live with and you’ve just trotted out the main misperceptions we have to battle. What can I offer to help you understand?
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Cathy March 21, 2012
Sharp,
When I was in high school, our school captain, who was also Dux and also a top cross country runner (that’s exercise, by the way), came down with CFS a couple of months before the HSC. She was able to do absolutely nothing for the next 3 years, missed out on uni and on graduating high school.
So, was she being lazy? 18 years old, trapped in her parents house, doing nothing all day every day while her friends all went off into the world to discover adulthood. Clever her…living the dream.
I remember it being reported through the grapevine a few years later that Alex was so pleased with a big achievement when she was 21. The achievement? She had walked to the end of her driveway.
My sister-in-law also was diagnosed with CFS when she was a teenager. She collapsed one day, and couldn’t get out of bed for the next 6 months. A little run might have perked her up – right? – but she didn’t have the energy to lift herself out of bed. Can you imagine how utterly, utterly horrible it must feel to be so drained? She is better now than she was then, but some days it is still a struggle, and it’s almost 10 years later now.
I’m sure she would love to be labeled a liar as well, like you did to Alice up there.
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Fiona March 22, 2012
Sharp, I had that attitude once, I so greatly regret it now. I represented Australia at tennis, so I don’t think anyone could ever classify me as lazy, however I have since experienced severe fatigue and it is NOT mind over matter! Not being able to do what you would like to do is awful, being judged as being lazy or a hypochondriac on top just adds insult to injury.
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MrsP2011 March 23, 2012
Apart from the fact that your comment about CFS has upset some of the ladies here and with good reason, I have had a giggle at the general tone of your article. I think we have all probably worked with or had contact with (on a prolonged basis), someone who has more than the usual hypochondriac tendencies and more than once rolled our eyes heavenward when we have asked them how they are. Hypochondria, in itself, is a medical condition of sorts and sad as it is, there is usually an underlying problem causing it – maybe loneliness. I have had a chronic lung condition all my life. There are some days when I might go back to bed a couple of times during the day because of the fatigue caused by this condition. I have been known to put my head down on my desk at work and cat nap for 15 minutes, during my lunch break, because I know I would be next to useless and unable to focus for the remainder of the afternoon if I didn’t. However, if someone asks me how I am and I feel like shit – I tell them. That doesn’t happen often but when it does, they know I am not kidding or attention seeking. As far as our men go however, it is pure and simple – poor me … sniffle, sniffle … feel sorry for me … sniffle, sniffle … the big babies.
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blue March 23, 2012
Last I read the current thinking is that ‘Hypchondria’ is a form of Somatoform Disorder — which is a mental illness just like anxiety or depression are mental illnesses. There are a number of forms of this disorder. These people might be driving you crazy with their perceived physical illnesses but in fact they really are ill, only not physcially (in as much as the mind can be separated from the body). The thing is, most of them are scared. Better off we all have a bit of compassion for them and not be rolling our eyes. After all, we wouldn’t be rolling our eyes at people with depression.
I have a chronic illness but I don’t google it anymore.. I had gone overboard in ‘researching’ my illness. And it didn’t do me any good. Maybe it made me focus more on the illness than I needed to. I finally decided that my doctors had diagnosed me and I could trust them to treat me.
Having said that, I’ve read time and time again of people discovering on the internet what is wrong with them and then having their doctors confirm it.
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Mali March 23, 2012
Thanks for your insightful post Blue. Compassion works for me. Hypochondriasis is indeed a distressing mental disorder, and causes great pain for those afflicted. Some express it, to eye rolling from some; others, like a friend of mine, kept it inside for ten years, struggling alone thinking he was ill with everything going. Far be it from me to curb anyone elses opinions and right to see the light and humour in whatever they please, but its 2012. Mental health is on the agenda. Lets spare a thought for those who suffer, often on a daily basis, and another one for the fact they might actually be on this site reading what has been written, which could set them back further in their battle.
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Alice March 24, 2012
Hi Mrs Woog,
I waited a few days before coming back because I was afraid everyone’s reaction would be like Sharp. It was lovely to see defenders (THANKYOU!) but I am REALLY glad I didn’t come back earlier.
I did want to add that I love your writing and humour, including most of this article, and I am not seriously or permanently offended. You just happened to push my hot button on this one. Regardless, thankyou for your apology, it proves that you are a classy lady.
