THE DATING PROJECT #13: CLEAVAGE
The Dating Project follows the adventures of three women Lou Lou ( 30s), Astrid (40s) and Eloise (50s) as they navigate the tricky online dating scene. Along the way they have the support and advice of renowned sex therapist Bettina Arndt and relationship counsellor Rob Tiller.
Astrid’s on the move this week and it’s all due to her wonderful, new photos.
We started off just seeking some more flattering profile pics but the process turned out to be fascinating because Astrid is a woman who’s lived through a massive weight loss in the last few years – having shed an amazing 43 kilos.
She’s an attractive woman who’s spent so many years disguising her weight that she still dresses as if she has something to hide. Yet she now has a great body which bears witness to the many hours she’s spent with her personal trainer and doing her weight training.
So this was something to celebrate but it took a bit of doing getting her out of the black turtlenecks into something more flattering.
Luckily we had her sweet, young daughter with us, barracking from the sidelines (and promising she’s never going to let Mum out on a date in her cover-up mode.)
Our young photographer, Manon, took some terrific photos – lively, bright, flattering shots which expose her youthful neckline and even a hint of cleavage (something which hasn’t seen the light of day for an awfully long time!).
It’s made all the difference, upping the traffic to her profile and increasing her hit rate. Such good news for Astrid.
But also a lesson to everyone that it is really worth making the effort and getting those photos right.
If you aren’t receiving the response you want to your profile get someone to give you feedback on your photos to make sure you are doing yourself justice (Sydneysiders looking for an extremely inexpensive, yet talented photographer are welcome to contact Manon through me.)
Now for the continuing adventures of Lou Lou:
Some rom-coms, especially those featuring Katherine Heigl, get the ‘relationship with the one’ off to a rocky start. It adds to the comedy and the pay-off of the first kiss is that much sweeter.
So I am thinking this may be the case for Man#7 and I. He is a rock-climber in his spare time… maybe he is also partial to recreating similarly rocky terrain in other aspects of his life??
See, I am very much ‘eyes wide open’ here. And this is no mean feat given he is seriously throwing some boulders in my path. First of all, we start with a bit of flirty chat online. He’s very cheeky and sharp. A big tick. Although… he does seem a little preoccupied with my internet dating history. I am beginning to feel like I am in the middle of a job interview: What is your conversion rate of kisses to dates? Have you ever been successful in sealing the deal and taking your prospect home? How experienced would you say you are?
Is this endearing or weird? I’m not sure… We agree to meet up in two days time. He cancels. Well technically he doesn’t cancel, but at the last minute he requests a dramatic change of location, which is the equivalent of saying: Could we move the date from Sydney to Perth?!
Okay, slight exaggeration. But I politely decline. It’s a Friday night and a trek in cold weather and heels excites me as much as starting my tax return.
However the following day I receive a text from him asking me how my weekend is going. How thoughtful – I genuinely mean that! After a few texts back and forth, he texts me at midnight requesting a photo of what I look like this VERY moment. Is he asking for a nudie shot? Is this cheeky or creepy? I’m not sure…
A few days later we are on the phone having a conversation. He seems impressed by odd things like – my ability to drive a manual car and the fact that I am ‘financially liquid’. Is this cute or strange? I’m not sure…
We go on a date. And in my mind the ‘sanity barometer’ is wildly swinging from insane to sane throughout our conversational stream. I really like his honesty and vulnerability. But telling me he is googling how to pick up women in foreign countries for his next overseas trip is total ‘over-share’. I’m a big fan of his quirky outlook but can’t get my head around his belief that he is now ready to settle down because he could handle his prospective girlfriend accidentally falling pregnant.
Is he eccentric or bonkers? At he end of the date he offers to drive me home. I once again politely decline. So he swiftly hotfoots it before I have a chance to say goodbye.
Is he just fragile or freakily unhinged?
Do you see my conundrum here? While I am in the cab home I receive a text from Man#7 requesting a second date, not a MMS of my body parts this time. I guess that’s something to be happy about.
But I can’t decide whether to go. Am I attracted to him or fascinated by how odd he is? Should I go on a second date??? I’m not sure…
Rob says: Go for it Lou Lou! A second date may provide a more chilled opportunity to take another reading of this quirky character with your ‘weird-o-meter.’ Nice work on politely declining his offer to drive you home – I imagine his clumsy exit strategy would leave most girls somewhat flabbergasted. However, I think his text request for another date shows some guts and as you’re learning, the anxiety that comes with managing first date impressions can make a guy seem edgy, peculiar or downright loopy. I have my question marks about this guy, but like you I’m curious and wonder how much of his behaviour is driven by a desire to shock and surprise—which can be an effective bonding tactic between guys. Unfortunately men can mistakenly assume that what’s good for the gander is also great for the goose which can lead to some pretty bad habits when it comes to trying to impress the fairer sex.
And here’s the new Astrid, with cleavage…
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