THE DATING PROJECT #14. CHOICES
Choices, choices, choices. That’s what’s so different about internet dating.
In real life most of us are rarely faced with meeting many potential partners at the same time. You slowly find yourself drawn to someone you know through work, or you meet one person you like at a party.
But in internet dating most people are testing the waters with a number of people at any time and may be arranging to meet one person while still receiving kisses from others. That’s both good and bad. Bad because it means we all face rejection when people make other choices but good because we too have other options if we are prepared to just hang in there and keep trying.
That’s what Lou Lou shows us as she reveals what goes on in her head while she navigates yet another first date. She’s struggling with rejecting a nice guy she just doesn’t fancy. But she does it knowing there are plenty more fish in the sea. That’s as it should be… you can’t date people just because you feel sorry for them. But you can end things kindly and then move on.
Astrid’s just learning the ropes, rightly upset at rude, last-minute no shows. But she’s also doing the rejecting – turning down, for good reasons, another nice man. She feels battered and bruised but she too is doing the bruising and needs to remember that. It will get easier as she learns that sometimes she will make choices that cause others pain rather than just focusing on her own feelings of rejection.
As for Eloise, well she’s looking forward to the weekend…
First, here’s Lou Lou:
I thought it might be a good time to reveal the inner workings of my head during a typical date.
Man #8 was my first daytime date. So without further ado, it’s over to the inner workings of my head…
“I can totally do daytime – although I wouldn’t mind a bit of mood lighting. Do I look too casual? Or have I finally mastered the ‘sexy-casual’ look?? Hang on a second here… girls who leave the house in ugg boots and track pants would say they are sexy-casual BUT I would rename that look ‘derelict boho’. Oh, I don’t know…
Tall and ultra skinny guy walking this way. Is that him? For the love of food, please don’t let it be him!
Nope, not him. Well that’s a lucky mistake. Oh look, this is him.
Okay dokey, a little shorter than anticipated. Possibly a little older than the photo… the one photo. That photo makes a lot of sense now.
WHAT AM I DOING??? WHY IS MY HAND MOVING TOWARDS HIM? Oh, you idiot, you are shaking his hand. What happened to your first-date, first-hug policy?
Let’s walk this one out…. to the nearest bar.
Aww, he is really nervous. I’ll need to take control until he regains his feet. Let’s talk about work. It’s nice and easy. Oh, there he goes. He’s getting a good chat on!
Listening… listening… listening… Geez, I am a good listener!
Fish or chicken? Yes, that is a good question… What should I have for dinner?
BUGGER! I knew this would happen. Come on, you need to stay focused.
Listening… listening…
Oh, a couple is about to sit next to us. Maybe this is a good omen? I wonder if they know we are on an Internet date? Well, the guy is looking at me funnily. Is he thinking: ‘Ah, now I can see why this woman hasn’t met anyone the natural way?’
Oh, you’ve done it again. STAY FOCUSSED!
He does drink slowly. That’s not such a bad thing. I’ve not exactly excelled with binge-drinking boyfriends in the past, have I?
Does he look at my drink and think: ‘Wow, she drinks quite quickly. She must be a lush. That’s not hot?’
Oh, now I remember he likes Moby! Let’s talk about that. But we need another drink first. I should offer.
Oh, he wants a coffee. Should I have a coffee? I don’t want a coffee. I want a wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!! No I should have a mineral water. You only think good things about a woman who drinks mineral water, don’t you?
It’s been a while now. What do I think about him? Hmmm… I feel sorry for him being short. Stop it Lou Lou. No man wants your pity!
But can you see yourself naked with him? God no!! Do you think he can tell what I am thinking? He seems okay that we’re leaving now. Oh my god, what happens if he can read minds??
Nope, he’s definitely not a mind reader: He just hugged me goodbye! That was a bit forward. Oh, he’s got lovely soft facial skin.
Is that a strong enough reason to go on a second date with a man that you can’t see yourself being naked with?”
The date ended and the following day I received a text expressing interest in a second date. Back to the inner workings of my head…
| Page 1 of 3 | next >> |
8 Responses to this article
-
The Huntress August 10, 2012
Awww, I feel for Astrid. I remember what it was like being a single mum and a student, with very little in the way of social support and it made dating so difficult. Not that I was super keen at the time, I was more interested in my son and my study, but sometimes there would come a moment where I would think “gee, some masculine company would be nice right now”. I hope the lads pick up their game, because I can see that any man who can patiently understand your devotion to your children will reap the same kind of devotion from you, especially as your children grow up.
And once again I am throughly entertained by Lou-Lou. I’m tall myself and always preferred to date tall men. But that being said I did have a wonderful, wild fling with a considerably shorter man than me once when I was single and we had a great time and we’re still very, very close friends. I loved him dearly, but just didn’t have romantic feelings for him – which just can’t be anything to do with his height can it? (And I’m still waiting for this amazing man to meet a wonderful lady because I can honestly say that any woman who snags him is one of the luckiest women in the world. What was I thinking? Oh, that’s right, Mr. Huntress
) -
Christine August 11, 2012
Jesus!! Take it easy. How about just going on a date with someone you actually like!!! Forget all the mind games and thought processes and over analizing. If you like him and he likes you well then …..thats it really. AND BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.
-
Sere August 11, 2012
Lou Lou sounds as if she is being true to herself and her feelings. She also shows compassion as Rob said.
These are the qualities that help us find and have a good relationship. -
Sere August 11, 2012
Christine,
Yeah, when they go on the first date they don’t know the men at all if they have only e-mailed and text. You can’t get anything much from e-mails and texts, as the tone and body language is missing. -
Sere August 11, 2012
What masculine qualities did Lou Lou mention that grab and hold a woman’s interest ?
She mentioned physique and height at the beginning. Thought about whether he would be a heavy drinker.
When he kept talking about himself her mind wandered.
She thought about whether she would want to sleep with him.
And she mentioned his soft facial skin.
Aren’t these rather obvious things that a male or female on a date would think about ?Rob sounds surprised that women go on the hunt too and analyse men and their strengths and weaknesses. He sounds surprised that women weigh up the men they meet.
You know there is a woman named ‘The Huntress’ on line.
