THE DATING PROJECT #14. CHOICES
Choices, choices, choices. That’s what’s so different about internet dating.
In real life most of us are rarely faced with meeting many potential partners at the same time. You slowly find yourself drawn to someone you know through work, or you meet one person you like at a party.
But in internet dating most people are testing the waters with a number of people at any time and may be arranging to meet one person while still receiving kisses from others. That’s both good and bad. Bad because it means we all face rejection when people make other choices but good because we too have other options if we are prepared to just hang in there and keep trying.
That’s what Lou Lou shows us as she reveals what goes on in her head while she navigates yet another first date. She’s struggling with rejecting a nice guy she just doesn’t fancy. But she does it knowing there are plenty more fish in the sea. That’s as it should be… you can’t date people just because you feel sorry for them. But you can end things kindly and then move on.
Astrid’s just learning the ropes, rightly upset at rude, last-minute no shows. But she’s also doing the rejecting – turning down, for good reasons, another nice man. She feels battered and bruised but she too is doing the bruising and needs to remember that. It will get easier as she learns that sometimes she will make choices that cause others pain rather than just focusing on her own feelings of rejection.
As for Eloise, well she’s looking forward to the weekend…
First, here’s Lou Lou:
I thought it might be a good time to reveal the inner workings of my head during a typical date.
Man #8 was my first daytime date. So without further ado, it’s over to the inner workings of my head…
“I can totally do daytime – although I wouldn’t mind a bit of mood lighting. Do I look too casual? Or have I finally mastered the ‘sexy-casual’ look?? Hang on a second here… girls who leave the house in ugg boots and track pants would say they are sexy-casual BUT I would rename that look ‘derelict boho’. Oh, I don’t know…
Tall and ultra skinny guy walking this way. Is that him? For the love of food, please don’t let it be him!
Nope, not him. Well that’s a lucky mistake. Oh look, this is him.
Okay dokey, a little shorter than anticipated. Possibly a little older than the photo… the one photo. That photo makes a lot of sense now.
WHAT AM I DOING??? WHY IS MY HAND MOVING TOWARDS HIM? Oh, you idiot, you are shaking his hand. What happened to your first-date, first-hug policy?
Let’s walk this one out…. to the nearest bar.
Aww, he is really nervous. I’ll need to take control until he regains his feet. Let’s talk about work. It’s nice and easy. Oh, there he goes. He’s getting a good chat on!
Listening… listening… listening… Geez, I am a good listener!
Fish or chicken? Yes, that is a good question… What should I have for dinner?
BUGGER! I knew this would happen. Come on, you need to stay focused.
Oh, a couple is about to sit next to us. Maybe this is a good omen? I wonder if they know we are on an Internet date? Well, the guy is looking at me funnily. Is he thinking: ‘Ah, now I can see why this woman hasn’t met anyone the natural way?’
Oh, you’ve done it again. STAY FOCUSSED!
He does drink slowly. That’s not such a bad thing. I’ve not exactly excelled with binge-drinking boyfriends in the past, have I?
Does he look at my drink and think: ‘Wow, she drinks quite quickly. She must be a lush. That’s not hot?’
Oh, now I remember he likes Moby! Let’s talk about that. But we need another drink first. I should offer.
Oh, he wants a coffee. Should I have a coffee? I don’t want a coffee. I want a wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!! No I should have a mineral water. You only think good things about a woman who drinks mineral water, don’t you?
It’s been a while now. What do I think about him? Hmmm… I feel sorry for him being short. Stop it Lou Lou. No man wants your pity!
But can you see yourself naked with him? God no!! Do you think he can tell what I am thinking? He seems okay that we’re leaving now. Oh my god, what happens if he can read minds??
Nope, he’s definitely not a mind reader: He just hugged me goodbye! That was a bit forward. Oh, he’s got lovely soft facial skin.
Is that a strong enough reason to go on a second date with a man that you can’t see yourself being naked with?”
The date ended and the following day I received a text expressing interest in a second date. Back to the inner workings of my head…
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