THE DATING PROJECT #11. NO SHOW
We keep hearing from women who were disappointed not to be chosen to be part of our team and can’t seem to find the courage to start internet dating on their own.
So my big news is I have decided to offer a personal service to help men and women who want to get started or who are already on board but not having much success. Go to this link to read all about my new Dating Advice Service. I’d love your feedback and hope to lend a hand to help those who would like to get involved.
Update: Bettina and Lou Lou caught up with ABC 702 Sydney’s James Valentine this week. You can listen to them chat about dating, disasters and dapper men here.
Meanwhile, ups and downs for our team this week.
The ups include some very hot photos of our smokin’ granny, Eloise who is already deep in the action. Aching lips indeed!
But Lou Lou had a no show. How annoying is that? But as Rob explains, it’s not only women who find themselves alone and lonesome waiting in vain for their dates to appear. With internet dating everyone who participates is putting themselves on the line – and that takes guts. It blows me away that people can exploit that vulnerability and just fail to show up, or turn up take one look and then disappear. You meet the good, the bad and the very, very ugly through internet dating. And that’s why you need that armour plating.
The good news is Astrid is cruising along, emailing one guy, receiving kisses and thinking about why she still finds live chat too hard.
So here’s Lou Lou:
Man #5 was a product of proactivity. You see with RSVP you can buy ‘stamps’. These stamps enable you to initiate contact with someone via email – a lot more personal than a kiss, right? And you are doing them the favour of paying to start the conversation with them – which gives them a free ride. That has to make them feel extra good, doesn’t it?
You buy these stamps in batches and they come with an expiry date. I’ve always been too slow or too subtle in the art of seduction. So it came as no surprise when RSVP kindly reminded me that I have three stamps nearing expiry.
Now that we’ve got the theory out of the way, let me show you how I applied it in practice. I sent Man #5 an email. He swiftly replied with a witty mini novel of his life up until now. A lengthy email usually evokes the ‘eye roll’ and sends my inner ‘psycho’ siren off, but Man #5 was just sooooo real and interesting!
We set up a time and a date. I was excited!
The morning of the date, I carefully selected black jeans, brown boots and a netted, sheer, black top with sassy gold detailing. I wanted to be bang in the middle of ‘sexy casual’.
Also in the morning, I received quite a long text from Man #5 echoing a similar excitement to meet in person. I could feel that this had the potential to go swimmingly. Should I check my bikini line just in case?
The evening finally arrived. And so too did a text precisely 10 minutes before we are due to meet up. Man #5 pulled the ripcord, saying he was very tired from a double shift, but wanted to reschedule to mid-week. I was seemingly relaxed by the news but this could be the mojito that I was nursing as part of my pre-date drinks with friends.
My phone bleeped again 10 minutes later. Man #5 was at the venue we decided upon at the time we also agreed on. It seemed he had a change of heart and wanted me to come and see him with my friends. What the…???????????????
My mojito said no.
This wasn’t the first time this has happened. No-shows seem to come with the territory of Internet dating. And I just find it soooooooo frustrating!!
I just don’t get it. Men, you need to explain this to me. You have willingly signed up to this. You know the deal. You know that in order to find love you need to go on dates. It’s pretty logical, right. Kind of like football – if you want to score a try, you have to be on the paddock in the first place and be up for some kind of exchange with your team player.
So why don’t men have the balls to honour a commitment they made to a fellow human being who courageously expressed a desire to meet you because they are open to the possibility of falling in love with you?
And as for Man #5… I wonder if he had a bout of pre-game nerves, which led to the ‘no-show, show’ debacle…
Rob says: His loss, Lou Lou, and I agree that his behavior lacks integrity. But it’s not uncommon for both sexes to give each other the slip for all kinds of reasons. I’m glad you listened to your telepathic mojito and responded to his ambivalence with firm boundaries. Man #5 sounds like he did you a favor by eliminating himself from the competition early on. But I can imagine that after your several fruitless – but very entertaining for us! – first dates you might be having thoughts like: ‘what’s wrong with me?’ or ‘what’s wrong with men?’. Noticing your rejected feelings or your frustration with men’s unsavory behavior will help you diffuse them before they spiral into self-doubt or man-hating. Then when the ‘good men’ begin to appear on your radar, listening to your instincts and actively valuing yourself in your words and behavior will send clear signals to your dates to follow suit or risk the chop.
Speaking of which, I bumped into my former partner this week after two months of ‘radio silence’ following our separation. After recovering from our initial weak at the knees shock of seeing each other, a sense of mutual joy set in and we decided to have a drink in one of Perth’s trendy city bars. Over the course of the evening my partner shared her post break-up insights regarding how she’s “compromised” herself throughout our six-year relationship. During our conversation it became apparent that she was taking herself and her life’s ambitions much more seriously and that if we were to reinstate our relationship it would require a very different arrangement than before.
The point is, I felt my partner actively valuing herself in a way that was foreign to me and it instinctively made me value her in return – really value her. Her words and behavior were saying ‘I’ve realised what a catch I am and if you want to be with me you’re going to have to man up and prove it’. And in the days since our chance encounter some primal part of my male mind is abuzz with countless creative ideas about how to prove my worth to her and win her back. So I’m inviting you to learn from my partner, Lou Lou and begin cultivating your own ‘I’m a catch’ attitude.
Bettina says: Yes, that makes sense, Rob, but there’s a fine line between valuing yourself and having such a sense of entitlement that it puts men off. I’ve had many men complain to me that women behave as if they have totally swallowed the L’Oreal line – “Because I’m Worth It!”. My feeling is men want women who are self-assured but not so up themselves that they expect men to come crawling.
Now for Astrid:
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