THE DATING PROJECT #10. BUNNY BOILER
Here we are, week 10. Lou Lou has the hang of it all, sashaying through the dating scene with utter aplomb – although the boiled bunny was clearly a mistake. Astrid’s gritting her teeth over her first vanishing man but bravely planning new strategies. And Eloise finds she’s now on men’s radar even before putting her toe into the internet dating pool.
A bunny boiling joke too far? Glenn Close and Michael Douglas in Fatal Attraction.
First here’s Lou Lou…
I sashay along to see Man #4 – a confident, philosophical suitor looking for love via the Internet.
It is important to note, I am sashaying. Yes, sashaying with confidence. I’ve never sashayed before to a date. Typically I am a bundle of nerves but, you know what, I think I am getting the hang of this.
I have mastered and acquired the following:
- A collection of sexy, yet understated ‘first date’ outfits.
- An array of suitably casual bars that tickle the perimeters of pretentiousness.
- A solid body of conversational matter running from pop culture to ancient history.
Man #4 was in good hands, don’t you think? Talking about good, here are my highlights:
Olives: This is the second time I have chosen this as a mid-date snack. You see I love the awkwardness of eating olives in front of someone you have met for the first time. It feels like the perfect ice-breaker as you awkwardly pick out the die-hard bits from between your teeth.
I like seeing how a guy handles these fleeting moments of self-consciousness. Also, a guy that is a good eater is hot. Those that eat like cave men are not.
His hands: This sounds a little strange but I found his hands aesthetically pleasing: long, slender fingers with graceful hand gestures.
Within the first five minutes I make a mental note of the things I like about the man in front of me. I’m finding this helps to dull the lightening-quick Judge Judy in me who will instantly veto the man after 60 seconds.
You could argue that it is my instincts, not Judge Judy making a very clever decision. But when it comes to a potential boyfriend, I am taking my sweet ass time!
The bar man: He had cheeky grin, kind eyes, and he looked like he could fix a leaky tap if he wanted to. Plus he was totally up for assisting in my escape plan.
What escape plan you say? Well, I was worried that Man #4 was keen to extend the date to dinner. On my way to the bar for Glass #2, I was pondering what tactics I could employ to depart without wounding the man with the graceful hands.
Hot Bar Man was keen to assist and suggested carrying my drinks to the table to see Man #4 for himself. I politely declined as I believed this would induce bad love karma.
So with the good, comes the bad. Here are some not-so-memorable moments:
My jokes: It was a somewhat shaky start to the date… I thought it would be funny to refer to myself as a ‘bunny boiler’, highlighting the irony because clearly I am not. Man #4 was not up to speed on iconic movie moments or the prolific career of Glenn Close.
This meant I had to explain and also mime the infamous bunny boiler scene. During this improvisation I had a moment where I was looking down upon my performance and found it incredibly entertaining and amusing. This led to my sharp ‘yip’ of laughter, which caused Man #4 to jump.
Post-date loneliness: The last sip of wine has been drunk, the last possible olive consumed. It is time to go. We both know we will never see one another again.
How do you know? You just know. It’s like you can smell it on each other’s clothes. It’s subtle, but it’s there. And it is so sad.
You get to the fork in the road where he goes that way and you go the other. You’ll never look back because there is nothing there. Man #4 knew. Maybe I was too much for him. Maybe I wasn’t philosophical enough. Maybe I was too much of a bunny boiler.
It’s not just him saying no to me, I clearly am saying no to him. Who flirts with the Hot Bar Man on a first date if they are feeling it with Man #4? Despite owning that decision, I feel a mist set in after the goodbye. I resist the urge to listen to Adele, but I do wonder: Will I ever find someone? Will I ever find a guy that doesn’t find me too much? Will I ever be with a guy that likes my confidence, likes my loud laugh, likes my ambition?
Rob says: We blokes are a peculiar primate often blooming late in the modern urban jungle. Many 30-something guys may look ready to pick but are still a bit green inside. Plus men’s social, emotional and sexual intelligence tends to be slower to gel which can be a source of great woe for nest-ready women. Just ask my former partner.
In the final months of our six-year relationship my girlfriend discovered the volume control on her ‘too much’ personality and our relationship took a dramatic turn for the better – go figure! Throughout most of our relationship I think she had equated toning down with selling out and simply refused to dismount from her velvet steamroller.
It can be really confusing for women because men’s seemingly solid exterior conceals Cadbury crème centres. The ‘too much’ woman can remind us of our fear of not being man enough and we often react defensively (denial, blame, silence, overcompensation, aggression etc.) when we perceive our worthiness being challenged.
But there’s hope, Lou Lou, since surviving life with wonder woman has made me a more emotionally resilient man capable of appreciating and adoring self-assured women. And I’m not the only one.
Bettina says: Glad you are silencing Judge Judy. She lurks in all of us but moving on past those negative first impressions is critical to seeing if you really connect.
Oh yes, I know all about those dreadful last moments together, when you are both desperate to get away but don’t know what to say. Although I do think it is even worse when he wants a second date and you aren’t interested. I’ve known a few brave men who’ve managed in these circumstances to gracefully spell out that they don’t think we are right for each other before heading for the exit door. But most of us fudge the final moments with vague talk about being in touch. I find it is much easier to then write a careful email saying it was fun but…
Now Astrid tells us about her week…
|Page 1 of 3||next >>|