• You a past Labor member? That's a good one! So presumably you were once concerned about social justice. You railed against rampant materialism but because you perceive the ABC and its audiences believe in what you presumably once believed in, you want it slashed and burned and its journos tossed out into the streets? Huh? - Kel
  • Well what's your take on why the ABC PLUS the MSM refuses to investigate the Ashby affair; you know where a federal justice adjudicated that an LNP candidate in concert with Ashby conspired to bring down the government by fraudulently claiming sexual harassment by Slipper. Is this left wing bias? Who gains from non investigation of this issue? Furthermore why won't any journalist including our truth seeker Alberici, ask Pyne why he lied when asked about his dealings with Ashby. What about when Hockey denied meeting with Brough and Brough denied the number of times he had met Ashby. Gee this isn't about left or right wing bias, this is about the truth. Given that Limited News' 70% monopoly is dedicated to bringing down the government how does a citizen learn the truth about any issue confrronting this nation? - Kel
  • Well put, and I hope to see your documentary. I hate the idea of vaccinations and believe they can be harmful individually but we are part of a community and as such, we have responsibilities to each other, so my son'a vaccinations are up to date. The reality is that no one knows what will happen to us or our children, whether we are talking about injury by vaccine, or injury by preventable disease, or running in a marathon where a terrorist is in wait, or getting in a car and being wiped out by a drunk driver. We all do what we can for our kids and we can try and protect them as much as we can - but none of us escape misfortune. I have a friend whose son has shocking tumours and a limited life span. My own son has a platelet disorder which means we have to be constantly vigilant that he doesn't injure himself lest he bleed internally. Let's do what we can for our own - but let's not harm others in the process. - Alice Smith
  • What a fabulously challenging topic. Jackdan, very well delivered argument. I'd love to see your research. Publish it! Sonya, I look forward to tomorrow night's documentary. Thanks for taking (what sounds like) a rational approach. - Misty
  • Thanks jack... a very interesting response and, from my communications with Sonya I think this is exactly the conversation she's hoping for. Be very interested to hear your response after viewing the doco. - Wendy Harmer
  • As someone who doesn't follow the Australian Vaccination schedule, I already feel like I am risking ridicule and worse posting here. We have been hassled and hounded by doctors, nurses (one of us is a nurse) and other parents. Blamed for the resurgence Whooping cough and related deaths, etc. Our stance is that we immunise based on our own needs and intelligence. As a for instance, we are not convinced that our children needed to be vaccinated against Hepatitis B at birth, especially given that the vaccine contained Thiomersal when it was recommended to us. I'm not sure how aware you are of the Japanese experience with the DTP vaccinations in the mid 1970's, but as a result of many adverse reactions and over 30 deaths as a direct result of the vaccine, the schedule was altered and children were vaccinated later. I am aware that the vaccine is no longer a whole cell vaccine, however it is worth considering the delicate balance of the immune system in infants below 6 months of age. So we immunise roughly to the Japanese schedule. There is no Hep B or vericella. And MMR is given as MR and Mumps separately. We will make the call on Japanese when we visit next month. I note that the tone in the promotion of the doco appears to depict the non vaccination school as driven by emotion with the pro vaccination argument being driven by Science (which is a pretty broad concept). Our decision to vaccinate alternatively has been based on a lot of careful research and is based on risk mitigation considering that vaccinations do carry a percentage of risk, however small. We have the advantage of also being Japanese citizens, (myself a spouse resident) and can access the differently combined vaccines and scheduling. When recently discussing this on a facebook post I was branded an anti Vaccinator. Abused and blamed. My response is that I think there is a better way. A much better way. And the heavy handed pressure to Immunise to schedule, which then elicits a strong anti response from those who question, but are discouraged strongly and frowned upon for questioning, has created a climate of 'for or against', emotion or science, us against them. All pretty narrow reductive way to explore a whole collection of different diseases, risks, and vaccines (including their varieties of compositions, combinations and timing). So we have attempted to immunise the best way that we can ascertain. It's a tricky time consuming task to get all the info on each different vaccine from the manufacturers, to research each and every disease to ascertain the risks of actually contracting it and then what the risks associated with the disease are, but it has been worthwhile. I think that the community could benefit from a less doctrinal approach to the current immunisation schedule and regular review of disease risks and the vaccination schedule response. - Jackdan
  • I'm an E cup. When I was younger and skinnier I was only a C cup and could handle underwires. Then I got pregnant and discovered the bliss of maternity bras. Post babies and breastfeeding I went back to the wires only to find they poked me and now I've got 'birdseyes' in my cleavage. I cannot fathom the underwire. Obviously the person who designed it has never had to wear one. Having big boobs we're all encouraged to wear them, but now I'm old and fat they're far too uncomfortable to contemplate. I'm happy with my 'wirefree' bras. I figured that if manufacturers could make a maternity bra without wires that fitted perfectly and provided excellent support to lactating breasts, they could do the same for large, non-lactating breasts too. I found the perfect fit for me at a large chain store and bought the same type for years. Not terribly sexy, but comfortable and serviceable. Now I've discovered same large chain has a moulded cotton bra in large sizes. Better still, you can order them online when the sales are on and collect them from the store. Bliss! - BeansGran
  • Well put Sonya. I am so glad that you have created this documentary. Also, you have put forward a voice of reason backed up by compelling evidence & your own credibility. I am pro-vaccination, but I understand why it is an delicate decision for many parents. I haven't come across the anti-vax theories (I'd never even heard of the AVN until Mamamia kept writing & tweeting about them). I'd always just followed the immunisation schedule. But I have come across a lot of pushy pro-vaxxers and I have to say, it is a turn off. I understand that it's a passionate issue. But is it an effective way of increasing immunisation rates? Of course not. Some pro-vaxxers make it their full time job to name, shame & harass people opposed to vaccination. Is harassment going to change their position, heck no! Is it going to galvanise their anti-vac position, quite probably! I just think we need to be smarter about this. I know it is not a "debate" in the sense that the science is in on the benefits & general safety of vaccines. But it completely normal to feel uneasy about purposely injecting your child with something most of us know very little about. And then watching their every breath that evening as they process that vaccine. Sonya, I hope that your documentary is the beginning of the change in the way we talk about immunisation. Well done. - Kasey
  • I am very impressed by what you've set out to achieve and how you've come about it. Much of my work these days is in vaccination and I work hard to break down the myths and false beliefs people have about vaccines. I find listening to concerns, empathy and responding with good evidence based information has been the most successful manner I've had so far. I also reassure parents that it is always their choice, but I also share that I am a mum too and that I choose to vaccinate my child fully. And funnily enough that's usually the clincher. Respect, good information and empathy can go a long way. I really hope that many people watch your documentary and help absolve the many concerns and myths surrounding vaccination that are out there. You must be proud of your work :) - The Huntress
  • Not everyone has access too or any interest in the internet, you cannot drive a tractor and watch the internet but you can listen to radio, you cannot drive a car and watch the internet but you can listen to radio, you cannot wash the dishes, the clothes, yourself and watch the internet but you can listen to the radio, you can also lie in bed with Phillip Adams, half my University of the Third Age students go to bed with Phillip. Australia's best journalists were trained by the ABC. What I don't understand Gee is your palpable hatred, how can you be so angry all the time, just relax and learn that we are all different and some of us prefer the quiet nature of the ABC compared with the ranting and rage of radio shock jocks and commercial TV. Your phrase 'slash and burn' is shocking to me, no one I know hates anything, no one I know wants to destroy things or institutions, not even the IPA, why such violence of language? - sue Bell
 
19
Categories:  Lifestyle, Wellbeing

WELCOME TO MY CRAZY HEAD

By Bianca Wordley
June 21, 2012

I was awake at 5am, largely thanks to my youngest child, but in reality I was already nervously lost in my own ridiculousness.

I say that smiling, but in all honesty my heart was thumping and my fingers shaking. My husband was about to get on a plane for work and already, my crazy had begun.

I felt even writing about it was tempting fate; tempting the fate I’d firmly set in my head.

You see, after watching the gorgeous Kerri Sackville talk about her book The Little Book of Anxieties, I recognised something in myself.

It’s something I’d never spoken about because firstly, I didn’t understand what I suffered from, but also because I’d convinced myself that if I did speak out loud about it, whatever awful disaster I was imagining in my head would actually come true. It would happen and I would be responsible.

I couldn’t sit alone with my thoughts anymore.

They plagued me. They frightened and worried me. I decided if I wrote them down it might help me face the crazy head on.

I rambled. My fingers were paralysed.

My nervousness was compounded by the fact I dreamed I was standing on a beach, watching a plane circle. Moments later, the plane nose-dived into the swirling sea. I fell to my hands and knees crying. I’d awoken with a start, wanting to tell my husband I had had a terrifying nightmare, but I didn’t want to worry him. I knew it was just me projecting things that would not happen.

I watched my husband walk out the door. I wanted to grab him and say: “Please don’t go, please stay”. I didn’t, I just hugged him tight. I always make sure I hug him like it’s the last time. I know this freaks him out, as it would me, if I was in his place.

Prior to him leaving, I went through my ritual; my ritual I had never told anyone about until yesterday.

I visualised him leaving, getting into his car, driving through the streets of Adelaide, getting on the plane, flying safely over the water to Port Lincoln. I imagined him getting in another car, driving safely around the town, stopping to take photographs, before driving back to the airport and getting on another plane.

I’ve visualised that plane flying back safely over the water, landing in Adelaide and him driving safely through the suburban streets back home to us. In my head, I’d already played out the moment he walked back through the door and I’d hugged him as he looked into the room at our three sleeping children.

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19 Responses to this article

  1. Debyl1 June 21, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I admire you so much for writing about this and making those of us who go through similar feel we are not crazy or alone.Thankyou for speaking up.This must have been your time.
    Your post may have taught you many things but you have also taught us lessons and I hope you feel a pride in knowing that.xx

     
    • bigwords June 21, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Thanks for your kindness xx

       
  2. Lorelle June 21, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Bravo on a great post. My mission in life is to see and encourage more people like yourself to stand up and talk about mental illness. Ive been doing it for years and it inspires me and sends a smile to my face when I see oithers doing the same. It is so important for the world to realise that mental health effects everyone and that it is no different to a lifelong physical illness. We are not alone. 1 in 4 australians live daily with a mental illness and with the right support and attitudes from the rest of the country (and world), this can become just alittle more easy.

     
  3. sam June 21, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I suffer from anxiety too. Every since my father had a heart attack six years ago, I worry that I to will have a heart attack and die and leave my lovely children. It got so bad about 2 months ago that I had a massive panic attack and did end up in hospital with a suspected heart attack. I hadn’t had one and the specialist says that I am in very good shape and am unlikey to have one. But I still feel the panic rise at least once a day. The way I calm myself is by getting my stopwatch on the phone out and timing my heart rate. This process just seems to calm me down.

     
  4. Gwen June 21, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I am so glad you were courageous enough to write about this. I speak from “both sides of the couch” as a mental health professional and as someone with personal experience of anxiety. I think that my own story informs my practice with others, while recognizing the appropriate boundaries which must be a part of professional/client relationships. So many people suffer more than they need to because of their anxiety and shame about their condition, and because they do not know enough about the range of helpful options open to them.

     
  5. Wendy June 21, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I used to believe that if I didn’t go through every possible disaster scenario and have an action plan, I would be responsible for all the disasters that occurred to my family. I would have to have an action plan ready for the car accidents, choking, cutting, falling, abduction, animal attack and many other possibilities.
    I overcame this by NOT imagining my action plan. At first, I was in terror that something bad would happen but after many weeks of waiting for the bad news, the knock on the door from the police and the story on the news, I came to realize there was nothing I had to do to protect my family from imaginary disasters.

     
    • Rikki June 21, 2012 Reply
       
       

      Oh my goodness, this is me!!! I feel like I have control over a situation if I have somehow ‘beat disaster to it’ by having an action plan – but it’s so exhausting. My strange irrational justification is: by thinking it might happen, it won’t happen, because it never does. Meanwhile, it’s very difficult to enjoy the moment when I’m thinking of the bad thing that might happen in the next. Every missed call is a call with bad news until I find out otherwise; every knock on the door is the police, until it isn’t.

      I’m otherwise a perfectly functional human being, who is told often how calm I am…! I cannot believe other people think like this… Perhaps I’m not so crazy. Or we all are.

       
  6. gogirl June 21, 2012 Reply
     
     

    No, no, no, you can never talk about it. To talk about it makes it real and gives it life. I just keep busy, emerse myself totally in something / anything / whatever I’m doing. Sometimes it still lingers in the background but I fight to keep it there – more conceptual than conscious.

    For clarity – when I say you can never talk about it, I don’t mean the anxiety, I mean the subject of the anxiety.

     
  7. JessB June 21, 2012 Reply
     
     

    This made me think of the U2 song, Touch.

    “Reach out and,
    reach out and,
    reach out and
    touch somebody”

    Good on you for not wanting to live in such a state of anxiety Bianca, and doing something about it.

     
  8. Di Pearton June 21, 2012 Reply
     
     

    WOW! Thank you, for making it that bit easier for the next person to speak about their anxiety.
    You know those ‘inspirational’ adventurers that are basically amusing themselves? They are not brave like you!
    I hope you are younger than me. I hope you spend less of your life imprisoned by anxiety.

     
  9. Nat June 21, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Beautifully written. As someone who has struggled with anxiety, I thank you for speaking up.

     
  10. Cate P June 21, 2012 Reply
     
     

    I am (and this is no exaggeration) the most anxious person I know. I’ve never met anyone worse than me. I know there ARE people worse off than me, some are so crippled by anxiety they can’t leave their homes, but I haven’t met them yet (because they don’t get out much). I am an internal mess a lot of the time, and you’ve met me Bianca, and I bet you didn’t even realise it. We get good at hiding stuff and making excuses for erratic behaviour. “I had gastro”… yeah, right, I had a full on anxiety attack and ended up in hospital, tsk. The truth is too hard to explain most of the time.
    And my husband gets on a plane almost every single Monday morning and Friday night. Imagine that. Although after 18 months of it, I think of it less and less now.
    I think if you can find a way to laugh at yourself, it helps. Like, I’ve already worked out what I’m wearing to the hubby’s funeral, but agonising over whether or not my awesome high heels would be disrepectful makes me giggle, give myself a mental slap, and move on. xxx

     
  11. Vane Essa June 21, 2012 Reply
     
     

    ***Jess B *** That song is from Noiseworks not U2. See, I get anxious when things aren’t correct. Like spelling mistakes… We all have a little bit of crazy in us, some are just more disabled by it. Thanks for sharing Bianca.

     
  12. Sharon June 21, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Yes I relate. When its me flying you can find me propping up an airport bar an hour before boarding :)

     
  13. The Huntress June 21, 2012 Reply
     
     

    While I suffer nothing beyond a normal anxiety to stressful situations, my son has been formally diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder. His anxiety prevents him from having the normal life of a little boy, instead it has driven him into an adult world, whereby he feels he has to hold it together with his own hypervigilence. It is heartbreaking to see such a little boy rendered down into rituals, broken thoughts and tears.

    I really hope you manage to overcome your anxiety. A life filled with anxiety is little more than a paralysed life.

     
  14. Caity O'Connor June 22, 2012 Reply
     
     

    yep yep yep yep yep – I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Bipolar Disorder. And some days it just all gets too damn much and I feel like I can’t breathe, let alone hold it together..

    As well as a very understanding husband, I have a fabulous team of strong women who help: my psychologist, psychiatrist, and mental health nurse (And the mental health nurse is covered by medicare so I get to see her often, she is worth GOLD)… I have had a lot of therapy (mindfulness and ACT have really helped me) and yes, medication, to get me to the point where I was able to actually start uni again this year after a long break – 8 years since I left the workforce and 20 years since I left an unfinished undergraduate degree – I can only manage 1 subject per semester because anything more is too much, but…. I’m getting there slowly.

    Thank you for sharing your experience, Bianca – I don’t think most people realise just how crippling anxiety can be. It’s not “just” anxiety, it is a real and debilitating mental illness and we can get help for it – if we can talk about it and reach out for help.

    All the best,
    Caity

     
  15. housegoeshome.com June 23, 2012 Reply
     
     

    Great post. I can totally relate Bianca. Add a constant knot in my chest and tightly clenched jaw and that’s me. I wrote a blog post about the crazy stuff inside my head last year, called Brain Jam http://housegoeshome.com/2011/12/04/brain-jam/

     

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Comments

  • Kel: You a past Labor member? That's a good one! So presumably you were once concerned about social justice. You railed again...

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  • Kel: Well what's your take on why the ABC PLUS the MSM refuses to investigate the Ashby affair; you know where a federal just...

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  • Alice Smith: Well put, and I hope to see your documentary. I hate the idea of vaccinations and believe they can be harmful individual...

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  • Misty: What a fabulously challenging topic. Jackdan, very well delivered argument. I'd love to see your research. Publish it! ...

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