rage meter

CORINNE GRANT’S RAGE INDEX: RISING

It’s not always easy to know what you should be outraged about and to what extent.  Thankfully, I’ve done the hard work for you. 

Here’s this week’s guide to doing your lolly.

OH MY GOD, CRAIG THOMSON!

Are you angry about grown men paying for sex?  Then here’s your punching bag! And don’t forget to call sex workers ‘hookers’, ‘floozies’ or ‘sluts’ while you’re at it.  (My favourite is ‘strumpet’, but I just can’t seem to get it to take off.)

There was a raid on Thomson’s house this morning, guaranteeing we will have to endure the Opposition talking about ‘rancid scandals’ for another week.  Considering half the population can’t tell the difference between Thomson and Slipper, this is likely to annoy people more than anything else.

(Hint for the confused: Thomson would appear to be more keen on mussels than Slipper.)

 Rage level: Craig Thomson has continually refused to answer the media and politicians who have yelled at him to answer meeeeee! for the last year or so.  This is disgraceful.  We have a judicial system in Australia, it’s called ‘the media’.  Thomson’s insistence on letting those lawyer-people with the wigs and gavels and stuff sort it out is thoroughly corrupt.

 

OH MY GOD, TONY ABBOTT!

Abbott went on Network Seven’s Sunrise yesterday and appeared to insinuate the Prime Minister shouldn’t meddle with the baby bonus because she’s childless. Everyone went mental.  Even the front page of The Guardian in the UK made reference to Australia’s ‘misogynist’ politician.

Here’s the thing: Abbott gets off on this stuff.  He’s trying to get a rise out of us. He’s like that really annoying kid in primary school who gets whacked for being a dickhead and then does the exact same thing again because he’s just realised how much he likes the whacking.

 Rage Level: very, very low.  If Tony Abbott were eight years old, you’d either ignore him or send him to a child psychologist.  Of course if he becomes Prime Minister, he’s going to be traipsing around the world saying stupid crap like this and making us look like a nation of nut jobs.  If that eventuates, you’re going to need a lot of rage.  I’d suggest you start storing it up now.

 

OH MY GOD, THE STARVING BABIES!

The baby bonus for second and third children will be wound back to $3000.  Joe Hockey has likened this to China’s one child policy, which is fair enough.

Giving people thousands of dollars for breeding and then deciding to make it slightly less thousands of dollars is virtually the same as forcing abortions on women pregnant with their second child.  Hockey is a genius of both analogy and human rights.

At the same time, single mums and dads with eight year olds will now lose out as they are forced onto Newstart instead of the single parent pension. Any amount lost is quite a lot of money when you’re living on less than the minimum wage.  Hockey didn’t complain about that though, he actually voted for it.

 Rage level: If hypocrisy is still making you angry, you’re not playing this game right.

 

OH MY GOD, MUMMY BLOGGERS ARE WRECKING THE WORLD!

First it was uppity citizens daring to disagree with journalists about the worth of the Prime Minister’s speech on sexism and misogyny, now it’s women getting online and thinking they can make a business out of it.

Let’s get one thing straight: if you have a blog and you’re a mother, you probably don’t know much about stuff and things.  You probably don’t know the difference between a sponsored post and an independently researched piece.

Media Watch tried very hard this week to point out how naïve mummy bloggers are, and somewhat failed. 

They insinuated that, with regard to sponsored posts, the authors should criticise the product they were being paid to flog—you know, like what happens in the newspapers in those lift-out ‘paid advertisement’ sections. 

I often read the section of the newspaper called ‘paid advertisement’ for it’s rivetting investigative journalism.

Media Watch also pointed out the dangers of lady mummies talking to politicians because the lady mummies are so easily hoodwinked. 

From their enormous sample of around five women who write online, Media Watch was able to draw the conclusion that politics was a bit out of their league.  One female writer decided she didn’t want to speak to the Minister for Health, Tanya Plibersek, because she was scared of being hoodwinked.  One person’s opinion? Clearly not!

This is an indication that all mothers who write online should steer clear of politicians because they’re not smart enough to understand their motives.  It is also a warning for anyone interviewing Tanya Plibersek—it’s a well known fact she uses mind control techniques, even via speaker phone.

Media Watch also thought it cute that women who write for a living online are tired of being called ‘mummy bloggers’. This is bang on. If you are a lady and you are a lady mummy, then the world deserves to know.  What if I read your stuff about education or fashion or politics and I didn’t know your brain had been addled by childbirth?

However, the most insidious mummy blogger of all is the childless one. 

Yes, Marieke Hardy, (pictured, left) I’m looking at you.  Referred to as a mummy blogger while having no children of her own Hardy has, incredibly, continued to write. On top of that, not only does she have the nerve to complain about being called a mummy blogger, she has refused to correct the natural order of things by getting knocked up.

Rage level:  Pretty bloody high. For a start, journalism is a professional thingamabob and there’s never been an untrained or stupid one ever. Just ask Alan Jones.  And secondly, Marieke Hardy is a deliberately barren mummy blogger and belongs in one of those women’s prisons where they wear mop caps and wash the underwear of Lords and Ladies.

 

 

MORE STORIES BY CORINNE GRANT

MI·SOG·Y·NY. Hijacked by pedants

The Vagina Dialogues

What do Women Want? Hmmm…

Dear Trolls, Ask Yourself This. 

 

*Corinne Grant is a stand-up comedian, MC, presenter, writer and broadcaster and has performed both nationally and internationally. In addition to her years on Rove Live and The Glasshouse, she has appeared on everything from Spicks and Specks to Dancing With The Stars to Good News Week. She has co-hosted successful national radio shows, performed countless solo live shows and appeared everywhere from the Sydney Opera House to the Kalgoorlie Arts Centre. Corinne’s first book, Lessons In Letting Go: Confessions of a Hoarder (Allen and Unwin) was released in September 2010 and went into reprint just months after its release.

 

 

 

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52 Comments

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    The Huntress

    Haha. Love Marieke Hardy and I am outraged that she has stepped outside the natural order. How dare she! Nice one, as always, Corinne.

    • Reply October 24, 2012

      Ella

      True so true. Tony and all the other blokes “who have no problem with women” as long as the women know their place – bare foot, pregnant and preferably without a thought in their pretty little heads.

      It’s obvious that there is a deep ingrained hatered of women in our society, and like a toxin it seeps out when the men feel threatened. They do this by minimizing mysogony and denigrating women and their achievements.

      For decades we have been told that there is equality for women but obviously that’s a big fat lie.

      Once again Corinne you are brilliant and I hope that when you begin your studies you don’t forget your ever appreciative readers who really need a good laugh to relieve the tension and stress of all the crap we have to put up with.

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    MadamBipolar

    I hate the term mummy blogger. Makes my neck itchy and red.

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Jane Caro

    Snort, chuckle, donkey bray and snort again. Shit, just sprayed my coffee out my nose and all over my shirt! Now my rage index is pretty high, let me tell you.
    Genius.

    • Reply November 15, 2012

      Ro

      Wow – what a write up!! Screaming with delight! Eeek! Happy endorphins!! So good for my blood pressure condition.
      Gee, thanks Corrine – I so agree.

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Lara Cain GRay

    I really didn’t understand the point of that Media Watch episode. They seemed to be suggesting that something sinister was afoot online, they just weren’t entirely sure what. I’ve considered making up some bumper stickers that say “I have a PhD and a Mummy Blog” (which is true). I’m sure one of my abundance of corporate sponsors (??) would fund it if I said nice things about them.

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Rachel Hancock

    Corinne, I hate the term ‘mummy blogger’ as much as you hate ‘female comedian’.

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    bigwords

    “mummy blogger” ,”cottage industry”, “mummy porn” blah blah blah – stuff them and their stupid labels. I am a mum, I am a blogger and I have a brain and shit and all that. x

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Jan Dobson

    I hope your move into the legal profession will not preclude continuing your contributions to The Hoopla. Nothing puts outrage into perspective faster than a great laugh. Loved the use of ‘wacker’, very timely!

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Mrs Woog

    One of my favourite things that I recall was when a journalist asked me whether I was considering having more children so I could, you know, continue my career as a “Mummy Blogger.”

    I have never laughed so hard in my life! But he was serious!

    Then my subconsious planted a seed, which I fleshed out here in this post – http://www.woogsworld.com/2012/06/fictional-internet-woogsworld-baby.html

    I have discussed with the lovely Marieke whether she was planning a drug free birth. She tells me no.

    xxx

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Kerri Sackville

    Fuckity fuckity fuck. I was that one ‘female writer’. I have two university degrees and a scarily high IQ* but I know bugger all about politics and so excused myself from the Dental Health debate. I wasn’t afraid of Tanya P’s mind control techniques. I simply decided not to enter the discussion as it is not my area of expertise or interest.
    Having said that, I made that decision for ME. I did and do fully support every other blogger’s right to get as involved (or uninvolved) as they wish with whatever issue they wish.
    Rage index? Grrrrrr.

    *okay, so I have no idea what my IQ is

    • Reply October 24, 2012

      corinne grant

      That’s what I was saying, Kerri. You made your comment for yourself and yourself alone but it was used by the show as some sort of ‘proof’ for all so-called mummy bloggers. Please read again, I wasn’t attacking you, I was questioning Media Watch. I also didn’t use your name deliberately so as not to draw further attention to the way your comment was, I feel, unfairly used on the show.

      • Reply October 24, 2012

        Kerri Sackville

        All good Corrine! I did laugh outloudly much at this post. (And if MW are reading: YES ‘outloudly’ is a word. So shut up.)

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Wolfie Rankin

    If “Mummy Blogger” is bad “Mommy Blogger” is worse.

    When Aussie kids start using the term “Mom”, Aussie culture is dead.

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Sally

    oh Corinne! Add all these ragey things to my already ragey mood today and I may just go all Michael Douglas in that movie with the traffic or something. Or maybe I just might and stand in the local shopping centre and shout at everyone. Decisions . . . (love your writing as usual, please don’t stop!)

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Mum of Adult Kids

    Nobody gave me money for breeding, and I did it twice. Boy, was I stupid!

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    sue mcleod

    Relax ladies! All is fixed – the solution has arrived to all our rage. A computer designed just for us! I didn’t even know I needed it – but it’s going right on my girly desk alongside my special Bic lady pens! It’s even set up with features that we all need every day – a diary (meh), a scrap book (urrrmm, okaaaaaay) and HOROSCOPES – yes, no more will I have to buy a silly newspaper or get a man to help me with an app on my phone. I’ll have them right at my fingertips on my elegant keyboard. We should take up a collection to get one for Gina Rinehart, or the PM, or the GG … I have two kids – I may take up blogging on it!

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    dramaqueen75

    bahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

    How can I maintain the rage when I am laughing so much I have to run down the road for a pack of *Tena Ladies

    *sponsored post

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Carole/m

    Thanks Corinne for the laughs, they do help ease the rage.

    If anyone wants to keep laughing,
    mariekehardy.com/blog , two very funny articles if you haven’t already read them,

    ” A quiet word just between us Dames ”
    & ” The Australian : A Riposte “

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Alison Abrahams

    On the money Corinne! I’d also like to point out that Mr Abbott has not given birth. And what really struck me was the image of him sitting alongside his wife, slightly to the rear and enraptured in her comments about him not being a woman hater. The body language definitely suggested she wears the pants. First time I ever considered the guy was actually human….

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Leesa

    It is my opinion that Mr Abbott, Mr Hockey and Ms Bishop are actually aliens (from a leeser evolved planet…yes there could be one) in human disguise who wagged earth classes but came to try and take us over anyway.

    yet again gorgeous article Corrine

    • Reply October 24, 2012

      Ella

      My god Leesa, I think you’re right. It;s like “Third Rock From The Sun” except it’s not funny! Perhaps they should go back to their own planet and stay there.

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Carley

    Corinne, I love you.

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Anne

    I’d turn for you Corinne!

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    helenbea

    Corinne, you are such a funny woman…laughed all the way through this! Who needs a therapist when we’ve got your brand of humour…does that mean you could bottle and sell it???? Maybe you could flog it to the pollies!
    Please keep writing this ‘stuff’…could be called ‘stuff and nonsense’…the new ‘making sense’. Or maybe ‘challenging the sensisiblities’, the adult wiggles show for all pollies.
    You’re an absolute hotshot, shooting from the hip with the most delicious smile plastered across your face. Love ya!

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Yvette Yeates

    Ok, what the hell happened in Australia?
    One minute we’re told women have equality and that feminism is dead (apparently) and then BAM! Alan Jones starts (ok continued to be obnoxious); Gillard finally stands up and puts Abott in it; and then he makes it worse with barren governments (and I bet he was too busy working during the early years anyway – experience bah!); and then I find all these articles where many men are being pig head sexist pigs eg Tracey Spicer, the MW story above just name a couple. What the hell? Christ! If my husband said any of those disrespect things he’d have an earfull (new word?) from me. Grow up and respect women instead of denigrating them £$%&s!!
    Sorry just needed to get that out. Well done Corrine. It is now printed out and sticky taped on the fridge door – magnets don’t work for some reason – as a warning to my husband and kids. :)

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Lisa Lintern

    Did you hear Mrs Woog clocked over 2 million page views today? Bloody mummy bloggers…destroying the joint. Fantastic and hilarious post Corinne.

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Bianca

    Love this post. Raging on.

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    annie

    well if TA is going to represent me after the next election I am going to defect. I suggest we build a new queendom put a row of vaginal speculums around us all those who are happy to pick one up and understand how it works and what its for is allowed in children are exceptions.

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Amanda

    Hahahaha Annie, love it! OMG , if TA it gets in I am seriously leavingthejoint as it will be definitely wrecked.
    Great writing, thanks Corinne.

  • Reply October 24, 2012

    Loz

    I’d be interested to know what Julie Bishop thinks of Tony’s views on childless female politicians.

  • Reply October 25, 2012

    Van Essa

    Thank you Corinne. I thoroughly enjoyed that article.

  • Reply October 25, 2012

    Pappinbarra Fox

    I think you mis-spelled wacker – isn’t there an “n” in there somewhere?

  • Reply October 25, 2012

    Pappinbarra Fox

    oops whaker, anyone I do love irony and all that stuff.

  • Reply October 25, 2012

    Hanne Worsoe

    Thankyou, Corinne Grant. Fortunately I had finished my tea & toast before I read this, or I’d have been covered in wet crumbs. Hilarious & on the money. Just discovered this treasure of a blog from a dear friend in Melb.
    We are particularly enraged up here in Brisvague (despite the onset of brain-addling space-out warmer weather), as Premier Newman slashes any govt-funded social policy that is even vaguely enlightened & saves long-term tax payer dollars. Murri Courts, regional family planning programs, jail rehab, you name it. All gone. If Qld situation ain’t enough to convince people of the dangers of voting for deeply conservative d#$%heads, what the hell is?
    Sharing your site with all my friends.

  • Reply October 25, 2012

    Joni

    Corinne – “OH MY GOD” is deeply offensive to me as a Christian. There are plenty of other words you could use to convey your feelings.

    • Reply October 25, 2012

      Di

      My rage level up this week, ACT elections. Pretty much seats for dollars spent on the election. Is this what democracy is? Market forces? If so, could we skip the turning out to vote bizzo??

  • Reply October 25, 2012

    Marina

    Media Watch was probably just looking for a rise in ratings – I’m an avid ABC viewer – but I don’t watch Media Watch – I am already aware that many current affair type shows/publications get it wrong, I don’t need to be reminded why I don’t watch it!!
    Many TV viewers weren’t even aware of Media Watch – but they are now.
    Clever to jump on a trend though – content, not so clever ;)
    But us silly mummies wouldn’t realise that would we lol!
    I’m going back to the kitchen – barefoot – and oh, not pregnant, done that already, it’s taken four times to realise the little buggers just make a mess!!

  • Reply October 25, 2012

    blueblood

    I’m glad somebody is media-watching Media Watch and I’m glad it’s you Corinne. Making your point and making it funny, it’s a joy to read.

  • Reply October 25, 2012

    diane

    Hanne Worse, I’m a Queenslander and I totally agree with you, Can Do can do anything and is doing it good or bad Corinne love your articles, and oh, how true they all are.

  • Reply October 25, 2012

    Veuve

    I’m about about to be hated by all mums as I think the baby bonus should never have been instituted. It’s paying women to have sex.

  • Reply October 25, 2012

    Hags

    Yup. Tops gooder-er. Tick!

  • Reply October 25, 2012

    Rhoda

    Well we could always start calling them daddy bloggers. Sometimes you just have to give as good as you get.

    Thanks for the laugh, Corinne !!

  • Reply October 25, 2012

    Nanny advocate

    I have officially reached the Extreme index!!! Heaven help me when it’s catastrophic!
    Did you read the article about CNN and the research showing women’s menstrual cycle and hormones can make her decide who vote for in elections!!!! AAAARRRGGHHHH!
    Classic line from jezebel publication in response “CNN Thinks Crazy Ladies Can’t Help Voting With Their Vaginas Instead of Their Brains”.
    Isn’t there some research out tehre about men thinking with their penis’ ???

    Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life/online-outrage-prompts-cnn-to-pull-story-linking-female-voting-to-ovulation-20121025-287rq.html#ixzz2AJ2pExTi

    • Reply October 26, 2012

      Di

      Oh Nanny advocate, is there some research out there about men NOT thinking with their penis?

  • Reply October 26, 2012

    Annie Also

    I was enjoying all this ( especially the TA point..actually even his name makes me go extreme with rage) but when I got to” Oh my god I’m a christian” comment I stopped enjoying and just went berserk with rage! Oh my flying spaghetti monster!!!

  • Reply October 26, 2012

    debbiep

    Thanks Corrine, My Rage levels are very high,when it comes to the fact, that if or when you may disagree with the current Govt , the alternative is much worse.
    We are watching grown Liberal (Rhodes Scholars , banking finance & lawyer degree) MPs making statements like idiots. It’s Very scary for our future and we should be out-raged at where the opposition has taken the debate level.

  • Reply October 27, 2012

    anna

    With my 3 kids no baby bonus…help the single parents instead!..

  • Reply October 28, 2012

    Glenn

    Love it Corrine -laughter is the best medicine.

  • Reply November 29, 2012

    I'VE GOT ALL THE ANSWERS

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    A VERY CORINNE CHRISTMAS

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