It’s not always easy to know what you should be outraged about and to what extent. Thankfully, I’ve done the hard work for you.
Here’s this week’s guide to doing your lolly.
OH MY GOD, CRAIG THOMSON!
Are you angry about grown men paying for sex? Then here’s your punching bag! And don’t forget to call sex workers ‘hookers’, ‘floozies’ or ‘sluts’ while you’re at it. (My favourite is ‘strumpet’, but I just can’t seem to get it to take off.)
There was a raid on Thomson’s house this morning, guaranteeing we will have to endure the Opposition talking about ‘rancid scandals’ for another week. Considering half the population can’t tell the difference between Thomson and Slipper, this is likely to annoy people more than anything else.
Rage level: Craig Thomson has continually refused to answer the media and politicians who have yelled at him to answer meeeeee! for the last year or so. This is disgraceful. We have a judicial system in Australia, it’s called ‘the media’. Thomson’s insistence on letting those lawyer-people with the wigs and gavels and stuff sort it out is thoroughly corrupt.
OH MY GOD, TONY ABBOTT!
Abbott went on Network Seven’s Sunrise yesterday and appeared to insinuate the Prime Minister shouldn’t meddle with the baby bonus because she’s childless. Everyone went mental. Even the front page of The Guardian in the UK made reference to Australia’s ‘misogynist’ politician.
Here’s the thing: Abbott gets off on this stuff. He’s trying to get a rise out of us. He’s like that really annoying kid in primary school who gets whacked for being a dickhead and then does the exact same thing again because he’s just realised how much he likes the whacking.
Rage Level: very, very low. If Tony Abbott were eight years old, you’d either ignore him or send him to a child psychologist. Of course if he becomes Prime Minister, he’s going to be traipsing around the world saying stupid crap like this and making us look like a nation of nut jobs. If that eventuates, you’re going to need a lot of rage. I’d suggest you start storing it up now.
OH MY GOD, THE STARVING BABIES!
The baby bonus for second and third children will be wound back to $3000. Joe Hockey has likened this to China’s one child policy, which is fair enough.
Giving people thousands of dollars for breeding and then deciding to make it slightly less thousands of dollars is virtually the same as forcing abortions on women pregnant with their second child. Hockey is a genius of both analogy and human rights.
At the same time, single mums and dads with eight year olds will now lose out as they are forced onto Newstart instead of the single parent pension. Any amount lost is quite a lot of money when you’re living on less than the minimum wage. Hockey didn’t complain about that though, he actually voted for it.
Rage level: If hypocrisy is still making you angry, you’re not playing this game right.
OH MY GOD, MUMMY BLOGGERS ARE WRECKING THE WORLD!
First it was uppity citizens daring to disagree with journalists about the worth of the Prime Minister’s speech on sexism and misogyny, now it’s women getting online and thinking they can make a business out of it.
Let’s get one thing straight: if you have a blog and you’re a mother, you probably don’t know much about stuff and things. You probably don’t know the difference between a sponsored post and an independently researched piece.
Media Watch tried very hard this week to point out how naïve mummy bloggers are, and somewhat failed.
They insinuated that, with regard to sponsored posts, the authors should criticise the product they were being paid to flog—you know, like what happens in the newspapers in those lift-out ‘paid advertisement’ sections.
I often read the section of the newspaper called ‘paid advertisement’ for it’s rivetting investigative journalism.
Media Watch also pointed out the dangers of lady mummies talking to politicians because the lady mummies are so easily hoodwinked.
From their enormous sample of around five women who write online, Media Watch was able to draw the conclusion that politics was a bit out of their league. One female writer decided she didn’t want to speak to the Minister for Health, Tanya Plibersek, because she was scared of being hoodwinked. One person’s opinion? Clearly not!
This is an indication that all mothers who write online should steer clear of politicians because they’re not smart enough to understand their motives. It is also a warning for anyone interviewing Tanya Plibersek—it’s a well known fact she uses mind control techniques, even via speaker phone.
Media Watch also thought it cute that women who write for a living online are tired of being called ‘mummy bloggers’. This is bang on. If you are a lady and you are a lady mummy, then the world deserves to know. What if I read your stuff about education or fashion or politics and I didn’t know your brain had been addled by childbirth?
However, the most insidious mummy blogger of all is the childless one.
Yes, Marieke Hardy, (pictured, left) I’m looking at you. Referred to as a mummy blogger while having no children of her own Hardy has, incredibly, continued to write. On top of that, not only does she have the nerve to complain about being called a mummy blogger, she has refused to correct the natural order of things by getting knocked up.
Rage level: Pretty bloody high. For a start, journalism is a professional thingamabob and there’s never been an untrained or stupid one ever. Just ask Alan Jones. And secondly, Marieke Hardy is a deliberately barren mummy blogger and belongs in one of those women’s prisons where they wear mop caps and wash the underwear of Lords and Ladies.
MORE STORIES BY CORINNE GRANT
*Corinne Grant is a stand-up comedian, MC, presenter, writer and broadcaster and has performed both nationally and internationally. In addition to her years on Rove Live and The Glasshouse, she has appeared on everything from Spicks and Specks to Dancing With The Stars to Good News Week. She has co-hosted successful national radio shows, performed countless solo live shows and appeared everywhere from the Sydney Opera House to the Kalgoorlie Arts Centre. Corinne’s first book, Lessons In Letting Go: Confessions of a Hoarder (Allen and Unwin) was released in September 2010 and went into reprint just months after its release.