CORINNE GRANT’S RAGE INDEX
With so much going on it’s hard to stay abreast of all the issues and even harder to know what to be angry about.
It’s all well and good to glue down the caps-lock button on your keyboard and lose your lolly on Facebook and Twitter, but you need to learn how to ration out your fury. What happens if you get to Friday and you’re spent? Who is going to carry the fury through the weekend if you can’t?
Thankfully, I’ve done the hard work, frothed at the mouth and scoured the talkback radio stations for you.
Here is this week’s rage index:
It’s actually tricky to get angry about this one, considering anger is what we’re all so angry about. Grant chucked a piano around, smashed up his house, freaked out his wife, went on Channel Nine, shed a couple of tears and said he was embarrassed. 60 Minutes tore him a new one in a hard-hitting interview that really questioned what a father of two with a wife half his size was doing smashing up the family house like the Incredible Hulk on biker speed. No-one at any point insinuated that his estranged wife may have brought this all on herself by being difficult and refusing to talk to Channel Nine (Grant’s employer) on national television about how Grant Hackett (their employee) was Australia’s golden boy and just a bit of a goose. Thank god she hasn’t been able to completely destroy Our Great Nation and stop him having his cushy job as a commentator for the Olympic Games.
Outrage level: Mild. Hackett has clearly done everything he can to keep his job with Channel Nine and he should be applauded for his brave work. We should all severely reprimand Candice Alley for upsetting him.
Hipsters are living in goat’s cheese.
According to Bernard Salt (everyone’s favourite numbers fondler), there is a goat’s cheese curtain surrounding Australia’s inner suburbs and hipsters are living behind it. Not only is that downright unhygienic, but it begs the question, where did they get so much goat’s cheese?
Outrage level: Pretty bloody high if you don’t like dairy-based metaphors.
The carbon tax.
Coles is refusing to put up its prices once the carbon tax comes in, claiming that the increases are so small, it’s not worth passing them on. This is outrageous. How is the world going to end if big business doesn’t force it to happen?
Outrage level: Extreme. Write to your local member and demand that everything be doubled in price.
Gina Rinehart is going to take over Australia’s favourite newspapers and replace all the content with Magic Eye puzzles that, once you see the image correctly, instantly brainwash you into wanting to dig stuff out of the ground.
Outrage level: Ssssh. Don’t let Gina see you. If she looks you in the eye, you instantly turn to iron ore.
Stop the Snacks!
As reported by The Daily Telegraph, the Government is trying to starve school children. Not just starve them, but dehydrate them as well. Ladies and gentlemen, send your children to Parliament House at your own risk. In will walk your adorable eight-year-old and out will come a pot-bellied piece of beef jerky, half dead from chronic malnutrition and a lack of cordial.
Outrage level: Fairly low as the story was complete bullshit. It was a suggestion the Government chose not to adopt. If you’re bored, write to your local member, but if I were you, I’d save my outrage for something more important, like…
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