Less rage this month and more, ‘Please let me lie down for a while with my ears blocked until you stop blathering at me.’
Australia is suffering under the weight of narrative fatigue: that terrible malaise that takes over when you realise the only things we are banging on about are the same things we’ve been banging on about for the last few years.
Freedom of speech! Or, our home is Geert by sea.
Geert Wilders, everyone’s favourite hysteria merchant, popped in for a visit and a little light rabble rousing. According to Geert, there’s no such thing as a moderate Islam. But, before you get your knickers in a twist and start thinking Geert is a sensationalist who makes sweeping generalisations in an effort to gain popularity, think about this: Geert says “I don’t hate Muslims, I hate Islam�?. You see, if you’re an ordinary, everyday Muslim, you’re ok by him! For the time being. (Cue sinister music.)
Of course, the outrage about Geert’s visit has come less from those that oppose him and more from those that support him. You see, to their way of thinking, it’s a freedom of speech issue. Geert (right) is allowed to crap on as much as he likes and we have the freedom to worship him.
Say that you think Geert is a git who ostracises Muslims and encourages racial hatred and you’re just another one of those Fascist Communist liberal-thinking Nazis who wants a totalitarian society based on being nice.
What is wrong with you?
Outrage level: No-one likes a nasty pasty. Geert loves to skip around the world, saying outrageous things, riling up a small group he knows are going to send him death threats and then calling himself a victim. It’s fairly predictable stuff and comes straight out of the ‘How To Be A Racist Knob’ playbook. Be outraged at the predictability of both him and his supporters if you like, but I’m more concerned about his creepy, creepy hair.
A famous person has been charged with murder! Or, the Journey of the Pistori.
Golly gee we love a soap opera. Thank god we’ve got a new OJ Simpson. And not only that, but Oscar Pistorius’ brother Carl is now up on charges of manslaughter as well. What a Pistorius pisser!
Oscar Pistorius appears in court on charges of murder. Image via guardian.co.uk.
Of course, the big shame here is that no one has thought to capitalise on a pretty man being charged with killing a pretty woman. The lack of sensationalism has been a real let down. Apart from Channel Nine running a special entitled “Bladerunner: My Lover, My Killer�? (which I’m pretty sure was a Bonnie Tyler hit in the eighties), there’s been very little mention of the case in the media.
Apart from the couple of journalists who have likened Oscar’s predicament to that of Lindy Chamberlain. Oh yeah, and the one or two papers that have run front page stories about some ‘blonde’ who was killed. But apart from that, there’s been virtually nothing.
Outrage level: this one is straight out of an episode of Day of Our Lives. My suggestion is you flick past all the stories that are based on nothing more than speculation and wait for the judgment to be handed down. That’ll probably take a couple of years. Of course, the other option is to focus on the fact that a young woman was killed in her own home—but that’s a bit boring isn’t it?
Polls! Polls! Polls!!
So much media attention, so little for the rest of us to give a flying crap about. Polls are interesting to politicians because they tell them where they are going right and wrong. Polls are interesting to news editors because they’re cheaper to write about than policy.
Why send a journalist out on a fact-finding mission, or to interview someone, or to spend a few days researching a policy when you can direct them to open up their email account and cut and paste a few numbers? Bingo! Front page for the next eight months sorted!
Unless you decide who to vote for based on who other people vote for and not on what is best for you, there’s not much point paying polls any attention.
What we really need is for someone to ask the politicians the hard questions on policy so that we can decide which party best reflects our personal values. Although, I don’t know where you’d find such a thing. Have you tried reading your stars?
Outrage level: This is less a case of outrage and more a case of slow, psychological torture. As if the relentless sloganeering of politicians wasn’t bad enough, now the media is a one trick pony as well. Every day is Groundhog Day. Maybe it’s best to take a little lie down and not get back up again until September 14th.
Sports people doing dodgy stuff!
Oh dear. Stilnox? Knick-knocking? Prank calls? Someone needs to teach these swimming lads how to party. This is what happens when you take teenagers out of normal society, force them to grow up in an artificial world and tell them the pride of a nation rests on their pectoral muscles: they go a little bit doolally.
James Magnussen in despair at the London Olympics. Image via olympics.org.au.
Outrage level: We need to focus less on being angry with these lads and more on those that are responsible for them. What the hell is going on with Swimming Australia?
The Pope has closed his Twitter account!
This is one of the many signs of the Apocalypse. Of course, the most obvious one is that the Pope had a Twitter account in the first place.
Outrage level: THE POPE NEVER POSTED FUNNY PICTURES OF CATS! There, I’ve said it. What a weight off my chest.
MORE STORIES BY CORINNE GRANT
*Corinne Grant is a stand-up comedian, MC, presenter, writer and broadcaster and has performed both nationally and internationally. In addition to her years on Rove Live and The Glasshouse, she has appeared on everything from Spicks and Specks to Dancing With The Stars to Good News Week. She has co-hosted successful national radio shows, performed countless solo live shows and appeared everywhere from the Sydney Opera House to the Kalgoorlie Arts Centre. Corinne’s first book, Lessons In Letting Go: Confessions of a Hoarder (Allen and Unwin) was released in September 2010 and went into reprint just months after its release. You can follow her on Twitter @corinne_grant.