ANOTHER BREASTBOOK FAIL
Hear that sound? It’s the barman calling “last drinks” for breastfeeding.
In the latest attack on mothers, US police are accusing Lauren Ferrari of “poor parenting” for uploading a photo (above) on Facebook showing her five-year-old daughter ‘feeding’ her two-year-old sister.
“She said she was nursing her baby,” Ferrari told KOMONews. “She didn’t say, ‘Mommy look, she’s kissing my boobie’.”
Facebook took down the image and banned her for seven days for “violating community standards”.
Stefanie Thomas, from Seattle Police’s Internet Crimes Against Children Department, implied it was pornographic: “There’s no real way of actually getting wherever that image ends up down off the Internet. So that’s something that this family, that these girls, are going to have to ultimately deal with.”
What next: A dystopian future where breast means arrest?
“Ma’am, please, slowly, put the baby on the ground,” an officer intones, pointing a gun at the mother’s forehead.
“OK, now, button up that shirt. I am charging you with Section 12, Subsection 5 of the Offensive Parenting Act for exposing a nipple in public.”
This Act also bans photos of babies in bed with their mothers because it encourages dangerous co-sleeping; pictures of fathers hugging their sons for fear of promoting paedophilia; and babies’ bottoms, which are construed as child pornography.
I don’t often regularly resort to capitalisation. But this is an exception. BREASTFEEDING IS NOT SEXUAL.
In the words of the Nursing in Public campaign, “Just because your breasts are sometimes used in a sexual way, doesn’t mean that the simple act of feeding a baby with them is disgusting. Your mouth can also be used in a sexual way, but you still flap it freely in public.”
Anyway, those nipple tassels are clearly a choking hazard.
As I wrote on this site in February, it’s one of the dichotomies of motherhood: After years of being told to “get ya tits out!” suddenly, when they become useful, “We’re told to “Put ‘em away!”
This followed worldwide outrage after Facebook removed photos of a Sydney mother breastfeeding.
I like to think the anthropomophised version of Facebook is the child in the Gary Larson cartoon trying to ‘push’ a door labelled ‘pull’ to enter the Midvale School for the Gifted.
Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t seem to learn.
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51 Responses to this article
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Georgie July 30, 2012
It is a huge shame that breastfeeding is considered obscene by so many & and that heaven forbid you actually feed your child that way. And certainly don’t do it for ‘too long’.
I think those girls pretending to feed their ‘babies’ are lovely. It is a valuable skill.
Breastfeeding is hard enough to learn, especially if we are told to ‘put it away’ & are hidden away whilst doing it.
I am so happy & lucky (rough start) to still be feeding my 11month old. And I’ll be doing it as long as my little girl wants & wherever too!-
Asha July 30, 2012
I was lactating for seven years. Breastfed my oldest child for 3 1/2 – that including through a miscarriage and a full pregnancy and a coupla months after his sister was born. He drank the excess milk that came with a new baby:) I have also seen him ‘breastfeeding’ one of my dolls (had it since I was two), and I thought it was lovely. His sister in turn ‘breastfed’ the doll too! People encourage little girls to ‘bottlefeed’ their dolls, and even their baby siblings; but heaven forbid they actually imitate something that really is natural!!! If the photo had been one of the older child ‘bottlefeeding’ her sibling, their would be no ‘hoopla’ whatsoever. How sad that the government has become so insane. I sent a photo of my oldest son up a tree when he was three years old. He happened to be naked – not that you could really tell, as he was surrounded by the (large) leaves on the tree. He’s a teenager now. And a sick and twisted deviant of a woman labelled the photo as pornography and ‘shameful’. This of course belied the fact that my son happened to have the biggest smile you could imagine, on his face, in that photo!!! Something really needs to be done about this ridiculous givernent who is opressing the natural more and more, and promoting dis – attachment, and labelling everything that is natural and normal as ‘wrong’ and ‘pornographic’ and ‘sick’ and ‘dirty’. We, the people, must stand up and fight for our rights, before anymore are stripped away.
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Tracey July 30, 2012
I agree, Georgie. It would make it so much easier if we all received more help to do it – including feeling free to do it in public. I got mastitis five times with my second baby – had to feed her upside down so her chin would dig into the lump which was, inevitably, at 12 o’clock!
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Rach July 30, 2012
Thank you, Tracey.
Kids learn in so many ways. I’m reminded of my children’s role play at daycare when Steve Irwin died. All the kids played in the boat in the sandpit and took turns to be killed by a stingray. I was quite surprised, and yes, a little horrified, by this play but was assured by the education professionals that this is normal and important play for their development and understanding, and processing the event.
Kids play what they know and what they learn. Even young boys try to breastfeed their younger siblings. Stifling the play and attributing the reason to pornography is simply unacceptable.However in writing this I am reminded of a police friend who had worked so long catching paedophiles and seeing child pornography that when he took photos of his newborn niece he couldn’t process the difference between appropriate and inappropriate. He had to leave the force to lead a normal life.
I suppose the line between the two is very fine, and it comes down to perception, definitions, understanding, and intention. Two children playing breast feeding games doesn’t come close to pornography.
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catecat July 30, 2012
Thanks, you raised some important points. I wonder whether there would have been more hoohaa if the children shown ‘breastfeeding’ were little boys?
My sons sometimes ‘breastfed’ their doll, teddy bears, tyrannosaurus rex etc. and got a few horrified reactions (OK, the T Rex I can understand….)
The eldest is now a new dad and I am proud of the support he has given his partner re breastfeeding their baby – as well as pitching in with baths, nappies and housework .
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Fred July 30, 2012
If they had been playing with a gun you can bet the picture would still be up. Americans have a strange view of things sometimes.
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Asha July 30, 2012
Very true ands very good point. But warefare is glorified; and family values are put down…
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Lauren July 30, 2012
I will never understand why people don’t get that Facebook is really a very open/public forum. No matter how private you think your page is this stuff can still get out. Although this photo is very cute, I understand the parents taking it and that there is nothing wrong/sexual about it, it will be misconstrued and end up in all the wrong places. It’s not about protecting your children from an act which is perfectly natural and normal, it’s about not giving the sickos of the world easy prey by offering up images of your children in what can easily be seen as a compromising situation. I disagree with FB taking down photos of breastfeeding mothers and even little girls nursing their dollies but in this case I think they were absolutely right to do so.
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Benison O'Reilly July 30, 2012
Agree with you Lauren. I had no idea until recently that paedophiles trawl Facebook and blogs for seemingly innocent kiddy pictures which they then manipulate for their perverted aims. Sickos, sickos, sickos. This photo seem made for them and I actually agree with Facebook about this decision. They are protecting the kids here.
As for demonising and censoring breastfeeding by adult women – never acceptable.
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TMT July 30, 2012
Its not just about paedophiles but simple access by anyone. How do news agencies appear to have instant access to intimate family photos of the man who just jumped off the bridge or the teenager that was just killed in a car accident? They get them online from facebook and other social networking sites. How about the photos that are posted on blogs for comment? What about the photos posted on hate websites?
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FerrelBerryl July 30, 2012
Great article Tracey. Just a word on the statistic above. 14 percent of children are EXCLUSIVELY breastfeed at 6 months. This statistic excludes children who are breastfeed but also eating solids before 6 months (as is recommended by many paed’s and MCHN’s) and excludes babies who are being comp fed like my son who was getting one small formula top up at the end of the day when my supply dropped. Whilst there is still plenty of work to be done in Aust the environment here is not nearly as adversarial as the States and Australian women deserve a bit more credit than the above statistic implies.
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secret squirrel July 30, 2012
I don’t think photo is a ‘no breastfeeding in public issue’, it’s overtly a protecting children issue. For every kind-hearted, fun-loving person who will tee-hee at this pic and say “oh aren’t kids funny”, there will be a twisted, dark soul, who looks at it out of context as a sexual image to pleasure themselves with and to add to their seedy collection. Sick but true. Facebook did the right thing, protecting children from predators. The mother is so sweetly naive that she was shocked to find the photo was removed, but the internet is not a sheltered little world of coffee club mums, and T-ball coach dads. There are bad people out there that you are showing your every action to. Triple check your FB security settings, like allowing only close friends to view photos. How desperate are we all that everything we do has to be put on the internet anyway?
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Laurel Papworth July 30, 2012
The lactivists have often gone on a rampage through Facebook, posting up breastfeeding photos on Saudi religious pages etc. As an online community manager, I completely understand auto removing breast photos from Facebook. Many value systems on Facebook & respect doesnt mean shoving tits in the face of an Imam just to point out its fine in Australia. FYI I support breastfeeding in public in Australia, its the blatant trolling of lactvists photos that I dont support.
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MsMalaprop July 30, 2012
I am very pro-breastfeeding: fed both my children until they were 2. Unfortunately there are people out there who will sexualise that image, and the internet is a very public forum. In line with Lauren’s comment above, my concern as a mother would be that this image gets into the wrong hands. I give careful consideration to every photo I post of my children on fb.
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Rhoda July 30, 2012
Have to agree with Lauren. I don’t think I would hand that photo round to anyone at all. It’s an intrusion of the children’s privacy.
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Ken July 30, 2012
Oh FFS what on earth is wrong with people. Children acting out a normal part of life, shock horror.
As for those that think it’s feeding the perverted fantasies of paedophiles that may be true, but if you stop anything that some people find arousing you would have no photos anywhere. After all some get turned on by the arse end of livestock or a high healed shoe.
Yes protect children by cutting of the privates of child rapists with a rusty blunt knife but hiding a natural form of innocent play? Punish the criminal not the innocent.
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Sara July 31, 2012
I agree with you Ken. I really don’t think what some people may or may not find sexually interesting has any relevance at all. People look at lots of images, and we all have a train of thought about it. So what. What do I care about what someone else’s thought or opinions on my life are? All of this judgement, positive and negative, about other people’s lives and images are both sides of the same coin. I think there has to be only one question – is there harm being done?
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Alli July 30, 2012
I concur ladies – I think the issue is more about child safety, and frankly, there are some sick minds out there who could twist was is clearly an ‘innocent’ photo into something less than innocent. A shame but how it is. Tracey – I do have to take slight offence to the comment in the email newsletter “What is it with Mark Zuckerberg? Was he a bottle-fed baby?” as an adopted kid, I was bottle fed, and that certainly doesn’t make me anti breastfeeding! In fact, trying to get the breastfeeding thing happening with my firstborn almost killed me! But I kept on trying. Seriously – bottle fed babies (like myself) don’t grow up to be breastfeeding haters! I know breast is best WHEN AND WHERE POSSIBLE and I think, like all mummy wars topics, we should lighten up a bit on ourselves and each other. Do your best ladies. The end.
In this instance, the bottom line is that I can understand why the image was taken down … but in THIS instance I don’t think it was because of an anti breastfeeding movement in Facebook. But hey, that’s just my opinion … Alli -
Kellie July 30, 2012
This post could cause a stir and I’ll probably get virtually kicked in the teeth a few times for daring to have an opinion on parenting when I’m not a parent, but whatever, I’m going to say it…
I have NO doubt that what the mother says is true, the 5 year old was pretending to ‘breast feed’ her 2 year old sister… cute, and I’m all for breast feeding and I’m sure she posted it in a completely innocent light… BUT the fact remains that the image is NOT of a mother breastfeeding a baby, it’s of a 2 year old girl sucking a 5 year old girl’s nipple.
Sure, take these pictures for your own memory bank and place them in an album or scrapbook at home for future laughs… but seriously, think a bit harder about what you put on the INTERNET. Whilst YOU may see a 5 year old playing ‘mummy’ with her little girl, there are actually freaks out there who see these images differently – do you really want someone viewing your innocent little girl that way?
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Asha July 30, 2012
It is wise to think carefully about all photos we show others; some are very private – as this one certainly was – and some are not. This was clearly a mother who was innocent and simply proud of her children and thought this was funny – I’d think that this ‘enactment’ errupted into giggles soon after!!! This is also a photo of a child emulating her mother – as all children do; which would be why the issue of a mother breastfeeding was brought up. I saw all three of my siblings being breastfed, and emulated as a child, and it is how children learn. When they have that as children, it is easier as an adult when they have the real thing!!
I’m thinking though that a simple private post or email to the mother, making her aware of concerns, should have suffised!
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Mutley July 30, 2012
mmmm boobies
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Lou July 30, 2012
I say don’t post photos of children on facebook full stop…
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Asha July 30, 2012
that is a rather extreme statement! Some people are trying to connect with lost loved ones, and this is a way to find them.
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Dirty Pierre July 30, 2012
Great article….
and to the neurotic people arguing that FB was right and the world is full of paedophiles… please go away and think a bit harder.
1. In 95% of child sexual assault cases it’s a parent, priest, uncle or family friend…
2. If a child is pretend breast feeding, wearing a bikini, dancing to Kylie Minogue … they are NOT being sexual, they are not inviting sexual attention…OK???
3. If you see the world through the eyes of a mad imagined paedophile then where would you stop?? What if a man was turned on by boys in soccer uniforms… you’d end up banning soccer?
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Caitlin July 30, 2012
Asha, I agree with your sentiments… But Facebook is not “the government”. Not yet, anyway.
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Asha August 1, 2012
people still need to be aware of this fact. and government people are able to see what is posted on the facebook pages, just like anyone else…
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Annie Also July 30, 2012
Glad this has been raised now. My daughter has just had a baby and we were talking about this article. I said; So when I was pregnant with your sister your brother would practise ‘breastfeeding’ MIckey Mouse. She was a little shocked. I said that by having pictures of breastfeeding babies pinned up around the kitchen I wanted him to know it was ‘natural’ ( this was 33 years ago) and normal and not something to be jealous about.
When his sister did arrive he would sit beside me for a while and ‘feed’ Mickey. After a few days or so he got bored with it and did other things while I breast fed.
I, like many commentators, think there is a perverted confusion between a) breasts and breastfeeding b) childs normal healthy play and what is perceived by those mentally unwell c) importance of overt community support and ‘fear’ of the sad sickos out there
I thought after 35 years things would have ‘moved on’. Why do women have to do this dance of constantly having to fight/agitate/demand freedom to do the natural and normal thing only to have to do it all over again every 10 or so years. It is exhausting and men should just leave it as ‘women’s business’ and move on! This is not to say we don’t need and desire men’s support but for heavens sake…let’s get our priorities sorted. Baby=breast=feeding=happy healthy human now and in the future.-
Asha August 1, 2012
sadly, I have noticed that it is often women themselves who have a problem with breastfeeding, not men!
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Caitlin July 30, 2012
Lauren, some breast feeding advocates undoubtedly go too far, but the term ‘lactivist’ is silly and offensive. Breast feeding advocacy in general is important, just like any other public health campaigning.
On the policy side, I’m sure Facebook could implement auto-removal that can distinguish between public pages and private profiles. And don’t forget they already give page and group admins the tools to control who gets to post on their page. I can’t believe that this is such a big problem to warrant the level of response.
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Roni Jean July 30, 2012
I have to say this, regardless of what I feel about the photo of the two little girls on FB – and some people will post anything up on FB for a reaction – my feelings on breastfeeding in public are that I wouldn’t do it. That’s just me, I couldn’t think of anything more embarrassing to myself, than flopping my gnarly old boob out in public, whether it was acceptable to do so or not. I certainly don’t begrudge it to any mother that feels comfortable doing that though, more power to them! But with so many public venues that provide mother’s rooms these days, I’d rather find the nearest one or let the little blighter scream for a bit longer, if need be. I’ve had two children, neither of them starved to death while I was finding somewhere private to feed them. I’m afraid I’d much rather keep my dignity (and my boobs) hidden snugly inside my shirt.
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amd July 30, 2012
As others have said, this is about protecting the privacy of the children. Please, we do not wish to listen to yet another extremely boring diatribe about breastfeeding and your experiences of it, for once and for all – it’s up to the individual, please stop wittering on about it.
However, people should realise that ANY photo you put on Facebook is NOT safe nor private. If you don’t mind all strangers, however perverse, peering at your photos, fair enough – but the girls are too young to give consent, so in this case FB was correct to remove the photo. I just wish they would police the other grot I have seen on FB as effectively.
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amd July 30, 2012
And please, don’t make the mistake of imagining that if you have your photos set to private, they are safe. FB has access to everything you post, and I am assured it is not difficult at all to hack into someone’s account and copy their photos. If you want to be scared, and forced to realise how lacking in privacy FB is I strongly suggest you go to this link and log in through FB. It is quite frightening. http://www.takethislollipop.com/
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TMT July 30, 2012
I think facebook is evil and I don’t understand why people want to broadcast their private lives in this way. Publishing your children’s lives seems like a gross invasion of their privacy especially as once the images and information is out there you have no control over who can view it, how people will respond to it and how it can be used by others.
I don’t think this is a debate over breastfeeding but one of privacy and online safety. -
amd July 30, 2012
Oh, and as someone else mentioned, the dig at bottle fed babies in the title is inappropriate and unacceptable. Firstly, it is not your choice to make as a baby, one could hardly blame Zuckerberg if he was bottle fed – the man is annoying oik, but this is not something you can lambast him about. Secondly, it is not your right to make that choice for an adult, and not your right to have a dig at women who bottle feed, regardless of your views. People bottle feed for many different reasons. And yes, I breastfed – which is, of course, none of your business. I am also all for helping women breastfeed in public comfortably, if that is their choice. In future, please keep your anti-bottle feeding comments to yourselves and leave women in peace to make their own choices, which they make for myriad of reasons and need not justify to strangers.
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Dee July 30, 2012
Here, here, amd.
Maligning those who were bottle fed, choose to or have no option but to bottle feed for a variety of reasons (undergoing chemo with a newborn, anyone? Or how about severe PND? Adoption?) creates nothing but a simplistic and ugly us-them/good-bad argument to what should be about women suporting other women for their choices, which, like other things in life, are complicated and complex processes. It also gets away from the point of the article which is about FB removing a harmless photo of two girls play-acting a very natural scene about breastfeeding.
Wendy, I thought your light-hearted jab read more like a smug pat on the back for those who breastfed or were breastfed.
For the record, I breastfed both my children, but I also understand why some women are unable or don’t want to and I certainly don’t consider myself to be a better parent than them.
Dirty Pierre, quoting figures about sexual assualt (wherever you got them from) as a counterpoint to sexual predators on the internet was off the track. The argument that was presented by other posters was about strangers on the internet and protecting images of your children from them. The potential for abusing and misusing images of your children on the internet is beyond the confines of geography and, therefore, away from the people you keep within physical proximity, such as the “parent, priest, uncle or family friend…”.
That is the nature of the internet, for good or bad, and something to keep in mind when posting any images of your children on a public site like FB, irrespective of your privacy settings.
I certainly don’t believe “the world is full of paedophiles” but I am savvy about what I don’t know, and on FB I don’t know who exactly is looking at my information.
I don’t support the idea of FB removing the photo if it was only about breastfeeding, but I do think that by removing it it produced a wise and thought-provoking topic up for discussion, which is that putting up photos of your children on the internet can leave them exposed to the gaze of anyone.
It’s worth considering that children are also entitled to their privacy on the internet. -
Beth July 30, 2012
I’m a breastfeeding mum of 2 (still feeding my youngest) but I get sick of the holier-than-thou attitude that many breastfeeding women take. Like the longer you breastfeed the better mother you are, how they battled on through mastitis but still managed to fully stock the freezer with expressed milk at the same time. Yes, breastfeeding is a great achievement, but it’s a personal achievement that most people don’t want to know/ see every detail of. I think it was really selfish of that mum to post that photo of her 2 girls to show how “okay” they all are with breastfeeding in their home. Well done Super Mum. We live in the times we live. How humiliated will those 2 girls be made to feel in just a few years from now when those photos pop up again? The teasing and insinuation from their peers will be truly merciless.
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amd July 31, 2012
Agreed. I have made this point about children and their photos several times. They CANNOT give informed consent – and once it’s out there, it’s out there forever, so just stick to the basics, please, keep the nude, or play acting at breast feeding or whatever pics for the family album, and protect your children’s privacy and their right to make their own decisions about this sort of thing.
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Jodine Chase July 30, 2012
Thanks, Tracey, for your excellent article supporting Lauren Ferrari. The group of women who held global protests against Facebook’s discriminatory actions last February continue to work on this issue. We track images that have been deleted and people whose accounts have been sanctioned, and offer support to people like Lauren who are often further victimized by harassing comments when they go public with their unfair treatment at the hands of Facebook. If you and your readers want to help, please drop by our Facebook page and “like” it to show support. There are links to a petition and other action items in the “about” section. Action has had positive results – Facebook has made some policy changes, and we hope continued pressure will convince them to assign a Facebook Team to protect and support breastfeeding. https://www.facebook.com/StopHarassingKwasnicaAndALLBreastfeedingWomen
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K July 31, 2012
don’t give a toss about the breast feeding argument one way or another – quite frankly you all seem to take it too seriously- but those girls will be VERY embarrassed,unhappy and dare i say humiliated in years to come that those photographs were posted online – parents need to use their brains BEFORE they send this stuff into cyberspace!- It is NO brainer and FB shouldn’t HAVE to be a parent here!
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ellenni July 31, 2012
children role play all the time and its a healthy way of learning. my question is why do we need to put so much of our private lives on the internet. sadly once its out in the public arena it will remain there forever. americans have an odd morality. guns are ok, same sex relationships in some states are ok, non legalised unions which produce children are ok, same sex parents are ok. recreational drugs are ok. take a look at pictures of the people of walmart and see what is also ok.
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Roni Jean August 1, 2012
Just my personal experience, when I had my first child, I wanted everything to be ‘perfect’. She was perfect, after all. I wanted to breastfeed, I had been told over and over that it was the best thing for the baby, not only by my mother, my mother-in-law, but by all the health professionals I’d come into contact with during my pregnancy. My baby girl took to the breast instantly and couldn’t get enough (so to speak), I was the proverbial ‘milk cow’. When I had my second child, my son, 15 months later, it was a completely different story. He was born a month early, with hyaline membrane disease and weighing in at 8lb 4oz. He spent the first 10 days of his life intubated in ICU and I had to express everyday. When I was finally able to hold and feed him, he completely rejected my breast, I fell into deep post-natal depression, he had terrible reflux, would only sleep for 10 mins at a time, mostly during the daylight hours, never slept between the hours of 11pm and 5am, and screamed constantly. Despite trying everything within my power to keep the flow going, my milk dried up. I spent time at a renowned baby sleep clinic in Brisbane only for them to tell me that he was obviously part of the 1% of babies they couldn’t help. My doctor admitted him into hospital for ‘tests’ which I later found out was just to give me some respite. This was after I had gone to the doctor to ask if there was any way I could get rid of my son without actually killing him (this was when the post-natal depression was picked up). It was a good 10 months before I bonded with my son. Years later we discovered he had ASD, one of the most textbook cases his behavioural specialist had ever seen. I don’t know if this was the cause of him rejecting my breast, but I’m confident in saying that the stress I was going through during the time after his birth very likely was the cause of my milk drying up. Some things are just not meant to be, and it’s nobody’s fault. Wendy, I understand that you didn’t mean for your comment to come across as it obviously has to some. Sometimes the ‘tongue-in-cheek’ is hard to detect in the written word. Sometimes it’s best to just concur that the statement could have been better written, or not at all?
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Ruby Wildflower August 1, 2012
Yes breastfeeding is definitely natural, beautiful and should definitely not be deemed offensive but do you really have to splay it all over Facebook? I don’t take pictures of myself shitting or pissing and post it on Facebook. And those Studio 2000 shots you get of you wearing a hippy necklace, a sarong and a bublet hanging of your nip? Just cringe worthy. Don’t make a big deal of it and then people won’t deem it offensive.
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Dee August 1, 2012
Wendy, I’m sorry if I came across saw-toothed as it was not meant to be a reference to your bottle feeding experience when you were a baby but about yours and others’ experiences as a mother who breastfed having a go at those who were bottle fed and, by inference, the mothers who had to bottle feed for whatever reason (babies with cleft palates included).
I suppose the risk you took with that loaded statement, like most humour, was that it would not be received by everyone the way you had intended.
I, too, was bottle fed, but I don’t think saying that because I was bottle fed this would make me anti-breastfeeding. If it did, then it would follow that you would be, too. And wouldn’t it be ironic if Zuckerberg was breastfed? ;p
Our passionate reaction to this issue has obviously touched a chord within many of us. I also felt the immense pressure to breastfeed, just as Roni Jean did, and although I did it with both children I did it through debilitating PND and I never enjoyed it. We seem to have internalised this idea that you are less of a mother if you can’t nourish your child with your own breasts and that the poor child will forever be stained with the unfortunate stigma of potential ill health, sub-optimal development and attachment issues. That’s a lot of pressure for any person to meet, let alone a new mother.
Perhaps our responses need another Hoopla article about the effects of activism surrounding breastfeeding and pro-choice?
