The change of season is upon our doorstep, and my Snuggie is being dusted off for evenings by the fire. I thought it might be apt to share a little research I have done lately to celebrate Mercedes Benz Fashion Week, which starts next week.
So hitch up your britches ladies, and grab a notebook and pen. Because you are going to want to know about these terms before you update your wardrobes for Winter, or if you are a fashion wanker, you will recognize this period as AW/13.
Which means Autumn Winter 13. Ready? Let us begin.
Shops all over the country are stocking up on graphic pants. Now before we go any further, be rest assured that these pants are not going to contain any images that wearers may find disturbing, nor will they contain strong, coarse language.
They are simply pants that have a pattern on them.
They are suitable for all audiences, particularly those members who do not enjoy nutrition, as the pattern may stretch beyond recognition if you carry any fat. Particularly if you have a bootylicious butt.
If you own such a butt, wear a dress over it. A neon dress.
And an owl beanie.
This nifty garment can take you from the cradle to the grave, now that they have seamlessly transferred from baby talk to cat walk. Case in point, a certain Mr Brad Pitt, who was currently spied on a family outing rocking a black Bonds Wondersuit.
I can see the appeal of The Onesie. No need for undies but much need for a doona.
The baroque trend has been around forever. Since 1600 in fact!
Think stiff lace and linens, high waists encased in whalebone corsets and large billowy sleeves.
Perfect and practical for a night out on the tiles, or for nipping down to Medicare to claim your rebate.
Holy Hooplarians! I do declare that I got a little hot and flustered when I first came across this style trend. I mean, is that really even a word? And if so, how does one pronounce it?
The fash pack are totally stoked that Nouvelle Japanisme has finally come to the forefront of fashion. And because I don’t want to look totally stupid, I need to know both how to pronounce it and what it means, before I brush shoulders with that intimidating bunch next week.
Nouvelle is French for new. Pronounced NOOVEL. Japonisme is French for Influenced by Japan. Pronounced JAPONIZM.
NOOVEL JAPONIZM. Sorted. Still would not know what it was even if it whacked me over the head with a samurai sword.
Pastel / Neon
Colours that are polar opposites, yet interestingly, both are considered “on trend”.
It is things like this that confuses me about fashion.
That, and peplums, which sounds more like a gynecological instrument, rather than a flap of fabric designed to hide a large lunch.
Never goes away. NEXT.
Pashing Vampires? Fornicating Fangsmiths? No, silly! *eye roll*
According the fashion pundits at Westfield, this trend is best described as:
“a heavenly mix of lace, velvet, leather and romantic shades. Think dark, think enchanting, and think seductive. Create this winter trend with maroons and gold and an injection of edge.”
If you require a clearer indication of this trend, imagine a love child of Freddie Mercury and Stevie Nicks.
Leather & Studs
Take inspiration from the local chapter of your friendly Hell’s Angels or Rebels Club. Armed with your notebook, ask them from where they draw their style inspiration. What is the best way to combine textures, tattoos and colour?
These guys are very fashion forward when it comes to concealment as well. And I am not talking about dark under eye shadows and blemishes.
Thank them for their time, and exit slowly, making no sudden movements.
Remember Laura Ashley and Liberty Prints? Well THAT is floral, my fashion loving friends.
Don’t rush out to buy any. You already have it from the 60s, the 70s, the 80s, the 90s and the noughties.
You are already trendy.
You have something from all of these categories I am sure, apart from maybe the Onesie.
But if you do buy a Onesie this Winter, the only thing you will need to consider is which trend will it be inspired by.
For me? The answer is obvious.
I never saw a Studded Gothically Romanced Onesie with a Floral Peplum I didn’t like.
What is on your fashion shopping list this season?
Has fashion come so far full circle that it’s now eating itself?
MORE STORIES BY MRS WOOG
*About Mrs Woog: “I can be found in the laundry, folding laundry, sorting laundry and dropping off the dry cleaning. I am mum to two boys, boss of my husband and master of a cat and two guinea pigs. Come nightfall, I watch TV while tweeting which drives Mr Woog insane. I like to read cookbooks and eat out. During my waking hours I ferry kids around in the Mazda while drinking takeaway coffees and listening to talkback. I think about going to the gym every day. I used to work in the publishing industry before I realised it was nothing like Elaine Benes from Seinfeld made out like it was. Now I write this blog. And I never get writer’s block. It is a gift I have.” You can follow me on Twitter: @Woogsworld.