*Dr Stephanie Dowrick is the author of books that really can change your life. Favourites include Intimacy and Solitude, Forgiveness and Other Acts of Love, The Universal Heart and Choosing Happiness: Life & Soul Essentials. Recent books include Seeking the Sacred and Everyday Kindness. A trained psychotherapist, she also leads retreats and spiritual services, blogs, and talks on radio. Find her on Facebook and the web.
- Couldn't have said it better myself Benster. In talking around to our friends and even just acquaintances, scratch just a little below the surface and so many parents are feeling the same sentiments as this "letter". All we are expecting from our children is to exhibit some of the niceties, good manners, respect and considerations they were brought up with. We have one son who works just 3 minutes away by car, but can't find the time to call by to see if we're still alive or not. In fact, it's become a family joke that one day one of them will realise they haven't heard from us for a while and will find us as skeletons in our armchairs! Another came completely empty-handed to a family get- together at a restaurant recently to celebrate hubby's birthday and a belated Mothers Day. The excuse was "I've been a bit busy and besides you two have all you want. Sorry." This was after he'd previously asked me what we'd like and I'd suggested movie tickets. Go figure! And as for borrowing of money - never again! One son borrowed a fairly hefty amount with the promise of repayment within 12 months "when I remortgage". Imagine our embarrassment when we had to ask for it back over 3 years later, after watching he and his wife spending money airy-fairy on frivolous "must haves". To say they were put out is a big understatement. :) These late 20's to mid 40 year olds have no shame or embarrassment about such things, behave as if it's their right and have even been heard to say "Well, you don't need it. You're getting on a bit now!" So we've formed a club called the POAHK Club. (Parents of .A..-Hole Kids) where we drown our sorrows in good red wine and plan our next overseas trips to spend the kids inheritance. Doesn't solve the problem of having selfish self-centred kids, but at least we can smile when they're around knowing we have a life of our own in spite of them. - commonsensegirlonline
- I feel a bit sad for Susanna. Some how her kids have not heard her advice along the way. As someone said, "for every one thankyou from your child, there's a thousand reminders that went before it!" - Finnola
- I was stung by a wasp on Friday night (in my bedroom...go figure) and took antihistamines and anti-inflammatories for three days with little or no effect. Ice packs were the best at reducing the pain and itching. Then on Monday, in a fit of pique, I rubbed lavender oil all over the swelling (it covered most of the underside of my forearm by now) and it started to go down pretty much immediately... seriously. I applied lavender oil about 4 times across the day and again this morning and the pain, swelling and itching is pretty much gone. Brilliant. Plus I smell pretty! - Anna
- [...] Fashion Week With Mrs Woog [...] - MY HOUSE. MY RULES. OK?
- [...] Death (Almost) By Dumpling! [...] - MY HOUSE. MY RULES. OK?
- Not at all, simply someone who found the letter irritating and a bit pathetic. If I were in that situation, and I may yet be as my eldest is still only 16, I would not outline my feelings about it in an open letter on a public forum. I have to assume also Julie that your sentiments apply equally to Mrs Churchill and Rebecca - are you going to chide them as well? - Sly Place
- For all those people suggesting this is a 'needy' letter, how about looking at it as expecting to be treated the same way your children treat their friends? Do they go to their homes for dinner empty handed? Leave a mess because they're too busy to clean up? It's about growing up and realising that your parents are people, too, and treating them with respect and consideration. - Benster
- [...] Mrs Woog’s Winter Checklist [...] - MY HOUSE. MY RULES. OK?
- [...] Mrs Woog’s Pants of Doom [...] - MY HOUSE. MY RULES. OK?
- Such a comment could only come from someone who hasnt experienced what the article expressed. Otherwise you are a rude and thoughtless person in your own right. - JULIE
ON THE HIGHWIRE PROFILE
Stephanie Dowrick
FEATURED CONTRIBUTORS
Freebies
-
WIN A COPY OF HANNAH RICHELL'S 'THE SHADOW YEAR'
Actions in our past can cast a long shadow. A seemingly inconsequential string of events...
-
WIN A CALL THE MIDWIFE SERIES 2 PRIZE PACK
Based on the bestselling memoirs by Jennifer Worth, Call the Midwife follows Jenny Lee, a...
IF YOU COULD STOP PEOPLE FROM DOING ONE THING…
Wonderful topic – because wouldn’t we all love to start the new year so powerfully! My choice is simple: to stop people dumping on anyone and everyone when they are in a bad mood. Bad moods are hideously contagious anyway and whining, blaming, roaring, moaning add tension to tension and make things worse. Asking for help, or even just stating simply that you are feeling upset, exhausted or whatever, is fine. It brings warm feelings, not more hostility. But dumping? Never fine! Could we have some stopping of that? Oh, and much more spreading of care.
MY PERFECT POLLIE WOULD…
My perfect pollies (oh, and don’t we need lots of them?!) would be high in emotional intelligence, self-respecting and respecting of others, eager to listen, and able to present their well-considered ideas without resorting to numbing cliches or demolishing other people. I loathe the adversarial nature of contemporary political life. It’s not just ugly to witness, it often silences the most constructive responses to complex problems. Pollies need to inspire – the public, of course, but also those who implement their policies. We do have some examples of dignity and integrity: Penny Wong heads my list.
SEEN ANY GOOD MOVIES LATELY?
Loved Beginners with Christopher Plummer and Ewan McGregor. Also really enjoyed Midnight in Paris. Despite my usual Woody Allen reservations, I found it genuinely charming and even a bit magical in a literary kind of way. Am about to see A Separation. I still get such pleasure from going out to see a movie in a cinema, deciding reluctantly NOT to have a choc top, settling for a coffee afterwards. It's never ceased to be a treat.
WHAT ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR?
Gratitude is all about "noticing" what we can be grateful for, and in our jumpy, querulous society many of us find it far easier to notice what's wrong that what's right - or is "enough". My life has been changed several times over by the death of loved ones so what I am most grateful for is the gift of life and the people I share this with. Gratitude grows very naturally for me when I live most appreciatively: speak up about what's going well, encourage myself & others with words of good humour, tolerance, love; celebrate often, and have time and energy for the tougher periods too. Lovely topic, Wendy. Am grateful for it!!
WHAT’S THE BEST THING YOU DO FOR YOUR HEALTH EVERY DAY?
The most important thing I do for my physical health is keep my mind and soul in good shape. Yes, that's also my work (encouraging others) but I have to start with myself. Each morning I pray, sometimes simply "tuning" the mind. And when I sit at my desk and write something uplifting on my public Facebook page, or on my current big project - whatever that is - I consciously open my mind to inspiration ("What's needed here?"). In recent years I have also walked and exercised far more; that's a late discovery but great too. I wrote lots about food and care for our bodies in Everyday Kindness. It's all one.
HAVE YOU EVER STAGED A HEALTH ‘INTERVENTION’?
In a sense all of my work is "speaking up" though sometimes I am aware that the people I would most like to hear the messages are least likely to read, listen or recognize their power to change. I've written so much about the terrible harm that chronic anger causes, as well as the hurt and trauma caused by excessive drinking (or any other addiction). My experience is that immediate families are often silenced by the power of denial that the addict or bully holds. Or they just feel exhausted and helpless. We often forget that anxiety and depression sometimes emerge as extreme mood swings. "Speaking up" takes courage but it is always better than remaining silent and living a lie.
WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST JOB?
I had a lovely job during my high school years at a local library. (The bliss of lots of books.) But when I left school and home at 16 and started at uni I was studying law and working as a law clerk. That was GRIM! I did other work also that I really disliked and was never much good at so when at the ripe old age of 22 I got my first publishing job I could not have been more grateful or enchanted. It was a modest start but London publishing was on a roll and so was I. Within a year I had a much better job; within five years I had the magnificent chance to start and lead The Women's Press. None of that would have happened without those years wandering in career desert and discovering what I did NOT want.
I REALLY DON’T NEED ANY MORE…
No more "brave resolutions" without braver action! I'm either going to make the change (long overdue) or stop talking about it. I've been saying for years that I intend to work a bit less and have more time for my darling family and friends. If the time isn't now, it never will be. Habits of overwork are lifelong. But that's all they are: habits! (I'll report back in six months!!)
MY NEW RULES FOR 2013
New rule for politicians: co-operate (CO-OP-ERATE) to find and implement wisest, most socially beneficial policies. We are utterly sick of self-serving antagonism and petty game-playing. (You will be permanently banished to naughty corner if you break this one.) New rule for media: find and report stories that offer hope or at least some insight; stop rejoicing in other people's misery and shortcomings; don't report violent crimes on radio when children could be listening; stop pretending violence is acceptable television "entertainment". New rule for the rest of us: ban self-pity. Create a life of generosity and gratitude. Everything will change. Oh, and say "Happy New Year!" - and mean it!!