ASSHOLES & OPINIONS. WHO CARES?
When I think of the 2012 US Federal election, there is one word that drifts out of the cloud of contentious issues. It is the one thing I will remember from the campaign.
Abortion.
For it is this topic that has repeatedly been the focus of many of the reports and debates coming out of the campaigning. Mainly because of stupid things that conservative, God-fearing, middle-aged white men are saying.
I caught this on Twitter recently, and I had to smile.
Everybody has an opinion. And we all feel the need to share it with anyone that may raise an eyebrow our way. It’s human nature to tell others of our thoughts and experiences, but is it helpful?
Basically whatever you are doing, you are doing it wrong. According to someone.
Last week, I was asked to appear on a late night TV show to share my opinion about women over the age of 40 having children. By the time I got the call, I’d already taken my bra off for the night, which is a shame because I had plenty to say about it.
Mainly, who the hell cares?!
Do you think want-to-be mothers need a group of people who don’t know them personally, or know nothing about their circumstances, to sit there and pass judgment on them?
The coulda/woulda/shoulda crew who are so smug in the choices that they, themselves have made, casting dispersions on those who have, whether by design on not, left this particular decision until later in life?
US Republican, Richard Mourdock has opinions on how women should live their lives. Mrs Woog sends him some gentle advice.
Who cares?
Me? Naive? Perhaps. But I think armed with the facts and given support, these older Mums have the intelligence and capabilities to make their own decisions without fear of public scorn or ridicule.
And while I’m at it, here are some other things that I just do not care about…
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44 Responses to this article
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Vicky October 30, 2012
Thank you for articulating the things that have been going on in my head of late. Because we have access to so much information now, instantly, I often sit in horror watching people sling mud at each other.
Completely nothing to do with this, but I thought of you when my partner came home and told me about this story. http://www.couriermail.com.au/ipad/baby-audrey-hears-words-of-love-for-first-time-thanks-to-cochlear-implants/story-fn6ck45n-1226504936101 I don’t know whether you saw it or not, but the look on her face gave me the warm fuzzies, and I teared up. Mark declared that if we win lotto tonight he is donating money to causes like this.
Love your work mrs Woog.
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Leonie October 30, 2012
As a child of a 40+ mother I have a substantive opinion that it is not a good idea.
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Rachel October 30, 2012
@ Leonie, please say more ? Im 40 and haven’t had kids, but can do so if I wish, interested in your opinion here.
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Rhoda October 30, 2012
Exactly! We all need to get off each other’s backs. And out of women’s vaginas too I might add. Clergymen and their followers seem to have an inordinate interest in them at the moment.
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Emmasbrain October 30, 2012
I’m was a scandelous unwed teenage mother whom lived in the wollondilly, and I think they invented judgment.
For the record I had a ceas, just in case it couldn’t get any worse.
Good on you Woogs, great post! -
C October 30, 2012
You are on the money Mrs Woog
I care about the same sort of stuff you do, kids and advertising, portrayal of women and dont give a shit about the judgey stuff because it is toxic and a waste of energy. I can better spend my time making a difference ie getting that old lady something from the top shelf of the supermarket or poking out my tongue at a crying baby to make it laugh and stop driving it’s mum batty -
SawHole October 30, 2012
Oh yes, when I changed my surname it caused some ripples. People did not think I would. It pissed off the secretary at work because my passport was in my maiden name and I worked under my married name.
So to solve the problem, I demand people call me Saw Hole
As for judging, my child is six and people wonder when I am going back to work. I have a chronic illness and even when they know that they say: ” So part time then?”. -
greg October 30, 2012
The coulda/woulda/shoulda crew who are so smug in the choices that they, themselves have made, casting dispersions on those who have, whether by design on not, left this particular decision until later in life?
– as in sending them off in all directions? Aspersions. Please, no more dictionary drift.-
Mrs Woog October 30, 2012
Eye Eye Captain! Point taken xx
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Scandi Coast Home October 30, 2012
You distracted me from my train of thought when you created an aspersion (or should that be a diversion)???
Tania xx
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Judith Rubbish October 30, 2012
Go Woogsie,
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moiby October 30, 2012
Hear ye! Hear ye!
As an aside, I find the people that are the most opinionated are usually just defensive about their own choices and don’t like other people having made a different choice. I have speculated on why this may be so – perhaps because they are uncomfortable with their own decisions?
I’m with you – whatever works for you, as long as you and your loved ones are safe and happy.
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over the judginess October 30, 2012
Yes!! You have so hit the money here… I *know someone* who is a constant barrage of unwanted advice, judgement and opinions, yet it’s so clear how defensive she feels about her own lifestyle decisions. And heaven forbid someone makes a life choice that she doens’t approve of!
It’s like the judged becoming the judgers and it’s insane! I could go on such a rant… But I’m sure we all have those stories
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Steph October 30, 2012
This is something that has been at the front of my mind for the last few years. Since I got married at 19 never having lived with my partner (and no I was not pregnant). All of a sudden, people I worked with and had never had a full conversation with were the experts on my life. I actually had a manager of another team tell me I was an idiot to my face. I had someone else say ‘well If you are going to get married so young, at least don’t have kids for a while so if you get divorced it doesn’t matter’. Are you kidding me!! I ended up in tears to my mum the month before my wedding cos the constant barrage about it was really getting me down. I couldn’t wait til the wedding naively thinking that would make it stop. But whenever I would mention to someone (even someone I didn’t know like a beautician or shop assistant) that I had just got married I would get ‘wow you’re young to get married’ accompanied by condescending looks, even from people my age! (And i still get it now when i say ive been married 4 years and I’ve just turned 24) What people don’t understand is, it might only be a small think that they have said but they are in no way the first person to have said it and all those little scratches really turn into a big hurting wound over time. I am naturally a very chatty and advice giving person but since my experience, I try and hold my tongue as much as possible. Like you said, people rarely change their mind on other’s advice and all it does is upset them that people keep attacking them. A great post, thanks
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Mrs Woog October 30, 2012
I am so sorry you had to put up with that rubbish Steph. xx
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Paul - The Kind Little Blogger October 30, 2012
It’s the same stodgy middle-aged, grey-suited men voicing opinions on matters they know little about. Last night on QandA it was about misogyny and indigenous issues.
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bigwords October 30, 2012
Hooray x
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Steve October 30, 2012
Herd immunity theory proposes that, in contagious diseases that are transmitted from individual to individual, chains of infection are likely to be disrupted when large numbers of a population are immune or less susceptible to the disease. The greater the proportion of individuals who are resistant, the smaller the probability that a susceptible individual will come into contact with an infectious individual.
In the same way sharing thoughts and values within a community protects that community from the more devious and extreme elements that lead to a disastrous outcomes (I think of Germany 1933-1946). -
Ruth October 30, 2012
Dear Mrs Woog. I used to think I had a bit of a girly crush on you. But now I know it’s true love. xxx
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Frankly Feisty October 30, 2012
You know what I’d LOVE to see? A bunch of silver haired women in positions of power and in prominent roles in the media, making daily statements on the rights and wrongs of vasectomies, men’s sheds, men who continue to work after the birth of their kids and the fact that men are just damn well “destroying the joint”. For hundreds of years.
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linda jaivin October 30, 2012
Hear hear.
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Blueblood October 30, 2012
When people would ask me when I was going back to work, and they often did, I would smile and say “Never, if I can help it” invariably they followed up with “don’t you get bored?” Work is for people who get bored” I would reply, smiling (I know, lots of people love work, but I wasn’t questioning THEIR choices).
My second child was born by caesarian, it was fun watching the judgement brigade try to arrange their faces with the appropriate expression of disdain (for me) and sorrow (for my poor child) . If I was in a generous mood I would explain the dangers of a full breech birth to the baby so they could breathe that sigh of relief, “Emergency caesarian, that’s ok then” sometimes out loud!
Then I would mention that I didn’t need general anaesthetic as I’d already had an epidural because I didn’t want to go through that overrated natural childbirth pain again.-
Scandi Coast Home October 30, 2012
I get asked when I’m going back to work all the time by the same rude person. I just tell him I’m retired (just to confuse and annoy him). He doesn’t rate stay at home Mums at all but that’s his problem.
Tania xx
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Lucille October 30, 2012
I kept my name after marriage and divorce but when I needed a passport I had to change it legally. To do so you are required to produce a birth certificate and marriage license – both of which showed the name I was born with. This is sexism by the state.
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Mary October 30, 2012
Our opinions and decisions are made by each of us according to our own circumstances, life style, finances, support systems, environment, parental influence (good and bad), personal (experience either yours or a friends), religous faiths, information we have to hand at the time, sometimes even bullied into us, etc. the list goes on.
We all make decisions that we think are right for us based on these. Telling someone your opinion/advice of their decision, both what you agree with or can see what can go wrong is ok, as it oftens gives them something to consider that they might not have. But if you both have a strong opposing opinions on something, you will just have to agree to disagree and never discuss it again.
We all have our opinions, if you are able to reason and think, how can you not. Somethings are more important to us than other stuff, so we will have a stronger (possibly stubborn) opinion on those and will be less likley to be swayed.
You know if we all agreed on everything, we would have nothing to discuss or bitch about. -
Louise Smithers October 30, 2012
We live in the world of UTTERLY over sharing!
I just don’t care about you just because you draw breath EARN my interest! is my advice to all social media users who are not my personal friends. -
Louise Smithers October 30, 2012
We live in the world of UTTERLY over sharing!
I just don’t care about you just because you draw breath EARN my interest! is my advice to all social media users who are not my personal friends. -
Debyl1 October 30, 2012
This is one of my favourite articles ever.I would love to print it off and give it to everyone I know.
No wonder I think of you as the oh so wise and wonderful Mrs Woog.
You know what is worth spending your time being concerned about.
You are just the most beautiful person.
I was made to feel so bad for breast feeding my 18mth old when someone came behind me while I was feeding her and said to Her…oh dear you are way too old to be doing that.
Being a first time mum and trying to do what I thought was the right thing ,well it made me question myself even more.
Wish I knew you back then.
Thankyou for being a voice for us,so then giving us strength from your words.xx -
annie October 30, 2012
Since I’ve been ill I have found an unnatural number of people who are closet honcologists. Who knew? Some suggest foods i should eat, others suggest lifestyle changes. They often like to tell me what I am doing wrong in my recovery or what I may have done to bring this upon myself. Please!! More than once I have even had suggestions given to me that I should mention to my real honcologist just in case they missed that class at Oncology 101 via the Googlversity.
The chronic need to advise, judge and admonish is almost an epidemic illness in itself! -
ro.watson October 30, 2012
Onya Mrs Woogs. I remember a time when I ceased to have an opinion about anything and that was scary~ I remember another time when I decided to not give advice to anyone ever again~ after a 12 year old told me~”tell someone who cares”
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SusanT October 30, 2012
I fully agreed with you up until you said ……That is where you need to take the stance of nodding gently, with your head tilted ever-so-slightly, until the opinionated person has finished lecturing you on the stupid choices you’ve made….
NOT. Why? Because these cretins often mistake your silence for agreement. I am all for not laying others out with my opinions, but I WON’T be lectured to by (usually conservative) idiots about my life choices. Also, the look on their faces when you tell them to r**k off and mind their own business is lots of fun!-
Mrs Woog October 30, 2012
I understand where you are coming from SusanT! It is hard not to lose my shit, but truth be told, I just cannot be bothered. xx
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sally October 30, 2012
My favourite when my oldest girl was little was the shock and horror from practically all who witnessed her sucking her thumb. One female stranger on a tram even thought it appropriate to physically rip my daughter’s thumb from her mouth!
For the record, her teeth are perfect, she stopped of her own accord somewhere around 10(i can’t really remember cos it was so unimportant), she is a highly successful, well adjusted, healthy happy grown woman .
What happened to “Mind your own beeswax”? -
sue bell October 30, 2012
two different examples
1. Me on a tram heavily pregnant, very elderly gentleman opposite me asked me how the pregnancy was going and did I hope to breastfeed. When I said yes his face shone with great joy (he must have had a great relationship with his mum) He was so happy for me I let him touch my swollen belly.
2. Me, two toddlers in a supermarket trolley in the supermarket, very elderly woman asked me how many children I had. When I answered two she berated me for being very selfish in not having more. Look of consternation on her face when I said it had taken four nearly full term pregnancies to have my two.
Sometimes not all enquiries are bad. -
miss milu! October 30, 2012
Unfortunately so many of our personal decisions are criticised openly. Get engaged quickly… you must be stupid. It wasnt worth celebrating to a lot of people (it musn’t be real!). Decide i only want 1 child (maybe adopt another?… how selfish of me?! Run a long term goal of a half marathon… surely i must be damaging my health! Move on within a few months after a break up… “I could NEVER do that. I would be too sad. It musnt have meant a lot to you”… blah blah blah. So incredibly tired of being judged for my decisions even when they’re for a life i havn’t lived yet. You article is concise and true. There are bigger issues that ARE other peoples business that are worth talking about
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Tony W October 31, 2012
“I kept my name after marriage and divorce but when I needed a passport I had to change it legally.”
I don’t understand this. My wife kept her own name and had no trouble getting a passport in that name. That was around 1990.
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Gwen October 31, 2012
Pregnant after infertility treatment at 42, I was told by a specialist seen in emergency that women of my age shouldn’t be allowed to have this assistance. We lost that baby, but went on to have another without treatment. But I have never forgotten the distress I felt at this unnecessary sharing of the doctor’s personal opinion.
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Joni October 31, 2012
I had 5 years of miscarriages and was told they were all age related…until it was discovered I have Hashimotos. When about to be given a D and C for one of the m/c the Dr leaned over and said ” Why don’t you adopt!?!” and I promptly asked for another Dr. It was just awful.
This obstetrician was red faced when I later gave birth to a healthy baby boy at age 44.
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Flyingdale flier October 31, 2012
After being continually asked by one couple when we were going to have kids,I politely said that we are trying but I needed more practice and would she be willing to help me with my practice. No more enquiries after that
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engineerMum October 31, 2012
Love you! I am totally at this stage too. I just don’t care. Let me know you not an opinion. Having 2 special needs kids has completely humbled me and opened my eyes to what matters. Love
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Caz Makepeace November 4, 2012
I so agree Mrs Woogs. I couldn’t give a shit what anyone else choose’s to do with their lives. As long as they are happy and not hurting anyone.
I’m far too busy trying to sort out my own shit and enjoy my life to care about how anyone else enjoys theirs.I really believe most people who are judge are just really unhappy and so they have to point the finger elsewhere to take the focus off themselves. I truly believe that really happy people just want the same for everyone else.
I lived in the States through two elections. The re-election of Bush when I thought the world had gone flipping crazy and I cried (I did care then) and when Obama was elected which was a memorable and happy moment.
It would blow my mind the things that elections could be won and lost on. The need for gun control!!! and abortion!!!
What would completely screw my brain was that most of the people against abortion, and quite vocal about it, were huge supporters of the war, AND more than happy for their OWN SONS to go off to kill and be killed. Somebody please explain the MADNESS because I JUST DON’T GET IT.
Also LOVE Bill Maher. Craig and I would often go to our friend Mary’s house on a Friday evening to drink copious amounts of wine and watch him on HBO- friggin hilarious!! He speaks more sense than anyone. You should watch his shows if you can, you’d love it.
