I love Mr Woog to bits. No doubting that for a second.
But unlike me, he is not perfect, so I am taking this opportunity to point out his faults on the World Wide Web. Because I love him to bits.
DISHWASHER: Not a day goes by that I do not get up and find a plate on the bench above the dishwasher. Mere centimeters away from the door of the dishwasher.
DISASTER: Last night I told him that there was a bra underwire caught in the washing machine. I watched him walk into the laundry and peer in. “HOLY CRAP!” he screeched at the top of his voice. He is one for extreme over-reactions and saying “I have had a disaster…”
ADVICE: Unwanted of course. My favourite is when he gives me parenting advice. The problem is that he will often contradict himself within a few short sentences. Or when he says things like “The kids need to eat dinner at 5 or they will go feral…” when really it is HE who wants to eat at 5 because he is living on pensioner time.
OBSESSIVE: Mainly showering, which can be up to three times a day. I am not sure if he is just purely filthy, a chronic masturbator or just likes having a shower.
BUDGET MEETINGS: He calls for a budget meeting about once a week, where he will go through upcoming expenses and brainstorm ways to save cash.“We have nothing to insure, so why do we need insurance?” “What is wrong with doing your own nails?” “I really, really like grey hair on you….” It is the same each week. I nod, make agreeable noises and proceed to ignore everything.
EXCESSIVE WHIPPER SNIPPING AND MOWING AT 8AM ON A SATURDAY MORNING: No need for commenting on this one. You could set your watch by this.
ABSENTMINDEDLY TAKING ME FROM THE REAR: Sorry. You did read that right. I could be bent over unpacking the dishwasher, and he will dash over and dry hump me. Like some sort of horny dog on Viagra. Or I could be bending over picking clothes off the floor or tying my shoelaces. And there he is. Humping.
He did it on Christmas Day at a family gathering. Apparently my ass in the air is not dissimilar to Pavlov’s bell.
He did this last night as I was stacking the dishwasher. I stopped, pushed him away and asked “Do you really think that that is a turn on?” He explained it was just a gut reaction. He then suggested I blog about it to see if it was just him who did this.
I suspect he is not the only one… does your partner have a highly irritating habit?
*About Mrs Woog:
“I can be found in the laundry, folding laundry, sorting laundry and dropping off the dry cleaning. I am mum to two boys, boss of my husband and master of a cat and two guinea pigs. Come nightfall, I watch TV while tweeting which drives Mr Woog insane. I like to read cookbooks and eat out. During my waking hours I ferry kids around in the Mazda while drinking takeaway coffees and listening to talkback. I think about going to the gym every day. I used to work in the publishing industry before I realised it was nothing like Elaine Benes from Seinfeld made out like it was. Now I write this blog. And I never get writer’s block. It is a gift I have.”