US election

VOTE EARLY. VOTE WEIRD.

Not long to go until the greatest race on earth is decided – that’s the U.S. election, a slight nose in front of the Melbourne Cup.

Here are the most unlikely polls; the weirdest scientific studies; celebrity Youtube offerings; drinking games, and the “what were they thinking?” quotes that make American democracy great.

Enjoy. (And be grateful that, unlike the Melbourne Cup, this circus only rolls around once every four years.)

 

Weird poll # 1

7-Eleven coffee cups predict an Obama win. This is the poll that’s got it right for the past three presidential elections and has Obama a clear winner  – the 7-Eleven coffee cup contest. Simple concept: choose a red coffee cup for an Obama win; a blue cup for Romney.  At time of publication, Obama was leading 59%; 41% for Romney.

No results for the Tea Party candidates, but you can check out their home page here.

One pundit says the Tea Party will destroy the Republican campaign in 2012, with their “kooky cadre” of nominees.

PS: Speaking of kooks, Larry Flynt of the “Hustler adult entertainment empire” has just offered $1 million to rogue Tea Party Republican, Tom Atkin if he can prove claims he made that women who are “legitimately raped” have a mechanism in their body that can prevent them from getting pregnant.

“Please send me evidence,” says Flynt.

 

Weird Poll #2

More Republicans believe in demonic possession than in climate change. An astonishing 68% of registered Republican voters said they believe demonic possession is real. Meanwhile, only 48 % say they believe in climate change. The poll was conducted by Public Policy Polling.

Republican Louisiana Governor, Bobby Jindal (Rhodes scholar) wrote a first-hand account about witnessing an exorcism while he was in college.

“Kneeling on the ground, my friends were chanting, ‘Satan, I command you to leave this woman.’ Others exhorted all ‘demons to leave in the name of Christ,’” he wrote.

Jindal describes the “physical dimensions of spiritual warfare” in an article for New Oxford Review, a Roman Catholic magazine. He believes in “the reality of spirits, angels and other related phenomena that I can neither touch nor see.”

Jindal was on Mitt Romney’s short list of Vice Presidential candidates. He missed out.

The same poll also reveals that most believe zombies are the “scariest monster”.

(The question of whether zombies are causing causing climate change was not canvassed.)

Presidential YouTube 

Two of America’s favourite comedians have weighed into the presidential campaign – Chis Rock and Will Ferrell.

And then there’s Mr Burns of The Simpsons fame.

Ferrell is offering to “cook a meal of angel hair pasta, give a tattoo,  eat human hair – even garbage” to voters who go to vote.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rGaE5je7vE[/youtube]

Meanwhile, Chris Rock says Vote for Obama… because?

“He’s a white guy!!  “For the first two thirds of his life he was known as ‘Barry’ which is the third-whitest name on earth – after Tony and Jeff.” Hilarous!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDxOSjgl5Z4[/youtube]

And here’s Mr. Burns getting the vote out for Mitt.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltCIEbLMaQg[/youtube]

Celebrity voters

Mitt Romney supporters: Chuck Norris, Clint Eastwood, Donnie and Marie Osmond, Kelsey Grammer, Lindsay Lohan, Meatloaf and Scott Baio.

Going for Obama: Beyonce, Eva Longoria, George Clooney, Lay Gaga, Madonna, Will Smith, Steven Spielberg and Sarah Jessica Parker.

 

 

Strange scientific study #1

Psychology Today says a study shows that voters prefer their candidates to be tall. (Barack Obama is 6’1″, and challenger Mitt Romney is 6’2”.)

The taller candidate has won the popular vote in 67% of all U.S. presidential elections says Gregg Murray, Ph.D. in Caveman Politics (!) When he asked voters to draw the “ideal national leader,” “the typical citizen,” and a meeting of the leader and citizen – more than twice as many subjects (64%) drew a taller leader than drew a taller citizen (31%).

 

Strange scientific study #2

Religious evangelicals are less likely to vote because they believe it’s all in God’s hands.

According to this study in the journal Social Science Quarterly : “Jews and white, mainline Protestants, who tend to believe in a more hands-off God, were more likely to vote than evangelicals, who tend to believe that God actively intervenes in world affairs.”

While faith in an active God reduces voting, people who pray over world concerns are 5 % likelier to vote than their non-praying counterparts.

 

The dumbest quotes from Mitt and Barack?

Romney: “I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that’s the America millions of Americans believe in. That’s the America I love.” – Mitt Romney (January 2012).

Obama: “I’ve now been in 57 states — I think one left to go.”  – at a campaign event in Beaverton, Oregon.

 

Nuttiest candidate?

Big field, but I have to award it to Tea Party Republican Congressional candidate for Minnesota, Michele Bachmann (left) – avowed supporter of intelligent design being taught in schools.

Her election campaign is said to be the most expensive in the U.S. (Let’s hope God’s an evangelist and doesn’t vote.)

She’s also a climate change denier and anti-gay campaigner who believes that the Lion King is homosexual propaganda!  You can read a list of her most idiotic pronouncements here.

My favourite Bachmann in overdrive?

Commenting upon government initiatives to promote energy-efficient light bulbs, she said: “I think Thomas Edison did a pretty patriotic thing for this country by inventing the light bulb and I think darn well you New Hampshirites, if you want to want to buy Thomas Edison’s wonderful invention you should be able to!”

 

Election drinking games

It may be too close to Melbourne Cup Day to get on the sauce again, however Wednesday lunchtime could be moment to raise a toast to the experts, the candidates and the mug punters (i.e. voters) in the U.S.

There are lots of drinking guides to choose from.

I like this one which suggests you chug every time you hear or see:

A hologram.

“Narrative.”

“Would you have thought that just X months ago we’d be here talking about Y?”

Well, [Anchor’s name], voters sent a message loud and clear tonight.”

This one, “the hugely complicated drinking game” is also a cracker and with the exhortation to drink everytime someone mentions “Ohio” should see you legless in no time flat.

Craziest rule of any drinking game? Dance to “Gangnam Style” if any candidate dares to mention gun control.

 

Happy U.S. Election!

The US will go to the polls tomorrow, November 6. The first results expected in at round 6 p.m. Eastern (US) time. First drinks are expected at in America at around 7 p.m.

The coverage will begin as early as 10.30 am Wednesday, Australian Daylight Saving Time.

 

 

RELATED ARTICLES

She Couldn’t. Could She?

Mitt Romney Fires Big Bird, Ruffles Women’s Feathers

Roseanne For Prez in 2012!

 

Follow us on

12 Comments

  • Reply November 5, 2012

    Annie Also

    I wonder if the coffee cup pronouncements have taken into consideration that Mormons do not drink coffee or tea? Might be the first time they have got it wrong? ( Hope not!)

    The drinking game of my American blogger friend was;
    Take a shot whenever you see a black face behind either candidate. You are sure to be cold sober if watching Romney’s speeches. ( She said it not me.)

    Very disappointed in Kelsey Grammer and Meatloaf for supporting such a twit. Still it reflects on them!!

  • Reply November 5, 2012

    coffee needed

    Are you sure Mr Burns was REALLY behind Romney? I am so glad our political system isn’t like this. Chris Rock rulz

  • Reply November 5, 2012

    Carley

    There’s also the YouTube clip from Joss Whedon for ‘Zomney':
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TiXUF9xbTo&sns=em
    (Sorry if the link fails, posting from my phone)

  • Reply November 5, 2012

    edenland

    Will Ferrell makes everything better … even loooong American presidential campaigns.

    Go Obama, you good thing.

  • Reply November 5, 2012

    ro.watson

    This simple twist of fate~ how long to wait? Meanwhile~ even after two(?) years I have no idea what “electoral colleges” actually means………

  • Reply November 5, 2012

    ro.watson

    Meanwhile I note Obama has gone grey~ is this some portend for Melbourne Cup~ as in don’t call a white horse white~ call them a grey? Are there any greys in the melbourne Cup?All the chatter around getting stayer stallions to stay and impregnate our mares~ if my memory “serves” me correctly~ a few Australian mares have won the Melbourne cup~ as for US elections~ Australian media does not provide clarity on either how a President wins or how Congress gets voted in~ a bit like that oft quoted “Dow Jones” ~ what is it?

  • Reply November 5, 2012

    ro.watson

    Anyway~ I wonder is election day for President a public holiday? After two years why should I not know this?

  • Reply November 5, 2012

    ro.watson

    Meanwhile back on the homefront~ W.A~according to local 720abc radio~police in this state must not show their inked bits~ as in tatoos….mmm..response times could be better….but meanwhile we have some exterior discipline?

  • Reply November 5, 2012

    ro.watson

    As for $$$ from sex industry~ really creepy~ yuk on notions of “legitimately” raped~ and yuk consequences of rape~like not feeling safe ever again…such stuff is so bad and antagonistic to the notion of a “free world” for women. Wake up North America about how this diminishes you and yours…

  • Reply November 5, 2012

    William Marshall

    Another good one! never heard of that Lay Gaga person, Shall I assume she’s related to Lady Gaga!?

  • Reply November 6, 2012

    Tea Party Cups

    […] VOTE EARLY. VOTE WEIRD. Simple concept: choose a red coffee cup for an Obama win; a blue cup for Romney. At time of publication, Obama was leading 59%; 41% for Romney. No results for the Tea Party candidates, but you can check out their home . […]

  • […] Vote Early. Vote Weird. […]

Leave a Reply