Well, not quite 50. But at this point in my life I have noticed quite a shift in my outlook and, may I just say, about bloody time!
This shift presents itself to me every day, and now I share with you some signs heralding my coming of wisdom, and age.
And it is all alright by me. Bring it on.
- You are walking down the street and you stop in front of a house and declare your admiration for that particular garden.
- You make plans to go out to dinner with friends based on the convenience of car parking.
- You also make the reservation for no later that 7.30? If they cannot get you in until 8pm, you seek an alternative restaurant.
- You make a noise complaint at 10.30pm to the police about your neighbours’ party.
- You watch impatiently as the coffee shop lad uses the till to add up the two coffees you have ordered, then use his fingers to work out the change, when all you want to do is grab him by the ear and pull his face closely to yours while hissing “YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN SCHOOL, DORKFACE….”
- You watch a Reality TV show and agree with yourself that youth is wasted on the young. And boobs are not supposed to look like that.
- When shopping, you always consider the “CARE” label before purchasing. And you avoid linen due to the ironing factor. And anything that needs to be hand washed or dry-cleaned.
- You avoid drinking coffee after 4pm and avoid drinking alcohol after 8.30pm, because it affects the quality of your sleep.
- You discuss with your partner each morning whether you slept well or not.
- The type of car you buy is a result of how economical it is to run, rather than how sexy it makes you feel.
- You only wax in summer.
- Your pants may start to feature the benefits of an elasticised waist and you do not care, because they are extremely comfortable.
- You do not tolerate fools, but you also know not to spend much of your time and wisdom trying to change people’s minds. Especially idiots.
- You learn to accept your appearance and make the most of what you have got.
- You might glance at others who have not chosen to “make the most of what they have got” and have invested in plastic and now look like they have been frozen in a wind tunnel, and feel a bit sorry for them.
- You realise you would rather go without than drink bad wine.
- Ditto men.
- You learn to buy it once, and buy it well. Although this does not count when it comes to shoe sales. All bets are off.
- Speaking of shoe sales, you go to the ECCO shoe sale. This is because you now realise that it is ok to hate the gym and you have taken up walking, because you can check out all of the lovely gardens as you exercise.
- You take a multi. A women’s multi.
- You stop buying magazines because you realise that you are paying for ads and an idealistic representation of how your life should look.
- You enjoy WSFM on the radio because you know all of the songs.
- You care less what other people think of you and swing your arms vigorously as you march to the beat of your own drum.
- And finally, like lamb shanks in the slow cooker, you realise you get better with time.
Did you ever have an epiphany where you realised that you had left your youth behind? How good was it?
MORE ARTICLES BY MRS WOOG
*About Mrs Woog: “I can be found in the laundry, folding laundry, sorting laundry and dropping off the dry cleaning. I am mum to two boys, boss of my husband and master of a cat and two guinea pigs. Come nightfall, I watch TV while tweeting which drives Mr Woog insane. I like to read cookbooks and eat out. During my waking hours I ferry kids around in the Mazda while drinking takeaway coffees and listening to talkback. I think about going to the gym every day. I used to work in the publishing industry before I realised it was nothing like Elaine Benes from Seinfeld made out like it was. Now I write this blog. And I never get writer’s block. It is a gift I have.”